Unanswered Prayers
by somandyjo
Summary: The classic twist of Mr. Bennet dies, Darcy offers a marriage of protection, and he and Elizabeth must work through their pride and prejudices without being able to escape one another.
1. Chapter 1

(1)

_This story begins the morning after Darcy's proposal to Elizabeth, and after he's given her his letter. She's still on her walk reading the letter, and Darcy and the Colonel arrive at the parsonage to take their leave. _

Charlotte welcomed the gentlemen into her parlor when Sally announced them. She and Maria exchanged pleasant greetings with them, and then the Colonel asked after Elizabeth.

"She is still out walking this morning, I am afraid," said Charlotte. "She will regret missing your visit, I am sure."

"Fitzwilliam, I must return to Rosings to finish our leave preparations," Darcy said rather abruptly, as he rose, deciding he would rather avoid seeing Elizabeth again, "If you wish to wait for a chance to visit longer, I should be another hour before I am ready." He then turned to Charlotte "I wish to thank you for your company during our visit, Mrs. Collins."

He bowed and was moving to leave when Sally burst back through the doorway. "I have an express from Longbourn that must be given to Miss Bennet without delay, ma'am!" she exclaimed. Darcy took in the worried look on Mrs. Collins's face, hesitating. He did not want to make the offer, but knew he likely had the best knowledge of Elizabeth's current whereabouts.

He took a fortifying breath, and then offered, "Mrs. Collins, I crossed paths with Miss Bennet while out walking this morning, and may be able to find her."

Charlotte looked a little relieved, "I would be grateful if you could, sir, as Eliza's family is not one to overuse an express, and I believe this is truly urgent."

Darcy turned and requested his hat and coat from the maid, and then exited the parsonage in search for Elizabeth for the second time that morning. He hoped he could find her quickly, so that he could escape again. He was still trying to accept that he had read her feelings toward him so poorly, and did not think he could handle any more of her apparent hatred.

Darcy sighed to himself. Had he really been so wrapped up in his own needs that he had not stopped to consider her feelings at all? Thinking back over their conversations, he contemplated her teasing. He had thought it was meant to be flirtatious, but taken in the new light of her true feelings, he could see how it would be a way for her to mask her contempt within the rules of polite society. He found his ability to inspire such disgust from her distressing.

He wondered how many other of his acquaintances viewed him in the same light. Did they see him as selfish and uncaring? Was he selfish and uncaring? He had always treated people well. He thought about the people close to him; his family, his true friends, the people in service to his households, and his tenants. They were respected, cared for, and he put their well-being before his own. He liked to think he was a good, honorable man. He then thought to those unconnected to him, especially those he did not expect to remain in his life for more than a passing amount of time. He generally tried to avoid interacting with them, he supposed. Sometimes the avoidance was for self-preservation, when he thought of the match-making mothers and their clinging daughters, desperate to marry well. The easiest way to discourage them was to be disinterested. Virtual strangers were constantly trying to ingratiate themselves with him. But then, when had he stopped caring if any of them were genuine? How long had it been since he had given anyone new a chance? He could see how his reserve among strangers could be considered arrogance. He had made no effort to hide it.

He looked up the path he was walking down, and saw Elizabeth. She looked to be sitting on a fallen trunk, and heaven help him, still reading his letter. How had he dug himself into this awful hole? How would he be received? Had she at least acquitted him of cruelty toward Wickham?

His thoughts moved Elizabeth's way with people. She treated everyone well, even if they did not deserve it. He and Caroline Bingley were perfect examples. Caroline had been rude, condescending, and downright malicious at times, and yet Elizabeth had deflected her scorn with a pleasantness that showed her intelligence and grace. She could barely stand him, yet he could not even tell. He realised then, when looking back again, that she must have been irritated with him in conversation, yet she had never been rude. She even deflected his aunt's ridiculous inquisition, as it could hardly be called anything less, without aggravating a woman who took little provocation to set off. Her warmth toward everyone, her obvious caring for those she loved was what had attracted him to her. He had wanted so badly to be included in that circle of caring.

When he drew close enough for normal conversation, he braced himself for a strong reaction and called out her name to draw her attention. She started and looked up, and he saw her face clearly under the brim of her hat for the first time. She appeared to have been crying. She stood up, sliding the letter into her jacket pocket.

She murmured, "Mr. Darcy."

He nearly sighed in relief. He had expected a sharp greeting, but she looked quiet and uncomfortable. Maybe a little confused. She did not appear to be gearing up for an argument, thankfully. He still did not relish intruding on her solitude to bring her to possibly bad news.

"Miss Bennet, I apologize for interrupting you, but there is an urgent express waiting for you at the parsonage. I offered to find you and escort you back as quickly as possible." He felt that if he could pretend that nothing was amiss, this extremely painful moment would not need to get any worse.

_A/N: I know, I know, it's been done. I've never been satisfied with any of the other versions of this, so I'm giving it a shot. I hope to update weekly, but this is a true work-in-progress, and I'm posting as I write. I know how I want the story to go, but fleshing out what I hope becomes a quality story may not always go as I plan. I don't expect it to be novel length, since, while I marked it angst, I don't intend to make it overly painful. As a result, I'm not going to throw in any major twists. My major beef with previous versions are generally whiny/childish Lizzys and too silent, secretive, and brooding Darcys. This is what I think would happen if they stayed as true to character as I can keep them while being thrown together._

_Thanks in advance for any criticism, I'm by far no professional. _


	2. Chapter 2

(2)

After the initial shock of seeing Mr. Darcy seeking her out had settled enough for her to think again, Elizabeth replied with a quiet thank you that came out as more of a question than anything. He had interrupted her self-recriminating, and it was disconcerting. She scrambled to come up with something to say that did not seem trite or taboo, and blanked. She was too mortified of her own blindness toward the entirety of their acquaintance to speak. When Mr. Darcy nodded in the direction of the parsonage and gestured slightly with his hand, she was relieved that he did not appear to expect conversation. She had never been so thankful for his ability to be silent! She was well aware that she had misjudged his character terribly. How he could stand to be in her presence, she did not know.

As they began the walk back to the parsonage, Elizabeth let out a long breath, and then glanced over at her companion. He must have seen the signs of her distress, and the letter still in her hand when he came upon her. His face gave nothing away, however. She did not have a good enough view of his eyes to see what lay there. Then again, it would likely do her no good to see them, since she had quite obviously read them poorly anyway. She felt like such fool.

Elizabeth was grateful that Mr. Darcy had come upon her after her second perusal of the letter. If he had have found her after the first, she would have been indignant and, to her chagrin, would have told him so. After this second reading, though, she had to admit that Fitzwilliam Darcy was not the abominable man she had made him out to be. She still felt he was arrogant, and above his company, but those paled in comparison to the two character deficiencies she been so quick to assign to him. He had shown his willingness to do what he felt was necessary for the happiness of his friend. While he had been misguided in his belief of Jane's indifference, Elizabeth remembered Charlotte's same opinion, that Jane had not shown enough of her feelings. He was completely acquitted of all wrongdoing toward Mr. Wickham, and had quite clearly been the victim. His caring for his sister too was as an admirable trait. She could not see fault in those. She no longer had any true grievances against him. Rude behavior did not give her an excuse to hate a man.

Those thoughts moved her to the subject of his sister. Her heart ached for a girl who had not only had her parents taken from her before she was ready to be out in the world, but her innocence as well. To be exposed to false love so soon must have devastated her self worth. In true caring, but also with a desire to let Mr. Darcy know of her belief in his letter and have some conversation to cover this awkwardness, Elizabeth asked about her.

"Mr. Darcy, is Miss Darcy, if you do not mind my asking, is she much recovered?" Elizabeth paused here, and then charged on, "I can only imagine the events of the summer must have been a blow to her, and I, well..." Elizabeth sensed Mr. Darcy stiffening beside her. _I am not wording this well, _she thought. It was not like her to be so tongue-tied! "I am sorry, it is not my place - "

"Miss Bennet, please," Darcy interrupted, "Do not make yourself uneasy. I appreciate your concern." He was startled by what he thought was her indication that she believed him. While he had hoped the letter would help, he had bitterly seen the unlikeliness of it. Darcy felt a warmth steal through his heart, at the possibility. Perhaps she no longer hated him completely.

"While I would wish to see her more like her old self, she is," he paused for the right word, "she is improving." He hesitated again, and then, wishing the conversation to continue, decided to add, "She has come far from where she was in the summer, and even since autumn." He hoped Elizabeth would understand some of his hesitancy in company while in Hertfordshire was due to the disaster of last summer. He knew he was not easy in company, and had admitted as much to her by the pianoforte at Rosings a fortnight ago. "She would benefit greatly from genuine friends," he finished.

Elizabeth wondered if the friends he had been thinking of included herself, if she had have accepted him. "Is it difficult then, for Miss Darcy to make friends?" She asked.

"She has found it difficult to discern the genuine from the false in the past, which has been exacerbated by her misfortune of summer. She has been falsely courted by ladies who would use her for her connections before. Now I worry that she will view the risk of misinterpreting others' motives not worth new friendships." He worried that she would become as mistrusting and reserved as himself. Oh, how he wished her naivete had not been torn from her!

The pair had, by now, reached the parsonage gate. On the way to the door, Elizabeth was trying to remember if they had ever had a conversation before where she had not been annoyed by Mr. Darcy. She had labeled him as aggravating from the beginning, and had used that to find the worst in everything he had said. Knowing now how he had felt about her, she realised she had probably misconstrued his motives behind nearly everything he had said. She felt mortified all over again. She wished for time to review their previous conversations, to try and see them in this new light.

Darcy was thrilled that she cared enough to ask after his sister. He felt a sliver of hope begin to enter his heart. He tried to push it down, reasoning that concern for his sister was far from caring for him, but he could not erase it completely. He loved her too much for that.

As they entered the house, Elizabeth handed her outerwear to Sally, and Darcy followed with his. He guided her toward Charlotte's back parlor, but stayed near the doorway while she entered. She immediately moved to her friend to receive the express, thanking Mr. Darcy as she did so. Darcy watched Elizabeth as he and Colonel Fitzwilliam were making their final goodbyes, and was therefore the first to see her expression fall. She cried out a distressed "No!" and collapsed into the chair behind her. By the time Darcy crossed the room to her side, she had wrapped her arms around her middle and was rocking slightly in her seat as she began to cry, letting out a keening wail. The sound tore at his heart. What would cause her such anguish?

"Miss Bennet!" Darcy cried out as he moved close to her. "What has happened?" he asked more gently, as he knelt at her side. When she still could not answer, after a few moments he reached out carefully and laid his hand on her upper arm, "Miss Elizabeth?" he tried again.

It must have pulled her out of her reverie, because she brokenly cried out, "Papa, oh no! I cannot!" She shuddered out a breath, and then began sobbing again.

Darcy leaned down and picked up the note, hoping she would forgive his intrusion. He scanned the few lines, and saw it was from her sister Mary.

_Lizzy,_

_Please come home as soon as you are able, we need you. Papa has collapsed and is gone. Mama has taken to her room, and the household is in confusion. Please, we need your and Jane's presence._

_Mary_

His heart broke for her. He would not wish this pain, that he knew all too well, on anyone. _Oh, Elizabeth!_

Elizabeth took a couple of deep, shuddering breaths and pulled herself together. Her family needed her, and she needed to be with them. _Home_, she needed a way home, and as quickly as possible. She needed to be doing something, moving forward somehow.

"Charlotte, when does the stagecoach leave?" she looked to her friend as she asked. "Can I still meet it today?"

Her arms began to relax, but she did not push Darcy's hand away, to his relief. He so badly wished to comfort her.

"I believe it leaves at eleven, so it has already departed for today," Charlotte responded, "but, Eliza, what has happened? What is wrong?" She did not move in her friend's direction, seeing how Mr. Darcy was with her. Had he already made his intentions known? She did not wish to interfere.

"Papa is dead. He is gone." She let out a few more sobbing breaths, and cradled her middle again, turning her face back down. "I need to get home," she whispered.

"Oh, Eliza," was her friend's simple, yet fully sorrowful, reply.

"We can take you to London, can't we, Darcy?" interjected the Colonel. "There is plenty of room in Darcy's carriage, and we can smuggle one of our aunt's maids with us, so that Miss Lucas does not need to leave."

Why had he not thought to offer that? "Certainly," replied Darcy. "Would you be meeting Miss Bennet at your uncle's house?" he asked. "We could take you there directly, and today. It would save you a day's travel and the headache of arranging to get from the coaching station to your uncle's. We would have you there by dinner-time tonight, so that you may travel to Hertfordshire immediately in the morning."

Elizabeth was surprised at how quickly they offered. That he would be willing to do this for her, even if put up to it by his cousin, after her treatment of him! Even in her grief, she could see that he was so much better of a man than she had given him credit for. He was under no obligation to her. She did not wish to question if he had motives, she was so grateful, and she told him so.

"If you could, if you do not mind, you have my gratitude," she told him, with feeling. She would be able to return to Longbourn with Jane and the Gardiners without causing them to wait for her.

He sighed to himself, knowing that he wanted so much more than her gratitude. But he would take being able to help her. He needed to show her that he was not the man she believed him to be, if for nothing else but his own peace of mind. Her acceptance of his carriage was a start. He also genuinely wanted to do anything he could to ease her pain.

"It is nothing, to help a friend in need," he replied, "and we would hardly be going out of our way. We will return to Rosings now, and I expect we will be back within the hour. Can you be ready by then?"

She replied to the affirmative and Darcy finally removed his hand from her arm. They were both surprised to see that it had stayed this entire time. He gave her a long look, and then stood. The gentlemen left, and Elizabeth heard the front door close before she stood. She looked to her friend. Charlotte had a curious expression on her face, but Elizabeth did not wish to answer questions now. As if sensing this, Charlotte did not ask. Instead she came forward and embraced her dear friend.

"My dear Eliza, I am so sorry," she said. "Let me help you pack, so that you may be ready when the gentlemen return."

"Thank you, Charlotte," Elizabeth replied, not letting go of her friend. Charlotte held her for a few minutes while she sobbed. She pulled herself together again, and away from the embrace. The ladies moved for the stairs, both quiet. They were saddened, but while they did not say it, a part of their minds were also on the gentleman from the north.

_A/N: Sad, I know. It has to be depressing, with the loss of Mr. Bennet. We all know that Lizzy is not made for melancholy, though, and she will weather this well. We will move to her enduring cheerfulness again. :)_

_I took the liberty of moving Darcy and the Colonel's leaving up a day, to allow them to be there when the express arrived, and to offer a genuinely better alternative than a stage coach. I know a lot of writers put her on a post coach when she travels, but from what I've read, those often traveled at night, because the roads were clearer and they could move faster. That doesn't work so well with my schedule, so stage it is! Serves the same purpose._

_Thank you for the encouraging reviews, they are a great confidence booster. I cannot believe how well that first, short chapter was received! This one is coming out sooner than expected, mostly due to extra free time this weekend. Thanks!_


	3. Chapter 3

(3)

Elizabeth wept as she packed her trunk. She wept because she missed her father already. She wept because she, her mother, and her sisters were losing their security, and maybe even their home. She wept for the debates she and and her father would never get to have; the books they would never get to discuss. She wept because her father never had the pleasure of giving away any of his daughters' hands at their weddings. She wept because he had never been able to hold a grandchild in his arms. So many things they would never get to do.

Charlotte quietly helped Elizabeth pack her trunk. There were no words she could think of to console her friend. She could not even offer the comfort of guaranteeing their home. She was well aware of her husband's resentment toward her friend. While he was not a vicious man, Mr. Collins felt misused by Elizabeth, and by extension, her family. She was satisfied with her decision to marry him, but she was not unaware of his display when their guest arrived. Charlotte worried that, while he would not remove them from Longbourn, he would be clear that he did not want them there. She could only imagine how awkward that would be for all of them. The best she could offer her friend was to help her escape before her husband found out. She could at least protect Elizabeth from seeing the inappropriate happiness this would bring Mr. Collins. It might only be a delay, but the initial moment would hopefully be the worst. The loss meant nothing to him, and he had everything to gain. For herself, she felt nothing. She had not expected this for many years, and there was no excitement when it cost her friend so much.

They finished packing the trunk in silence. There was nothing to be said. For Elizabeth, it was enough that her friend was there. She did not wish to be alone with her thoughts yet, they were too much. She needed to stay busy, to keep herself occupied, with even the most basic activities. All too soon, they were done. They left the room together, and Charlotte called for assistance in bringing the trunk downstairs. They stopped at the kitchen next, where a small luncheon basket was requested. With that finished, Elizabeth slowly moved to the front hall, where Sally was waiting with her outerwear once again. She glanced at the hall clock and saw that she hopefully had only a few minutes to wait. She was not anticipating being closed in a carriage with Mr. Darcy with any degree of pleasure, but she was anxious to be home. She could only hope that he would not spend the entire trip staring at her silently. That would make this nearly unbearable.

Almost as soon as they stepped outside, they could see the carriage coming up the lane. Elizabeth turned to Charlotte and embraced her again, more tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Oh, this will never do," she said in frustration, "l do not wish to spend the ride weeping!"

Charlotte gave her a final squeeze, and then a sympathetic look as she pulled away. "I do not think anyone in that carriage will mind if you do. It is not like you do not have good reason."

As the carriage came to a halt, she added, "We will probably see you in a few days. I would expect the funeral to be midweek, and I do not see any reason why we would need to be in Hertfordshire before Monday."

Elizabeth saw the meaning behind what Charlotte meant, and showed her gratitude with a look and a simple, "thank you."

Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr. Darcy descended from the carriage, followed by a maid. They approached the ladies and introduced the girl.

"Mrs. Collins, Miss Bennet," said Mr. Darcy, "I would like to introduce you to Nel. She will be accompanying us to London." Turning to Elizabeth, he added gently, "If you are ready Miss Bennet, we should depart."

Elizabeth nodded and headed for the carriage behind Nel, while Darcy stayed back for a moment to speak with Mrs. Collins. The Colonel helped her inside, waited for her to take a seat, and then followed her in, sitting across from Nel. A few moments later Darcy joined them, pulling the door shut behind him.

"Do you need anything else before we depart, Miss Bennet?" he asked. At the shake of her head, he tapped on the roof and they were off.

Elizabeth, disconcerted by having Darcy sit directly across from her, kept her face turned toward the window. One glance had been enough to see that he was looking directly at her. Now that she had time to sit and think, she was going to need to be careful if she did not want to end up a mess of tears again. Even if no one with her would mind, she did not want the headache that would result. She looked over at Darcy again, and to her surprise, he was looking out the window now. Apparently he was not going to stare at her the entire trip with that unreadable look. Even though, now that she knew how he felt about her, she wondered if he had been admiring her. But why look so solemn? Was it because she was unacceptable as a wife? Maybe the internal battle was so frustrating that he was as annoyed as he had looked.

Elizabeth moved her thoughts to his proposal. In this new light of her and her family's virtual poverty, and soon to be nearly complete dependence on their relations' charity, she wondered if she should regret her refusal. Would Mr. Darcy support her family if they were married? She thought, with her newly gained knowledge, that he would have simply for the obligation if nothing else. But would she have been allowed to spend time with them? She wondered if he would have tried to cut her off. If he despised her family that much and considered marrying her such a degradation, as he had clearly stated, that did not bode well for lasting affection. She could only imagine the eventual disaster of the relationship. Her power would sink over time, and he would grow to regret his decision. How long before he would resent her completely? It would have been worse than her own parents, where at least they had had mutual affection that had slowly dissolved into indifference. She and Mr. Darcy would have despised each other in a matter of years. She shuddered; no financial security was worth that. She would sooner find work as a governess to support her mother and sisters.

Darcy looked up at her shudder and asked, "Miss Bennet, are you warm enough?" She replied in the affirmative and went back to looking out the window.

He wondered what she was thinking about. Was she worried about her family's security? He knew that her home was entailed to Mr. Collins, and Caroline Bingley had intimated that the girls had virtually no dowry to speak of. What would they live on? Would they continue at Longbourn? How long could they depend on Mr. and Mrs. Collins to be accepting of them underfoot? Would Elizabeth be open to marrying him now, even if it was just for the security of her family? Did he still want to marry her, knowing how she felt about him? He still loved her, to be sure, and she had given him enough credit to believe his side of the story about his dealings with Wickham. But was that enough? Did she still consider him the last man in the world she could ever marry? He felt so strongly that she was a good match for him. He lived for her lively smiles and her intelligent conversation. If he went down that path, he could see them having their debates in a more intimate setting, and he felt warm at the thought. Sitting in the comfort of his library at Pemberley, he could probably discuss crop rotation with her and find it fascinating. Her sparkling eyes and love for life would bring him such joy. Life with Elizabeth Bennet would never be boring. Could he make her see that he was not as bad as she had made him out to be? Would she be able to eventually love him in return? Could he accept her never loving him?

Darcy let out a small sigh which attracted his cousin's attention, causing him to raise an eyebrow. He did not know how Fitzwilliam had kept quiet so far. He could not remember a time when a carriage ride with his cousin had not been filled with talk. He supposed it was for Elizabeth's sake. They would not want to accidentally stumble upon a topic that upset her. He could see burning questions in his cousin's eyes, but hoped he would wait until the safety of Darcy house before he pounced. Darcy was not looking forward to the conversation, but if it had to happen his study was the preferred place.

Darcy checked his watch, and saw that they were only about a quarter hour from their anticipated arrival in Bromley. They would have a short rest there before continuing on to London. He decided to try to speak to Elizabeth. He needed to take this opportunity, to see if he could have a chance. If she refused, it was highly unlikely he would ever see her again. He would not be much worse off than he was after last night, and he would not have to live with the regret of wondering. Now he only needed to invent a way to get her somewhat alone. He could try to enlist Fitzwilliam's help, he supposed. That would not reduce the questions for later, but if it gave him time with Elizabeth, so be it.

They reached the outskirts of Bromley and made their way to the coaching inn there. The carriage came to halt, the gentlemen exited, and Darcy whispered his need to speak to Miss Bennet alone to his cousin, before helping Elizabeth down. He moved back to allow the Colonel to help Nel.

"Do you need to refresh yourself in the inn, Miss Bennet?" Darcy asked. At her negative, he decided to be up-front about speaking with her, "Then, if you do not mind, I would like to speak with you for a moment."

She looked a little startled and hesitated, but answered with an affirmative. Darcy offered her his arm, and after another moment, she took it. He led her away from the others, but kept her in the open. Darcy, knowing that he only had few moments, decided to be short and to the point.

"Miss Bennet, I realise that you have already told me that you have no interest in marrying me, but I thought, perhaps with your change in status, you would change your mind. I would wish to offer for you again," he said hurriedly.

Elizabeth froze. She closed her eyes and tried to keep a tight hold on her emotions. She knew she could not afford to be very choosy anymore, but still, how on earth could he think they would be compatible? How could he be so insensitive as to ask on the day she found out her father died? She should have anticipated this possibility and come up with a reasonable response. She did not want respond angrily again. She must have taken too long to answer, because Darcy spoke again.

"Miss Bennet?" he asked, and then rushed on, "I wish to know that you will be safe. I do not think I could live with myself if I knew you had to degrade yourself because of your circumstances, and I could have prevented it. If you were to take a position in a household where you were taken advantage of, you could be ruined. On the other hand, if you find yourself in the position of needing to marry, why should it not be me? I can and would take care of your family, and you would know they were safe. I would treat you well, Miss Bennet."

Elizabeth held her hand up at this and said, "Please, Mr. Darcy, a moment," and she was quiet again.

She could see his reasoning, and she could agree with his concerns, but could she marry him? She needed time to think! Was her life truly going to be so awful, that this would be her best option? Could she ask for time?

"Mr. Darcy," she finally replied, "I appreciate what you are offering me, especially a second time, when I was already cruel to you before. Do I need to answer immediately, or can I have time?"

Darcy hesitated, glad she was not rejecting him outright, or getting angry.

"What kind of time?" He asked. How long would he need to wait?

"A few weeks?" she requested. "I would like time with my family, for my life to settle. This is likely the single, most important decision I will make in my life," she said, "and I do not wish to choose rashly." She paused here, "You say that you want me, yet you speak of my circumstances as a degradation, of me as a known poor choice."

Darcy interrupted, "No!"

But Elizabeth kept speaking, "I do not know what you are genuinely thinking, but I know what I hear. If you wish to marry me, I would like time to decide if the possibility of you coming to regret and resent me is worth what you are offering. I am sorry if this offends you, but if a marriage occurs, I think openness and honesty will be necessary for us to even have a chance. We have misunderstood each other too much for anything else."

A horrified look crossed Darcy's face during this declaration. He felt his jaw clench against the frustration he felt. She had rendered him genuinely speechless. Was this what she truly believed? No wonder she had refused him the first time!

He could not deny her good sense, though, in asking for time. He was starting to see that he might need a little reflection himself. He needed to figure out how to speak to her without constantly causing offense.

He finally asked, "How do you propose we meet again? Do you wish for me to call on you at Longbourn in a few weeks?"

"No," she replied, "because if we decide to the negative, I do not wish to give rise to questions." She thought for a moment and then asked, "Would you be willing to call on me at my aunt and uncle's home in London?"

He would do anything for a chance with her, it seemed.

"Of course," he replied, "but how will I know when to come?"

"Will you be staying in London for at least the next month?" At his affirmative, she went on, "If you will allow me to introduce you to my uncle when we arrive, I will ask him to call on you when I return to town. My aunt and uncle are very discreet, and will not gossip. Also, if we come to an agreement, I would rather you asked his permission, since I am not yet of age, than my mother. Does this meet your approval?"

She had ordered everything so well, even though she had appeared so surprised. His estimation of her rose further. This waiting was going to be a trial like no other, especially with the genuine uncertainty she left him feeling. Only Elizabeth Bennet could be so far from mercenary.

"I can see no fault in your plan, Miss Bennet, and I will respect your wish for time. May I just say that I truly believe that I could never come to regret marrying you? No man in his right mind could," he added.

She acknowledged this with a raised eyebrow. There was nothing more to be said at the moment, as they both needed time to reflect. He offered her his arm once more, and they headed back to the carriage. Their companions were waiting for them as it was.

_A/N: The point of this AU is to force them to learn and grow with each other. Much more painful. Bring on the awkward, uncomfortable, and unfiltered truth. :) _


	4. Chapter 4

(4)

The second leg of the trip was turning out just as quiet as the first. The silence was making Colonel Fitzwilliam antsy. He had noticed Miss Bennet and Darcy's emotional conversation and now his cousin's introspection, and could barely contain his questions. His companions were so lost in thought, though, that he doubted they would notice if he spoke. All except for Nel, and it would be a bit untoward for him to strike up a casual conversation with her. He sighed. His cousin owed him some excellent port and answers for this!

They reached London, and turned toward streets that neither of gentlemen in the carriage was familiar with. They worked their way near to Cheapside, not quite reaching it when they stopped. After he descended from the carriage, Darcy looked up at the house and around the immediate neighborhood. He was a little surprised at the quality of the homes. While they were not Darcy House in Mayfair, few were, they were bigger and better kept than he had expected. He turned to help Elizabeth out, grateful that she had not been able to see his face, in case he had not masked his surprise well. He was not sure if she would be offended, and he would rather not do that again soon. The door was opened by a butler when they reached it. This time Darcy was sure he was able to hide his surprise, for which he was thankful, since Elizabeth was walking next to him.

Elizabeth could see his face, and checked it when the door was opened, but his expression was impassive. If he was horrified by her relations' home, he was not showing it.

"Thank you, James," she said to the butler as he took their things. "Is my uncle at home? We need to speak with him."

"Yes, Miss Elizabeth, he is. Mr. Gardiner is in his study, and Mrs. Gardiner is in the family sitting room with Miss Jane and the children. Would you like me to fetch Mr. Gardiner for you?"

"Yes, and would you take Nel with you? It may be more than a few minutes before the gentlemen leave again, and I would like her to be comfortable. Mrs. Davenport will probably welcome her in the kitchen. Could you let my aunt know that we have guests, as well? Thank you again, James," she said as the James took their outerwear and disappeared with Nel.

Elizabeth led the group further into the house, turning a corner to her uncle hurrying down the corridor to them. He glanced at Mr. Darcy and the Colonel, and she could see him taking in the cut of their clothing. She could almost hear the questions working in his mind.

"Lizzy," he said as he took her hand and squeezed it tightly between his own, "I am relieved that you arrived safely. I must say, I was not expecting you until tomorrow." He left it at that, waiting for her to explain herself.

"Uncle, I would like you to meet Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam. They were staying with their aunt in Kent, who also happens to be Mr. Collins's patroness. They were due to return to London today, and happened to be taking their leave when the express arrived. Knowing that I wanted to come as soon as possible, they offered to bring me."

His face showed surprise at this. Elizabeth knew that it made no sense for gentlemen of their status to offer her transportation, and he may not have seen Nel. He was undoubtedly worried about her. She did not particularly want to stay in Mr. Darcy's presence, and since that gentleman wished to speak privately with her uncle, she decided to let him explain. She was unconcerned about what he would say, since Mr. Gardiner had enough sense to not jump to conclusions. She might not be alone with Jane and her aunt, but she could at least shed the looming presence of Mr. Darcy.

"Mr. Gardiner, may I have a few minutes?" asked Darcy, "I would like a word."

"Certainly sir. Lizzy dear, would you mind taking Colonel Fitzwilliam to meet your aunt? That is if you do not mind, Colonel."

"Not at all, Mr. Gardiner."

He turned to Elizabeth and offered his arm, "Lead the way, Miss Bennet." Elizabeth gave him a small smile as she led him away.

Mr. Gardiner turned, and just saw the pained look that crossed Darcy's face. Considering the last opinion of Lizzy's that he had heard, the look surprised him. That was not the look of a man who despised his niece. He had a feeling this conversation was going to be about more than a proper carriage ride.

As they entered his study Mr. Gardiner offered a drink, which his guest declined. They both sat, with Darcy looking quite uncomfortable. He decided to take pity on the man, in light of that last look, and started the conversation.

"I assume that you are least going to tell me you have a maid floating around my house who rode with you gentlemen and my niece today."

"Heavens yes! I would not expose Miss Bennet like that," replied a startled Darcy.

"I did not think so. Now, what was it you wished to discuss?"

Darcy had not expected Mr. Gardiner to be so calm. This man was Mrs. Bennet's brother?

"Mr. Gardiner, I have the highest respect for your niece. I am aware of the situation that she and her mother and sisters find themselves in, and I simply wish to offer my assistance, if ever possible. I will be instructing my staff that if you call, I am at home. I plan to be in London through May. If there is anything in my power to do, consider it done."

It was Mr. Gardiner's turn to be surprised. His niece had been so sure of their mutual dislike. He wondered if Lizzy's opinion of the man had altered at all. The last information he had from his wife did not indicate as much. There had been some allegations of disreputable behavior even, and Lizzy would not have accepted a ride from a man she considered immoral. Something must have changed between them.

"Thank you, Mr. Darcy. I will keep that in mind. I appreciate your support of my sister's family. You seem to be taking an unusual interest in my niece's situation, though. Would you be so kind as to set my mind at ease there?"

Darcy sighed inwardly. While this was not unexpected, he did not wish to say more than absolutely necessary. Mr. Gardiner had every right to demand specifics.

"As I said before, I have the highest respect for your niece. Please know that any intentions I have are honorable."

"I think you are going to need to be more specific than that. Do you and Lizzy have an understanding?"

Another pained look crossed Darcy's face, "We do not."

Mr. Gardiner watched him for a moment.

"But you wish there was."

It was everything Darcy could do to keep from squirming in his chair. This man was sharper than was convenient at the moment.

"What I wish for, and what your niece wants, do not quite match in this case. My hope is to change that."

"Ah, yes. Our Lizzy has a mind of her own, as I am sure you have discovered. I have your word, then, that you will conduct yourself honorably while trying to change my niece's opinion?"

"Of course!" responded Darcy, a little tersely.

"Well, it would not do to have her forced into what you want against her wishes. You would find yourself fairly miserable in that case, I believe."

"Yes sir, I am aware of that."

"I believe we understand each other, then. Was there anything else?" he asked.

"No, sir."

Darcy visibly relaxed, and only then did Mr. Gardiner realise how tense he had been.

"Well then, Mr. Darcy, shall we join the others?"

When her uncle and Mr. Darcy joined them, their expressions gave no indication as to what had passed between them. The gentlemen did not stay much longer, only enough to give their condolences and offer wishes for a safe journey. Elizabeth had never appreciated her aunt and uncle's sociability so much before. They answered what was needed, allowing the girls to remain quiet.

There was no private goodbye, to Elizabeth's relief. She needed to get away from everyone to think. She knew her aunt and Jane would have questions, but she was not ready for them. After their guests left, they had a quiet dinner, finished preparing for tomorrow's journey, and then retired early. She and Jane spoke of their father and comforted one another while they cried. Jane only mentioned her gratitude toward the gentlemen for bringing Elizabeth back to London early. She did not appear to be questioning their interest further. Elizabeth planned to tell her sister about the proposals, but she was happy to leave it for another time.

* * *

Colonel Fitzwilliam and Darcy were quiet in the carriage. They could not say much with Nel there. When they reached Darcy house, the Colonel went to Darcy's study while Darcy took Nel to meet his housekeeper and arrange a position for her. They all assumed, including Nel, that she would not be welcomed back once their aunt discovered why she had left. He requested their dinner be brought to his study, and then braced himself for the inevitable.

When Darcy walked into his study, the Colonel had his booted feet propped up on the edge of the desk. He was lounging back in a chair facing away from the door with his jacket buttons undone and a drink in his hand. Any hopes that Darcy had of this being simple or painless vanished. His cousin was prepared for battle.

"Well Darce, do you plan to spill everything, or do I need to drink you under the table and drag it from you?"

Darcy sighed, rubbed his hand down his face, and went for the port decanter. He poured himself a glass and then went to sit in his chair, across the desk from his cousin.

"What do you wish to know, Fitzwilliam?"

"Excellent, I did not want to wake up with a hangover tomorrow, anyway. What I would like to know is what is going on between you and the lovely Miss Elizabeth Bennet? You have been brooding about her for the last two weeks. Are you engaged to the girl?"

"I am not."

"Well why have you not asked her yet? Now that she is in mourning, you are going to have to wait months. Do you or do you not wish to marry her? If you do not want to, would you mind if I asked her? I would say she is worth living in virtual poverty for."

Darcy gave him a dark look, "You are not nearly as funny as you think you are, Fitzwilliam. You would not give up your high-living for any woman and you know it. Besides, I never said I have not asked her."

The Colonel choked, "She refused you?! Damn, she's bolder than I thought. I did not think there was an available woman alive, not in the royal family, who would refuse you."

"Yes, well, there quite clearly is."

The Colonel looked sharply at Darcy.

"What did you do to her?"

"I was rude to her family and friends, I ruined her favorite sister's happiness, and she met Wickham. Add in the fact that she cannot stand me, I am 'ungentlemanly' and she is not the least bit mercenary, and I have become 'the last man in the world she could ever be prevailed upon to marry.'

The Colonel's mouth dropped open and he stared at Darcy.

"Oh, I know. I have fallen in love with the last woman who would have me, and she was quite vocal about it. But I have rendered you speechless, no small feat," Darcy continued dryly.

"Good God, how did you manage all of that? How did she meet Wickham and what did he feed her? Were you able to correct that at least?"

"Wickham must have run himself quite low on funds, since he joined the militia quartered in her neighborhood. He is a lieutenant, I believe. I have no idea where he would have gotten money to purchase a commission. I gather he led her to believe I denied him his inheritance, without recompense. I did have an opportunity to correct that misconception, and I think she believed me."

"I am surprised he was willing to do that, since it will be harder for him to get away with his rubbish. I might have to look up his commanding officer, and drop a word about our friend's trustworthiness. Wouldn't want the scoundrel to disgrace the uniform. But that is beside the point, what did you tell her to get her to believe you?"

"I told her everything."

"Even Georgiana's story? Darcy, are you sure you should have done that?"

"She is trustworthy, Fitzwilliam. I know she does not like me, but I do not believe she would hurt an innocent girl. She understands the value of a gentlewoman's reputation. Besides, I am not certain she would have believed me otherwise. Wickham can be very convincing, as we know."

"Yes, we do. That smarmy reprobate's only real skill is manipulating sensible people."

They were both quiet for a minute while Fitzwilliam refilled their glasses.

"How did you ruin her sister's happiness?" he asked as he sat down.

"Do you remember the friend I told you about on the way to Rosings?"

"Yes, I assume you were speaking of Bingley?"

"I was, and the lady was Jane Bennet."

"Oh Lord, you cannot be serious. I am afraid I did nothing to help you there. I repeated most of what you told me to Miss Bennet. I am sorry. I thought I was helping you, showing your service to a friend. If I would have known -"

"You could not have known," Darcy interrupted. "I should have warned you after we met Miss Bennet at the parsonage. You would think that after the debacle of last summer, I would be more willing to speak up about things I find distasteful."

They both sat quietly for a minute while Darcy stared at his glass as he swirled his port. The Colonel could see his mind working, and hoped he would reach the right conclusions. His cousin always learned the best when he could figure things out for himself.

"How did I expect Georgiana to survive in the adult world as a young woman with merely a chaperone for protection, if I was not going to treat her like one? Even though we made the mistake in Mrs. Young, it would have taken so little to explain Wickham's reaction to my denial of the living. I did not have to tell her every sordid detail of his past. All she needed to know was that Wickham might be holding a grudge. Or if we told her about his past, a few select stories about his treatment of women would have been sufficient. She is a smart girl. But I decided what was best for her, and that was it. It is the same thing I did to Elizabeth; I expected her to reach the right conclusion without all of the information. My God, how was she to know what he is really like? I was the only person in the neighborhood with knowledge of his past, and I could not be bothered to speak of it. All because I did not want to invite questions about myself. What if she would have been taken in enough by him to put herself in a bad position? I could have let the woman I love be ruined!"

Darcy shuddered, "What if she would have been forced to marry him? Is there any worse hell than knowing you have condemned someone you love to a life of misery?"

The Colonel decided to interrupt here. Darcy was getting a little too far. He really did love Miss Bennet, if his emotions could start to cloud his judgement. His cousin was one of the most logical men he knew, and he was sounding irrational.

"Miss Bennet is an intelligent woman, and I do not think the scoundrel could have gotten her alone. She would not have allowed it. Darcy, while I agree that you could have helped the situation, you cannot be personally responsible for everything that goes wrong if you make one mistake in judgement."

They were interrupted by supper entering. The footman set the tray on a side table, removed the lids, and handed them their plates. He asked if they needed anything else. At their negative, he left them to their conversation.

"What about Bingley, though? Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince him that Jane Bennet was not in love with him? According to her closest sister, Miss Bennet cared deeply for him, and I told him otherwise. I am responsible for his current misery, when it was completely unnecessary. I told him it was because she did not love him, and she was not worth the hassle of her family and lack of connections if she did not love him. The irony is that I would gladly marry her sister with the same connections. Even now, when she has made it quite clear that she does not love me in return, and in fact, she can barely stand my presence!"

"Did Miss Jane Bennet really show no preference for Bingley? Because if she really did not love him as you thought, you did do him a favor. Bingley would be too easy to take advantage of, with the wrong woman."

"I convinced myself it was so, and I thought I was being impartial. But looking back, I cannot really say I was. I needed to get away from Elizabeth because I knew I was in danger there. That is beside the point, though. I did not have a right to convince him to go against his own instincts. I could have stated my opinion, warning him to be sure of her affection before making any decisions. I assumed again that I knew best, to the detriment of someone I care about."

"I do not think you have poor judgement though, Darcy. I think that you are a very rational, logical man, but not everyone works that way. Miss Elizabeth and Bingley both seem to make their decisions based on what feels right. I think you would agree, though, that they are sensible people. You would not like them if you thought they had poor judgement. They simply think differently than you do. It does not necessarily make either of you wrong."

After a few moments of thought, Darcy asked his cousin, "When did you learn so much about reading people?"

"Eh, I spend a lot more time with them than you do. The real question is this: are you going to try to change Miss Elizabeth's mind? Do you still want her, and if so, do you think she will be more willing now that her circumstances are dire?"

"I already asked her again, when we stopped at Bromley. I do notthink she was very happy with me, but she did not outright say 'no.' She asked if she could think about it for a little while."

"She might be the most courageous woman I have ever met. She and her family might not have a place to live in a matter of weeks. Did she say why she wanted to think about it?"

"She needs to decide if the possibility of my regretting the decision to marry her will cause me to resent her, and if she can live with that. I am certain of my choice, but she thinks the degradation of her family will change my mind over time."

"Did she really call her own family a degradation? That does not sound like her, she seems more loyal than that."

Darcy swallowed hard, "I told her that when I proposed the first time, and repeated it in my letter to her, where I explained Wickham's history."

"You did what?!"

"I thought I was showing her that the strength of my regard overcame her family's regrettable circumstances."

"Did you really call her family regrettable? No wonder she refused you! You directly insulted her!"

"Well, it is not as though she cannot see that her family is ridiculous, and her mother's family is in trade," Darcy said defensively.

The Colonel stared at him hard, "Are you really that much of a snob? Is the uncle we met tonight not a tradesman? Can you really say he is a 'regrettable relation?' I know you do not truly value people based on their rank in our circle, so why would you outside of it? How many people of exalted wealth and position do you truly care for? Look at Aunt Catherine. Would you rather spend an hour in her sitting room, or the Gardiners'?"

Darcy was quiet at this.

The Colonel let him be for a few minutes, and then added, "It is highly unlikely she sees her family as 'regrettable,' and if you directly insulted the people she cares the most about, she is not going to respect your opinion. I have to tell you Darcy, rank means little when it comes to loyalty and good men. I would rather fight side-by-side with a farmer or merchant's son than one of high birth. If there is one thing I have learned in battle, it is that good men come from all walks of life, but I am quite certain the fewest come from our ranks. There is a reason _the quality_ has to turn a blind eye to our men's antics, and many of the women are no better. Very few have a value system to speak of. You are a rare one, Darcy, to have the morals that you do in your position. If you truly love the woman that Elizabeth Bennet is, you have to remember that her family is who made her. By insulting them, you have insulted her. It sounds like she is a rare woman as well. Not many women could be as unconcerned by your wealth as she is. If you could earn her respect, I think you would be a lucky man indeed."

"I am aware of that. Why do you think I finally decided to offer for her?"

The Colonel gave him a hard look, "I think that might be the root of your problem, Darcy. You think that she should feel honored that you would stoop to her level. If you want to marry for love, you should be the one feeling honored. From what I have heard, you will be gaining a treasure if she accepts you. If you genuinely believe it, then you need to make sure she sees it."

Colonel Fitzwilliam stood and buttoned his jacket.

"Our family would be lucky to gain Miss Bennet. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know."

With that, he left. Darcy spent a very long time staring into the fire thinking through everything his cousin had said.

_A/N: In honor of Ms. Austen's remarkable ability to understand humanity, I'm trying to use as much personality study as I can to type these characters where I think she meant them to be. She was considered before her time on this topic. I've added a listing and short comment on each of the characters in the story to my profile, and will add more as they have dialogue and interaction. _

_Thanks again for the awesome reviews. There have been a lot of questions the past few days, and let me just say: I don't think you'll be disappointed. _


	5. Chapter 5

(5)

The household on Gracechurch Street was up early finalizing their preparations for the trip to Hertfordshire. While Jane was busy elsewhere, Mrs. Gardiner came into the room the girls were sharing to speak with Elizabeth.

"Lizzy, your uncle has spoken to me in regards to his conversation with Mr. Darcy, and I thought you might wish to discuss it. Were you aware of what they were to speak of?"

Elizabeth continued her preparations, keeping her face turned from her aunt.

"Only that Mr. Darcy wanted Uncle to know that he would welcome his call," she replied.

Mrs. Gardiner watched Elizabeth quietly for a couple of minutes, to see if she would be more forthcoming. She continued in silence.

"Lizzy, is there more to your relationship with Mr. Darcy than a passing acquaintance?"

Elizabeth finally sat, but kept her face turned from her aunt. Mrs. Gardiner could see her bite her bottom lip before she turned with tears in her eyes to look at her aunt.

"Oh Aunt, I do not want to think about that man right now. My life feels as though it is falling apart, and he is not helping. I realise that he thinks he means well, but it is too much!"

When that appeared to be all her niece had to say, Mrs. Gardiner asked, "Lizzy, did he propose to you?"

"Yes, and I do not like him, but I feel obligated by my family's situation to say yes. I already turned down our security for my happiness once. How selfish can I be, when I am in the position to save my family from poverty?" Elizabeth answered tearfully.

Mrs. Gardiner thought quietly for a minute, and then came and sat beside Elizabeth and pulled her into a loose hug. She wished it had not come to her nieces having to consider marriages for security as a necessity, but they needed to be realistic. The girls' circumstances were much more precarious now that they had lost their father's protection.

"Oh Lizzy," she sighed, "I take it you have not given Mr. Darcy an answer, then?"

At the shake of Elizabeth's head, Mrs. Gardiner continued, "And you truly believe marriage to him would be unbearable?"

Elizabeth nodded.

"Did he ask you to give him answer soon?"

"I asked for a few weeks to let my life settle."

Mrs. Gardiner was surprised, "And he agreed to this?"

"It is why he spoke to my uncle. I have agreed to visit you in London then, so that he may call on me."

"I see," was Mrs. Gardiner's reply. She was quiet for several minutes. She wished she more than passingly knew the gentleman in question, so that she could offer her niece reassurance. He had shown himself intelligent enough to want Elizabeth, even with their difference in status. He had also shown kindness, in giving her time to decide. While good signs, it was not enough to make a decision of this magnitude on. With the time they did have, though, she and her husband could discreetly ask for more information. If he was willing to support her family and turned out to be a good man, she did not see that Elizabeth could justifiably turn Mr. Darcy down.

"I can see why you are overwhelmed, especially considering this all happened in one day. I am glad you have time, though. I would hate to see you make a rash decision based on the emotions of a moment. I think it would be an excellent idea to try to put this out of your mind for a few days. Your uncle and I plan to stay at Longbourn until Saturday next, so we can speak more on this after the funeral. You need to take the next few days to simply be with your family. You are right, that you have enough to worry about, and I do not think you will be in the right frame of mind this first week, to be deciding."

"Thank you, Aunt," Elizabeth replied as she pulled Mrs. Gardiner closer for a moment. She stood up and said, "I am grateful for you setting my mind a little easier. I will do what I can to not think about this for a few days."

The family finished their packing and set out after a quick breakfast. With the Gardiner children along, there was not a chance for serious conversation; more discussion of the girls' future would need to wait.

The carriage arrived at Longbourn just after lunch. Mary met them at the door, looking very relieved indeed.

Elizabeth and Jane both went to Mary and pulled her into a hug. They wept and held each other. Mary told them that their mother had not left her room since they found Mr. Bennet. If it were not for Mr. and Mrs. Hill, the household would have stopped running entirely. Their younger sisters with with their mother.

After settling the Gardiner children into the nursery, they all went up to Mrs. Bennet's room together. As they entered, she cried out, "Oh Jane! Oh Lizzy! What are we to do? I knew this was how it would be, I just knew it! Brother! Sister! You will have take us in, for I am sure that we will not have a home in a week! Ohhhh! Mr. Bennet! Why did you abandon us?! Oh my head," she ended on a moan, pulling her arm over her face.

The room was quiet for a moment, and then Elizabeth and Jane moved up to the head of the bed, opposite the side of Kitty and Lydia, and sat next to their mother.

Jane was the first to speak, "Mama, surely it will not be that bad. Mr. Collins is not cruel, and will let us stay. Besides, he might not come to live here for a while."

She looked up hopefully at Elizabeth, who simply raised her eyebrow. She did not think Mr. Collins would wait very long. He had been all but counting the silver on his first visit.

"Oh, if only Lizzy had married him, then we would all be safe," she went on. "Surely even you would not kick your own mother into the hedgerows. Or if Jane could have got Mr. Bingley, then she would be rich, and could afford to keep us all. You did not get engaged in London and have not told me yet, did you?"

"No, Mama."

"I thought for sure if you followed him there, you would be engaged by now. Did you call on his sisters?"

Jane winced, "I did, Mama, but I did not see Mr. Bingley."

"Is he coming back? Did they say when he is coming back to Netherfield? He has an estate to run, how long can he stay away?"

"Now, my dear sister," interjected Mr. Gardiner, feeling sorry for his niece, "I would not worry about that. Have you spoken to our brother, Mr. Phillips, about how your husband's affairs were left? I think we need to worry about that first. I believe Mr. Bennet left copies of his papers with Mr. Phillips?"

"How should I know? He did not tell me anything of that! What does it matter? The house is entailed, and that odious Mr. Collins gets everything. If only Lizzy would have married him! But nobody listens to me, and now look at us! I don't suppose you have found a nice, rich man to marry to make up for it have you? Of course not, high gentlemen do not want outspoken wives!"

Elizabeth looked uncomfortable, and this time Mrs. Gardiner decided to intervene, "Girls, why don't you take your uncle to see Mrs. Hill about what needs to be done. I will keep your mother company."

The girls hugged their mother, and with their uncle, gratefully left the room. On one hand, Mrs. Bennet was taking this as expected, which likely meant she was going to survive. On the other hand, the way she was dealing with this upheaval in her life was typically ridiculous. Some things really never changed.

The next few days went by in quiet preparation for the funeral, which was to be on Wednesday. The girls worked with their aunt and uncle to prepare, each taking turns to sit with Mrs. Bennet. She remained in her room bemoaning their fate. Each of them was equally responsible for their current situation in her eyes. She just knew that someone ought to have done something to prevent this. When that 'odious Mr. Collins and his grasping wife' were going to throw them out she did not know, but she was certain it would be before her dear Mr. Bennet was cold in his grave. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, along with Jane and Elizabeth tried to calm her fears, but to no avail.

Little did they know, Mrs. Bennet was not far off the mark. On Tuesday afternoon, while Mr. Gardiner was visiting the vicar with Mr. Phillips and Mrs. Gardiner was upstairs with Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Collins came on his own to console his cousins. The girls were all in the sitting room working quietly when they heard commotion at the door.

He spoke immediately upon entering the room, "My dear cousins, allow me to express my condolences upon the untimely death of your most excellent father." He did not wait for an answer, but continued, "It is quite terrible for you, really, to be left so poorly, and before any of you are married. My dear Charlotte and I have decided that we will let you stay with us, which is the charitable thing to do, as Lady Catherine said when we told her of your new circumstances. But she did advise me to take it upon myself to help you learn to be more demure, proper, young women. Young ladies of inferior birth are meant to listen to their betters, as Lady Catherine said, and not express their opinions on matters outside of their understanding. Your father, God rest his soul, I believe indulged your whims too often. I am, thankfully, in a place to help you all, and I see it as my duty. Young ladies such as yourselves, as lovely as you all are, should not be left to your own devices. Lady Catherine has highly recommended that you all marry as quickly as possible, in order to secure your futures. She says it is quite absurd that the two eldest of you have not married yet, and she fully intends to take it upon herself to look for suitable husbands for you. It will be quite difficult, she is sure, to find a man high enough to marry a gentlewoman without a dowry. I must agree with her, of course, and now that I find myself in the position of landed gentleman, I am better able to help with this benevolent office. I do not think I put myself too high when I say it will be quite in my power to entertain many prospects on your behalf."

A few sentences into this speech, and all five girls could do nothing but stare at him in horror. To say such things to them, and the day before their father's funeral, was unconscionable. How did one even respond to this? After he finished speaking, there was complete silence. His look was one of such complacency it made him all the more ridiculous. Elizabeth was furious and did not trust herself to speak. They could not afford to offend this man, which was all that stood between her and speaking her mind.

Jane was the one who was finally able to say, "Thank you, sir, for your...thoughtfulness."

"Certainly, my dear cousin. I am only thinking of what is best for you, of course. It is our Christian duty to take care of those less fortunate than ourselves, as Lady Catherine says. She is truly the model of Christian benevolence, and I can only pray that I am half as caring as - "

Before he could continue, Elizabeth finally found her voice and asked, "And how is dear Mrs. Collins sir? Is she at Lucas Lodge? Was the trip easy on her?"

They thankfully managed to keep Mr. Collins on other topics until he left, with promises to see to them tomorrow.

Elizabeth escaped as soon as she could. She ran to her room for her bonnet and spencer, and left out the kitchen door to avoid having to speak with anyone else. She wandered the lanes for several hours, lost in her thoughts.

Everything had changed for her family so quickly. They went from being a respectable, landed, family to poor relations. They were now dependent upon the charity of quite possibly the most ridiculous man in all of England. She could see their future; being married off to the first male of any reasonable quality who showed the least bit of interest in them. They would no longer have a choice, not if they did not want to be left homeless. None of their other relatives had the space or income to support them completely. Mr. Collins held all of the power. He could throw their entire family out on a whim. While some may frown at him for it, there was no legal redress to be had.

It was a desperate place to be, and she had the ability to fix it all. A simple "yes," and her family was saved. All she had to do was give up her every hope of marrying for love. She knew that Mr. Darcy thought he loved her, but how could he when he clearly did not even respect her? He had shown that plainly when he spoke of her unworthiness to be his wife. How could she live like that? Forever under the power of a man who saw her as a degradation. How long before his infatuation ended? What misery! He was a man who liked to have his own way. Would she lose every sense of self? This was exactly why she wanted to marry for love. If they truly loved each other, the respect and esteem she so desperately wanted would come naturally.

At the same time, how could she say no? She would be miserable if her family sunk to virtual homelessness, which was a serious reality. Always knowing that she could have prevented it; she would grow to hate herself. She had the power to save her family from this. The odds of her finding love were so slim to begin with, and growing worse. By marrying well, she could give all of her sisters the chance to find what she would not. By marrying Mr. Darcy, she might be able to bring Mr. Bingley back into Jane's life.

Her choice could not be more clear, and now she just had to learn to live with it.

_A/N: Elizabeth is being a little melodramatic, but she's terrified. I'm really good at being irrational when I fear something, so I hope it seems reasonable that she would be, too. _


	6. Chapter 6

(6)

The day of Mr. Bennet's funeral was dreary. It matched the girls' hearts, and while the men went to the gravesite, they stayed back at the house together with their mother. When the men did return, thankfully their aunt or uncle was continuously with them and able to deflect speeches Mr. Collins thought were necessary before he got out of hand. They spent the afternoon mostly in quiet visiting with their sympathetic neighbors. Even Mrs. Bennet, Kitty, and Lydia were somber. The Lucases and Charlotte made sure that Mr. Collins left with them, and then they were alone. There was not much to be said, and they all went through the motions of the evening, then retired early. The exhaustion that followed the last few days of preparation and the emotional drain left none of them with the energy to say much.

Thursday morning brought a visit from Charlotte. She was alone, and she asked Elizabeth to walk with her.

Once they were outside, she began, "I wished to speak with you first, Eliza, because I think I will need your help." She took a deep breath here and then continued, "Mr. Collins plans to move to Longbourn immediately. We are to travel home tomorrow, pack up our things and return on Monday." She turned to Elizabeth with tears in her eyes, "I am so sorry Eliza, I tried to convince him that he should give your family two months at least, but he insists. He says he is worried that the estate will face neglect without a man to lead it. Please know that I do not wish for it to be this way."

"Oh Charlotte, I know you did not hope for this when you married."

They were quiet for a minute, "Mr. Collins is completely within his right to do this, and we all knew it was inevitable. Do you want me to tell the rest of the house?" Elizabeth asked.

"If you think that is best. I want you, and your family to know that I will do everything I can to keep us all as comfortable as I can."

Elizabeth acknowledged her appreciation with a nod. They were both well aware that Mr. Collins and Mrs. Bennet were the least likely to help that cause. What could they do, though? This was the Bennets' lot, and they both wished to make the best of it.

The ladies walked back to the house, and Charlotte stayed for only a short visit before heading back to Lucas Lodge.

Elizabeth did not waste time telling the rest of her family about Mr. Collins' decision. Everyone but her mother and Kitty were downstairs. She told them bluntly, and while they had been hopeful, no one was surprised. Lydia made some noise about him being an odious man, and that she had no intention of obeying him just because he owned the house. She quieted when it was explained to her that he had every right to kick them all out on a whim. Six women on little more than two hundred pounds a year would not get them far. Jane and Mrs. Gardiner went together to tell Mrs. Bennet the news. They all could hear her hysterical railing, but she was soon calmed down again. Elizabeth had no idea how Jane and Mrs. Gardiner could do it, but they were the best at allaying Mrs. Bennet's fears. She herself would only remind her mother of what could have been.

After that, Elizabeth looked for a chance to tell Jane about Mr. Darcy's proposals. She desperately wanted her sister's opinion, especially in light of Charlotte's news. After supper, she asked her to retire early so they could talk.

As soon as they closed the door to their room, Jane turned to Elizabeth and asked, "Lizzy, is something the matter?"

"Oh Jane! I have so much to tell you, and I am not sure if you will even believe me. So much has happened in the last week that I do not even know where to begin."

"You have seemed out of sorts, but I was not sure if it was all about Papa. What has happened?"

"Jane, Mr. Darcy has proposed to me."

Jane was astonished, "Lizzy, you are serious? Mr. Darcy?"

"Yes, and I was just as shocked as you are. I had no idea he even liked me, and yet he confessed he has been in love with me for months."

"Not that it is surprising for any man to fall in love with you, though. You will make a wonderful wife. But tell me, what did you answer him?"

"I refused him, most forcefully. I told him he was ungentlemanly for his behaviour in Hertfordshire, and accused him of ruining Mr. Wickham's prospects. I told him he was 'the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.' I was very harsh."

"Oh Lizzy! The poor man, I feel for him, knowing that he is in love with you. But I cannot really blame you for refusing him, I know you do not love him."

"Yes, but Jane, the next day, Friday, he gave me a letter that puts him in a much better light."

Elizabeth went on to tell her sister about the portions of the letter pertaining to Mr. Wickham and Miss Darcy.

"I felt like quite a fool for falling for Mr. Wickham's lies. Mr. Darcy was also kind enough to bring me to London immediately on Friday, so that we would be able to travel home on Saturday." Elizabeth paused here, and then went on, "There is more, too. When we stopped for a rest, he asked me if I might reconsider marrying him, in the light of our new circumstances."

"He did? Goodness, he must love you very much, to ask again after you had just thoroughly refused him, even with your news."

"Yes, and I do not think I can refuse him again, no matter how much I dread the prospect of marrying him. He told me, the second time he proposed, that he would be willing to support my family. Oh Jane! I wish he had not asked me again!"

"Lizzy, we would not expect you to marry into misery to save our family, but are you sure -"

There was a knock at the door here, and the girls opened it to Mrs. Gardiner.

"Lizzy dear, do you mind if I join you? I have a feeling I know what you are talking of."

"Of course Aunt, you are always welcome, and yes, I was telling Jane about Mr. Darcy."

"I had intended to wait until tomorrow, but when I saw you both retire early, I thought it might be about this. Have you told her everything?"

At her sister's affirmative, Jane continued, "Lizzy, do you truly think Mr. Darcy would be so awful? I never thought him that bad."

"I am worried about so much! His own cousin, an acknowledged good friend, said that he likes to have his own way and I have seen it for myself. I do not want to be under the control of anyone! I know what is expected of we women, but I am a rational creature and would like to be treated as such. He said himself, both in his original proposal and the letter that followed, that he finds our family an unfortunate degradation. What if he cuts me off from you? I would never survive living like that without access to my family. He was very eloquent about my unsuitability as a wife. What if what he thinks is love is just an infatuation? When that fades, where does that leave me? What if he regrets marrying me? I would need to live with his resentment. At the best we might sink into indifference. I also do not want to live in a marriage without respect, it would be unbearable. He says he loves me, yet he contradicts that in the next sentence. I do not understand him!"

"Lizzy, I cannot believe a man could truly confess to be in love with you and not see that you have an independent spirit." Elizabeth went to interrupt, but her aunt held up her hand, "Please, let me continue. While I think you do not understand him, it does not follow that it is necessarily your fault. Unfortunately, I do not know him at all, and a few minutes of passing discussion does not give me much. Jane, I am going to depend upon you to help here, as you know him more than I do. While we do not want to tell you that you must marry him Lizzy, I do not think you should assume him to be a terrible marriage prospect. He was smart enough to appreciate you, which speaks much in his favor." Mrs. Gardiner said this last with a smile. "Can either of you think of a reason why you would say he is not a good man? Has he shown himself to have immoral habits?"

They thought quietly for a minute, and then Jane spoke, "He attended church when we were at Netherfield, and I have not seen him drink to excess. I also never once saw him flirt. He does not appear rakish to me. I do not think Mr. Bingley would have maintained his friendship with a disreputable man, either," she finished quietly.

Elizabeth reached out and squeezed Jane's hand at the last, and then spoke herself, "No, I would not say he is immoral. I think his true dealings with Mr. Wickham answer that, too. But really, Mr. Collins meets all of those requirements. I do not think either of them bad men, just not ones I can live with!"

"Lizzy, I do not think Mr. Collins and Mr. Darcy are anything close to the same," said Jane. "While Mr. Collins is not a bad man, Mr. Darcy is very much something more." Jane paused for a moment, deciding if what she wanted to say next would truly help her sister. "Lizzy, I think that you have decided who Mr. Darcy is based off of your first meeting. While he was very wrong to speak of a lady in the manner he did, especially within hearing of her, I think he has proven to be a different man than that suggests. You are generally quite accurate in your assessments of people, and over time you have become confident in your ability, maybe too confident. As a result, when you are wrong I think you have a difficult time altering your impression. I also think that you only saw what you wanted to see because he offended you. Do you truly dislike Mr. Darcy that much, or are you more upset that he refuses to stay in the box where you put him?"

Elizabeth stared at Jane in shock. She had never heard her sister be so bluntly honest with her. Anyone but Jane saying those things she would have brushed off, but Jane? The sister who knew her best? Who was kind to and considerate of everyone? She could not remember Jane ever offering insight into her own character before, even though she did speak her mind about others. She was generally very accurate. Was she right here, too?

When Elizabeth did not say anything for a while, Mrs. Gardiner added, "Lizzy, you know that your judgement is usually quite sound. I do not think either of us blame you for holding to it, but maybe it is time to take a fresh look at Mr. Darcy."

Elizabeth nodded but did not respond. Had she done that? Refused to see anything other than a man who had insulted her? Was she really that vain? Had he done anything else to cause her dislike? Even with his proposals and letter, she still felt that they were little more than strangers. How did he think he loved her enough to marry her in spite of everything he had seen as obstacles to their relationship? They barely knew one another!

"I can admit that I have been seeking fault in him. But I do not think he helps himself! I still do not like his arrogant and aloof attitude, nor his views of my family. Aunt, he called you an 'unfortunate relation!' I am still worried that he would try to cut me off from you. I also do not think he would respect me. I do not know what he sees in me that makes him want to marry me, but he has made it very clear that I should be grateful that he is stooping so low. How can that ever work?"

"Are you sure he is that aloof?" asked Jane, "or could he be very shy?"

Elizabeth could acknowledge that possibility. He had thought Jane had no feeling for Mr. Bingley because she was quiet, and Elizabeth knew she was just private with her feelings. Could his silence in company truly be simple shyness?

"I do think your worries about your family and his respect are valid concerns," said her aunt, "but his opinion of your uncle and me is not unique to him. I do not let it bother me usually, since we are quite satisfied with our lifestyle and our general circle of acquaintances. It does not particularly concern me that he thinks that way, but I would not want him to refuse to acknowledge your family. I agree that you would have a rough time of it, closed off from everyone you know. But I also think that you are an intelligent, graceful woman who would quickly gain his respect if you have not already. Again, I cannot believe a man who loves you would do that to you. He would have to know that it would ruin your spirit, which would leave him without the woman he fell for anyway. You could ask him before giving your response. If he was willing to give you time, I think he would answer any questions you may have. "

Elizabeth was quiet for some time, feeling even more overwhelmed, before she finally said, "I think I need to spend some time working through all you have said. I would like to retire now."

"Lizzy, I love you the same, no matter your decision," Jane said, as she pulled her sister into a hug.

Mrs. Gardiner agreed, and joined them for a minute before they all headed to bed.

Elizabeth lay awake for a very long time, thinking about what they did and did not say. She felt it was very clear that they did not think she would say no, and each decided to help her accept the decision.

_A/N: Another shorter chapter. I do think they will get longer from here. We're finally headed to London and Mr. Darcy in the next one. I'm impatient to bring him back to the story, which has made these chapters hard to work on. I wanted to rush through them! _


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: I see the periodic comment that Elizabeth is holding on to her dislike of Darcy for too long. I truly think she is acting in character. In the original, when she and the Gardiners met him at Pemberley, she was waiting for him to be embarrassed by her relations. She also used the thought that the Gardiners would have been lost to her to save herself from regret (chapter 43). That was four months after the letter. If she expected him to hold the ideas of her inferiority for that long, I don't think a few weeks is a stretch. When I lost my father this year (I'm only 32, he was 57, it was a sudden, horrible, wasting disease), I spent several weeks uselessly wishing life wouldn't have changed. When we're grieving, it's easy to be unreasonable. She wishes he wouldn't have proposed again so that she wouldn't need to make a choice, and is resenting him for it. I'm having her work through this mostly in her head, which we are privy to (which I can acknowledge may be too much - the fault of reading a WIP of an aspiring author - sorry!). Once she stops fighting this, it will get better. Also, Jane and Mrs. Gardiner represent reason here, she trusts them and will listen to them. I think she needs to work herself back to normal and then work on improving beyond that. Hopefully for our and Darcy's sakes it happens soon. ;)_

_I very much appreciate all of the comments. The constructive criticism allows me to see where I might be running away with a thought too long, like Lizzy's rambling mind. That they are overall positive is very motivating. Thank you for being a part of my development as a writer!_

(7)

The priority of the next few days was talking Mrs. Bennet into changing rooms. Mrs. Gardiner and the girls had agreed that it would be easier to have her move before the Collinses came. There was a second set of rooms that worked as a suite, but it was not nearly what the master and mistresses chambers were. They thought it unlikely that the new Master would be fine with less than the best room in the house, in light of the self-importance displayed earlier in the week.

The spent all of Friday morning trying to work on her, to no avail. Surprisingly, Lydia made the comments that worked the best.

"When I cannot have something I want, I make sure the person who does have it knows how much I do not care. Pick a different room, and then redo the whole thing! When they arrive, show off how happy you are with it. The accounts in town are directed to Longbourn. Go run up a bill, and let Mr. Collins pay for it when he gets here. He is the heir, he has to settle up any debts on the estate, does he not? If it were up to me, I would run up every bill I could, just to show him I could. Really, why should we all not go buy something new for ourselves? It would be such fun, and he cannot really do much when the money is already spent," she laughed.

Their mother perked up at this, and latched on to the suggestion. She was ready to follow Lydia's plan completely and have them all order the most expensive fabrics to have new mourning dresses made and everything, but Mrs. Gardiner talked her down. While the rest of them were not comfortable adding anything that was not absolutely necessary to the accounts, they decided that allowing Mrs. Bennet a little extravagance now would save them all, including the Collinses, a headache later. In the end, Jane and Kitty went into Meryton for new fabrics for drapes and bedding, and picked out a few other things to change over the new room. Lydia wanted to go, but no one trusted her to control her expenses. Besides, it would be indecent to be out gallivanting with officers only a week after their father died, and they expected nothing less from the youngest in the family. She had already been complaining that their society was boring, and asking when they could go to their Aunt Phillips for tea again.

The next few days were filled with sewing and moving their mother. These activities distracted them all well enough to keep their spirits up. They also saw the Gardiners off on Saturday, as planned. The Friday after the next was set for Elizabeth to remove to London to stay with them.

The Collinses arrived on Monday at four o'clock, as planned. The first meeting was very awkward, as Mrs. Bennet did not wish to greet them properly, saying that she was no longer mistress so it was not her duty. Jane stepped forward to do the honors. She took Mr. and Mrs. Collins to meet the staff, and showed them the rooms that would be theirs. The Bennet ladies did their best to stay out of the way after that, hoping to avoid Mr. Collins and his speeches and also to give Charlotte a little space to find her bearings.

If Elizabeth needed any more persuasion that marriage to Mr. Darcy was the best choice, her mother and cousin did their best. The next two weeks, after her aunt and uncle left, Elizabeth spent much time walking the lanes around Longbourn. She tried to stay in the house as long as possible to help Jane and Charlotte smooth the atmosphere, but she simply could not last. Not only did she need time to think about her own future, but she wanted to avoid the stress of the house. Mr. Collins was pontificating on their need to be women of virtue and continuously reminding them of his benevolence in allowing them to stay. He was the most magnanimous man in the history of all time, if he was to be taken seriously. She was ready to scream at that alone. Add in the tension of the biting remarks of her mother on 'men who took that which was not rightfully theirs,' 'grasping women who reached above their station,' and 'undutiful daughters who ruined everything' and she knew this could not last for any of them.

She did feel for her mother, needing to give way in her own house to another woman, and so soon after her husband's death. She might find Mrs. Bennet frustrating at times, but no woman deserved to have her grief compounded by this amount of upheaval. She could have handled the transition better, but Elizabeth truly felt that many women would not. Her heart also ached for Charlotte. While her dear friend chose Mr. Collins with eyes wide open, she could never have anticipated the change in situation happening so soon. Charlotte was desperately trying to keep the peace in a house overcrowded by dependent relations when she should be allowed to enjoy setting up her new home as she saw fit. Instead, she was trying to change as little as possible, in understanding of Mrs. Bennet's feelings. While Elizabeth had lost some respect for Charlotte upon her marriage to Mr. Collins, she was quickly gaining it back, plus some, with her handling of this stressful situation.

* * *

The Friday exactly three weeks after she had made the trip home finally came, and she felt both guilty and relieved; guilty because she was leaving Jane to deal with this alone and so very relieved to escape it herself. She only wished she was happier with her decision. She only had two questions for Mr. Darcy that might have bearing on her choice, but even if he disappointed, she would probably still agree to marry him.

She said goodbye to her family with whispered good wishes from Jane, disturbingly accurate requests from her mother to snap up a husband rich enough to save them, whining from Lydia that she never got to go anywhere fun, and simple, quiet hugs from Mary and Kitty. She and Charlotte had said their goodbyes earlier so that the family could have their moment. Her friend had also found something or other to keep Mr. Collins busy until all he had time for was stepping out of the house to hope for her safe journey. The rest of his comments faded as she rode away.

The trip to London was filled with thoughts on how to answer Mr. Darcy while keeping hold of her emotions. He might be well aware that she did not want to marry him, but she did not want to carry on hysterically. Elizabeth was determined to handle this gracefully. Since she had grudgingly decided marrying Mr. Darcy was the lesser of the evils before her, she was glad Jane and her aunt helped her begin to see him in a better light. If she was going to do this, she did not want to enter the married state resentful toward her husband. It would do her no good to fight this life. She was going to need to learn to embrace it, and she might as well start now.

The coach reached London on time, and her uncle was able to meet her at the station and take her back to Gracechurch Street.

"Well Lizzy, it is good to see you again. How is Longbourn fairing?"

"Longbourn itself is just fine, I am sure. Her residents, on the other hand, might not survive the year if things continue as they are."

"That bad, is it? Well, have you decided if you are going to change that?"

"I have," Elizabeth sighed, "and yes, I am fairly certain I am. I need to ask him a few things, but I doubt they will change my answer. I would just like to know what I am getting myself into."

"Cannot blame you for that. You do know that your aunt and I will be there for you in any way we can, even after you are married, don't you? We will not send you off and leave you to your own devices. We both believe you deserve happiness in life, and want to help you achieve it. Even if it does not seem like it is starting that way, you could be marrying just the right man for you."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at her uncle for the last comment, but thanked him for his support, "I know you and Aunt Gardiner look out for the best for me. I want you to know that I have always appreciated it, and will be very glad to have it now."

Mr. Gardiner smiled at her, and then asked, "So, when would you like me to call on Mr. Darcy and let him know you are back in town? Do you want a few days?"

"I would rather you called today, if you have the time. Now that I am ready to make my choice, I would rather get it over with. Besides, the sooner you marry me off, the sooner we keep Longbourn safe from burning to the ground!"

"That's my girl. You always have faced the world head on."

They went on to talk of more trivial matters until they arrived at the house. Mr. Gardiner deposited Elizabeth and her things with her aunt, and then left immediately to call on Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth did her best not to think about what her uncle was doing while her aunt helped her settle in.

* * *

Mr. Gardiner was very curious as to how Mr. Darcy would receive him. He knew, from conversation with his wife, that the man held the typical attitude of _the ton_ in that as a tradesman, he was below their notice. At the same time, Mr. Darcy must know by now that insulting Lizzy's loved ones was not going to win her over. Unless he wanted to marry a woman who continued to hate him, that attitude was going to need to change. While Mr. Gardiner understood the respect due to those of higher ranking in society, he had no need to feign subservience to anyone. He was comfortable with who he was, and felt no need to apologize for it.

When he arrived at the house in Mayfair, he knocked on the knocker-less door. It was opened by a very stiff butler.

"Can I help you sir?" the man asked in a patronizing tone. Mr. Gardiner had a feeling this man brooked no interference with his master's wishes; a very good butler to have. With the knocker off the door, he was probably appalled that anyone had the gall to disturb them.

"Mr. Gardiner to see Mr. Darcy, please."

"Ah, yes, you are expected. Follow me please," said the man as he took Mr. Gardiner's outer things. His demeanor did not change. It was all Mr. Gardiner could do not to laugh at him. He followed the man further into the house and down a short hallway to a closed door. The butler knocked, and after hearing a "yes" from within, opened the door and announced him.

"Mr. Gardiner is here to see you, sir."

"Ah yes, thank you Morris."

Mr. Darcy stepped out from behind his desk as they entered the room, bowing to Mr. Gardiner as Morris closed the door behind his exit, "Welcome to my home, Mr. Gardiner. I am very glad to see you."

Mr. Gardiner bowed and then raised his eyebrow similarly to the way his niece would, "I bet you are. That is quite the butler you have. I am guessing no one gets past him unless you want them too."

"You would think. There are a few of my family members that he has yet to outmaneuver. He is handy for everyone else, though. Have a seat, please."

Darcy went back around his desk and sat. He made quite the imposing figure, so tall behind such a large desk. Mr. Gardiner had a feeling he was not often on the losing end of an argument, especially in here. He was going to find his hands full with Lizzy, though. No desk was going to frighten her. He hoped the young man was prepared to lose many an argument in the near future, if things went as his niece had indicated.

"Well, Mr. Darcy, I think we both know why I am here. Shall we get to the point?"

"Yes, sir," replied Darcy, suddenly feeling very nervous. He thought he had talked himself into calm acceptance of any answer Elizabeth was going to give him, but now, seeing her uncle before him, brought back all of his doubts and desires in a rush. He found himself twisting his signet ring, waiting for Mr. Gardiner to continue.

"Well, as you may have assumed, Elizabeth is back in town. She is ready to speak with you, if your offer still stands."

"It does. I am a man of my word."

"I had hoped so, but I know you by reputation only, you understand. I have heard only good things about the way you go about your business; honest, straightforward, and with respect. I have also heard that staff rarely leave your service, and if there are open positions they are highly sought after. I gather you treat servants well. I hear of no instances of you drinking to excess or gambling. Your name has also not been connected to women of disrepute. You _appear_ to be a good man."

Darcy was surprised, and then grew annoyed as this apparent investigation into his life continued. He crossed his arms in irritation and asked, "May I ask what these comments are leading up to? I consider myself a man of honor, and do not appreciate having my integrity questioned."

Mr. Gardiner hoped he was doing the right thing. If the man had a bad enough temper to throw it all off over a few comments, it was not a good idea for Lizzy to marry him anyway. He pushed a little harder, "I wish to know how you intend to treat your wife. Men of your station do not generally have a good reputation, and I would like to know if yours is real or if you are simply better at hiding your sins. While Lizzy and her family's options are limited, my wife and I would like to know that we are not sending her into a veritable wolf's den. No amount of security is worth that."

Darcy sat up straighter and gripped the edge of his desk. Was this entire family going to look for the worst in him? Had Elizabeth put her uncle up to his? He was used to being respected wherever he went. He was not sure he had ever been so insulted! Who did this man think he was?

"Mr. Gardiner, I find what you are implying highly insulting. My reputation is good because my actions speak for themselves. My wife will be treated with the honor her position demands, and nothing less. I have no intention of speaking wedding vows that I do not mean to keep. She will be loved, comforted, honored, and there will be no others in our marriage. Is that sufficient for your interrogation?"

Mr. Gardiner smiled and sat back in his chair, "I believe I expected nothing less from you. I hope that you do not hold it against me, but I felt the best way to test your temper was to press it. You are also much more likely to be honest in a moment like that. I hope you understand my and my wife's concern that we barely know you. Forgive my impertinence, but I felt it had to be done. My respect for you only grows the more I know you, young man. I expect Lizzy will test your patience regularly, and if you handle yourself that well, you will do just fine. Now, when will you be calling on my niece?"

Darcy stared at the man across from him in shock, and his anger immediately deflated. He was impressed. In a matter of a few sentences, Mr. Gardiner had taken his entire measure, and was now confident in the assessment of his character. This man obviously cared much for his niece's future, to be willing to push him so far. It was also apparent that the Gardiners were not mercenary either. Perhaps this was why Elizabeth did not seem to fit with most of the rest of her family; how much time did she spend with them? He guessed a great deal. No wonder she was so offended when he judged them by their status.

"I am starting to see why Miss Bennet holds you in such high esteem. I will need to remember what you just did when young men start coming around for my sister, Georgiana."

Mr. Gardiner smirked, "You learn a few things out in the world of tradesmen. We are not so unfortunate as some may think."

He deserved that, and he knew it. He also did not think Mr. Gardiner was looking for a response to the comment, so he went back to the last question.

"May I call tomorrow morning?"

Now that the possibility was before him, he wanted to know his fate.

"I think Lizzy would prefer that. I assume that, if she accepts you, my wife will ask you to stay to dinner. Will you be free?"

Darcy was caught on Elizabeth wanting to see him sooner rather than later. It felt good, that she was not avoiding him. He easily knew nothing was on his calendar for tomorrow evening. He had not done any socializing since he had returned to London.

"I will be, and hopefully I will have the opportunity to dine with you. I will call at two o'clock, if you agree."

"I do. Was there anything you wanted to ask me? It only seems fair, after my questions."

"No, but I do want to tell you that I wish for Miss Bennet to be happy. I know that she does not desire this marriage. At first I thought I just needed to get her to see that we will do well together, but after a conversation with my cousin and a few weeks to think about it, I now see that I need to show her. If she agrees to be my wife, I will be doing everything in my power to do just that. I do love her."

"Glad to hear it. With your attitude, I think you will do alright. If Lizzy commits to you, I think you will find the same in her. She might not love you now, but I would not give up on her, either."

With that, the gentlemen parted and Mr. Gardiner headed back to Gracechurch Street. Darcy sat in reflection for a time. He was definitely beginning to see why Elizabeth was offended by his comments referring to the Gardiners. He had made assumptions about their intelligence and respectability based on their social standing, and those assumptions were quickly proving to be inaccurate. He genuinely wanted to know them better, and hoped Elizabeth would grant him the closer connection tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning found Elizabeth agitated like she had never been agitated before. She could not focus on any activity for long in her anticipation of Darcy's visit. She wondered if she would feel differently about seeing him, now that she had accepted her fate. Her aunt tried to keep her distracted, but it was fairly fruitless. Luncheon finally came, and then Elizabeth went to refresh herself for the interview. It took enough time that it was at last a quarter before the promised hour. She assumed he would be a timely man, as fastidious as he had shown himself to be, so she was hopeful that the agony of waiting would not be drawn out.

She was not disappointed. Her uncle called her into his study at five minutes to the hour, and they heard the commotion of the front door immediately afterward. James brought Darcy right to them, and suddenly she was facing him again.

"Thank you, James," said Mr. Gardiner. He turned to the couple before him and watched them for a moment.

Elizabeth curtsied as she said, "Mr. Darcy."

Mr. Darcy followed with a formal bow, "Miss Bennet, it is good to see you again."

Mr. Gardiner wanted to laugh again. If he had been worried about leaving them alone before, their stiff formality ended that.

"I will leave the door ajar, but your conversation will be private. Just know that we will not be far," Mr. Gardiner said the last with a look to Darcy. He gave Elizabeth's shoulder a gentle squeeze, and left them alone.

Elizabeth chose to sit, but Darcy stayed standing. Silence reigned for a few minutes while neither of them looked at the other.

Elizabeth finally broke it, "Would you mind sitting? You are very tall, and I find it awkward to keep looking up at you and disconcerting when you pace."

"Of course, I apologize," he said as he sat stiffly in the chair facing hers. He looked directly at her now, there was no avoiding his gaze.

Elizabeth felt obligated to speak first, and she decided to ask her questions so they could move on to her answer. "My uncle has told me that your offer still stands."

"It does."

"Then, if you do not mind, I have a question I would like to ask before I give you my answer."

"Anything," replied Darcy, while twisting the ring on his finger.

"Will I be allowed to see my family after we marry?"

"Yes, of course! Why would you think otherwise?" Darcy exclaimed. At her silent look, he continued on a sigh, "Right, please do not answer that. I am becoming quite aware of my error in judging your family when I had not yet met them. If it helps, I have been pleasantly surprised by the Gardiners."

"I am not surprised by that, they are wonderful and some of my very favorite people. So will I be allowed to invite them and the rest of my family for visits? Will my relations be allowed at Pemberley?"

"Yes! I have no intention of cutting you off from anyone. As my wife," Darcy was thoughtful for a moment, it felt so good to say that! He went on, "As my wife, while I would hope that you would want my opinion on invitations, you will have the right to invite whomever you wish. I have no intention of controlling you, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth was a little startled by his use of her Christian name. His voice had softened slightly on it, almost in reverence. It was...nice. She felt a significant amount of her worry melt away. He did not wish to control her! If he could say it, then she trusted him to mean it. She distinctly remembered him saying that he hated any kind of disguise.

Darcy watched her visibly relax before she spoke, "I accept your proposal, Mr. Darcy."

He was startled. It was so simply said, and it did not sound...dreaded. It was almost as though she was truly willing. He felt a powerful warmth steal over him. She had agreed!

Elizabeth watched a small smile appear on Darcy's face. She thought him handsome, even in her anger she had acknowledged that, but with a smile, he was dangerously so.

"I swear to you, Elizabeth - I am sorry, may I call you Elizabeth now?" at her nod, he continued, "you will not regret this. I will make sure of it." At this, he reached over and took her hand. He gently pulled it to his lips and placed a kiss on her gloveless knuckles. She had never had her bare skin kissed before, what a sensation!

Elizabeth would never refer to Darcy as a lively man, but his expression was animated like she had never seen before. It was gratifying to bring such pleasure. If only he was always this unguarded in his emotion, he would be so much easier to read and understand!

"I will hold you to it, sir," Elizabeth said, as she graced him with a small smile in return.

"Shall we join your aunt and uncle and begin our planning?" he asked, as held out his arm.

She took it slowly and they left the study for the sitting room.

It was done, they were engaged. While Elizabeth was no longer truly afraid, she still had many reservations about their ability to get along. They had spent most of their time before this quarreling, and she did not particularly wish to spend the rest of their lives doing so. How they were going to make this work, she had no idea. Still, he obviously wanted this, and she was willing to do what she could.

For Darcy, he was happy to have her acceptance, but nearly as happy to have had a conversation where he had not angered her at all. After their last few meetings, he was beginning to wonder if it was possible. Thankfully, he now had a lifetime to figure it out.

_A/N: Before I hear that Lizzy has changed her mind too quickly, please bear with me! There's a large gap between acknowledging what needs to happen and actually putting it into practice. This is where I've been trying to get them. I think that both of them are the type to enter this marriage with good intentions - not at each other's throats - but that's not everything. They have a long way to go toward understanding and true love. This is the downfall with the WIP method of publishing, you can't see where I'm taking this quickly enough. As Evelyn Carnahan says - patience is a virtue! :)_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Sorry for the wait. We had a LOT going on in getting ready for Christmas. This chapter has been mostly written for a week, and I finally had time to sit down and edit!_

(8)

Darcy and Elizabeth entered the sitting room together. Mrs. Gardiner greeted Darcy and then looked to Elizabeth, who nodded.

"It is decided then?" she asked.

"Yes, Miss Bennet has agreed to be my wife," Darcy replied simply. He was much happier than the statement implied, but did not think Elizabeth would appreciate any overt display of satisfaction. He wished it could be different, but he still had high hopes for their future.

"Well then, I offer you both my congratulations. I hope you are able to join us for dinner, Mr. Darcy," invited Mrs. Gardiner.

"It would be my pleasure," he replied as he and Elizabeth sat.

The remainder of the afternoon and evening was spent in polite conversation. Mrs. Gardiner and Darcy spoke of Derbyshire, as it was discovered that she had grown up only five miles from Pemberley, at Lambton. Elizabeth was amazed, she had never seen Darcy so unreserved. Had Miss Bingley not told Jane that he could be so amiable among close friends though? Was he that comfortable with the Gardiners, the very people he had declared objectionable just three weeks before? She could not decide if this was true acceptance of her relations, or merely a show for her. What had Colonel Fitzwilliam said to her question of why Mr. Darcy could not recommend himself to strangers? Because he would not 'give himself the trouble.' He was certainly 'giving himself the trouble' now!

To Elizabeth's relief, there was no talk of wedding plans that first evening. When Darcy made his leave, it was with promises of returning with settlement papers for Mr. Gardiner to review. With the following day being Sunday, the earliest they anticipated his return was Tuesday. There were no plans made for visits until then.

That night Elizabeth lay awake for several hours, thinking a lot and crying a little. At times it felt like her father was not gone. While she was at Longbourn, he could have easily been in his bookroom. Here in town, she was so used to spending time with the Gardiners without him, it was natural to not particularly miss him. But when she made a decision like this, one that she would have had his opinion on, she missed him. She wondered what he would say, knowing she did not love Mr. Darcy, about her agreeing to marry him. Would he understand what she was doing, knowing he could have prevented it? Elizabeth was not blind to the fact that if he would have managed his estate and money better, she would not have felt compelled to marry Mr. Darcy to save her family. She felt no resentment toward him, though. She loved her father dearly, faults and all. She just hoped he was not disappointed in her.

* * *

While Mr. Gardiner was out to business on Monday, Mrs. Gardiner broached the subject of wedding plans with Elizabeth.

"Lizzy, have you and Mr. Darcy discussed wedding dates?"

"We have not made any plans yet, Aunt. I think it was enough to become engaged on Saturday."

"Be that as it may, I want to know you have thought of it. Mr. Darcy may ask the same question when he meets with your uncle, and I do not want you to be caught unawares."

Elizabeth was thoughtful for a minute before responding, "I really do not know. While my first instinct is to delay as long as possible, I do not know if that is practical. I am marrying him for the sake of my family, and if I am able to relieve their current situation sooner, I feel I ought to. It is not as though Mr. Darcy can begin supporting us before the wedding even if he was willing, as it would invite questions of my relationship with him."

"Very true. How soon, though? You are still in mourning, and it is not as though your family is homeless."

"And I will be in mourning for five more months. What kind of condition do you think the atmosphere at Longbourn will be in by then? I know what is generally expected, but how much sooner do you think I can marry and not cause a scandal?"

It was Mrs. Gardiner's turn to be thoughtful, "I think if you have mourned for at least two months, it would be understood. We can ask Mr. Darcy his opinion, since you will face heavier scrutiny from his circle."

"Then if we were to begin reading the banns next Sunday, that would still give us a full month from the announcement until the actual wedding. Do you think that is a respectable length of time for an engagement?" Elizabeth questioned.

"I do. I think a month keeps you from being questioned about rushing into it, which would not help your acceptance into Mr. Darcy's society."

They settled that the soonest day after the tenth of June that Mr. Darcy wished for should be taken. Their conversation then moved to other plans; how soon to bring the remainder of her family to town, and who, if anyone else, should be invited.

Darcy sent a note over late in the afternoon stating his intent to bring the draft settlement documents with him for an interview with Mr. Gardiner the following day, if Mr. Gardiner was available. A reply was sent to the affirmative, and they expected him at eleven o'clock.

Darcy arrived the following morning promptly at eleven, and he and Mr. Gardiner spent over an hour in the study before her uncle sent for Elizabeth to join them. She entered the room and greeted Darcy.

"Well Lizzy, I thought you might like to see these before I sent them back with Mr. Darcy to be finalized, in case you have any objections."

"Thank you, Uncle," Elizabeth replied as she sat down and accepted the documents. She glanced at Darcy to see what his reaction was to her being allowed a say, but he simply watched her quietly. If he objected, he was not showing his displeasure.

She read quietly for a while, until she reached the section that listed the amounts to be settled on her and her family.

"This is too much!" She exclaimed, "To settle so much on me, and then the pin money is wholly excessive, plus such a large annuity on my mother. Surely you needn't do so much."

"Elizabeth, this is what is due to you as my wife. I promised to take care of your family, and I mean to. With the amount your uncle and I understand your mother to have on her own, my additional will allow them to live in comfort, but very little more. There will not be room for much extravagance. I will not have your pin money or settlement lessened because of it. Your pin money is exactly what it should be for woman of your future station. I would be remiss as a husband in my position if I did anything less. If word got out, there would be suspicion as to why you were shorted, and it would cause more gossip. The dower is necessary to protect you and any future children, so that you are all provided for outside of my heir's inheritance. While I would like to think our oldest son will be a man of honor, I do not want to leave you and our younger children to another's whims," was Darcy's firm reply.

With tears in her eyes, Elizabeth turned to him, "But I do not like it. I bring nothing to this marriage, and I do not want to take so much from you. It does not feel right."

"And that feeling does you credit, however wrong it is," he replied softly. "You may not be bringing financial assets to our future, but Elizabeth, I am marrying you because I want _you_. If I wanted a dowry, I would marry a dowry. I want the happiness I feel by merely being in your presence."

This only made Elizabeth's tears spill over as she began to cry, "How can you say that when I have been nothing but rude and hateful toward you? How can you say I bring you happiness?"

"You are not rude, you challenge me. You challenge me like no woman has before. I cannot explain how it feels to have an informed debate with a lively woman who does not change her opinion to match mine because she thinks it is what I want to hear. You know what you believe and you defend it with energy. At the same time, you can debate both sides just to make the other person defend themselves harder. You are one of the most naturally intelligent women I have ever met. I find you fascinating, and I do not expect that to change. I have found the best woman for me, and I wish to keep you with me, always."

He said this with such feeling, and he meant it. How could she not see herself for the treasure she was? She might feel forced into marrying him for financial reasons, but it went against everything she believed in. He had already realized she was not mercenary, but this honest rejection of his money was a balm to his heart and gave him such hope.

As he handed her his handkerchief, gently pressing it into her palm, Elizabeth stared at him in shock. Where had this man been when he had proposed? She had no idea that he felt that way! When he spoke in that manner, she could almost believe that he truly loved her. As she watched him, she saw him squirm slightly in his chair. Was he truly that uncomfortable expressing his feelings?

"Lizzy, do you now find these amounts acceptable?" interrupted Mr. Gardiner, amused. The more time he spent with Mr. Darcy, the less he was concerned for his niece's future.

They both startled; they had forgotten her uncle was there.

Elizabeth took a deep breath to steady herself before responding, "I will not argue the amounts anymore. Uncle, how do you think my mother will do with an additional income? You know as well as I do that she is incapable of economy. While the amount is more than sufficient, I do not think she will steward it well."

"What do you suggest then, Lizzy?"

"I think that it would be better to list specific, necessary items that will be paid for on her behalf, in a way that she cannot overspend. For example, we must agree upon the house she lets, so that it meets certain expectations and is a reasonable price; an account could be set up at the grocer and butcher with monthly allowances; we would pay servants on her behalf. Perhaps a small amount of pin money for my sisters. Any spending over these predetermined things which she wished to do would need to come out of her own income."

Elizabeth turned to Darcy here, "If you do not want the trouble of paying separate bills every year, I would be willing to steward the account on her behalf."

It was Darcy's turn to be impressed.

"I cannot find fault with that plan, and you know your mother better than I do. I leave it up to you who stewards the account."

"Thank you," was her reply, as she returned to her reading.

Elizabeth looked up as she finished, "Do I really require an additional sum for my initial wardrobe? I am quite certain that the pin money will more than cover anything I need. I have no intention of buying the amount of clothes this would cover immediately."

"Lizzy, Mr. Darcy added this when I expressed your aunt's concern about your lack of trousseau. Our gift to you will be a new gown that you can use for the wedding day, but other than that, will you have any dresses that would be suitable for your new life? You will be traveling in a much higher circle of acquaintance than you are used to, and your clothes will need to match. Besides, every young woman should have new things to start her married life, and you know your mother cannot afford to provide that now."

The thought of Mr. Darcy purchasing the personal items that would normally be part of a trousseau caused Elizabeth to blush. It did not matter that her pin money would provide those things later, it was awkward to think of him paying the bill now.

While she still did not think she would need to spend so much, she could agree that she needed new clothing.

She sighed, "Fine, I will not argue the amount."

She did not expect she would win anyway. She was also starting to think the 'ten thousand a year' that she had heard upon first meeting Mr. Darcy was an understatement. He did not seem like the type to outspend his income, and if this meeting was any indication, there was plenty of income to go around.

"I assume you will have final copies of these drawn up soon, Mr. Darcy?" asked Mr. Gardiner.

"Yes, by the end of the week."

"I think we are ready to begin the reading of the banns, then. We have already discussed the wedding date, Lizzy, and Mr. Darcy has agreed with your aunt on the social acceptability of your plans. Would you be satisfied with June eleventh?"

Elizabeth gave a simple yes. With the discussion over, Darcy joined them for a few minutes in the drawing room.

As Elizabeth walked him out, he asked, "I should like to introduce you to my sister Georgiana. Perhaps you could join us for tea tomorrow?"

She looked at him carefully for a moment. Would Miss Darcy be allowed to come near Cheapside at Gracechurch Street?

"My aunt and I would be delighted."

"As will Georgiana. If you would like to view the house, you are welcome to. Perhaps I could have my carriage come for you and your aunt, and then your uncle could join us later for dinner?"

Elizabeth agreed and then bid him a good day.

As Darcy left, he thought back over their conversation, where Elizabeth had questioned her worth in their relationship. He had always thought she was so much more confident than that showed. He did not understand why she would be insecure about herself in this, when she had made it clear that his opinion of her did not matter. He had hoped that she would come to care, but what she said earlier made it sound as though she already did. It was beginning to become quite clear to Darcy that he did not understand Elizabeth nearly as well as he had thought.

* * *

The Darcy carriage collected Elizabeth and her aunt as planned the following afternoon. Stepping out at her future house, Elizabeth was overwhelmed. Of this was she to be mistress! While not the largest townhouse she had seen, it was even more clear that her fiancé was at least as wealthy as rumor had it. She would not be surprised to find it had more bedrooms than Longbourn, and it was a townhouse!

She felt herself growing rather anxious, until her aunt spoke.

"It is just a house Lizzy. It might be larger than we are used to, but I think you will find it not much different from your uncle and my house. More and bigger rooms, a few more servants, but that is all."

Elizabeth relaxed, "You are right of course, aunt. It is overwhelming to see the house that I will call home, though. This puts the reality of my future in perspective."

"You will do fine."

"My mother did teach me how to run a house, that is for sure. I do not think even London quality could scoff at her table."

Mrs. Gardiner smiled in response. Elizabeth was never held down for long.

The door was opened by the butler, who took their things and led them to the drawing room. Elizabeth glanced around and then looked at her aunt with a raised eyebrow. It was definitely bigger, and Mr. Collins would have a hard time containing his description of the crown moulding. She would not call it ostentatious by far, but the quality and elegance was clear.

"Mrs. Gardiner, Miss Bennet," Darcy greeted almost eagerly as soon as they were announced in the drawing room, stepping forward with a young lady they presumed to be Miss Darcy.

He performed the introductions, proper curtsies followed, and then a momentary silence fell on the group.

Knowing the little she did about Miss Darcy, and assuming Mr. Wickham lied about her as well, Elizabeth hoped she was broaching a comfortable topic when she asked, "Miss Darcy, I have heard that you are very fond of music. Are you working on a particular piece now?"

"I have been learning a couple of new piano sonatas, well, new to me, that is. I believe Haydn's middle works are at least forty years old. I like to play what speaks to me, though."

Darcy looked at his sister with a slight smile. She was making an effort to speak more than usual, and he was proud of her.

"Yes, I believe our music is a part of our hearts, and speaks to our emotions. I would love to hear you play, as I have been told by several people that you play exquisitely."

"Not exquisitely!" exclaimed Miss Darcy in embarrassment. "I do enjoy the art, and practice as much as I am able, but I but I am not as good as that suggests."

"Georgiana, you do play very well," interjected Darcy.

Miss Darcy looked to her brother and blushed, and then turned back to Elizabeth, "My brother tells me that you play very well, Miss Bennet."

"Not 'very well' at all," she replied with a laugh. "If your brother told you that, he grossly overstated my talents." Elizabeth looked at Mr. Darcy with sparkling eyes, "I can only imagine what else he has exaggerated, and I am afraid you will find me a great disappointment!"

In that moment, Darcy realised how much he loved to see Elizabeth happy. He had intrinsically known he wanted her to be happy, but seeing it after having her be so solemn as of late showed him how important it was.

"I have done nothing of the sort," he rebutted.

"Oh! I could not possibly be disappointed...what I mean to say is my brother would not choose a..."

"Come now, Miss Darcy," Elizabeth gently interrupted, as she took the younger girl's arm, "I am merely teasing your brother. I do not think enough people do so, and it is good for him. He can be far too serious."

The last was said with a nearly flirtatious look at Darcy. The young ladies moved toward the sofa and sat together, continuing their conversation.

"I have feeling you had better get used to that, Mr. Darcy," said Mrs. Gardiner with a small laugh.

He startled, and a little guiltily offered Mrs. Gardiner his arm to join them. Elizabeth was driving him to distraction, and he adored her for it.

"I sincerely hope so, Mrs. Gardiner."

Their conversation over tea was pleasant. They were able to draw Miss Darcy out with more talk of Lambton and Derbyshire. It was obvious that as she felt more comfortable with the group, she was able to speak up more often. They returned to the topic of music, and Elizabeth saw this was where her true excitement lay. Her eyes lit up, and she was able to discuss the feelings that her favorite pieces portrayed with energy. Her enthusiasm for performing duets with her future sister was endearing. Elizabeth easily confirmed that Mr. Wickham had been wrong here, too. He had described Miss Darcy as proud, but it was easy to see that she was merely shy. Elizabeth was grateful that Mr. Darcy's only immediate family was accepting of her without apparent reservation.

After tea, the tour of the house came. And what a tour it was! Elizabeth was happy to see that the decor was all tastefully simple. No brocade fabrics, ornate furniture, or gilt paints, but rather the rooms were light and airy. While it was clear that everything was of high quality, it showed that the house was made to live in, not an exhibit to be viewed. Mr. and Miss Darcy showed them the principal rooms together, but Darcy left them in the hands of his housekeeper, Mrs. Rowley, when they moved to the master suite. Elizabeth was given instructions to note any changes she wished to make to her rooms and the sitting room that they shared, in hopes that they could be completed before the wedding. The thought of them sharing the suite brought another blush to her cheeks. It was difficult to picture herself as a married woman.

Other than a fresh coat of paint on the walls and updated bed and window coverings, Elizabeth could not imagine changing a thing about her room. The furniture was as elegant as the rest of the house. She was beginning to see that the late Mrs. Darcy must have had much influence on the current Darcys' decorating style. Mrs. Gardiner commented on the elegance, and the housekeeper confirmed that nothing had changed in the mistress' rooms since it was restyled for Lady Ann upon her marriage.

Miss Darcy looked around the room wistfully, "I have only been in this room twice in my memory. I have no actual memories of my mother, only the stories I have been told."

Elizabeth's heart ached for the girl, who had lost both of her parents, and well before their time. She was all too aware of that feeling herself.

"Is there anything in here that you would like to keep for yourself?" she asked Miss Darcy.

The girl's eyes lit up before falling again, "Oh, I couldn't! The furniture is all a matched set, and it would not make sense to separate them."

"Well, not the furniture then. Perhaps there is something in your mother's dressing room. Shall we look?"

"Yes," added Mrs. Gardiner, "even something small that was hers would give you a connection to your mother's memory."

Mrs. Rowley led the ladies into the smaller room, and Elizabeth began to laugh, "I hope no one expects me to fill that closet. I cannot possibly shop that much, I would go mad."

"You do not like to shop for new clothes?" asked Miss Darcy.

"Not as much as some. I enjoy having new things sometimes, but the stress of a dressmaker's shop keeps me from overspending my budget. I find being poked and prodded and offered the latest styles, no matter how garish, frustrating. I know what I prefer to wear, and it never quite meets our local dressmaker's expectations. She, along with my mother, are always pushing me toward more lace and less neckline. While she has good intentions, my mother has very different taste from mine. I find the conflict not worth the reward, generally. I do not suppose I will get out of the process here, either," she finished on a sigh.

"If it helps Lizzy, your wedding dress will likely be designed and fitted before your mother comes to town. That is one less argument against your preferences," commented Mrs. Gardiner.

"And I am comfortable with the modiste my aunt uses," offered Miss Darcy, "she is not considered the most fashionable in London, since her name does not sound French enough, but my aunt adores her. Lady Matlock prefers to keep to her own style, and Mrs. Bonner does not argue with her. She offers advice and her opinion, but lets you make your own decisions without a fight. Perhaps we could try there for your wardrobe."

Elizabeth felt that Miss Darcy would make a much better shopping partner than her mother. If only she could have Jane and her aunt along, too, then buying a new wardrobe would be much more fun.

The ladies went to Lady Ann's dressing table and began opening drawers. After a few moments, they stumbled on a drawer with a brush and mirror set. When Miss Darcy gently removed them from the drawer, it was easy to see the engraved "AD" on the handles. She ran her fingertips over the letters before looking up at Elizabeth.

"They are yours. While they are absolutely lovely, I think they mean more to you than they can to me."

"Thank you so much, Miss Bennet. I have so little from her."

"They were likely a wedding gift to celebrate your mother's new name," added Mrs. Gardiner, "and given to her by a close female relative. These should be yours, my dear. It is only fitting."

She was very pleased with how quickly her niece and soon-to-be sister were getting along. The new life Elizabeth was entering would become much easier with a friend close by to depend on. She glanced over at Mrs. Rowley to see her gazing fondly at the pair as well.

Miss Darcy's smile trembled. These women were so kind to her. She had been momentarily terrified when her brother had told her of his engagement. She had seen the so-called eligible women that had fawned over him. She so wished to find a friend in her new sister, and she should not have worried. Her brother would not have chosen anyone who would treat her badly.

"Miss Darcy, would you mind calling me Lizzy? We are to be sisters very soon, and that is what all of my current ones call me."

Miss Darcy's eyes lit up again as she replied, "I would love to, Lizzy. Please call me Georgiana. I have always wanted a sister, and I believe I shall quite enjoy it," she finished shyly.

"Be careful what you wish for! I have four sisters and there is rarely peace in our house," Elizabeth replied with a smile.

"Four! What is that like? I only have my brother, and he is so much older than I am."

"I love them all dearly and they nearly all drive me crazy. I cannot imagine it any other way, though. I will introduce them all to you when they come to town for the wedding. We will happily welcome you to the group if you like, and then you can decide for yourself how it feels."

They were soon finished with the room, and Mrs. Rowley led them back to the drawing room and Mr. Darcy.

_A/N: I imagine that Mr. Darcy would be adding enough to Mrs. Bennet's income to get her to about £500 a year. That's how much the Dashwood ladies had in Sense and Sensibility. Doesn't out Darcy too much, but allows them to maintain a respectable living._

_From the research I've done, social mourning rules were more guidelines during the Regency period, especially for everyone other than a widow. Strict rules were more in the Victorian era, when better medical care started reducing early death rates (and they were all more stuffy). Society might frown on it, but they were more understanding of the need to marry for security. It mostly caused a gossip stir, and then was forgotten at the next scandal._


	9. Chapter 9

(9)

Dinner that evening was again filled with warm, pleasant conversation. While Elizabeth was no longer completely surprised by Darcy's amiability with her aunt and uncle, she was still waiting to see how long it would last. When her aunt invited the Darcys to Gracechurch Street in return, would Georgiana be allowed to come? Even further down the road, would he be so accepting of all her family now? She doubted that. When he had laid judgement on the Gardiners, it was before he had met them. They had easily proven him wrong, and he already knew her mother and younger sisters. She understood that they could be a handful, but they were her family. All she really wanted there was for him to be less proud and more agreeable. He had made no effort at pleasant manners with them in Hertfordshire, but she hoped that would change.

For Darcy, the night was a teaser of what was to come. Spending the evening in pleasant company with his Elizabeth was wonderful. The only downside was her leaving with her aunt and uncle. He was looking forward to when she would stay with him, where she belonged.

Plans were made for dinner at the Gardiners' in a few days. Darcy accepted on behalf of both him and Georgiana without hesitation. He had spent enough time with the Gardiners to know that they were clever, well-informed people who provided excellent conversation. He had been to their home more than once, and it was in a clean, safe neighborhood. He did not see any reason why Georgiana could not spend her time in such good company. He remembered the reproofs from both his cousin and Elizabeth about his evaluating people's quality by their rank in society, and he saw that they were right. He had become snobbish because it was easier than trying to get to know people, but he was intelligent enough to recognize that he to would rather spend his time in the Gardiners' sitting room than Lady Catherine's. His sister's delicate spirit was safer there, too.

The ladies made plans to begin wedding dress shopping the following Monday. They had agreed that it would be a good test of Mrs. Bonner's shop to try for the dress there. If Elizabeth was comfortable, then she could return for her trousseau after the wedding. If they waited until Monday, the banns would have been read and she would be more likely to be accepted for an appointment with the Darcy name believably behind her. Her aunt did not think they could procure an appointment without it in a modiste the _ton_ used, as her name was not enough.

That night, Elizabeth sat down to write to her mother. If the letter was posted in the morning, she could be assured that it would arrive at Longbourn before the banns were read on Sunday. Elizabeth had written to Jane last Sunday to share her news, and hoped to receive a reply soon. She wished that Jane could be in London with her during this time, but they both knew that Jane was more needed at Longbourn. She could help keep the peace, and would also be there for their mother when she was given the news of Elizabeth's engagement. They were fairly certain they knew how their mother would react, but they were less sure of Mr. Collins. He would be getting rid of one of them, but it was Elizabeth, and to his former patroness' nephew. He ought to be happy, but they were not sure how deep his resentment of her went, and if Mr. Darcy's higher status would affect his reaction.

Elizabeth wrote a short note to Charlotte as well, so that she would have warning of the news.

Elizabeth received the return letter from Jane on Saturday morning. Her sister sent genuine felicitations for her future. Jane was pleased that Mr. Darcy would welcome their family, not that she had thought he would do anything less. Her cheerfulness still seemed forced to Elizabeth, but with all that had happened it was impossible to tell where the sadness stemmed most from. To her relief, Longbourn did not sound any worse than when she had left. It had been less than a week when Jane wrote the letter, but her leaving had likely helped both her mother and Mr. Collins, since she was the most resented by them. Overall, the letter did not contain any surprises, thankfully.

Darcy brought Georgiana early for dinner on Saturday, with the excuse that Mr. Gardiner needed to sign the final settlement documents. Truly he wished for some time with Elizabeth, preferably alone, or as alone as they were allowed to be. He could acknowledge that he had been blind to believe that a few amicable conversations meant she cared for him when he had proposed at Rosings. That he had caught her completely unawares with that proposal showed it. If they were going to be successful as a couple, they needed to know each other better and there was only so much that could be said in polite company. While he could wait until they were married, he preferred to work on her opinion of him sooner rather than later.

As soon as they had exchanged greetings with the ladies, Mr. Gardiner was busy yet, he suggested a walk to the group. After a little discussion, it was settled that the four adults would walk with the Gardiner children and their governess to the park near the house.

Darcy offered Elizabeth his arm as soon as they reached the street, and allowed the remainder of the group to move a little in front of them. To his relief, Elizabeth did not appear worried about being alone with him.

"I have seen the fabric and paint being used to update the mistress' rooms, and I think the colors are very nice and suit you well," he said. He had settled on that being a safe topic to start.

Elizabeth looked a little surprised at his interest and replied with a simple, "Thank you."

"I am not surprised by the colors, though. Your disposition is bright and lively, and I have always thought you dressed to match. I expect you like to surround yourself with sunny colors when you can."

Elizabeth looked at him in amazement. That he had not only noticed, but clearly put thought into the way she dressed was a bit startling.

"You are correct, I generally prefer colors that remind me of sunshine."

They were quiet again. Darcy had hoped she would continue the conversation, as she usually did, and he did not know what else to talk about. The longer they were silent, the more frustrated he became. He did not wish to waste this opportunity on pointless small talk.

"Is your family planning to come to town for the wedding?" he finally asked.

"Yes, they will come about a week before," she replied.

That seemed like the right moment to ask him something that had been on her mind.

"Who will be standing up with you at the wedding?" she asked.

Darcy hesitated to respond, "I would ask Bingley, but now I am not sure if that is a good idea."

"And why not?" Elizabeth asked sharply.

"I do not want to make him uncomfortable," he said stiffly.

"I assume you are referring to Jane's presence. She will be in London a full week beforehand. If they are both accepting of standing up opposite of the other, we can ask them if they would like to have their first meeting in a quieter place."

She looked over at Darcy and saw his face was that unreadable mask he wore, and she grew more frustrated, "Or were you not planning on telling Mr. Bingley about the possibility of Jane caring for him? Were you hoping he would not question why you are willing to marry me when you convinced him that Jane was too low for him? I highly doubt you are going to drop the acquaintance, and it is not like you can hide a wife!"

"It has nothing to do with you or your sister's status. Do you know for sure that your sister still cares for Bingley? What if he has been gone too long and she no longer cares? I have not seen him since the middle of March, his feelings may be lessening as well. He has not gone back on his decision and visited her. Why throw them together if it will just cause them pain?"

Elizabeth was furious, and it was everything she could do to control her voice, "And who are you to decide for them when you do not even know? You are the principal reason that they did not have a chance to work out the possibility of a future in the first place. He has not visited because you told him he should not. He obviously puts incredibly too much faith in your judgement. Even if they are making a mistake, they are two adults in control of their own faculties and it is not your job to oversee them!"

Elizabeth wanted to scream. She dropped his arm and turned to look directly at him. Was he going to try to do this to her when they married? Make decisions of this magnitude about her without even consulting her opinion? Did he think this meant 'not controlling' her?

Darcy was taken off guard by her anger and was trying to think over what she had said to formulate a reply.

He took too long to respond and Elizabeth spoke again, her voice trembling, "Would you stand for anyone interfering in your life in such a manner? I may not know you very well, but I am quite certain you would be absolutely furious if you found out someone tried to direct your life without consulting your wishes. Are you saying that they cannot think for themselves? I find what you are doing an insult to the intelligence of someone you claim to care about!"

At this she walked away from him toward the rest of their group. She did not wish to cry, and she knew that she was on the verge of saying things in anger that she would regret.

Darcy watched her walk away from him without giving him a chance to respond. He was annoyed that she was so quick to assume the worst in him yet. How were they supposed to get to know each other if at each opportunity she did not give him a chance? The walk was not going the way he had hoped at all. He sighed. He needed to figure out what had made her so angry so quickly.

As he slowly caught up to the group, he thought through what she had said, hoping to figure out where he had gone wrong in her eyes. He genuinely did not wish to meddle in Bingley and Miss Bennet's future again. He wanted to leave it alone. He was worried that if he told Bingley that Miss Bennet cared for him but she turned out not to, his friend would be even more devastated. On Bingley's side, he knew that Charles had been sadder than usual after leaving Hertfordshire, and that it had taken a significant amount of convincing to get him to believe Jane Bennet did not love him. Charles had asked his opinion of marrying Jane, and he had given his friend the advice he had felt best at the time.

Elizabeth had accused Bingley of relying too much on his judgement, and then Darcy of not letting his friend think for himself, insulting Bingley's intelligence. He knew that Charles was a clever man, he would not care for their friendship so much if he was not. But he was also younger, more naive in the world, and rather tender-hearted when it came to the fairer sex. He did rely on Darcy's judgement where he was unsure of himself. But did he, Darcy, take over his friend's ability to think for himself? Darcy knew that he himself would not let a friend's advice stand in the way of the woman he loved, he went after what he wanted. But Bingley would. Had he taken advantage of that when he had not just offered advice but talked his friend into his decision? Had he decided his friend was not smart enough to think for himself? He suddenly felt ashamed of himself. When had he become so arrogant? He was being high-handed, in the beginning and now. His friend and her sister were perfectly capable of deciding their futures for themselves. She had said he was the principal reason they did not have the option of thinking for themselves, and she was right.

Was that enough to make Elizabeth so angry, though? She had seemed near tears. Even though her sister was affected, he did not think that was enough to upset her so. There was something more underlying, and he needed to figure out what that was.

He hurried to catch up with the group. He saw that Elizabeth was playing with her cousins while his sister and Mrs. Gardiner chatted to the side. He decided to join their conversation and give Elizabeth time before speaking to her again. He mostly stood silently next to the women, but both of them seemed to recognise that he needed time to himself and let him be.

When Mrs. Gardiner declared it was time for the children to return to the house, Darcy quickly moved to offer Elizabeth his arm again. She hesitated, but then took it. He was relieved that she was at least willing to walk with him again. He took it as permission to speak as well.

"You are right. It is wrong to purposely keep Bingley and Miss Bennet apart to spare discomfort, and I do respect their ability to think for themselves."

Elizabeth was startled by his simple admission. Would she ever cease to be surprised by this man?

Darcy saw that she did not appear angry anymore and decided to simply ask her what he wanted to know.

"It appears to me that you are upset about more than just my interference, though."

"I am worried that our definition of 'not controlling' is not nearly the same thing," Elizabeth replied after a moment. "Just last week you said you have no wish of controlling me, yet I see you making decisions that impact peoples' lives without consulting them at all. To me, that is controlling the information they have to think for themselves, and therefore impacting their ability to make their own choices. If you do not see anything wrong with doing so, I assume you will treat me the same way. I do not like it."

"I did not think of it that way. I have been making decisions that impact others for so long, tenants and servants and such, that I just do what I see is best. I am afraid that I have let it slip into situations where I do not have authority. You were right that I would not be pleased if anyone else did the same to me. I am sorry that you had to worry that I will do that to you. I promise that I will try to remember to include you in all decisions that impact you."

Darcy felt her relax as she said, "Thank you."

"I do wish for Bingley to be my groomsman. How do you suggest we go about handling the delicate situation of my friend and Miss Bennet?" he asked.

He was rewarded with a brilliant smile. He found himself smiling slightly in return. It appeared they were back to cordiality again.

"I think that if you speak to Mr. Bingley and I speak to Jane, and we both let them know that we would like them to stand up with us and that the other will be there, they will live with it for our sakes. They each care enough about us to act as though everything is well, even if it is not. I think we will likely have a dinner with my family before the wedding, and with Mr. Bingley being your groomsman, it is very fitting for him to be invited. Then at least they will not see each other for the first time at the wedding itself. Now the other question I would ask is when will we be correcting the misconception that they have of each other's feelings? Due to his lack of confidence, Mr. Bingley does not think Jane loves him, and due to his abandonment, Jane feels the same. Since it stems from faulty advice, I think we need to help Mr. Bingley along a little."

Darcy was pleased by her inclusion of them both, as a pair, in the solution. It felt good to know they would work together, especially since he was not particularly looking forward to telling Bingley he had purposely kept Miss Bennet's presence in town from him.

"I need to confess to Bingley that I hid your sister's visit to town from him. I will also need to tell him that I am no longer certain that she does not love him. I do not want to get his hopes up though, if she will no longer have him because of his inconstancy. Are you sure she still loves him?"

"I think she does," Elizabeth replied, "but she does not tell me so anymore, like she had in the winter. She is still greatly affected by the mention of his name, though. It is difficult to tell from her letters now, since she has so many other reasons to be sad. While I think that she still loves him enough to forgive his inconstancy, I cannot say for sure that she would immediately. I want you to know that I do understand your desire to protect your friend from the pain of that. I do not want to open up wounds in either of them unnecessarily, but if they still love each other and are being kept apart by misinformation, I think we need to correct their information if we can. Perhaps simple honesty is the best idea here."

"I agree. It does not follow that I want to make this confession. Bingley could rightly hate me for this. I do not wish to lose my friend."

"Do you not find your friendship on unequal footing right now, though? It would bother me to the point of avoiding him if I were in your shoes."

He sighed. She was right, he had been avoiding Bingley out of guilt. While this would be painful he needed to do it.

"You are aggravatingly correct," he said ruefully, which caused her to burst out laughing.

"I am glad to see you concede to me however unwillingly," she said with dancing eyes. "If it helps, you may tell Mr. Bingley that I think he would make an excellent brother. I will do what I can to help her stay in love with him."

"He would make an excellent brother, wouldn't he."

"Just what Miss Bingley has been hoping for! She would love to find out that you and her brother are related by marriage," she said mischievously. "Perhaps not the way she is thinking, but the same result."

"And the only way it was ever going to happen, no matter what she hoped for," he shuddered as he said it. "I cannot imagine being married to her. The idea she has held of Charles marrying my sister was not much better. Georgiana is far too young to be marrying, but that has not stopped her from dropping incredibly obvious hints."

"If her brother married your sister, you would be thrown together constantly. How could you fail to see her as the perfect choice for your wife then? She has something in her air and the manner of her walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, in addition to all of her accomplishments."

Darcy looked at Elizabeth earnestly, "But what about improving her mind by extensive reading? All of those other accomplishments pale in comparison to a well-informed mind. That is my idea of an ideal woman, the only one I want for my wife."

He had realised that he was too subtle in his compliments to her before, too indirect. He had been trying to control them so that she would not get the wrong idea, but now that he wanted her to have that particular idea, he wished he had not been so circumspect.

Elizabeth flushed at this and was silent. She was starting to see where Darcy had complimented her before and she had missed it in her high dudgeon. Had he truly been attracted to her even then?

They reached the house, and Darcy was very satisfied. While they had argued yet again, good understanding had come from it. He considered the walk a success of his hopes.

Darcy and Elizabeth were both very appreciative the presence of the Gardiners. They were such excellent hosts, smoothly keeping everyone comfortable. They kept conversation going when it lagged, bringing the group together when needed and allowing Darcy and Elizabeth small moments of semi-privacy when they saw it was desired. They both put Georgiana at ease, too. Elizabeth could not imagine trying to conduct this courtship at Longbourn under the interference of her mother and Mr. Collins. It would have been disastrous.

* * *

The next morning, while Elizabeth was attending church with her aunt and uncle's family, she thought about the banns being read at Longbourn. She wondered if it would cause a stir. If it did not on its own, she had no doubt that her mother would make sure it did. There was no going back now, though. Her future was being declared to the world as she sat in a pew. She felt a small amount of anxiety at the thought, but it soon passed. At least there were no banns read here. Due to their marrying from Darcy's London parish, he would have to sit through the banns being read, which with his aversion to public display, she was sure he would not enjoy.

Elizabeth was correct in her thinking. At the end of services, there were several sets of wedding banns read, and Darcy sat stiffly next to Georgiana in the pew until his came up. While he enjoyed hearing he and Elizabeth's names together, he did not enjoy the stares and startled expressions which invariably followed. It would not be so hard if he were at Pemberley to hear it, but here in London any surprise news of a marriage in the _ton_ was cause for gossip. He tried to gather Georgiana quickly and escape, but they were not fast enough.

It would probably help if the questions were not so pointless. Asking if it was true when the banns had just been read followed up by where his bride's family was from when it was stated in the banns themselves made it difficult to keep him from rolling his eyes. He spoke as little as possible and escaped as soon as he could. Once they were safely in the carriage he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Are you well, brother?" asked Georgiana.

He looked at her in surprise, "Yes."

"You seem angry, is all."

"I do not like being made into a spectacle."

"Do you really think they were doing that? People are naturally curious, and I do not think they were being malicious."

"I know that, but do they need to ask such pointless questions? Really, they did not learn anything new by it."

"You aren't generally going to learn anything new in small talk, it is just being polite."

"I do not like it."

Georgiana watched him for a minute and then burst out laughing, "When did you get to be such a curmudgeon, brother?"

Darcy looked at his sister sharply, "You sound like Elizabeth."

She responded with a grin, "According to your fiancee, it is good for you to be laughed at once in a while." She caught Darcy off-guard when she became more serious, "Really brother, what would Elizabeth have said if she would have seen how you handled that? Sometimes you have to put up with inane small talk as part of polite society. It is rude not to."

Darcy contemplated her last comments. Did he really come across as a curmudgeon? He did not like small talk, but did that make him rude? Is this what Elizabeth had meant when she had scolded him for his 'arrogance, conceit, and selfish disdain for others' that evening at Hunsford? She had said that it was based purely off his behaviour, not the misconceptions she had been under. The two women he loved most had now called him out for his behaviour towards people he found annoying. It was hard to deny the possibility of their being right when they both said it separately. He looked up at his sister, who was now calmly looking out the window. She was obviously not upset with him, which Elizabeth had been, so it was not stemming from anger. He thought himself above the small talk. Had that translated into considering himself above the people who made it? Many people he respected were perfectly capable of making small talk, and he did not consider himself above them.

They were right. Just because he did not want to make small talk did not make it acceptable for him to be rude to those who did. When had his manners become so lacking? He cringed. He had always considered himself to be of good breeding, but the more time he spent with Elizabeth, the more he realised he had fallen away from what he knew was right and allowed himself to think meanly of the rest of the world. Because of his status he was not censured for it, but was that who he wanted to be? A spoiled, selfish, arrogant man who felt entitled? He was lucky a woman of Elizabeth's integrity was even willing to marry him. No wonder she had not wanted to, and had only agreed when forced by her circumstances. He reached home feeling heartily ashamed of himself.

_A/N: Darcy has yet to be fully "heartily ashamed" of himself as he says in the end of the original. I think that so quickly getting what he wanted made him forget some of the introspection he would have done if left to himself to endlessly try and figure out where he'd gone wrong. Caught up in the moment, he will be getting his humility handed to him in pieces over the next few weeks in the story. We're seeing some of the dawning comprehension now. _

_Thanks again for the lovely reviews, as someone who has a strong need to be liked, they are great for the soul! ;)_


	10. Chapter 10

(10)

Monday morning found Darcy alone in a quiet house. His sister had left earlier with Elizabeth and her aunt to go wedding dress shopping. The ladies had only stayed a few minutes, and he had exchanged little more than greetings with Elizabeth. The relationship between his sister and fiancee was blossoming beautifully though, and was everything he could hope for. He felt his relationship with Elizabeth was moving along, but definitely not as fast as he would like. She was more comfortable in his presence, but she still did not view them as compatible. He knew he had not presented himself well to her from the beginning, and it was up to him to show her who he was and could be. Falling for her had shown him where he had deviated from the man he wished to be, and he was determined to right himself. He wanted to meet her expectations, and not just for her, but because he wanted to be the kind of man who was worthy of her.

His rambling thoughts were interrupted by a commotion in the hall. He stood as he answered the knock on his door with a welcome. Morris opened it to allow his Aunt Fitzwilliam entrance.

"Darcy dear, I do believe you have forgotten to inform me of something rather important. You know how I hate to find out family news from the paper. Now, do you have anything to report?" she began, without even allowing his greeting.

"Good morning, Aunt," he greeted with a bow. "Perhaps you would like to have a seat?"

"They must have it right then, if you want me to be comfortable. I would like to know who she is, but first, did my son know about her and neglect to inform me as well?"

"Ah, if you mean Henry, he knows who she is but he does not know that I am officially engaged. I was not the last I saw him."

"Of course I am referring to my youngest. He may not have known officially, but it sounds as though he knew you were contemplating it. Is there a reason you have been so secretive?"

"Not secretive, but rather quiet, and there are two reasons, actually."

His aunt simply raised her eyebrow and waited.

"Last I saw Henry, I was not sure she would have me. I did not want to say anything before I had her acceptance. Also, her family is in mourning for her father, but we are wedding anyway. We are trying to keep this as quiet as possible for her sake."

"Tsk, the wedding before her mourning is over. Why the hurry? Fitzwilliam Darcy, what have you done?" she scolded.

"Nothing that requires a rush! I have more respect for her than that. Really Aunt, have a little faith in me, please," he replied.

Lady Fitzwilliam smiled, "Just making sure, my dear. I do not doubt you. I would still like to know why you are flouting society and marrying so soon."

"Her family's home was entailed, and the heir is...less than pleasant. They need to move out as soon as possible."

His aunt gave him a shrewd look, "And her mother's settlement does not give them enough to live on? Darcy, how poor is she, exactly?"

"She is the daughter of a landed gentleman," he replied evasively.

"That is not what I asked. Does she even have a penny to her name?"

"Yes," he sighed out, "but not much more."

"I thought you knew better than to fall for a fortune hunter's tricks, young man," the Countess said in a disappointed tone.

"I do know, Aunt, and she is no fortune hunter, of that I am sure."

His aunt did not respond, just waited for Darcy to explain.

He looked away when he said, "She refused me the first time I offered for her, before her father died, simply because she did not like me enough to marry me. She only agreed to marry me when I offered to help remove her remaining family from their current situation." He looked back at his aunt, "Trust me, she is not happy about feeling mercenary. She has made that very clear."

"You are marrying a virtually penniless woman who does not even like you? Whatever for? Are you out of your mind?"

"I love her and she makes me want to be a better man."

"But you just said she does not love you in return. Maybe I am missing something, but I do not think this speaks to future happiness. Will you spend your life trying to be someone you are not just to please a woman who may never return your affection?" she asked in concern. "Darcy, you cannot make someone love you by changing into something you are not. It does not work that way."

He looked uncomfortable at this, but stood his ground, "I do know that. I am not trying to become a different man, but rather a better one. I have failings, failings that I did not see before her. She fearlessly told me where I fall short, and I agree with her. I know that I cannot make her love me."

His aunt watched him quietly for a minute.

"You are taking an awful risk that she may never love you in return. You could spend your life pining for something you will never have. Darcy, are you sure?"

"I am. I have weighed the risk, believe me, and she is worth it. When Elizabeth loves, it is with a fierceness that I have never seen before. I want that. Even if she never comes to love me passionately, even if it is just her familial love, it will be enough."

"You seem to think she is perfect. No one is flawless like that. Are you sure you are not blinding yourself?"

"She has flaws, but I know what they are and I adore her anyway."

"You are set on her?"

"Yes."

"I see that I will not change your mind. Well then, what can we, your uncle and I, do? Do you think we can help her along at all?"

"If you welcome her, show the _ton_ you approve of her, she will be more comfortable. I expect Aunt Catherine to reject her outright. You know what her plans are. If you countered that with acceptance, you would help ease Elizabeth's mind. From what she has said, I think she is afraid of feeling isolated. Georgiana has accepted her with open arms. If you do as well, I think it would help."

"I will need to meet her. I cannot blindly accept a woman I do not know, but I will try to see the best of her, for your sake. Because of my schedule, it will need to be next week, but I will send her an invitation for tea."

"I could not ask for more. She will win you over on her own, you will see."

They moved to other family topics until his aunt made her leave.

* * *

When Georgiana returned, she was full of excitement from the shopping trip. She adored Lizzy's taste, Mrs. Gardiner was so kind, and she could not wait for her brother to see his fiancée in her dress. They had tried several basic styles on Lizzy to help her decide, and then had sketches done with fabrics and embellishments. It had been so hard to decide because Lizzy had looked lovely in everything! Georgiana could not tell her brother the details, though, because it would ruin the surprise. He should just be ready to be stunned.

She dashed around his desk, kissed his cheek and thanked him for giving her the best sister ever and then whirled out of the study as quickly as she had come in. Darcy stared after her in amazement, wishing his Aunt Fitzwilliam could have seen Elizabeth's impact on his up to recently dispirited sister.

* * *

Elizabeth received a letter from her mother on Wednesday. It was not long, but very much appeared to have been written in haste, which did not surprise her.

_Longbourn, Monday, May 11_

_Lizzy,_

_You sly thing! Not a word when your handsome suitor dropped you off, and here you were, on the verge of betrothal! I do not know how you managed to snap him up, Mr. Darcy is so rich I expected him to want a wife as beautiful and demure as Jane. What he sees in you, I do not know. But Mrs. Darcy, oh how well that sounds! You will be so rich! Ten thousand pounds a year, and likely more! You will have such pin money! Lord bless me, we are saved! What a clever girl you were, to reject Mr. Collins for Mr. Darcy. Your cousin and Longbourn are nothing to Mr. Darcy and Pemberley! What good thinking, to marry him as soon as you can, you would not want him to change his mind. Your stupid cousin said some foolish nonsense about him already being engaged, maybe you should get a special license and hook him before that other girl can claim him. A consummated marriage cannot be overturned by anything, so be sure to do your duty on the wedding night. Do not worry about waiting for us to have the wedding either, we can celebrate later! Maybe in a smart house in town that you take for your poor, dear, mother. Your sisters will meet so many rich men now, and we need them to do it in style! We can give them such a proper coming out! Remember when you are buying all of your fine things that your sisters will need new clothes for the Season. Do you suppose you can get them vouchers to Almack's? My Lydia will get an earl at least, I am sure! - Yours, etc._

Elizabeth was mortified. This letter was an embodiment of the behavior that Mr. Darcy had pointed out in his letter. She was still torn about him saying what he had about her family. She appreciated honesty in others, but at what point should tact filter that honesty? Could she blame him when she felt the same way though? She loved her mother, and was glad that her marriage would put her mind at ease, but Mrs. Bennet could be very ridiculous. She hoped they would be able to reign her in when she visited town for the wedding. She would need to speak with her aunt about how to keep Mrs. Bennet busy.

The following day, Elizabeth received a letter from her sister Mary. It was not often that she received letters from Mary, and she was surprised. The last had been the express Mary had sent to announce their father's death. She had a slight sense of foreboding as she opened it, even though this one had arrived in the regular post. She saw that it contained an additional short note from her youngest two sisters. She started with the one from Mary.

_Longbourn, Tuesday, May 12_

_My Dear Sister,_

_While I write to congratulate you on your engagement, I feel I ought to warn you that Mr. Collins believes Mr. Darcy is already engaged to Miss Anne de Bourgh. If that be the case, my dear sister, I urge you to extract yourself from your promise to a man you know to not be free to marry. It is imperative that a young woman conduct herself with the utmost integrity at all times. If you find yourself taken in by an undeserving member of the opposite sex, it is best show yourself above that behavior. Scorn him, cast him off, but do not allow him to ruin you and your family with his immoral behavior._

Mary continued on, sharing several moral extracts from Fordyce's Sermons before closing the letter.

The note from Kitty and Lydia was as follows:

_Lizzy,_

_We do not know how you can possibly stand to marry such a stiff, boring man! A soldier like Denny or Wickham would make so much better of a husband. Do not tell Mr. Darcy we said so, though. We do not want him to take offense and refuse us gifts. And he is better than Mr. Collins. That man has been storming around the house in high dudgeon since Sunday church because you are marrying Mr. Darcy. He is probably just bitter because you would not marry him. To be so rich! Do you think we can buy new dresses in London for the wedding? Will you have an account at a modiste in town? Maria Lucas will be so jealous! _

_Kitty and Lydia_

After reading both of the notes, Elizabeth rested her head in her lap. These letters may be private, but they were both perfect examples of how the writers conducted themselves, even in public. They appeared to be unchanged by the death of their father and their reduced circumstances. While her youngest two sisters were very young, they ought to conduct themselves better than this, especially since they were all 'out.'

Appropriate to say or not, it was becoming difficult for her to hold a grudge against Mr. Darcy for stating fact. Since the Netherfield ball she had been more acutely aware of her family's behavior, and had often found it wanting. She was grateful she had not seen him yesterday, nor was she anticipating seeing him today. Even if he did not know what they contained, her embarrassment at the letters she had received in the past two days would make it difficult to face him.

* * *

That evening found Bingley visiting Darcy, per the latter's request. Darcy would have gone to his friend, but he wanted privacy for this discussion, and there was none to be had where his friend was staying. Miss Bingley's curiosity would not let them alone.

Darcy found himself growing anxious near the appointed hour, afraid of losing one of the few close friends he had after this evening.

He heard the commotion of entry in the hall and braced himself.

"How are you, Morris?" he heard Bingley ask as the door was opening.

"Perfectly well, thank you for asking, sir," was Morris' monotone response. He looked up and asked, "Mr. Darcy, do you need anything else, sir?"

"No, that will be all, thank you Morris."

"Yes sir," said the butler as he closed the door.

"You are looking more serious than usual Darcy, what is the matter?" asked Bingley.

"Good evening to you too, Bingley. How are you?"

Bingley watched him for a moment before responding, "I am fine, but you look like someone died. You have bad news for me, don't you?"

"I do. Before I begin, please just let me say that I am sorry. You are one of the few good friends I have, and I hope that you still consider yourself as such when I finish."

"My God, what happened?!"

"Many things; primarily Mr. Bennet of Longbourn has died, I am engaged to Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and we are to wed in four weeks."

Bingley stared at him in shock, "You are engaged to Miss Elizabeth? Jane's father is dead?" He was quiet for a moment before asking, "Why are you marrying so soon? Is Miss Elizabeth not still in mourning?"

"She is. I believe you were aware that their family home was entailed to their cousin, Mr. Collins?" He waited for his friend's nod before continuing, "The family did not inherit much to live on, and they are currently being very unwillingly kept on by the Collinses."

"Wait, how long ago did Mr. Bennet die?"

"About a month."

Bingley looked disgusted, "And Collins already came to claim his inheritance from a newly widowed woman and her five daughters? What are they going to do?"

"He did, and Elizabeth agreed to marry me if I took care of her family," he was not thrilled about sharing that, but had decided full disclosure was needed. His friend deserved his complete honesty.

Bingley thought about what he had said for a moment, "She would not have married you otherwise? Are you sure, Darcy? I know she was not fond of you in Hertfordshire, but I cannot believe a girl in her circumstances would tell you no."

"She had already refused me. I had offered for her the day before she found out about her father, and she did refuse, quite vehemently."

How had Bingley known that Elizabeth did not like him before? Had it been that obvious to everyone but him?

"But you are engaged now. Did you ask her again after she found out about Mr. Bennet? Darcy, that was not very considerate of you. The poor girl was not in a place to be answering for her entire future."

"I am aware of that, but I also knew that their circumstances are very low now. I was afraid for her, and wanted to make sure she knew that I was still an option. She asked for a few weeks to think about it, and I agreed. We only became engaged about ten days ago."

"I suppose that makes sense. You said she had refused you quite vehemently, though. What did she particularly have against you, and does she still hold onto it? You warned me against marrying a woman who did not feel the same for me. You do love her, I assume?" At Darcy's nod he continued, "Did she change her mind so quickly?"

Darcy braced himself, "In short, she refused me the first time because she did not like me, and no, she has not entirely changed her mind. I am working on that. This is where I must ask your forgiveness. Among other things, she accused me of 'ruining, perhaps forever, the happiness of a most beloved sister.' My cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, had repeated to her some comments I had made about separating you from Miss Bennet. He did not realise that the lady I spoke of was Elizabeth's sister. I was wrong Charles, Elizabeth has told me Jane Bennet was in love with you."

Bingley looked stricken and was silent for a full minute before saying quietly, "You say Jane _was_ in love with me. Not that I deserve to still have it, since I was the one who abandoned her, but you are saying that I missed my chance and she no longer loves me?"

"I do not know. Elizabeth believes she still does, but she cannot be sure."

Bingley dropped his head into his hands. Darcy felt terrible. He might have thought he was following the right course at the time, but that did not stop him from feeling like an ass for putting his friend through this.

"She was abandoned by me, her father died, and now she is losing her home. I feel so terrible for her."

"I am sorry, Charles. I should not have convinced you to walk away from her. Even if I was right about her not loving you, I should have offered my opinion without talking you out of finding out for yourself. I apologize for not giving you the credit of thinking for yourself. It was wrong of me."

Bingley kept his head down for several minutes before he sat up, face pale, and replied, "I have been questioning leaving her for weeks, but I was not sure of myself enough to do something about it. I should be man enough to make my own decisions, not let you do it for me. I might not be happy with you for being wrong, but it is my own fault that Miss Bennet feels abandoned."

"You are not angry with me?"

"I do not think I will be following your advice to the letter anymore, but no, I am not angry. I genuinely believe you did what you felt best, and you have never led me astray before."

"There is a little more that you should be aware of, so that if you decide to pursue Miss Bennet again, you are not surprised." Darcy took a deep breath and braced himself, if his friend forgave him this interference, he would be lucky indeed, "Miss Bennet was in town from the beginning of January up to a month ago. She visited Miss Bingley early on, and your sister returned the visit several weeks later, making it clear she wanted to end the acquaintance. I had advised Miss Bingley to do this, thinking that you were not safe from Miss Bennet yet. I knew Miss Bennet was in town the entire time, and concealed it from you. Again, I am sorry."

Bingley looked horrified, "My sister has all but cut her?" He added in a strangled voice, "And you told her to?"

Darcy closed his eyes, "Yes, and I am not proud of my behavior. It was deceitful and beneath me."

He opened his eyes to look at Bingley, who appeared seriously annoyed.

Bingley rose and started to pace around the room, "I am not surprised by Caroline, she does not think the Bennets are good enough, and she is selfish, but really Darcy? Jane has every right to _hate_ me! How am I supposed to recover from that? What were you thinking?!"

Darcy did not think that his friend was looking for an actual answer while he blustered. Bingley continued his march around the room, throwing his hands in the air and muttering for a few minutes.

He finally sat back down and asked, "What do you think I should do? How do I recover from this?"

"You still want my help?" Darcy asked in surprise.

"Well, you broke this, you can tell me how to fix it!" responded his friend.

"Bingley, you are entirely too forgiving. My God man, I would probably have refused to talk to you ever again!"

"Is that what you want? We are friends Darcy, practically brothers. We forgive one another. We also get each other out of scrapes. If you help me get out of this one, we might become brothers in truth. Yes I am annoyed, but I will get over it, especially if you figure out how to get Jane Bennet to forgive me."

Darcy just stared at Bingley. How did he get so lucky, to have a friend this forgiving? _How_ was his friend this forgiving? He would do nearly anything to help Bingley at this point.

"If it helps, Elizabeth told me she thinks you will make an excellent brother. We are both on your side, and we will do what we can to help Jane along. She will be Elizabeth's bridesmaid, and I was hoping you would be my groomsman. It would put you two together and give you opportunities to speak to her. I have not asked Elizabeth yet, but I cannot believe she would object to having Jane stay with us after the wedding. Perhaps time together would be enough."

"You think so? I hope so. I cannot believe she loved me! She is such an angel! When will she be back in town? I cannot wait to see her again."

And Bingley was back to being Bingley.

* * *

The following day, Darcy called on Elizabeth. He wished to see her and he needed to tell her that Bingley had agreed to stand with him at the wedding, as long as Jane did not object. Hoping for another, but hopefully better, private conversation, he suggested a walk that was happily accepted.

After she had gathered her outerwear and they were out of the house, she thanked him.

"I do not get nearly enough exercise in the city. I miss my country lanes!"

"I am sorry to hear that you are feeling stifled, but I am glad I can bring you some relief." He hesitated here, but decided to add, "I imagine that you will greatly enjoy getting to know Pemberley's park; it is ten miles round."

"You will likely need to send search parties out for me, I will ramble myself so far away! What fun, to explore so much," she replied happily. "I hope you have many miles of paths. As much as I love a ramble through ungroomed woods, I suppose it would not do to come home covered in burrs and briar scratches. My mother's conniptions finally ended that when I was about fourteen, along with most of my tree climbing, and I guess it would not be appropriate to start again at one and twenty as a married woman."

She looked over at him with mischievously sparkling eyes and his breath caught. He would not mind watching her climb a tree now and then.

"Perhaps not, but I will not tell anyone if it happens from time to time. I would hate to deny you the pleasure. Besides, is that not what long sleeves and gloves are for?"

"You might want to be careful what you promise. I will keep you to it, sir!"

Darcy had never seen her so relaxed with him. He did not know what had caused it, but he was grateful. After the difficult discussion the evening before, he needed to have some acceptance. Bingley might be forgiving him, but he had still strained their friendship.

He hoped a serious topic would not ruin her good mood when he said, "I spoke with Mr. Bingley last night. He will stand with me at the wedding, as long as your sister does not object. He does not want to stand in between you and your sister on your wedding day, though."

"I will write to Jane about it. I am sure she will not object. Was he very angry?"

"Not as much as a he could have been. He was very forgiving, but then Bingley often is. He has a soft heart, especially for those he cares about."

"Lucky for you."

"Yes," he answered simply.

"It is why you were worried that Jane would marry him without love, was it not? He would be too easy to take advantage of?"

"It is. Charles is the kind of man who would give and give until there was nothing left to him. The wrong kind of woman could destroy him. I hope you understand that I meant no disrespect to your sister personally."

"I think I am beginning to see that. To help put your mind at ease, Jane is the kindest soul I have ever known. She would treat Mr. Bingley's heart with the care it deserves, if given the chance."

"I am glad to hear it."

There was a pleasant pause in the conversation.

"Mr. Darcy, I ought to tell you that Mr. Collins is telling everyone back home that you are engaged to your cousin, Miss de Bourgh."

Darcy sighed inwardly, so much for peaceful conversation.

"And do you believe him?"

"No," she looked at him seriously, "you would not have asked me if you were already engaged. I may have thought it of you once, but I no longer believe you could be so dishonorable. I would like to know that your aunt has no hold of any kind over you for this, though."

"I can reassure you of that. I never even heard my parents speak of it. Lady Catherine started in on the idea of my and Anne's marriage after my father died. There is definitely nothing written down." He added quietly, "Thank you for believing in me."

Elizabeth smiled and gently squeezed his arm where she held it, "I know now that you are a man of honor, I am sorry that I could not see it before."

They moved to other topics and finished their walk pleasantly. Before taking his leave, Darcy warned Elizabeth that his aunt, the Countess Fitzwilliam, would be inviting her and her aunt to tea the following week. He reassured her that the Countess was nothing like Lady Catherine, much to Elizabeth's relief. Darcy was very pleased at Elizabeth's blush when he kissed her hand. The last two days had turned out so much better than he could have ever expected.

_A/N: Cool bit of fact, there was an Earl Fitzwilliam (4th Earl in his line) alive at the time of P&amp;P. William Fitzwilliam had four sisters and one brother. His wife, Charlotte, was descended from the 3rd Duke of Devonshire (first common ancestor of Prince Charles and Lady Diana) and was the daughter of an earl herself. Where this breaks is the Colonel though, since they only had one son, Charles, who held the honorary title of Viscount Milton until he succeeded his father to become the 5th Earl. The Earl and Countess would be acceptable ages, but Charles would only be about 26 in 1812, not quite old enough to be the Colonel's older brother. I've named Colonel Fitzwilliam Henry after his mother's family, since it was so common to name sons after family. It's a little far removed, but not something weird (Brabazon - seriously) or another William, Frederick, or Charles. _

_I was avoiding naming any characters that Ms. Austen herself hadn't, but I find I can't keep that up. It would be weird for Lady Fitzwilliam to call her son by his rank and last name, and I couldn't really add her at all without something to call her. I like the idea of an antithesis to Lady Catherine, who is coming up next. :)_

_Kunoichi of the Moonlit Night - your comment was the inspiration behind having Lizzy get a bunch of letters from Longbourn. I'm glad you said it, because I agree, I wanted to see their reactions too! Thank you!_


	11. Chapter 11

(11)

The following Monday found Darcy in his study once again, though this time his sister was home. He was working through business matters when he heard commotion in the hall. Unlike the previous week, this time it was much louder.

Darcy heard his Aunt Catherine bellowing, "Where is my nephew? I must speak with him at once!"

This time there was also no pleasant knock at the door; Morris did not even open it as his aunt slammed through it herself.

"Darcy, tell me it is not true! Tell me you have not made ridiculous promises to that ungrateful, impertinent girl!"

"Aunt Catherine, please, would you take a seat?" was all Darcy said. He knew it did no good to lose his temper with his aunt.

"No! I will not sit down until you promise me that you have not become engaged to that, that, grasping, social climbing, temptress!"

Darcy sighed, his aunt's behavior was hopeless, really.

"I am engaged, the banns were read for the second time yesterday, and I would appreciate your respect of my future wife."

"Have you lost your reason? You cannot marry that girl! Think what you owe your family! Why did you not consult us before the banns were begun? You cannot possibly think to attach yourself to a woman who does not even have a home, and it is so much more difficult to extract yourself after the banns have started. She is a poor relation of my former parson for goodness' sake!"

"Aunt Catherine! I will ask you again, please do not disparage my _fiancee_. She is the daughter of a landed gentleman. She may not have a brother to inherit the family home, but that does not remove her from the gentry."

Lady Catherine scoffed and then continued, "What of your engagement to Anne? Where is your respect for her? Are you to abandon her for this nobody? Will you dishonor your mother's memory so easily?"

"I do not remember ever hearing of an expected engagement between Anne and me from anyone but you. My mother never mentioned it, nor did my father. Aunt Catherine, even you did not begin to say it until after his death."

"Your mother and I discussed it when you were both infants, and you were too young when she died to be told. Your father knew, but if he could not be bothered to tell you, it does not make it any less true. Now, when you should be bringing our dearest wishes to fruition, for it to be prevented by a woman wholly unallied with the family; of inferior birth and no importance in the world. Think of the condition of her mother's family! You will be laughed at, ridiculed!"

"Aunt Catherine, I will not ask you again, I care deeply for Miss Bennet, and I will not have you disparaging her honor in such a way."

Lady Catherine sneered at this, "Care for her! Ha! It is an infatuation; her arts and allurements have drawn you in. You cannot possibly love a woman like her, and her appeal will wear off. Then where will you be? Regretting your decision for the rest of your life. If you marry a lady of Anne's quality, there is nothing to regret."

"You are wrong about that, Aunt Catherine, I love her and will marry none but her. Even if I did not marry Miss Bennet, it would not make a marriage between Anne and myself any more likely."

He was growing quite aggravated at her repeated slanders against Elizabeth. How did she think this would help her cause? It was more likely to result in the end of all communication between them. He would not stand for mistreatment of his wife.

"That is exactly what that ungrateful girl said. Listen to you, you have been taken in by her. I told her she would be the ruin of you!"

Darcy snapped to attention at this, "What did you say? You have spoken with Miss Bennet?"

"I have called on her. I thought she was reasonable. I thought she could be worked on. But she was an obstinate, headstrong girl. I could not get satisfaction from her, so I came to you. I see that you are just as unreasonable."

Darcy's heart slowed. What had his aunt done? What had she said to Elizabeth?

"Aunt, what precisely did you say to her?" he asked.

"I asked her to break the engagement! I told her she is of inferior birth without family, connections, or fortune. I reminded her of the condition of her mother's family, and I told her she should not quit the sphere in which she was brought up. She had the gall to respond that if you do not object, then neither should I! The impertinence! She is completely unfit for the position of Mrs. Darcy, but she is determined to ruin you and make you the contempt of the world! I told her about your engagement to Anne, and she brushed me off. I told her she would never be acknowledged by the family, and do you know what she said? That if I represented the family, it was no great loss to her! She was rude and unfeeling! She has no respect for the position of our family. She has no respect for rank. I am not used to such abusive behavior. I cannot believe you plan to embarrass the family by presenting her to the world as your wife!" she finished in disgust.

A feeling of dread stole over Darcy. Until that moment, he had not realised how Elizabeth could have been so offended by his original proposal. Listening to his aunt repeat nearly everything he had said himself, he saw. Her language may have been harsher, but he saw the insults he had spoken for what they were. He saw how he had not taken her feelings into consideration because of the resentment of his own for her. He saw the hypocrite he was now, offended by the words of his aunt while still feeling justified in his own. His cousin had tried to tell him, had explained these very things to him. He had heard what Fitzwilliam had said, but he had not heeded it. He had not acknowledged that he had been wrong to speak to her that way. Until this moment, he had still felt justified. It was no wonder Elizabeth was worried he would resent her and cut her off from her world; he had told her as much. He needed to tell her he knew he was wrong to speak to her that way, to even feel that way. He needed to reassure her that he would be more mindful of her feelings in the future. He needed to go to her now!

"Aunt Catherine, I am marrying Elizabeth Bennet, and there is nothing you can do to change that. I hope that you can come to be happy for us, but if not, I am sorry that our relationship will, by necessity, end. I will not allow my wife to be dishonored in such a way, and she will take precedence in my life. I must beg you to excuse me now, I have something very important to attend to," and he left his study and a gasping, huffing Lady Catherine, calling for Morris as he did so.

When his butler appeared he asked, "Can you please see that Lady Catherine is attended to before she takes her leave? I have had something important occur that I must attend to immediately, and I do not know when I will be home. Please call for the carriage, and alert Miss Darcy as well."

"Certainly sir, please let us know if there is anything we can do to help."

"Thank you, Morris."

As he turned to gather his outerwear, Georgiana appeared looking rather pale, "Brother, what is happening? Why is Aunt Catherine here, and why did she say such awful things about Elizabeth?"

"You could hear that?" Darcy asked, appalled.

"Some of it. I think the whole house could hear her. Her voice is rather...forceful."

Darcy sighed, "I will deal with that later. Right now I need to see Elizabeth. Aunt Catherine went to her first."

Georgiana's eyes widened, "Do you think she said the same things to her?"

"I do, that is why I am going."

"Oh, Fitzwilliam. Please let her know that I cannot hardly wait for her to become my sister. I think she is wonderful," she said earnestly.

"I will, thank you, Georgiana."

He said goodbye and was out the door to his waiting carriage.

In the short ride across town, he thought back to the argument in the sitting room at the Hunsford parsonage. He recollected his manners and expressions during the whole of it, and he was ashamed all over again. He had thought he was showing her how he had overcome scruples to marry her, but now he realised he _had_ resented her because of his feelings. He had been frustrated with himself and had blamed her. In that frustration, he had laid out all of the reasons he had tried to use to argue himself out of loving her. He had used it as an excuse to disparage the people she loved without thought for her feelings. He had pushed her feelings aside, the same feelings he so desperately wanted to capture. How had he possibly thought that would work? He had already been proven wrong in regards to the Gardiners. He thought about the remainder of the Bennets, really thinking about them for the first time. He had not taken the time to get to know them because he had not thought them worth his effort. But if he loved Elizabeth, her family came with her. Should that not be enough to make them worthwhile? His cousin had told him that if he truly loved her that he should feel lucky to have her. Did he feel lucky?

He arrived at the Gardiner house on Gracechurch Street, hurried out of his carriage and up the steps. The butler answered the door.

"Hello James."

"Mr. Darcy."

Remembering Bingley from the other day, he asked, "How are you today?"

James looked surprised for a moment before schooling his features and answering, "I am well, thank you for your concern, sir."

"Is Miss Bennet at home?" Darcy asked.

"If you will give me a moment, I will check sir."

James left him in the hall for a just a moment before returning.

He came back with a disapproving look, "She will see you, if you will give me your things, sir."

Darcy handed his outerwear to James and curiously followed him to the sitting room. He entered the room and saw that Elizabeth was alone, sitting in the window across from the door. She turned to look at him, and he saw her face was pale. His heart lurched. He left the door open, for James peace of mind and propriety's sake, and crossed the room in a few long strides, but did not touch her.

"Elizabeth, I..."

He was thrown off by her lack of anger. He had never seen Elizabeth so subdued before. Why was she not angry? And why had he not thought of something to say on the drive here? Where was her aunt? Had she been alone when Lady Catherine had accosted her?

"Elizabeth, are you well?" he finally asked, feeling the inanity of it as he said it. Curse his lack of sociability!

"I do not know," was her only reply.

She did not know. She was still trying to decide if Lady Catherine's opinions would be the general opinion of his family and friends. She was worried about her ability to hold up to constant derision and the possibility that it might be her life now. On the other hand, she knew that Lady Catherine was a rather absurd, and it was very possible that no one else would even think that way, let alone so rudely express it.

Elizabeth also felt the sting of truth in some of Lady Catherine's language. She was acting mercenary, and it bothered her to be called out for it. She could pretend that it was fine because Darcy knew that she did not love him, and that she had not tried to tempt him, but she was still marrying him for reasons that went against what she believed in. She did not like compromising her values, especially for money.

She was thoughtful, but clearly not angry. Darcy was so used to her passionate responses to everything that he was at a loss on how to react.

"You are not angry with me?" he finally asked.

"No, why would I be?"

"Because my aunt was just here, and I can only imagine how awful she was. The little she repeated to me was bad enough."

"You do not control your aunt, she is her own person. I do not hold you responsible for her behavior."

"But it is because of me that she was here," he answered in confusion.

Elizabeth looked at him for a moment before responding gently, "Your family is a part of who you are, but I cannot hold you responsible for their actions. Yes, you can do your best to shield what you are not proud of from the world, but in the end there is only so much you can do. I agreed to marry you knowing that your family might not accept me. I will not hold that against you."

Darcy closed his eyes. She could say that because she knew all too well what it was like to be judged by her family's behavior. He had thrown it at her as a fault, but she did not return it in kind. His cousin said he should feel lucky to have her if he was truly in love, and now he could say with assurance he was. He opened his eyes and looked directly at her.

"I do not deserve you," was all he said.

That was not something she had ever expected him to say.

"I do not understand."

"I have treated you abominably, and you are returning it in kindness. I all but coerced you into marrying me, yet you do not seem to hate me. How can you not? I feel guilty for doing this to you, yet I am selfish enough to not let you go. What kind of man does that make me?"

"You did not coerce me into marrying you. Had you compromised me, I would say it was coercion, but you did not. You are a man of honor. I knew that before our engagement. I would not have agreed to marry you if I thought you were anything less."

She looked out the window again before continuing, "Besides, I have no place to judge. I have done things I am not proud of, either."

Darcy reached out and placed his hand on her arm. She did not turn to look at him, but she did not flinch, either.

"How can you say that? You are marrying a me to save your family from possible destitution. I would call that very honorable."

She turned back to look at him with tears in her eyes, "Forgive me, but I am marrying a man I do not love, basically for his money. I resented you for even asking me, giving this as a choice, yet I accepted you. While I am coming to appreciate you more, I still do not love you." She turned her face away at the last and whispered, "I am sorry."

Elizabeth took a moment and then turned back to him again, "When asked about it, I am evasive and allow people to believe it is for love, because that is easier than explaining the truth. How is that honorable? It goes against everything I ever said I believed to be important in marriage. I am a hypocrite, and I am ashamed of myself."

She stood and walked to a sofa and sat. Darcy followed. While it was hard to hear her say she did not love him, it was not a surprise. How could she when he had treated her so?

"I do not think you are mercenary. I knew you did not love me when I offered the second time. You rejected me the first time, when you could have hidden that fact from me. That is when I knew for certain you were not. Besides, I have not given you reason to love me; my treatment of you has been appalling. Is this why you were sad when I came in? Elizabeth, whatever my aunt said, you cannot take her seriously."

"She did not say anything that I did not know already. When she declared me mercenary, I carefully answered to make it look as though I am not. It was deceitful, and I am not proud of it."

"Elizabeth, I do not see anything wrong with keeping what is between us private. My aunt has no right to know what is in our relationship. In fact, I prefer to keep this quiet. Not because I am ashamed, but because it will be easier on you if the world believes us to both be in love. Please do not feel guilty for it."

Elizabeth looked at him quietly for a moment, and then let out a small laugh.

"Five weeks ago, would you have imagined that we would be trying to defend each other, to each other?"

He looked surprised for a moment, and then smiled.

"That is ironic," he replied, "but I think it speaks well for our future."

"That I begin to think well of you, rather than jumping to the worst conclusion of the motivation behind everything you say and do?" she asked with a smirk.

"What have you said that I do not deserve? Elizabeth, my aunt's behavior has made two things very clear to me. First, that my words to you at Hunsford were rude and unacceptable. I cannot look back on that evening, and really, everything that came before it, without feeling heartily ashamed of myself. You were right, I am arrogant and conceited. I did not take your feelings into account. It is ironic, is it not, that while I scorned mercenary women, I assumed my fortune and position were enough to entice your acceptance? I had no doubt of being received merely because I had grown used to having my own way in everything and thought so well of myself. It is painfully humbling to acknowledge, but I am grateful that you are not afraid to speak up when I am wrong. You are good for me, Elizabeth. You make me a better man.

"Secondly, I have no right to accuse you of having embarrassing relations. My aunt was cruel today in a way your family could never be. She sought to order things to her liking through tyranny, and I am sorry that you were exposed to that."

Elizabeth was embarrassed at his confession, and felt guilty that she did not return his love. Unable to handle the uncomfortable feelings that came with that conversation, she instead chose to change the subject.

"Do you not think that the rest of your family will share the same opinion as Lady Catherine? Even if they are more polite in their expression?"

"I do not. I have spoken with my Aunt Fitzwilliam, and, while skeptical, she is predisposed to like you for my sake. She has promised to give you a fair chance."

"So you do not think my tea later this week will go the same as today?" she asked cheekily. "You do not think that I will need to offend all of your exalted relations?"

He smiled at the return of her humor. He sorely missed it when it disappeared.

"While I do not think you will be required to defend yourself to everyone, I have no doubt that you would be perfectly capable of rising to the occasion."

"So my impertinence knows no bounds?"

"I think you have enough energy to take on whatever the world asks of you. You are also, rather alarmingly fast, teaching Georgiana the same. Do you know that she has made fun of me at least three times since meeting you? I do not recall that _ever_ happening before. She adores you, and asked me to tell you so today, for better or worse," he finished ruefully.

She gave him another brilliant smile. He hoped those never stopped taking his breath away. Looking at her beautiful face, he felt an overwhelming longing to touch her.

"Elizabeth," he whispered as he reached his hand out to brush her cheek with his fingers.

Her eyes widened and she gasped, but did not pull away. She was too startled to react at first. Darcy's fingers were very gentle.

When her lips parted on the gasp, the temptation was too much for Darcy and he leaned slightly toward her. She began to tremble, which made him hesitate for a moment. He did not want to push her.

"Mr. Darcy!" Mr. Gardiner said a little loudly, but not harshly.

He had just come upon the open door and the couple sitting inside; apparently not a moment too soon. He trusted Mr. Darcy, but a man in love does not always think.

Darcy's hand dropped and he quickly backed away from Elizabeth with a contrite look on his face. He knew better than to put her in this position.

"Lizzy, are you well?" her uncle asked.

They both stood, and she turned her face toward him, which she could only imagine was bright red to match the hot flush she felt go across it at the embarrassment of being caught.

"I am well, Uncle," she murmured quietly, unable to quite meet his eyes.

"Where is your aunt, and how long have the two of you been alone in here?" he asked suspiciously.

"Aunt Gardiner is out at the moment," his niece answered, and her voice dropped to a mumble as she added, "and I do not know how long Mr. Darcy has been here."

Mr. Gardiner turned to Darcy with his eyebrow raised.

Darcy responded uncomfortably, "We have been alone for above a quarter hour, I believe. Please believe me sir, nothing inappropriate happened."

"Yet," replied Mr. Gardiner.

Darcy turned a little red himself at this response, but said nothing. Her uncle had every right to call his behavior out.

"I realise that the two of you need time to work out your differences, but I do believe you know better than to spend that time alone in a room together. While I am grateful that you left the door open, when I walked in your positions were not exactly proper. You will be married soon enough. Until then, I expect you to have a chaperone with you at all times if you are not in public. It will do Lizzy's reputation no good to have rumor of compromise circulating."

"Yes, sir," responded Darcy, knowing full well that Mr. Gardiner was correct.

"I understand, Uncle," was Elizabeth's quiet reply.

She was still trying to decide if she was happy that her uncle had interrupted. She knew it was inappropriate for them to be alone together, but she was naturally curious, too. She thought Mr. Darcy had looked as though he was going to kiss her. She was nervous at the prospect, but not entirely opposed to the idea. They were going to be married in a few weeks, and he would have the right to whatever he wanted then. The thought caused her to flush all over again. She had not thought about him exercising his husbandly rights before. She was definitely not ready for _that_, whatever it entailed. She knew some, from growing up around their farm, but surely it could not be like the animals, could it? Oh Lord, could her face feel any hotter? She desperately tried to think of something else. These were not topics to ponder in front of Mr. Darcy himself, nor her uncle!

Mr. Gardiner saw Elizabeth grow more embarrassed as she stood there in the silence. He was not sure what was she was thinking about, but he felt it best to move the conversation along.

"Is everything alright, Mr. Darcy? I do not believe we were expecting you today."

Darcy had seen Elizabeth's worsening blush as well, and while he was very curious at its cause, he saw what her uncle was doing.

"Ah...this was an unexpected visit. One of my aunts came, and visited Miss Bennet and then me. She is not looking with particular favor on our match. I wished to check on Miss Bennet, and reassure her that I have told Lady Catherine that she is not to interfere again. I apologize for coming unannounced, but felt it was important."

He returned to addressing Elizabeth formally, hoping that would help sooth her uncle's worries over his behavior.

Mr. Gardiner looked at Elizabeth in concern, "Are you sure you are well, Lizzy?" he asked for the second time.

"I will be well, Uncle. Mr. Darcy has reassured me on any worries I had, and his aunt was not that harsh. She mostly tried to bluster her way to what she wanted, to no avail. You know me well enough to be aware that tyranny does not work with me. She left here quite frustrated, I am sure."

Mr. Gardiner smiled at the strength Elizabeth showed.

Darcy did not wish to leave Elizabeth's presence yet, but he thought they might both need time to think. This day had been emotionally draining, with the excitement of his aunt's visit and all of his self discovery.

"If it is acceptable to you, Miss Bennet, I will take my leave now."

Elizabeth found herself hesitating, "If you would like. Thank you, Mr. Darcy," she looked directly into his eyes, "for your concern at my well being."

She smiled again, and Darcy knew it was best if he left. Her uncle might read something rather mortifying in his eyes if he did not. They had provided Mr. Gardiner enough worry for one day.

He said his goodbyes and was back to his carriage in a few minutes.

Darcy reflected on the visit during the carriage ride home. He felt that Elizabeth had believed in his contriteness, and he had also noticed that she had not seemed to object to the almost-kiss, which thrilled him. She had indicated that he was growing on her. He felt very satisfied at that, and he could not ask for more right now. Considering his treatment of her over the course of their relationship, he knew he was lucky. How she was beginning to genuinely care for him when he had done nothing to deserve it, he did not know. He wanted her to love him, but no longer just for his own sake. She would never be truly happy if she did not love her husband, and her happiness had become paramount to his own.

_A/N: I have always thought that while Darcy genuinely loved Lizzy by Hunsford, it was a selfish love. He loved her then for what she could do for him. He wanted her smiles and her vivacity in his life to bring him pleasure. I think that was all he understood then. After her dressing down during the first proposal, he needs to go through some personal growth to be ready to love her selflessly. Instead of what she can do for him, it becomes about what he can do for her. When he does that, and then Lizzy sees it, that's what kicks off her love in return. Even though he doesn't realize it, he has been showing signs of this since Hunsford. She already begins to feel guilty here for not loving him. In the original his true love comes first and hers comes second, but we don't get to see the space in between so much. She will help reassure his self-worth when she is ready._

_I could get on my soap-box for hours about how I see selfish love as the downfall in so many relationships in the real world, romantic or otherwise. In the US at least, we are taught that people should be discarded if they don't bring us happiness. Darcy is by far not alone in thinking this is what love is. All types of relationships take work, they aren't always easy. That's what I always saw Lizzy truly giving him, the happiness that comes from selfless love._


	12. Chapter 12

(12)

On Wednesday, Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner made their way to Mayfair to visit Darcy's other aunt. This time they were to have tea with a countess, and Elizabeth was feeling slightly overwhelmed again. Never in her twenty years would she have imagined that tea with a countess was a possibility. Now, not only was she visiting her, but in three short weeks she would become related by marriage to her. Add to these feelings the worry over how she would be received after her interaction with Lady Catherine, and Elizabeth was not all that anxious to arrive at their destination.

Her Aunt Gardiner reached across the seat and gently squeezed Elizabeth's hand before saying, "You will do fine, Lizzy. I believe I have said this before, but I will say it again: you are a graceful, gently bred lady with good manners. Be yourself and they will grow to like you. Mr. Darcy has assured you that his aunt is determined to give you a chance for his sake. I think it is clear that this will not be the same as the 'interview' you had on Monday."

"I do not expect Lady Fitzwilliam to have manners like Lady Catherine, but I know that I will not meet expectations of what has likely long been set for the new Mrs. Darcy. It does not matter who I am, my station fails me before I even walk in their door. I do not like being judged by my position in society rather than myself."

"It is the way of the world, dear, and unlikely to change anytime soon."

"That does not make it any more right. I will never understand how anyone can think you are not an impeccable lady simply because your father had to work for a living, or me because my father did not enjoy visiting town and neglected to provide a dowry. That women can behave as Lady Catherine did and have more importance in the world is backwards. But you have heard my frustration on this topic too many times, and I will not bore you with it again."

"Lizzy, it does you credit to value people for who they are, and I hope you do not stop. Unfortunately you must give people the proper deference for rank, regardless of whether they truly deserve it, for society to be pleased with you. It would reflect poorly on you and your future husband to do otherwise. I do not think you would do less than expected of you, but this is one place you will need to watch your impertinence. Believe me, I understand the wish to do otherwise."

"You mean that I should not allow my impertinence to turn into irreverence."

"Precisely."

Elizabeth sighed. "You are very reasonable. I generally appreciate it, but right now I would rather you were not."

Mrs. Gardiner laughed softly. "I am glad you can be reasonable, even if it is against your will."

They arrived at their destination and were handed from the carriage, led to the door and had entered in a moment. Elizabeth no longer had time to speculate on what was about to happen, it was upon her. Her first glances around the entrance hall caused her to look at her aunt with raised eyebrows. While not ostentatious when compared to Rosings, this house was certainly grander even than Darcy's. Elizabeth had only ever visited homes comparable to this on tours with her aunt and uncle, never as a guest.

She was not given long to absorb it all, though, as their outerwear was taken and they were ushered down the hall with great efficiency. In a moment they were introduced into the drawing room of the Countess.

Greetings and curtsies were done, including the introduction of Viscountess Milton, Lady Fitzwilliam's daughter-in-law, and they moved to small talk. Elizabeth felt that she and her aunt were holding up quite well; the discussion was centering around the quality of fabrics and the fashion of the latest colors. Thankfully, due to Mr. Gardiner's business, they both knew what they were talking about. She found it difficult to read her future relations, though. Both ladies were watching her carefully without giving anything away themselves. They were both polite, however, and Elizabeth began to relax as it became apparent she would not be required to defend herself against an inquisition today.

Soon the conversation moved to the paintings in the room. Mrs. Gardiner expressed interest in one across the room, and Lady Milton offered to show it to her with alacrity. Mrs. Gardiner saw what the ladies were about, but felt Elizabeth would be fine. Lady Fitzwilliam had been gracious so far, and she did not expect that to change. It was apparent her future aunt had something she wished to discuss with Elizabeth.

Lady Fitzwilliam waited until they were out of hearing and turned to Elizabeth.

"Miss Bennet, I would like to speak frankly with you for a moment if you please."

Elizabeth found herself startled out of her complacency. Apparently she was not escaping inquisition after all.

"As long as you do not mind frank replies, Lady Fitzwilliam," she replied.

"I expect nothing less. Now, my nephew has explained your situation to me, and also the current status of your affection, or lack thereof, for him. I think you will understand that I am concerned for him. He appears to be rather blindly in love with you."

Elizabeth found her ire rising, but pushed it down in an attempt to stay civil. She knew that his relatives would scorn her station in life, but it would be very irritating to have it pointed out to her by everyone.

"My lady, I do not know which 'situation' you are referring to, you will need to be more explicit. As for Mr. Darcy's love for me, I cannot help that. Believe me when I say I tried before we became engaged."

"The situation I spoke of was the passing of your father. I am sorry to hear that on your behalf, no girl wants to lose her father, most especially before she is wed," the Countess said calmly. She recognized what had upset Elizabeth, and had no intention of pointing out her lack of position. It was clear that both parties were aware of the difference in station. Darcy was determined to have the girl, and his aunt was much more concerned about the lack of affection on her side.

"Thank you, my lady," Elizabeth replied quietly.

The Countess looked at her for a moment, "You tried to discourage him, then?"

"It appears he has related many things to you in regards to our relationship. I am not sure exactly what you know, but I refused him the first time he asked, quite forcefully. I accused him of all manner of misdeeds, at least one of them that I found out later was not true and one where I misconstrued his motives. I myself do not understand how he could bring himself to see me again, let alone propose a second time. When he did propose again, I asked for time to decide. _Three weeks_ _later_ I asked him again if his offer still stood. I have given him several opportunities to change his mind. For some reason, he is determined to have me. Forgive me for saying this, I do not like to consider myself mercenary, but when he presented the possibility of saving my family from virtual destitution and I realised he is an honorable man, I saw that this future was the best for my family. I will not deny that I am gaining a secure future as well, but I am doing this primarily for the stability of my family."

"I hope you understand that I am not trying to be cruel to you, but I expect that you are likely the more reasonable of the two of you at this time. I do not understand where this love-struck business came from with Darcy, he has always been so level-headed. I do not think it is a good idea for him to tie himself to a woman who he is madly in love with but who feels, at best, indifference toward him in return. I worry that he will spend his life pining for something he will never be able to obtain."

Elizabeth was thoughtful for a minute before responding, "I do not wish to spend the rest of my life married to a man I do not love, either. I have always sworn that only the deepest love would induce me to matrimony, but I find that I no longer have the privilege of being so selective. It was never very likely that I would find a man who would be able to support me and fall in love with me in return. However, I never truly thought I would be put in this position, needing to marry for security. If it helps soothe your worries, I have learned in the past few weeks that I did not know Mr. Darcy as well as I thought. He is…" She paused, looking down and contemplating her words as she said them, "I find that...he has more good qualities than I realised. While I do not see myself falling violently in love with him, I do think it is possible for us to become friends. I was concerned about the very things you are before I agreed to marry him, but I now find myself not as worried as I was." She continued to speak slowly, still looking downward in concentration, as she said, "I think that we are both entering this marriage trying to make the best of it, and I am coming to see that it may be enough for us to be...satisfied. We may never be more than that, but if that is enough for him, I will make it enough for me."

Elizabeth continued to quietly stare at the floor. Lady Fitzwilliam had watched her think through what she was saying with curiosity. It appeared that her future niece was coming to these conclusions as she said them. The Countess let it be quiet for a few minutes, and then signaled to her daughter-in-law that the tete-a-tete was finished. She was satisfied with the knowledge she had gained today. Miss Bennet was not as immune to falling in love with her future husband as she currently believed herself to be. It was enough for Lady Fitzwilliam.

When the other ladies joined them, they continued the visit pleasantly, but it was clear to all that Elizabeth was no longer interested in their conversation. She tried to follow it, and was not rude, but was only making a minimum effort. Since the reason she was inattentive pleased Lady Fitzwilliam, she took no offense and simply wrapped up their visit. She was not particularly pleased with Elizabeth's family's position, but she was at least a gentleman's daughter and had shown that she had excellent manners when needed. The girl had weathered her own questions well, not backing down when she felt insulted, but responding with grace. She would do well enough in the circles of society she was marrying into.

* * *

Elizabeth did not have a restful night. She was thinking over the entirety of her relationship with Mr. Darcy and trying to decide when she had started thinking of him as a friend. She had stopped hating him after she read his letter, but she had preferred to avoid him anyway. When had she started looking forward to his visits?

She could readily admit that she was comforted by his visit on Monday after seeing his aunt. She had been relieved that Lady Catherine had failed to convince him of her unworthiness. Had that lady spoken to him immediately after their argument at Hunsford, he likely would have agreed with her assessment of Elizabeth's shortcomings. He had not shown any of the arrogance she had accused him of during that impromptu visit. Truly, he had been growing steadily more agreeable since their engagement. When Elizabeth had told Lady Fitzwilliam that she could see them becoming friends, she had not thought of it until that moment. Assessing their relationship now, she would say they were friends.

Elizabeth was not blind to the noticeable deepening of Darcy's regard for her, either. How he could be coming to love her more when she had accused him of so much and given him so little credit for anything good was beyond her. She was beginning to feel guilty that she could inspire so much love in him when she felt none of it herself, and had done nothing to earn it. He was proving to be a good man and they were becoming friends, but she did not think that it was anything close to love. She almost wished it was.

* * *

Darcy found the next two weeks very frustrating. Since Mr. Gardiner had caught them alone together, he and Mrs. Gardiner were much more careful at not leaving Darcy and Elizabeth unchaperoned. He wished the circumstances of their engagement were different, so they were not so heavily scrutinized. If she was not in mourning or if they would have had a more public courtship, society would not wonder as much. If they were of the same circle of acquaintances, there would not be suspicion of motives. He understood that it would be easier for Elizabeth later if there was no question of her honor and the reasons behind their marriage. He knew that her aunt and uncle were doing what they saw best. He still simply wished for private conversation with his fiancee.

There were dinners and teas back and forth between the houses, but much of Elizabeth's time was spent with her aunt and Georgiana. He was happy with his sister's developing relationship with his fiancee, but found himself exceedingly jealous at the amount time she spent alone with Elizabeth.

He had once come upon them in the music room at his house, where they had been playing together. The music had stopped, so he had gone to see why. Georgiana was holding Elizabeth as she cried and told his sister about her father. Georgiana had done a wonderful job of comforting her, and soon they were laughing together. He had backed away from the room before they noticed. He had felt himself unreasonably jealous of that comfort. He wished Elizabeth trusted him enough to speak to him about her father, but she rarely did. He had asked Georgiana about it later, and she had told him that they had been playing Mr. Bennet's favorites together, and that it had overwhelmed Elizabeth. Georgiana remembered what it was like to lose her own father, and how speaking of him had helped her the most. She was happy to offer that to her future sister.

He did find an opportunity to see his Aunt Fitzwilliam again, and she had rather cryptically said something to the effect that Elizabeth would do for him and she looked forward to seeing his wife blossom. The significant look she gave him made it clear that she meant more than she was saying, but he could not see what that was. He was grateful that they seemed to have taken to each other. She indicated that Lady Milton was satisfied, too. It was good to know he had the backing of more than his cousin Fitzwilliam when presenting Elizabeth to society. He knew it would be easier for her if she was accepted by most of his family.

* * *

The remainder of the Bennet women arrived on Thursday afternoon, one week before the wedding. After that, Darcy knew he would have to wait until they were married before he would get any time alone with Elizabeth.

Darcy stayed away on Friday. Not, he promised Elizabeth on Wednesday when he was taking his leave after dinner, because he was avoiding meeting them again, but because he wanted to give her time with her mother and sisters. To himself, he knew he was not thrilled about spending time with Mrs. Bennet or the younger girls, but he also knew he needed to learn to do so for Elizabeth's sake. She had dealt with the inquisition from both of his aunts. While Aunt Fitzwilliam was an ally for their future, he knew she had been uncomfortable. She had not blamed him for the stress of either of those meetings. It was time for him to return that favor.

For Elizabeth, she was determined to spend her Thursday night and Friday attempting to gauge Jane's feelings.

After they had settled into their shared room for the night, Elizabeth turned to her sister and asked, "How are you Jane, truly?"

"I am well, Lizzy. It was a little trying to keep the peace these past few weeks, but not as bad as it could have been. I feel for Mama and the Collinses, trying to learn their new places. It cannot be easy."

Elizabeth watched her sister for a moment.

"I am glad to hear it. I still feel guilty for leaving you to deal with all of that. What about Mr. Bingley standing up with Mr. Darcy at the wedding? Will you be comfortable seeing him again?"

"We shall meet as common and indifferent acquaintances," answered Jane calmly.

"And if he should show a preference for your company?"

"My dear Lizzy, you cannot think me so weak, as to be in danger now? I saw more than was there when we met last autumn. I will always think of him as one of the most amiable men of my acquaintance, but he can be nothing more. It would be unfair of me to assign expectations to his behavior when he clearly does not intend them."

"What if he does intend that you should see his preference for your company? What if he does love you?"

Jane's eyes filled with tears at this and she trembled as she said, "Please do not say that, for my sake. Please understand that I have to think of him as uninterested. I cannot stand the thought of him being capricious with my feelings. I thought too well of him for that, therefore I must have been mistaken."

"Oh Jane, I am sorry, I did not mean to hurt you. I will not mention the possibility again, unless you ask me to," Elizabeth said as she hugged her sister. She felt remorse for prying and bringing up feelings her sister wished to leave alone, but she was also very worried about Jane's heart if Mr. Bingley decided to pursue it once again. While she believed that he was a good match for Jane, if he could be more steadfast, it would likely take Jane some time to trust him again. Her heart had been hurt too much in the past few months; with the death of their father and the Bingleys' desertion. Mr. Bingley would need to work hard to overcome all that had happened. She hoped he was strong enough for her sister's sake.

She would not need to spend her time trying to gauge Jane's feelings after all, and her sister quickly changed the subject.

"And you, Lizzy, is your future husband growing on you? You have been quite circumspect in your letters, but I think he might be. While you are not praising him, you are certainly not disparaging him, either."

Elizabeth blushed at this. She had not shared with Jane her changing feelings toward Mr. Darcy because she was not sure of them herself, yet.

"I do not entirely know. I know that I no longer detest him, that I would begin to call him a friend. But Jane, I do not think it is love. I still cannot see myself loving him. How could I, when we are so different?" she finished with strong feeling in her voice.

"But you think you are becoming friends? That is good, is it not? You enjoy spending time with him now?"

"I do," Elizabeth replied slowly. "I was very happy that he came to see me after Lady Catherine's visit. He was so...pleasant that day, and really, all the times I have been in his company since then. I'm very curious to see how he does with the rest of our family, though. He has never done well when confronted with our mother and youngest sisters."

"They do have a lot of energy, which could be trying for someone like Mr. Darcy, who may be more used to a quiet household. But they are your family, and if he truly loves you, do you think he will try harder for you?"

"You think he is simply overwhelmed by the energy our family has?" Elizabeth questioned incredulously. She was quiet for a moment before she went on, "I had not thought of that before. I suppose, the past five years it has been just him and his sister. But he must be used to being out in society. How could a man of his station not be?"

"Think of Papa, Lizzy. He abhorred society unless he was in the mood to laugh at it. He avoided even our modest neighborhood unless he felt he could not, and Meryton is nothing to London."

"You have said before that you think he may be shy, and he has told me himself he finds meeting new people trying. I believe he said it is difficult for him to catch the tone of conversation with strangers. Perhaps he has learned to avoid trying to meet new people and creating friendships with them because he finds it too hard."

"That could very well be. Not everyone enjoys spending time in large groups or meeting new people. You excel at it, so perhaps you can help Mr. Darcy along."

Elizabeth laughed at this, "I have a hard time imagining me smoothing Mr. Darcy's path into society. He was born to the life! But you may be right, that he merely needs guidance. It is good to know there is something I can bring to the marriage. He shall provide my entire family with a living and keep me in style, and I shall make him pleasant to the world. I no longer need to feel as though we are not equals."

"Lizzy, you may laugh at the idea, but that might be precisely what attracted him to you in the first place. Your vivacity and good humor is very appealing to those of us who are not as comfortable in large groups. You keep the conversation moving along pleasantly, and you help bring out the best in those around you. I know that it allows me to join conversations and not worry that we will have uncomfortable silences. I am able to add my thoughts without the attention turning to me. It is reassuring. Perhaps Mr. Darcy feels the same."

"But you always do fine in conversation, Jane! I have never seen you struggle."

"That is because when you witness my conversation, you are always there, Lizzy."

Elizabeth was astonished. She had never thought of herself that way. She wanted others to be comfortable, but she did not consciously do things to make it so.

"We all have our strengths, Lizzy. This happens to be one of yours. I think that you are a good fit for Mr. Darcy that way, and he recognized it. You may be very different, but perhaps you complement each other well. Have you ever thought of the places where you wish you were stronger? Do you know Mr. Darcy well enough to see that he has strengths there? You might be surprised to find that you will do very well together."

"I had not thought to look at us that way," Elizabeth said.

"It will make it easier to be married to him, Lizzy, if you can start recognizing his strengths and looking for the things that you can appreciate about him."

Elizabeth was filled with shame.

"I have been very childish, Jane. I have spent this entire time resenting having to marry a man I do not love. I never thought to look for things to love about him."

"It is not too late to begin, Lizzy."

It was not, and she was determined to try anew.

The sisters went to bed after that, but Elizabeth lay awake for a long time, trying to think of Mr. Darcy's strengths and weaknesses, and how they might complement her own. She would need to look for opportunities to understand him better. She finally fell asleep very determined to do what she should have done all along.

The following day was spent as a family, with Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner updating the rest of the ladies about her courtship so far, and they in their turn sharing how Longbourn was getting along.

As for the latter, Mrs. Bennet bemoaned the changes being made by Mrs. Collins; she did not understand why the way she had run things for years was not good enough anymore. They attempted to explain to her that Charlotte was entitled to organize her home how she saw fit, which was likely a reflection of what Lady Lucas had taught her, but to no avail. They quickly recognized that it pleased Mrs. Bennet to be allowed to have her complaints, so they patiently listened instead.

When she finished bemoaning her fate at having to step down as Mistress of Longbourn, she quickly moved to complimenting Elizabeth on saving them all.

"Your future husband is so rich, Lizzy! I am so proud of you, snapping up a man like that. Did you work out that nonsense about Lady de Bourgh's daughter? She is not going to steal him away, is she?"

"No, Mama, Mr. Darcy was never engaged to his cousin, that was a misunderstanding."

"Excellent! I knew that pompous cousin of yours was a fool. Now, what have you done about your wedding dress? And what about your trousseau? Goodness, what will we do about that? Sister, will my brother be paying for Lizzy's trousseau? I cannot afford to, but we cannot have her marrying a man like Mr. Darcy with the dresses she has!"

"Do not worry, Sister, we are giving Lizzy her wedding dress as our gift, and Mr. Gardiner has worked out the details of her trousseau."

"Well, how much have you already gotten? I need to see it so that we can decide what needs to be purchased yet. And the dress! I must see it. Is it sufficiently grand for Mrs. Darcy?"

Elizabeth and her aunt had planned for this, knowing that Mrs. Bennet did not think anyone else was as capable as her at making fashion decisions.

"Mama, my dress is still at the modiste; it will be completed by Tuesday, and we are going for my final fitting that morning. We scheduled the fitting so that you could go along. Our mourning will be right at the two months mark, so while we are all still in black, it is not indecent for you to be shopping then. We knew that you would wish to see the modiste, and this way you will be a part of the process of getting the dress. Does that plan suit you?"

Mrs. Bennet was very pleased with that plan, but went back to the trousseau, wanting to know what had been purchased.

"Nothing yet, Mama. Mr. Darcy has graciously made my trousseau part of the settlement. Since I will not be expected to go out into society until after this season is over, we will not be purchasing anything until after the wedding. It is not what is normally done, but we felt this was best. It would not do to have him purchasing my personal things before we are married."

"Goodness, no! We would not want you to look like a bought woman. But what a generous man! I never would have thought it of him, with his aloofness from last autumn. What a son-in-law you have gotten for me, Lizzy!"

She went on to try and wiggle out of Elizabeth what amount was settled on her, for her trousseau, pin money and what would be provided for herself and the remaining girls, but Mrs. Gardiner helped her avoid answering with specifics. They were worried that Mrs. Bennet would try to take a house for herself if she knew what the terms were, and had planned for this. In order to avoid her trying to guilt Elizabeth into sharing her pin money, they had also decided it was best if they were vague about that amount, too.

Elizabeth had every intention of helping her family where she saw fit, but she did not want to set up any expectations over what Darcy had already settled on her mother. Her mother's intentions were usually in the right place, but she was often overzealous in her spending. She knew it was difficult for Mrs. Bennet to practice economy, and they felt this was the best way to keep her from overspending too much.

Overall, though, Elizabeth was very happy to be reunited with her family. Her mother's unrestrained enthusiasm was good to see. While there was an underlying sadness to many things that Mrs. Bennet said when they referenced Mr. Bennet, they were grateful that she did not appear to be falling into a black humor.

Elizabeth enjoyed spending the few remaining days she had as a single woman with her sisters. She might find them exasperating at times, but they were still her family and she loved them, quirks and all. They all wished to know about Miss Darcy, and were excited to meet her. Mary looked forward to finding another kindred musical spirit, and Kitty and Lydia hoped she enjoyed fashion, so that they might learn from her what was the latest to take back to Hertfordshire with them.

Elizabeth was glad that they were all anticipating the meeting with Georgiana happily, as it would make it easier for her future sister if they were welcoming. She relished in the lively chatter and the busyness of the room. It warmed her heart to be in the normal chaos of the women of her family.

She did take the time to reflect on how Mr. Darcy could be overwhelmed by all of this. She saw how it would be difficult for a man used to quiet to suddenly be thrust into what sounded like a veritable hen house! She was used to the conversations being spoken over each other, and the constant interruptions. They were not being rude, that was just how they were when they were all together, especially after having one of them gone. Even when she and Jane had stayed at Netherfield for only a few days, they had been this way when they returned. But for a man who struggled to follow a conversation with one person he did not know well, this would turn into indistinguishable noise. He had never been with them while they were acting as they did at home. She would have to work on ways to make it easier for him. She wanted him to be comfortable with her family, so that he could enjoy himself and she would not feel that she needed to limit their time with them.

* * *

On Saturday, Darcy and Georgiana arrived early for dinner. There were introductions for Miss Darcy all around, and the group soon found its way into small sets of conversation. Elizabeth watched them all for a while, and two things quickly became clear to her. First, Georgiana was loving all of the noise, and was soon conversing with her sisters with ease. She had been nervous about this meeting earlier in the week, but Elizabeth's reassurances must have settled her feelings. Secondly, Mr. Darcy was making a genuine effort to join in as well. He was still more reserved than the rest of them, but he was actively trying.

Granted, her mother was doing very well. She was rather overly complimentary, but she did not say any vulgar comments. Still, Elizabeth was very pleased to see his effort, and after a while she gently pulled him aside. Partly so that he could have a break, and partly because she wished to speak with him herself.

When they were sufficiently separated from the room, she asked him, "Mr. Darcy, will you tell me, do you consider yourself shy?"

Darcy was a little surprised by her question, but responded truthfully. "Yes, if you mean that I am uncomfortable around strangers and find it difficult to meet new people. I believe I have told you before that I am not able to catch the tone of conversation with people I have just met."

"You have."

"May I ask to what this question tends?"

She laughed and then sweetly answered him, "I once told you that I was trying to illustrate your character. Now I am trying to illustrate your disposition. I do hope that I create a more faithful sketch this time. I am certainly less prejudiced against you now, but as we both know, I can be very wrong in my judgements. I am hopeful this time, however, that you will help me along."

That Elizabeth wanted to know him further brought a powerful warmth to his heart.

He smiled and replied, "I believe it is my place to respond with 'I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours,' except this time I truly mean it. Are there any other questions I can answer to aid you in this endeavor?"

"Hmm, I should have thought this through more before I asked you the first question. I did not think you would answer me that one, let alone be so compliant with my request. Tell me, why are you so compliant this time?"

She watched him curiously while he blushed.

He did not look her in the eye when he answered, "I shall not deny that I find it gratifying that you would wish to know me better."

It was Elizabeth's turn to blush as she replied, "Yes, well, I feel it is better to know you than not, since we are to be married in less than a week. I am not planning to remain strangers for the rest of our lives."

He could not decide if it was better that her family and his sister were in the room or not, but he dearly wished to kiss her in that moment, and they were all that stood in the way of it. She must have been able to read the desire in his eyes, because she turned a deeper shade of red and then could not look at him.

"And why do you suppose it is difficult for you to catch the conversation of strangers?" she asked shakily, hoping to deflect his thoughts from whatever she could see in his eyes.

Since he could not act on the feelings, he helped her move the conversation along.

"I cannot read other's expressions and tone as I see people do. Your uncle, for example, was able to determine my character to his satisfaction by asking me a few pointed questions that invoked responses that he was hoping for in our meeting after you returned to London in the end of April. I do not see that emotion as clearly as he does. I more often misinterpret other's motives and feelings than understand them. I find it easier to simply avoid the process entirely most of the time."

"So, rather than being a snob," she replied cheekily, "when you are avoiding conversation, it is because you do not know what to say."

"I must be honest, there are times when I refuse to respond in hopes that an annoying person will go away. After some further thought on this, however, I will be using that much less often."

"You mean to say after my thorough scolding, I believe."

"I will say again, Elizabeth; what have you said that I do not deserve? To my shame, I have not always been gentlemanly in your presence, and I am not proud of it."

Elizabeth held his eyes with her own as she replied, "I have not behaved as a lady at all times, either. Neither of us has been perfectly well-behaved in our past, but I think knowing it will help us both in the future."

He smiled in return, happy to hear her hopes for a pleasant future for them.

They were interrupted here, with a question about Elizabeth's future rooms, which Mrs. Bennet could barely wait to see on the morrow. They moved back to the general conversation, both satisfied that their marriage in less than a week was looking brighter already.


	13. Chapter 13

(13)

The Bennets and the Gardiners attended Sunday services in the morning and then went to Darcy House for tea. The purpose of the visit was to acquaint Elizabeth's mother and sisters with the house where she would live while in town. It was also an opportunity for Elizabeth to see the results of the changes she had made to her rooms, and allow her to request anything additional before the wedding.

There was a full dinner planned for Tuesday evening, which included the Earl and Countess Fitzwilliam, Viscount and Viscountess Milton, Colonel Fitzwilliam, the Bingleys, and the Hursts. Due to Bingley staying with his sisters and brother-in-law, Darcy did not think it would be acceptable to ignore Charles' family. He preferred to give his friend an opportunity to meet Jane Bennet again not under the watchful eyes of his sisters, but it could not be helped.

The carriage pulled to a stop in front of Darcy House, and Elizabeth glanced around to see her family's initial reactions. At first they were all too awestruck to speak, but soon the commentary began.

"You are going to live _here_?," asked Lydia quietly, as she stepped down from the carriage.

Kitty continued with, "If this is what his London townhouse looks like, just imagine _Pemberley_!"

"Oh, Lizzy! You are going to be so _rich_!" added Mrs. Bennet, while on her way up the front steps.

Elizabeth just smiled. They were more vocal than she had been, but they were speaking nearly the same thoughts she had had the first time she had been here. Mary was quiet, but she knew that her next youngest sister was excited to see the music room. She had found it difficult to fathom the indulgence of an entire room dedicated to musical pursuits.

When Morris let them in, it was Jane's turn to be impressed. "Oh Lizzy, it is just lovely," she breathed. "Not overly done, not too simple."

"I agree, Jane. I am grateful the Darcys have not decorated in heavy brocades and dark colors. The entire house is done in this style; light, lovely, but livable. You can see the quality in it all, but they do not need to show off their wealth. I cannot imagine changing a thing."

"Not change a thing?" scolded Mrs. Bennet. "Lizzy, you have to do something to make it your own!"

"Mama, I am not going to change something for the sake of change."

"Heavens child, and you with a nearly unlimited budget! Only you, Lizzy."

"I have updated the bedding, window and wall coverings in my rooms. I think that is enough for now."

Mrs. Bennet shook her head at her least-understood daughter as the were led to the drawing room. She was quickly distracted by the new room, however, and did not say any more.

The visit went better than Elizabeth had expected. Her mother and younger sisters were calmer than she had thought they would be. Mary spent time discussing music with Georgiana, and Kitty and Lydia interrupted to ask her about her dresses and how she trimmed her bonnets. When Mary scolded her sisters with quotes from her moral texts on proper comportment and manners of young ladies, they laughed it off while Georgiana watched their exchange with wide-eyed curiosity. Elizabeth knew she had been anticipating having all of the Bennet sisters together again with excitement.

Mrs. Bennet's curiosity about the decor kept up the conversation among the adults. She had many questions, which Darcy answered patiently. Elizabeth was proud of Darcy; his quietly pleasant demeanor throughout the afternoon seemed to help her family along. He invariably needed to speak of his departed parents, and even then he did not show unhappiness. Elizabeth hoped this meant that she too would eventually be able to think and speak of her father without the overwhelming sense of sadness that usually overtook her. When her mother squealed in delight over the ballroom on the tour, when Kitty and Lydia's giggling grew too loud, or they could hear Mary's scolding, she saw his hand clench and he might flinch slightly, but those were the only outward signs he showed of being overwhelmed. He seemed determined to be amiable.

As her family was preparing to leave, she maneuvered him to the side enough to be able to whisper a quiet, "You have been wonderful today, thank you."

He smiled sadly, "While I am glad you are pleased, I am sorry that you need to thank me for being polite. It should be expected."

"Nevertheless, I appreciate your effort," she replied softly, gently brushing her fingers along his arm as she returned to the group and gathered her things.

He took in a shaky breath and released it before he said his goodbyes to Elizabeth and her family. After the door closed he barely whispered, "Four more days."

"What was that, Fitzwilliam?" asked Georgiana.

"Ah, I was just thinking that it will only be four more days until we do not need to say goodbye to Elizabeth anymore," he replied uncomfortably. He had not meant to speak out loud.

Georgiana smiled, "I can hardly wait."

He smiled in return; he thought the same.

* * *

The young ladies were all gathered in the Gardiners' sitting room on Monday morning, with their mother upstairs yet and their aunt in the schoolroom, when they were surprised by a visitor. To their astonishment, James announced Mr. Bingley. When they all rose to curtsy, Elizabeth felt Jane tremble beside her. She looked over and saw that Jane's face was a little pale, but she was controlling her surprise, and any other emotion she might feel, quite well. Elizabeth thought about what her sister had said the week before, and immediately stepped forward to begin the conversation.

"Welcome Mr. Bingley! With the dinner tomorrow, we are surprised to see you today, but you are of course very welcome."

"Thank you, Miss Elizabeth," he replied to her, but threw a quick glance in Jane's direction. On Elizabeth's welcome his shoulders had relaxed some, but he was still clearly nervous. "I ah, wished to offer my congratulations on your impending marriage, and also my condolences to you all, on the passing of your father. I was very sorry to hear of your loss." He continued to look between Jane and Elizabeth as he explained himself.

"Thank you, sir, on both accounts," Elizabeth replied. They were all quiet for a moment before she spoke again, "How are your sisters and brother, sir?"

"Well enough," he replied. Then, looking specifically at Jane this time, he said, "I apologize for neglecting you this winter, Miss Bennet. My sisters forgot to mention the visits you shared until a few weeks ago. They seemed to think it would not be important for me to know that you were in town. I was completely unaware."

Jane's countenance paled even further at this, and Elizabeth began to worry for her, but she responded with a quiet, "Think nothing of it, sir. I do not imagine many gentlemen concern themselves with their sisters' friends' coming and goings."

Elizabeth could see Bingley's deflation clearly. His face and shoulders both drooped at Jane's response. She was frustrated for them. They had both appeared to be falling in love so well last fall, only to have all of this between them now. She prayed again that Bingley would show himself strong enough to persevere for her sister's sake.

She was at a loss to continue the conversation. It was incredibly awkward to have them all standing there watching what probably should have been private for the two of them.

Bingley had come to see what Jane thought of him, so as to know how to go about wooing her. He could not decide if her comment meant she assumed he viewed her as his sisters' friend, or she had cared for him but was now shielding her heart against the hurt he had caused. Either way he wanted to kick himself for leading her on and then abandoning her. His friend and sisters had interfered, but it had been his weakness that had done this to his Jane.

Mary was the one who finally spoke up, to the relief of them all, and ended the moment, "Will your sisters play tomorrow, Mr. Bingley? I am looking forward to a musical evening, with Miss Darcy, Mrs. Hurst, Miss Bingley, Lizzy and myself. I certainly hope they do."

Bingley looked grateful at being rescued, "Ah, I am sure they will. I have not asked them, but I know they enjoy performing, and they have mentioned that Darcy House has an excellent piano forte."

"I myself am looking forward to seeing them again," added Kitty, trying to be helpful, "they are always so well dressed. I wish to see the latest fashions of the season displayed with their elegance."

"I do not think it will be any fun," Lydia said with an annoyed look in Elizabeth's direction. "Lizzy tells me there will not be any dancing, planned or otherwise, which I think is very boring of her. I am sure if she asked Mr. Darcy, he would let us dance. There will even be a single Colonel there! I should love to dance with him."

"But we shall be cousins by marriage to him on Thursday," replied Kitty. "I am sure we will have plenty of opportunities to dance with him in the future."

"Not if Lizzy has anything to say about it," Lydia responded petulantly. "I say Lizzy, you are becoming just as stiff as Mr. Darcy."

That was enough to spur Elizabeth into the conversation. She had been grateful to her sisters for carrying it forward, but Lydia was dancing close to rudeness. She would have to thank Mary and Kitty later.

"Have you been to any performances recently, Mr. Bingley?" she asked, feeling desperate. She almost wished her aunt would come downstairs, if only so that the normal introductions and then her aunt could take over the conversation. So much for Jane's faith in her!

"Not as many as my sisters would wish," he replied, tearing his eyes away from Jane to answer. "They are always trying to tempt me into an evening out, but I find myself not enjoying the season as much as I used to."

Elizabeth understood what he was trying to subtly tell Jane, but she could not help but be frustrated with his unhelpful conversation. That he would simply help her with a topic that was more comfortable to all! She supposed a man in love was not expected to act with reason.

He must have felt that he had learned what he could from the visit though, as he excused himself.

"Ah, I imagine you have many things to do this morning, with the wedding in a few days and all. I wish you all a good day. Know that I truly look forward to seeing you all tomorrow. Good day, Miss Bennet." He paused to watch Jane carefully for a moment, and then continued, "Miss Elizabeth, Miss Mary, Miss Kitty, Miss Lydia - good day"

"Good day, Mr. Bingley," they chorused and curtsied.

He bowed, gave one last long look to Jane, and left.

Elizabeth and Jane gave a huge sigh of relief at the same time.

Elizabeth laughed, "That was possibly the most awkward conversation I have ever been a part of. Normally I enjoy Mr. Bingley's visits, but I am happy to see that one end."

"I am sorry," Jane whispered.

Elizabeth quickly turned to her, "Oh, no Jane! That was not your fault. How could you have known he was coming? You have done nothing wrong."

"I was right Lizzy, it is worse to know," she continued to speak quietly. "If you will excuse me, I believe I need to rest."

Jane left the room as gracefully as always, and Elizabeth's heart hurt for her again. She knew her sister needed a few minutes to herself, but did not intend to leave her alone for long.

She turned back to her younger sisters, "Thank you, Mary and Kitty. I do not know what I would have done if you had not spoken up."

"Do you think Jane will be well?" asked Kitty. "She looked awfully pale. I am worried for her."

"I do not know, Kitty. We shall do what we can to help her, though. I will go and check on her now, but can you help me tomorrow? I do not think we should let Mr. Bingley get her alone yet, I do not think she is ready."

"We all will," answered Mary. "She is the reason home has not been too uncomfortable these past few weeks. It is the least we can do to return the favor for the next week."

"Do you think she wants Mr. Bingley to speak to her at all?" asked Kitty. "She does not look to be comfortable with his mere presence."

"I think Jane still cares for Mr. Bingley, but I do not think her heart can handle another hurt right now. We shall see if she is willing to let him have another chance."

"Ha! He is rich and handsome," said Lydia. "She is a fool if she passes him up."

"Lydia! Please," scolded Elizabeth, "Jane has had her heart broken. Being handsome and rich are not the only reasons to marry a man!"

"Why not? Is that not why you are marrying boring Mr. Darcy? So you can be rich? I know you could not stand him in November," she said petulantly. "You have to admit, he is handsome, not as handsome as Wickham, though. He is too boring for me. Thank goodness he chose you, you can be boring together."

Elizabeth closed her eyes and sighed. She had to remind herself that Lydia was not quite sixteen, and this was her age speaking. She decided it was best to ignore the comments for now and instead excused herself to see to Jane.

She ascended the stairs and knocked on her and Jane's shared room door. At her sister's welcome, she entered. Jane was sitting on the bed, looking quietly out the window.

"What do you suppose his purpose was in coming today, Lizzy? I cannot bear to think of him as inconstant, but I am not a fool. Am I only interesting when I am convenient?"

Elizabeth moved to sit next to her sister. "Jane, I think he is still very much in love with you. He said that his sisters did not tell him of their visits with you until very recently. I do not think he knew that they had ended your friendship so rudely."

"It has been six months since he was in Hertfordshire, Lizzy. I realise there has been a season to attend, but Netherfield is not very far from town. If he was interested, would he not have made sure I knew it?" Jane turned to her sister, "I cannot see why he would visit today if he does not care for me, but it does not reconcile with his ignoring me for six months. It hurts to think that he has been capricious with my feelings, but I cannot deny that it appears he has."

Jane finished this with tears in her eyes, and Elizabeth pulled her into her arms and held her.

"Jane, I believe that Mr. Bingley is very much in love with you, and has been this entire time." When she felt her sister stiffen, she hurried on, "I did not tell you everything that Mr. Darcy and I quarreled about when he proposed the first time. At the time, I did not see the point in bringing up a topic that would just hurt you, and until today I was not sure of Mr. Bingley's continuing regard.

"Jane, Mr. Bingley was in love with you in November. His sisters and friend followed him to town with the design of keeping him here. I knew this because Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mr. Darcy's cousin, let it slip while we were in Kent, not knowing that you were my sister. He only knew that Mr. Darcy had removed Mr. Bingley from what he saw at the time as an unfortunate situation. When Mr. Darcy proposed the first time, I told him that I was very angry that he had ruined your happiness. I told him it was one of the reasons I would never accept him. He was surprised to hear that your heart was broken. He did explain in his letter that there is not anything wrong with you. He truly believed that you did not love his friend, and he was worried that you would marry him out of a sense of duty to the family. He did not wish to see his friend trapped in a loveless marriage."

She stopped and looked at Jane, to gauge her reaction, before saying, "Ironic, is it not, that he proposed to me a second time, knowing full well that I do not love him?"

"Did he say why he thought I was not in love with Mr. Bingley?"

Elizabeth sighed, this was where she was afraid of hurting Jane. "He watched you, and thought that you treated Mr. Bingley the same as everyone else. He denies hoping that you did not love his friend, but knowing now that he was trying to escape me, I do not think he was as impartial as he thought."

"But if I love his friend, he has no objection?"

"None." _At least not anymore _she thought_._

Jane sat up, pulled her knees to her chest and was quietly thoughtful for a few minutes. "I am not sure if it is better to know that Mr. Bingley loved me and could be convinced to leave me behind. I do not think I was that circumspect in showing my regard. I do not wish to be known as a flirt! Besides, even if he still wishes to pursue me, it does not speak well of his constancy. What if something else trying happens? I do not think my heart can do this again."

"Mr. Darcy did say that it was very difficult to talk Mr. Bingley out of returning to Hertfordshire, and that he has not been himself since. Today we could see that ourselves. I think he very much regrets leaving you."

"Do you think I can trust in his constancy now?"

"I think he will need to prove it to you, but if he does, I think he could make you very happy."

Jane laid her head on Elizabeth's shoulder and whispered, "I know. I love him, but I am scared. My heart already hurts so much."

Elizabeth put her arms around her sister again. She did not wish to offer vain promises, but she could give comfort and support.

* * *

Tuesday morning was busy at the Gardiners' house. Between the final fitting of Elizabeth's wedding dress and preparations for the dinner at Darcy House, there was little time for anything else.

Mrs. Bennet was excited to see the modiste where Elizabeth would likely go for her entire wardrobe, but was disappointed by the lack of embellishment on her dress. They had to involve Mrs. Bonner's help to convince her that there was not time to change anything, but she finally relented.

Mrs. Bennet soon recovered from her disappointment however, when the time to dress for dinner came. She flitted from room to room, crying out advice.

"Quickly girls, we do not want to be late for dinner at Darcy House with an Earl and Countess!" she yelled at no one in particular.

She soon chased Anna, the Gardiners' housemaid, from the younger girls' room, saying, "Oh! Do not worry about them, girl, go to Lizzy and Jane! They must look their best! We do not want Mr. Darcy changing his mind, and Mr. Bingley will be there! You never know what might come of it!"

Mrs. Bennet followed Anna into Lizzy and Jane's room, where they were calmly helping each other, as they had done for years. She immediately demanded that Anna help Jane with her hair, "It just will not do for meeting Mr. Bingley! We might need to wear grey and black, but there's no reason for your hair to look as though it is in mourning!"

"Now Jane," she continued, "Mr. Bingley has been away from Hertfordshire for more than six months. We must show him what he has been missing. You are always beautiful, but tonight you must be radiant! Do not fawn over him, though. You want to seem aloof; you do not wish to look as though you have been pining for him all this time. But do not ignore him, either! You would not want him to think you have lost interest entirely!"

She left in the same whirlwind in which she had come, not staying to make sure Anna changed Jane's hair. The girls watched her go, and then looked at each other and laughed at the confusing advice Jane had just been given.

"Thank you, Anna," said Jane, "but you do not need to change my hair, I quite like what Lizzy has done with it."

At Anna's hesitation, Elizabeth added, "Do not worry about Mama, she will forget what she told you before we leave. She will not say anything bad about you to our Aunt Gardiner."

Anna murmured her thanks as she curtsied and left.

"I am not sure you could follow that advice, even if you wanted to."

"Mama means well, though, even if she did contradict herself. I know she is anxious for our futures, more so than she was before."

Soon Elizabeth and Jane could hear their mother encouraging their sisters to look their best. There was going to be a single colonel at the dinner, and she did not want to miss any opportunity for her girls!

"It is good to hear Mama being herself, is it not?" Elizabeth asked.

"It is. She has been so upset these past weeks at Longbourn. I think worrying about our marrying well helps her feel normal again."

"I have always wondered what she will do when she succeeds and has us all married off."

Jane smiled, "You are being a very dutiful daughter, Lizzy."

"Yes, and I am throwing the rest of you into the path of other rich men! Think what I am doing for your futures!"

Jane laughed, and then more seriously, she asked, "Are you happy to be marrying? Are you still worried about your future with Mr. Darcy, Lizzy?"

Elizabeth looked away thoughtfully as she replied, "I do not think that I am worried anymore. I do not think I will ever be violently in love with Mr. Darcy, I do not see that happening." She turned back to her sister, "But many married couples have been not much more than good friends, and I think we can be that. It is not what I had hoped for myself, but I am determined not to be sad or resentful because of it."

"How can you be so sure that you will never fall in love with him?"

"I cannot imagine myself in love with Mr. Darcy. While we begin to get along, and I know I need to try to seek out things to love about him, we are just too different. I am not entirely sure what it would feel like to be in love, though, and I do not know if I will ever find out."

Their mother burst back into the room, "Girls! Girls! It is time! We cannot be late! Why are you just sitting there? Let us go!"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at Jane and they gathered themselves together to go. Jane noticed that her sister did not have a very good excuse for not falling in love with Mr. Darcy, and wondered if she was just stubbornly refusing to believe in the possibility.

_A/N: I was going to have the dinner as part of this chapter, but it's taking me a lot longer to get the dialogue for it where I want it. I find Caroline Bingley's head hard to get into! I realized that I have this chapter almost as long as I've been lately, and decided to get something up this weekend. I think chapter 14 will be the last one before the wedding. I'M excited to get there!_

_Thank you for the reviews. The positive ones this week were extra helpful, since I had a bit of a downer week. They're so uplifting when I feel that way! :)_


	14. Chapter 14

(14)

Contrary to Mrs. Bennet's worries, they arrived at Darcy House precisely when they were meant to. Darcy had arranged it so that Elizabeth and her family would be first. She was to be the hostess of their home in a few days, and he wished to give her a chance to act as such for the evening. He hoped doing so would establish his respect for her with Bingley's sisters, which in turn would help keep them from making disparaging comments. He knew their type. Bingley had told him that Caroline was furious when she found out, and that she had insisted it could not be true. He also hoped the presence of his noble relatives would restrain her spite.

They only needed to wait a quarter of an hour for the remaining guests to arrive, and Elizabeth quickly maneuvered Darcy to the side to speak with him privately.

"Did you know that Mr. Bingley was coming for a visit yesterday?" she asked quietly.

Darcy's eyebrows lifted in surprise, "He did not speak to me of it."

"I am not surprised, he was very nervous. I do not think he thought of how it would go; it might have been an impulse on his part. I do have to say that I am glad that Jane will not need to see him for the first time in front of a crowd this evening. While she is strong, she took that very hard."

"I take it she is not anxious to become reacquainted with my friend?"

"She was telling herself that she misread his interest last autumn because she did not wish to think poorly of him. His visit yesterday made it impossible for her to continue believing that. I must tell you that I finally shared what had happened last winter to keep Mr. Bingley from her. I felt I had to."

Darcy grimaced, "I am sorry."

"We cannot dwell on what might have been, but I hope that you agree that we should help them along if they wish it?"

"Of course, it is the least I can do."

"Thank you. I do not think it will be easy for her to open her heart again, but if they are meant to be and no one stops them, I think they will work this out in time. After the wedding, will you allow my sister to stay with us if she wishes?"

While he was not thrilled at the idea of a houseful of sisters to keep Elizabeth from him, he knew that having Miss Bennet along would likely ease her transition. She would also make a good friend for Georgiana.

"We could easily invite Miss Bennet to stay with us, here and at Pemberley. I do not think it would be difficult to convince Bingley to follow. We had been talking of them visiting in the summer before I left for Kent already."

Elizabeth smiled at him, "I am glad you are so willing to invite Jane. Maybe we can find an excuse for Miss Bingley to stay in town; then it would be perfect. Come, we should return to my family before they wonder what we are speaking of."

Elizabeth wrapped her hand around his arm and they returned to the group. As Darcy stood with his betrothed beside him, he relished the feel of her on his arm. Since their engagement, she had definitely become more comfortable in his presence. She did not pull away from his touch, and had even reached for him several times. He could no longer count the number of amiable conversations they had had. This time they had discussed a topic that could have been contentious, but was not. She had forgiven him his interference. She spoke of them being married with ease.

He knew he had to be patient with her and could not expect her to be in love with him by Thursday, but the hope that she would come to love him was growing. That she no longer despised him was a wonderment in itself.

The Fitzwilliams all arrived together. Introductions were said around, and soon awkward conversations began to warm. Darcy could see that his aunt had meant it when she said they would support him whether they were pleased with his new family or not. He knew they considered it important to show a united front to the _ton_. If they did not scorn Elizabeth and her relations, the rest of society would hopefully follow. That was where his Aunt Catherine had been wrong; they would not allow his marriage to cause a breach in the family no matter how they felt.

Thankfully it was not difficult to find comfortable conversation. The Gardiners were excellent company all of the time, and Mrs. Bennet was so in awe of meeting an Earl and Countess that she was barely speaking. She appeared to be simply taking in the elegance around her. Kitty and Lydia were giggly as usual, but it was not out of hand. Mary and Jane kept company with Georgiana and were easily joined by Lady Milton.

Elizabeth looked around, quite pleased. She knew they had to survive the entire evening yet, but the beginning was boding well for the remainder. She knew that her family were not always at the extreme they had shown at the Netherfield Ball. Emotions and excitement had been running high that night. Tonight was more subdued, and she hoped the party would stay that way.

Colonel Fitzwilliam approached her and Darcy and offered his congratulations, "Miss Bennet, lovely as always. Glad you decided to put my cousin out of his misery." He bowed over her hand and kissed it lightly, to Darcy's annoyance, and added, "I am happy to have you in the family; you will be good for him. He is too serious most of the time." He winked at Darcy as he released her hand.

Darcy reached for the hand and added it to his arm by her other one as he said dryly, "Really, Fitzwilliam, find your own wife. This one is taken."

A wicked grin crossed Fitzwilliam's face as he replied, "Technically I have a whole day and a half to try and get her for myself."

Elizabeth barely controlled the volume on the burst of laughter that came out of her at the jab and Darcy's resulting glare.

She pressed Darcy's arm gently as she responded sweetly, "A red coat has not been known to make me swoon, Colonel. I am afraid you are simply too late."

Fitzwilliam sighed, "The red coat usually does it, too. Perhaps one of your younger sisters is not so immune? I know Miss Bennet is probably not interested, but if they are anything like you..."

It was Darcy's turn to barely control his laughter, "I dare you to find out, Cousin."

"Not so similar, eh?"

"They are...energetic," replied Elizabeth.

Colonel Fitzwilliam looked at her shrewdly, then appeared to catch her meaning before saying, "I think I will take your word for it."

The Colonel soon moved to speak with his brother, and the Bingleys and Hursts were announced. Darcy performed the introductions between his family and the newcomers. Miss Bingley was almost sweet to him and showed impeccable manners when her turn came to speak to his titled family, but when she came to Elizabeth's family, her manner stiffened.

She reached Elizabeth and coldly said, "Miss Eliza." She tipped her head but added no greeting.

Still, Elizabeth felt snubbing was preferable to negative commentary. She replied with a small curtsy and a kind, "Miss Bingley, good evening."

She felt a little sorry for Miss Bingley. She had so obviously pinned her hopes on Mr. Darcy. It must be difficult for her to see Elizabeth, whom she had already considered inferior, on his arm.

When Mr. Bingley followed his sister, Elizabeth's face brightened. He was subdued, but she did not let that worry her. "Mr. Bingley, it is delightful to see you again. I hope, with my impending marriage, we see much of each other in the future," she added with a smile for his benefit.

He let out a small smile in return, "Always a pleasure to see you Miss Elizabeth." He paused, and then added quietly, "I hope so, too." Jane was not near enough to hear him speak, but his eyes glanced toward her. He excused himself and moved in her direction.

He had not given up, but the look of longing on his face saddened Elizabeth. She glanced at Darcy, who was watching his friend with a thoughtful expression. He glanced at Elizabeth and gave her a sad smile. She gently pressed his arm with her hand. She had concluded that he had genuinely believed he was doing the best for his friend. She did not want him to think she still held his actions against him.

They were soon distracted by Mrs. Bennet's greeting of Mr. Bingley.

"Oh, Mr. Bingley!" she said a little too loudly. "It is so good to see you, sir. It has been too long. I hope we will see you in Hertfordshire again, now that the season is ending?"

"Ah, I have not made plans for anywhere yet, but I would not mind returning to Netherfield. I had such a pleasant time there, among the neighborhood."

Miss Bingley interrupted sharply, "Really Charles, there is nothing to do at Netherfield. I wish you would give it up. I am sure there are houses in much nicer counties, with better society."

"I have a friend with an estate in Hertfordshire. I find it a very pleasant county," interrupted Lord Milton. "It is certainly convenient to escape town in the winter when desired, without having to travel for days in bad weather."

Miss Bingley's only response was a tight smile.

"I agree, Lord Milton, that it is a convenient distance from town, and I find nothing wanting in the society there," replied Mr. Bingley, as he gave his sister a sharp look.

Mrs. Bennet could contain herself no longer, "Oh yes, we have a wonderful society in our little part of the country. But Mr. Bingley, have you seen Jane yet tonight? Is she no just radiant?"

Mr. Bingley murmured a quiet agreement, trying to catch Jane's eye.

Elizabeth, still far enough away to not be heard, let out a quiet, embarrassed laugh, "She is persistent."

"Bingley was quick to move toward Miss Bennet. Even if I did not already know of his interest, it is clear that he is seeking her out. Your mother may be a little much in her encouragement, but we know her heart is in the right place," Darcy replied.

He looked over at Elizabeth and saw her surprise.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away as he said, "I have recently learned that perhaps people are deeper than I give them credit for in my original impression. That just because someone views and interacts with the world differently than I do, it does not make them wrong. Even if we must follow it to stay in good graces, society's judgement is not always a good rule to go by, either."

"You mean that," she replied incredulously.

"I will not lie to you, I still find your mother overwhelming. At the same time, I am not blind to the fact that I am not perfect socially, either."

They were interrupted by the call to dinner, but Darcy's comments surprised Elizabeth. She was aware that his views were changing some, but not that much. That he acknowledged that society's rules were not always correct pleased her though.

They entered the dining room and found their seats. While Darcy normally would not have assigned seating at what he considered a family gathering, he had felt it was best to help this rather odd mix of individuals by doing so. He had put Caroline Bingley near his aunt and Lady Milton, and separated the two youngest Bennet girls. He had found that Catherine Bennet was better off away from Lydia, and he had placed the youngest Bennet between her aunt and oldest sister. They seemed to do the best at keeping her quiet. He had hoped to help Bingley along by seating him near Miss Bennet, and had put Mrs. Bennet next to her brother. For the remainder he had taken precedence in to consideration, but otherwise not worried too much about it.

As she sat next to him, Elizabeth commented on it. "Did you ask the Colonel for strategy ideas? I see you have carefully placed key members of the group."

"A good host always considers his guests' comfort, my dear," he murmured in reply.

To his happiness, she blushed at his term of endearment. She found herself off-balance from his comments about her mother and now his familiarity.

Darcy looked over and noticed her perplexed expression. "Are you well, Elizabeth?"

"Yes," she replied distractedly. She was struggling to reconcile his current manner with what she knew of him. She had not thought him so capable of considering others. He had been more polite recently, but this, tonight, was a fundamental change in how he viewed the world. Was it only two months ago that she had accused him of being selfishly inconsiderate of others? He was being very considerate tonight. Could one truly change that much in such a short time?

She wished for time alone to consider these new thoughts. She could not ignore everyone at the table while she tried to work out what she knew of the man beside her.

Darcy was watching her with increasing concern. Elizabeth appeared almost upset, and he could not figure out what he had said to cause it. If she did not like his forward speech, she would have told him.

"Elizabeth, did I say something to offend you?" he finally whispered.

Her head snapped up as she said almost sharply, "No!" She blushed when she remembered where they were and attempted to compose herself.

Their nearest neighbors turned to look at them. Darcy nodded to the footmen to begin serving the first course, hoping that it would distract the table from them. He was relieved when it appeared to work, but he needed to find out what was wrong with Elizabeth.

He waited until the soup had been served before glancing her way again. She appeared to be less distracted now, but still not herself.

"Elizabeth?" he simply asked.

"You did not do anything wrong. To the contrary, I am finding myself frantically trying to sketch your character again, and this is not the place to do it. I am desperately wishing for a country lane at the moment."

He relaxed at her last comment. If she could laugh at herself then he believed that she was not angry with him.

"To what do I owe this frantic sketching?"

She looked him directly in the eyes as she replied, "Jane once accused me of trying to keep you in the box where I had initially put you, and being frustrated because you would not stay there. I find that you have now crushed the box and I do not know what to do with myself because of it."

"I have crushed the box?" he asked, slightly confused. He assumed they were still discussing his character, but was not sure where she was going with this.

"I thought I knew exactly who you were, and I find that I did not know you at all. It is very disconcerting for someone who considers herself a quick study of character to find out she was completely wrong," she explained.

He was interrupted by his aunt, just down the table from them, asking him a question that he did not hear. He realised that they had been having their whispered discussion rather rudely while ignoring everyone around them. Elizabeth was right, this was not the place for it. Oh how he wished to keep this conversation going though! She had piqued his curiosity about her changing view of him, but he needed to return to being host.

He glanced around the table and saw that everyone else had nearly finished their soup, and he and Elizabeth had barely touched theirs. As his eyes scanned past Miss Bingley, he noticed she had not tasted much of hers either, and was looking at Elizabeth with a disgusted expression. He sighed to himself; he was not helping Elizabeth by monopolizing her attention this way. When his eyes met his aunt's again she gave him a slight smirk and repeated her question.

"Darcy dear, do you know how much longer you will be staying in London after the wedding?"

"Elizabeth and I have not discussed it, but I do not imagine much more than a few weeks. We have some affairs to settle, but with the season all but over and the warm weather coming, I am for Pemberley as soon as may be."

He glanced at Elizabeth, and saw that she did not seem displeased by the plan. He decided to add, "Miss Bennet, we thought you might like to join us in traveling north?"

He saw Elizabeth smile out of the corner of his eye, and Georgiana clasped her hands together in excitement. She was more than happy to have another new sister live with them, especially since she expected her brother would want to keep his new wife to himself in the beginning.

"But Jane, do you not wish to be home, since Mr. Bingley wants to reopen Netherfield?" interrupted Mrs. Bennet, looking worried.

Without so much as a glance in Bingley's direction, she replied, "I should very much like to see Lizzy's new home."

"I should like that very much, too," added Elizabeth.

Darcy looked at Bingley's very dejected face and knew he would have to bring his friend to Pemberley sooner than the originally planned August. He knew what it was like to feel as though he was uselessly pining for the woman he loved, and he truly wished to help the man along.

Mrs. Bennet looked as though she wished to say more, but her brother quickly distracted her.

Unfortunately Mrs. Gardiner was not so lucky, and Lydia managed to complain aloud, "Meryton is going to be boring this summer anyway. Colonel Forster's regiment has already moved on to Brighton. Without the officers there is not going to be anything to do."

Darcy saw his aunt and Lady Milton's eyebrows raise, but thankfully Fitzwilliam stepped in and saved the moment.

"Colonel Forster? I heard he got himself married lately, is that true Miss Lydia?"

"Oh yes!" she babbled excitedly. "Harriet and I are just such friends, too! She said I could have gone with them to Brighton, but for our situation. What fun that would have been! Sea bathing would be just the thing, and I can hardly imagine the fun we would have had with a whole camp full of soldiers! Just think of all the balls and dinner parties they are having!"

Colonel Fitzwilliam did not look as though he knew what to do with her response, and it was Lord Milton who helped.

"That is all you boys in red do, is it not Henry? Dance and party the nights away?"

The Colonel snorted in response, "Of course. Wellington is just waltzing with the French, too."

"Oh Colonel, do you know, what is he now, the Earl of Wellington? Have you actually been to war?" interjected Kitty.

Much to Darcy's relief, this turned the conversation to Fitzwilliam's rather overly heroic, but thankfully dinner-table-appropriate, war stories. Talk continued without anymore awkwardness at least until the ladies rose to move to the drawing room. He and Elizabeth had not carried their conversation further, but he expected he would not find a chance to learn her thoughts tonight. Even when the gentlemen joined the ladies in the drawing room, it would be inappropriate as the host for him to continue ignoring everyone else. With no plans to see her on the morrow, he was afraid he would not get to ask until after the wedding.

After the ladies left, Darcy enjoyed some good-natured ribbing about tying himself down from his relatives. Even Fitzwilliam kept it moderately decent, though, with Elizabeth's uncle in the room.

Elizabeth found herself more able to set the thoughts of Mr. Darcy aside when he was not immediately before her. She still wished to canvass them further, but was happy to enjoy the company of the evening while it was available.

The ladies started out conversing all together, but they soon drifted into smaller groups. Elizabeth was pleased with how the evening was going. While her mother and younger sisters had had a few moments that made her cringe, it was nothing like the ball at Netherfield in November.

Miss Bingley too seemed as though she had decided to be on her best behavior for the evening, until she began speaking to Georgiana on one side of the room. It did not take long for Elizabeth to overhear Caroline's ever louder voice apparently relating to Georgiana anything Darcy had said against Elizabeth when they were staying at Netherfield together. Elizabeth was not sure what she was hoping to accomplish, but Georgiana was looking paler and paler by the moment. Elizabeth was just moving to intervene when Miss Bingley began speaking loud enough that the entire room stopped to listen.

"There was one evening, when we returned from some dull party or another, and I remember your brother saying about Eliza's reputed beauty 'She a beauty, I should as soon call her mother a wit!' Much to my surprise, he professed later to her being pretty, though I do not see it."

Elizabeth was furious. No matter what Miss Bingley thought of her, she should not be treating poor Georgiana to this! Her jealousy clearly knew no bounds! She did not have enough time to reach her future sister though, as the gentlemen entered as she was moving in that direction.

Darcy rushed into the room, red-faced, and snapped, "And for some time now I have considered her among the handsomest women of my acquaintance. I find her sweet, fresh beauty much more appealing than the simpering, affected look of a woman who will use the paltry art of undervaluing another to recommend herself."

He gathered Georgiana on his arm and gently removed her from her position with such a glare to Miss Bingley that she physically shrank back. Mr. Bingley had followed immediately behind his friend, and he had a look of such mortification that Elizabeth felt sorry for him. She was by far not the only person with an embarrassing sister. At least hers were merely silly. He had to deal with one who could be vicious. He gave Mrs. Hurst a pleading look, and they both went to deal Caroline.

Darcy gently maneuvered his sister across the silent room to her aunt, made sure she was settled, and then turned to face Elizabeth. He saw the furious look on Elizabeth's face as she watched the Bingleys, and his heart fell. Was it just two hours ago she had said that she was truly beginning to see him in a new light? He was certain that this would bring her opinion of him crashing back down. With leaden feet he made his way over to her. As she turned to look at him, he braced himself for the fire that would be in her eyes. To his infinite surprise, when she saw him her face immediately softened.

"Is Georgiana well?" were her first words when he reached her.

Her face had softened because of his sister, not for him.

He found it difficult to draw a breath and reply, "She will be. She has not often needed to deal with such spite in her limited sphere, but this is not the first time she has heard Miss Bingley speak as such about another. I think she is more upset that the comments originally came from her brother."

"So you did say them."

He closed his eyes; he did not wish to see her face at his acknowledgement, "Yes."

There was a moment of silence, and he had just worked up the courage to see her condemnation when he felt her hand on his arm. His eyes flew open, he looked at the comforting hand and then back to her face in confusion.

She had a soft smile as she said, "I was not asking to condemn you, but merely out of curiosity."

"You are not angry with me?"

Elizabeth let out a light laugh, "How can I be angry with you? My sisters could share just as many awful things that I said about you when we were still in Hertfordshire. You can ask them sometime if it makes you feel better. I am angry at Miss Bingley because she was hurting Georgiana in her spite. I had not thought her jealousy would be so strong, or I would not have left Georgiana's side. I would be upset if I heard you saying those things about me now, but I cannot hold what you said then against you. It would be hypocritical of me."

The relief that coursed through him at her reassurance nearly made him weep. The feeling of knowing, definitively, that she no longer assumed the worst of him was overwhelming. The longing in him to _show_ her how he felt about her was so strong that the desire once again manifested itself in his eyes.

Elizabeth blushed a pretty pink at that powerful look. She wrapped the hand that had reached out to touch him around his arm and gently pulled him in the direction of her older sister. Even though this was not the first look she had received of the kind, she still did not know what to do with them. Keeping the both of them in the company of one of their sisters seemed to be the safest path at the moment.

The remainder of the evening was much more subdued, with Miss Bingley being kept mostly away from the rest of them. Darcy found it fitting that a half-sleeping Hurst was assigned as her guard. Mrs. Hurst appeared to have given Caroline the order not to leave the sofa she was sharing with her brother-in-law, because she sat in that exact spot for the rest of the evening with a pinched look on her face.

He did notice a short conversation between Bingley and Jane at one point, but it was quickly interrupted by Mrs. Bennet, whom he assumed thought she was helping. His friend did not appear to make much progress, but still, Jane Bennet was not ignoring him. Then again, he did not think she was capable of snubbing anyone.

There was no time for more private conversation with Elizabeth, but he did spend most of the time with her by his side.

When the guests were all leaving, he took a quick look around to ensure that no one was watching and then placed a firm kiss on each of her gloved hands.

"Till Thursday, my love," was all he said, but it was quite sufficient to cause her blush, which in turn made him smile. He was coming to realise he quite enjoyed causing her to blush.

"Good night, Mr. Darcy," she replied with a soft smile.

Elizabeth left with her family for what Darcy knew was the final time. The next time he saw her, she would become his wife and he had no intention of leaving her side for a very long time after that.

Elizabeth's mind managed to stay with the conversation until she and her family arrived home, but she hurriedly readied for bed and then let it wander over what she had learned tonight. She might not love him, but she was beginning to become quite comfortable with the idea of marrying him. If he was the man he showed himself to be this evening, she was in for a much better future than she had thought. She did not expect to sleep tonight, trying to re-sketch his character yet again, but thankfully tomorrow was to be a quiet day for her to spend with her family. She would relish her time with them, but tonight she had important thinking to do. They would simply need to deal with her being a little tired on the morrow.

_A/N: Wow! I'm not sure what happened, but there was an explosion of new follows, favorites, and reviews this week. Thank you!_

_See you at the wedding. ;)_


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: It was hit-and-miss on whether you liked Miss Bingley's little faux pas. It was hard for me to decide how to handle that - I wanted her to have her "satisfaction of having forced him [Mr. Darcy] to say what gave no one any pain but herself" moment. I know that she was careful with her public demeanor (hence why it worked for most of the night to keep her by titled ladies), but she had also very recently learned that all of her hopes were well and truly dashed. In the original, her hope hadn't been lost at that moment. I think that when she does find out in the original, she had more warning and more time to come to grips with it, therefore making her response more rational. She was still in the angry/upset phase here, and that made her a little more rash. Besides, I love stories where Miss Bingley has a little meltdown. She thought she was entitled to Mr. Darcy, for some bizarre reason of her own, and I like to watch her be put in her place. She thinks too highly of herself, and treats others poorly for it. Having to watch Mr. Darcy fall for and marry a woman she considers her inferior is a just comeuppance._

(15)

Elizabeth awoke to many of the same thoughts that had delayed her sleep the night before. She was still struggling to reconcile the conscientious man from last evening to the Mr. Darcy she thought she was wedding tomorrow. She did not think it was possible for him to alter himself so fully; to go from being completely uncaring of others' feelings to the consideration he had shown. No matter how she looked at it, the only conclusion she could reach was that she had judged him wrongly here as well. It was not particularly surprising that her judgement had been wrong; she had not been able to clearly see Darcy since the very night she had met him, at the Meryton Assembly. He had proven himself to have a much greater capacity for caring than she had allowed. He had a much greater capacity for many good things than she had allowed.

As she rose to ready herself for the day, Elizabeth thought back to her uncle's comments when she had first returned to London; that she might be marrying just the man for her. Was divine providence at work here? Were they a better fit than she had ever given them credit for? Mr. Darcy certainly seemed to think so. A man of his means and position could have had nearly any woman he wanted, yet he had gone through the excruciating pain of asking her a second time, a mere day after being rejected most cruelly. How many men would do that? How deep did his love go?

She thought over the ways he had shown his love for her. He was taking on her nearly penniless family, and that alone showed how much he wanted her in his life. He had clearly reflected on her criticisms from that night at the parsonage and was adjusting the way he interacted with others. She had not thought his pride capable of admitting fault, and by turn, she had not expected her remarks to inspire changes in him, but they had. She did not know many people who could see their own failings, let alone try to correct them. She was far from perfect in this aspect herself. Her belief in her own discernment, in hindsight, had been very mistaken. But after recognising this fault, she hoped she could follow his example and improve herself. She would certainly be more cautious about accepting things as truth, especially when they conveniently fit into her own opinions so well. She could see that she had been willfully blind. It was rather ironic that she had accused him of vanity, when she herself had been guilty of it.

For all that he had said about his good opinion being lost forever once gone, he was very forgiving of her.

Soon Jane began to stir and, wanting to have a conversation with her sister about plans for after the wedding, Elizabeth sat back down and waited for her to fully awaken.

They decided that Jane would stay in London after the wedding, but with the Gardiners, so as to not crowd the newlyweds in their first few weeks. No amount of convincing on Elizabeth's part could sway Jane to join her and Darcy before they left for Pemberley.

She broached the subject of Mr. Bingley possibly visiting Pemberley at the same time, and possibly alone, and Jane was amenable to the idea.

"I should not wish to tell you who you may invite to your new home, Lizzy. It will not burden me to have Mr. Bingley there. After all, I believe you expect Darcy House to be nothing compared to the size of Pemberley. We might barely see one another."

Elizabeth watched her sister for a moment.

"Jane, as much as Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy are old friends, I do not think he will be coming for either of us. Are you prepared for him to try and make you to fall in love with him again?"

"I do not…" Jane drifted off for a moment, "I do not think I would mind if he chose that."

She was quiet again, and then her eyes misted as she continued, "I wish to think of him as the wonderful man I met last autumn. I think I wish to trust him again, and I do not suppose I ever will if I do not give him a chance to prove himself. If he so wishes."

"I think he very much wishes, Jane."

"I am worried for my heart, though. What if he cannot be a constant man? What if he pursues me, I trust him again, but then he leaves again? I do not think I can do that all over," she finished on a whisper.

"I do not think he will leave you again, Jane. He looked heartbroken these past two days, when he saw how sad he had made you. I think he has realised he made a mistake and will not be making it again. Besides, I do not think Mr. Darcy would think so highly of him if he was the type of man who toyed with a lady's feelings on purpose."

They talked a little while longer, and then went down to breakfast.

The day passed pleasantly in the Gardiner household and Elizabeth relished this last bit of time with her family. Everything was ready for the morrow, so they were able to pass the day like any other.

That evening at dinner, there was a sadness for the empty place that would have been Mr. Bennet's. They had not spoken of their father that day, but all of them were thinking of him. Tomorrow would be the first of his daughters' weddings, and he would not be there to give Elizabeth, nor any of rest of them, away.

After dinner, Mrs. Bennet did not allow them long before she began shooing everyone off to bed, especially Elizabeth, so they would not be droopy-eyed and yawning at the church tomorrow.

Not long after they had prepared for bed, Jane and Elizabeth were visited by Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Gardiner. They asked Jane to help her sisters, which she found odd, until she realised that Elizabeth would be married tomorrow, and they were here to tell her what to expect. She gave Elizabeth a sympathetic glance and gratefully escaped.

Mrs. Gardiner calmly sat down on Jane's bed, across from Elizabeth, but Mrs. Bennet stood awkwardly by, uncomfortable with the conversation before it even began.

"Lizzy," started Mrs. Gardiner, "how aware are you of what is going to occur tomorrow night?"

"Oh, good heavens, sister," interrupted Mrs. Bennet, "of course she has no idea. I raised my girls to be better than that!"

"But she was raised on a farm," added Mrs. Gardiner, and again was interrupted quickly by Mrs. Bennet.

"That is not the same thing! Goodness, we are not animals!"

"I am not saying we are, but the...mechanics are not that different."

Mrs. Bennet looked horrified at this, glanced at Elizabeth and then back at Mrs. Gardiner, and stuttered in a whisper, "I never, I mean to say that it is not quite like that, but...what does my brother do to you?"

Elizabeth was too entertained by her mother's expression to be worried about what she might be imagining. Elizabeth looked back at her aunt, who had an exasperated expression on her face.

"Mrs. Bennet, really, that is not what I meant. I only want to know if she has witnessed animals breeding, as that would make this easier to explain."

Elizabeth decided to save her mother the humiliation and spoke up, "I have, Aunt."

"Good, now, you have seen that male and female animals are different?"

Elizabeth answered hesitantly, "I have."

"And I am sure you noticed your young male cousins are a little different when you have helped them dress and bathe?"

"Yes," she drew out slowly, a little confused.

"Well, gentlemen are made to fit with a lady, similarly to the way a bull fits with a cow. It will be different in the sense that the rest of us is not the same as a cow, but that part works about the same."

Elizabeth answered with a wide-eyed "Oh."

She had wondered if it was like the farm animals before, but had not believed it. To hear that it was disconcerted her some.

"How is it different?" she asked.

"That will be up to your husband to teach you. Just follow his lead, and he will show you what to do."

"But how will he know?"

"Good heavens, child, men are just taught these things," interrupted her mother briskly. "Make sure you do not ask him endless questions, it will irritate him, and you do not want that. If he wants you to undress completely, you do it! It is your job to follow his lead, but do not just lie there, either; they do not want that. And whatever you do, do not laugh at him! You will never provide him with an heir if he does not want to visit you."

"Undress?" Elizabeth asked faintly, "why would he want to do that?"

"Some men prefer it that way, my dear," her aunt said calmly.

"Oh," was Elizabeth's only response again.

Mrs. Gardiner waited a moment to allow Elizabeth to absorb what she had been told so far before she added, "Sometimes it hurts a little, the first time, for a woman. Hopefully your husband will be able to help ease that, but I do not want you to worry when it happens. Know, too, that you may bleed a small amount, but it is nothing to worry about. Usually this only happens the first time. For many women, the whole experience improves as you do it more."

Elizabeth was still thinking about the possibility of completely undressing in front of Mr. Darcy. She believed her aunt that it would not hurt too badly, and really, if it was anything like their cattle, she was not surprised that it would hurt. But to do it all...naked? She certainly hoped he was not the kind of man who wanted that. This sounded like such a private thing to be doing with a man she still felt she did not know very well. To be even undressed enough for him to access...that. To have him touching her in those places!

Her face must have been showing some of her concern, because her aunt interrupted her musings to ask if she was well.

"I think so. I just...the thought of allowing someone to touch me...down _there_. We were always taught to keep...that...to ourselves. It is strange to allow it now," she answered hesitantly.

"Well, we could not exactly have you sharing _that_ with anyone else!" said her mother. "Those things are for your husband, and it is your duty to let him do what he wishes with you now. Until you are with child, you need to do what you can to encourage him, too. Providing his heir will raise you in his esteem, and the sooner you do it, the better off you will be."

Elizabeth looked at her mother, and realised for the first time that she might feel like a failure for never giving birth to a son. Did she see that as the reason for the strife in her and Mr. Bennet's marriage?

"Do you have any more questions, Lizzy?" asked her aunt.

Elizabeth shook her head in a negative. She did not want to think about what she had just been told, but it was probably inevitable. She did not know how she would sleep tonight, knowing what she would need to do tomorrow night!

"Good," said her mother. "Mr. Darcy does not seem like a violent man, so just remember what we have told you, and you will be fine. Good night, Lizzy."

Mrs. Bennet kissed her on the top of her head and left, grateful _that_ conversation was over.

Mrs. Gardiner stood as well, but she paused for a moment, and then spoke, "Lizzy, Mr. Darcy loves you, that much is clear. I do not think you have anything to worry about, he will be gentle with you. Please just remember to trust him, it will be easier for you both that way. Now, are you sure you have no more questions? I know that was a lot to take in."

Elizabeth looked at her aunt, "I am sure I will be fine. You seem to think so, and I trust you. I cannot guarantee that I will not be anxious tomorrow, but I will try to keep myself calm."

"I expect nothing less from you." Mrs. Gardiner kissed her on the forehead and then said, "Sleep well tonight, Lizzy. You are embarking on your new life tomorrow, and you do not want to fall asleep for it on the first day."

She gave Elizabeth a gentle smile and then left her.

Jane came in a short while later to Elizabeth still sitting on her bed, absorbed in her thoughts.

"Lizzy, are you...well?"

Elizabeth laughed at that, "I am starting to think I should not be, with everyone asking me if I am. As I told our aunt and mother, I am sure I will be fine."

"So that was not too distressing? I mean, what you just learned?" Jane asked, looking a little anxious herself.

"I hardly know. I have been reassured several times that I will live through the experience tomorrow night, but I am not quite sure I understand what is going to happen."

"They did not tell you how it works?"

"Oh, they told me. Aunt Gardiner compared it to when cattle are breeding. It was...disturbing."

Jane looked horrified.

"Well, not exactly like cattle, since we are not the same shape. But, the...entering part, apparently."

This did not appear to alleviate Jane's horror.

"Well, I do not think it can be too awful, our mother and aunt have survived it!" Elizabeth hurried to add.

"That is true," Jane replied.

They spoke of other things after that; neither of them willing to continue with the awkwardness of that topic. They were both cherishing this, the last night they were ever likely to share a room. They spoke of missing their father, and their regret that he would not be at any of their weddings. They reminisced about many of their favorite memories, and spoke a little of the future. They had always been so confident about what they wanted in life, and now, when they were both on the precipice of change, they felt mostly lost and confused. While Elizabeth's future life was laid out for her now, she still did not think she knew what she was getting into. Jane was even more adrift.

They did blow out their candles and settled in to sleep before too long, for neither wanted to be overtired on the morrow. Neither fell asleep any too soon, though; both had too much on her mind.

* * *

Thursday dawned bright and cheerful, and the Gardiner household was quick to follow, though the cheerful part was less for some. Elizabeth had woken with the sun, and as engrossed in her thoughts this morning as she had been the night before. She began to understand the words "bridal jitters" and wondered if women who were in love felt so. She would not be surprised if they did, since it was more about the life change she was on the verge of making than anything else.

She did not have long to ruminate on these thoughts, however, as Mrs. Bennet came crying down the hall in her usual manner, hurrying them all along, though they had a few hours before they needed to be at the church.

Jane and Elizabeth mostly kept to their room, helping each other as they always had, taking their time to enjoy another of their lasts. It felt strange for Elizabeth to wear white today, after being in black for the past two months. While her sisters would be in black for another month, she was moving to half mourning colors after the wedding. It would be odd for her, as a newlywed, to continue in full black. She looked at Jane's dark grey gown, which had been ordered early, along with her other sisters', so that they could wear them for today. They would return to black tomorrow without her. It was another way for her to feel the difference of not coming home to her family today.

They were soon ready, and headed down to the sitting room to await the rest of the family. Mary, unsurprisingly, was already there. She was always the first to be ready, though whether due to her desire for promptness or her general lack of frippery making the process quicker, Elizabeth did not know. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner soon joined them, and they waited for the youngest two girls and Mrs. Bennet to end their noisy preparations and come down.

Noticing Elizabeth beginning to tense while they waited, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner kept the conversation on little things to distract her. It helped some, but it was perhaps more her knowing they cared enough to wish to cheer and that she needed it than anything.

In a sudden flurry of dresses and noise, the remaining Bennet women came down the stairs and they all gathered their outerwear and headed for the carriage.

In what seemed like a moment to Elizabeth, they had arrived at the church and were ushered into the vestibule. Her family stayed with her for only a few minutes while they checked their hair and dresses. Her uncle went to check in with the vicar and Mr. Darcy, to ensure that everything was ready, while her mother and younger sisters entered the church to find their seats. With another half hour to go before the beginning of the ceremony, she was grateful for her aunt and Jane's company.

Her aunt kept up a steady stream of talk, with some help from Jane, for the quarter hour they waited for her uncle to return. Elizabeth was again so very grateful for her aunt's ability to put one at ease.

"Well, Lizzy, are you still breathing back here?" asked her uncle as he returned to the vestibule. "Your young man is here, and appears to be fine. Though I hear his friend has been wearing a path in the carpet of the vicar's study for the past half hour. You would think Mr. Bingley was the one marrying today, rather than Mr. Darcy, he is so nervous."

They all looked to Jane, who blushed and said, "I will be fine. Today is about Lizzy and Mr. Darcy. I have no intention of creating a scene to distract from that."

"I do not think anyone is worried that you would, dear," said Mrs. Gardiner. "We are simply concerned about you standing up front with Mr. Bingley. I do not think any of us remembered that this morning. You think you will be comfortable, though?"

"I do. I have seen him twice now, and while the first time was difficult, I was able to hold my composure on Tuesday. He was very polite then as well, and I think he is too much of a gentleman to say or do anything that would distract from his friend's wedding."

Elizabeth laughed, "As long as he does not melt into a puddle from nervousness, apparently. It is ironic that the most anxious person here is not even getting married today. Then again, I am not sure Mr. Darcy can get nervous, he seems nigh unruffleable. Sometimes I wish he would be more expressive with his emotions, then I might have an idea of what he is thinking."

"You will learn to read him, Lizzy, the longer you live with him. You might be surprised how much he gives away when you really watch him," said Mrs. Gardiner with a smile.

Her aunt then left them to find her place, as there were only a few minutes left to nine o'clock. Uncle Gardiner gathered both of his nieces to him and kissed each on the cheek.

"It is a privilege to give you away today, Lizzy. It will be a privilege to give each of you girls away, but you two especially, are such wonderful young women. Your husbands will be blessed indeed, to have such wives. You do your father proud, you know. You do your aunt and me proud."

All three of them had tears in their eyes at his last sentences, and Lizzy gently scolded him for making her cry moments before they were to walk up the aisle.

"You are beautiful anyway, but I will stop now. We would not want your poor groom to think you are crying because you are walking toward him," he said with a bit of a grin.

They heard the musical cue for their entrance, and Jane reached over to give Elizabeth's hand one more squeeze before she walked around the doorway to enter the church. Mr. Gardiner laid his hand gently on top of Elizabeth's where it lay on his arm and gave her a warm smile. This caused her to smile in return, and that is how they entered.

The first glimpse Darcy had of Elizabeth was with that sweet smile on her face, but tears in her eyes. His first thought was that she was breathtakingly beautiful this morning, with her dark hair piled on top of her head, underneath the small lace veil covering it. The morning sun was shining through the windows, bathing her in a glowing light. Her smile was lovely, but when he looked in her eyes and saw tears, he became a little worried. He was not sure if they were a result of marrying him, if she was simply missing her father, or something else.

Elizabeth looked to the front of the church and saw Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley standing with the vicar, and Jane nearly there. She almost laughed when she realised everyone's eyes were on her except for Mr. Bingley's, who was watching Jane's procession up the aisle with rapt attention.

She finally allowed her eyes to look to her betrothed. She could not deny that he looked very handsome in his wedding suit. He appeared more perfectly pressed and with an even neater cravat knot than usual. When she looked to his eyes, she saw him watching her carefully. Not nervous, not excited, but perhaps a little concerned of how she was feeling today. The tears in her eyes were likely the cause of that. She allowed her smile to grow slightly, to let him know that she was not upset because of their wedding today, and saw him relax slightly.

Jane reached the front and stepped to the side, Mr. Bingley watching her the entire time. When Jane turned slightly to face the vicar, Elizabeth saw that her face was flushed a lovely pink. So she had noticed Mr. Bingley's intense stare. Elizabeth and her uncle reached the front, and she saw Mr. Darcy give a slight nod to the vicar to begin.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together…"

Darcy knew he should be listening, but he could not help but be distracted by Elizabeth. It was hard to believe that he was here, with her, and she no longer hated him. In less than an hour, she would be his to convince of his worthiness for the rest of their lives. He felt wild anticipation like none he had ever felt before.

"First, it was ordained for the procreation of children…," the vicar's voice intruded into his thoughts for a moment.

He certainly eagerly anticipated the _making_ of children, but he also hoped they were blessed with many. His own mother had not been strong enough to bear many healthy babies. He did hope that Elizabeth had inherited her mother's child-bearing ability. Mrs. Bennet was still healthy, and had successfully delivered five children who made it to at least near-adulthood. He also hoped that Elizabeth did not object to many children.

For the first time he wondered if Elizabeth would be _willing _tonight. Would she reject him outright? Or even worse, would she allow him to take her, but resent him for it because she only did it out of a sense of duty? That would be agony! He did not think he _could_ take her unwillingly. He nearly visibly shuddered at the thought. He loved her too much to do that to her. He would as soon wait for her to grow more comfortable with him than force her.

Why had he not thought of this before?

His thoughts were again interrupted by the vicar, asking for objection and the silent moment that followed. Thankfully his Aunt Catherine had not decided to show up and cause a commotion.

He drifted back to what might happen tonight. He needed to prepare himself for the possibility that Elizabeth would not truly want to share the night with him, so that he did not show disappointment in her choice. He did not want her to feel guilty for being unwilling.

He watched her face for a minute, and then sighed to himself; it was going to be trial to live with her and not take her to bed. Her eyes, her smile, her figure; everything attracted him to her. The thought of letting that beautiful, dark hair fall around her shoulders gave him a warm flush.

He was going to need to think of something else if he was not going to embarrass himself in front of their families!

She was keeping her eyes on the vicar's book, not looking at anyone. He had feeling she was not doing any better of a job of listening properly than he was.

He missed the beginning of the next part, and only caught that he should probably be listening when he heard the recital of what he was promising.

"...Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"

"I will," was Darcy's firm response.

They went on to Elizabeth's vows, and with a quiet "I will," she promised to obey, serve, love, and honour him. To keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep only unto him, so long as they both lived.

Elizabeth was feeling the guilt of promising to love him when she did not. She could not meet his eye as she agreed to it. She did not like the feeling of lying in front of God, church, and family, even if plenty of women had done the same before her.

Soon Mr. Gardiner was handing her off to Darcy, officially giving her away. He pressed her hand before he let it go, to offer her strength.

Darcy was then reciting his vows, promising to love and cherish her until death with such a firmness of voice that she could feel his commitment. When it was her turn to speak her vows, she tripped a little over the word love in her promise to love, cherish, and obey. She found herself taking a steadying breath. It did no good to fret over it, it was done, and Darcy knew her feelings.

His hand released hers for a moment to present the ring to the vicar and then he turned back, took her left hand in his, and recited, "With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."

They turned and knelt together, and Elizabeth took a moment to glance at the ring she had just been given. The first thing she could tell was that this was an heirloom. Had he given her his mother or grandmother's ring? Secondly, it was a lovely delicate gold band, with three diamonds set low into it. Not overly large, but still, what a ring!

The vicar pulled their hands together, "Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."

He spoke to their families now, but Elizabeth felt Darcy press her hand lightly, and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He gave her a slight smile. They were married.

They finished the rest of the service in a blur, and soon they were presented to the church, "May I present Mr. and Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy."

When they turned around, Elizabeth noticed the Fitzwilliams' attendance and the lack of Bingley's family for the first time, and then they went around to the register, where she signed the name Bennet for the last time. They then moved to the vestibule, to allow their families to greet the newly married couple.

Mrs. Bennet came through with tears in her eyes, waving her handkerchief, and kissed and hugged her daughter before receiving a kiss on her cheek from her new son-in-law. Her giggle in response was a little silly, but neither Darcy nor Elizabeth wished to begrudge her happiness today. Each of her younger sisters followed, congratulating them; Mary with a strange solemnity that seemed out of place for the occasion, and Kitty and Lydia with more giggling.

The Earl and Countess came next, with his uncle firmly shaking Darcy's hand in congratulation, while Lady Fitzwilliam leaned in to hug her new niece and say quietly, "Welcome to the family, dear."

"Thank you, my lady."

"I think you may call me 'aunt' now, as your husband already does. I do not wish to be so formal with family."

Elizabeth smiled at this true welcome and replied, "Thank you, Aunt Fitzwilliam."

Viscount and Viscountess Milton followed in their congratulations, and then Colonel Fitzwilliam came through with Georgiana.

Georgiana hesitated for a moment, and then Elizabeth pulled her in for a hug.

"I am so glad you are my sister," was all the younger girl whispered.

Elizabeth pulled back with an enormous smile, and responded in kind, "I am glad, too."

She sent a meaningful glance in her eldest sister's direction, next to Mr. Bingley, and added, "It could be so much worse."

The Colonel laughed outright, and even Darcy broke into a smile at that. Georgiana looked a little startled, but was soon smiling. She moved on to hug her brother, and the Colonel offered Elizabeth his congratulations.

"Well, Mrs. Darcy, I am sorry to lose my chance at you, but I would not give you up to anyone less deserving."

Giving Darcy an impudent grin, he added, "And since we are family now, this is perfectly acceptable, Cousin."

With that announcement, he leaned in and dropped a kiss on her cheek. At first Elizabeth was startled, but then she looked at Darcy with laughter in her eyes. How often did his cousin seek out ways to get under Darcy's skin? She was not sure how he was going to react, but she found this rather funny, especially since he beat her new husband to it.

Darcy might have been irritated, but his only response was to dryly say, "You had your two days, Henry."

They all laughed except Georgiana, as the Colonel moved an again-scandalized girl on so that the Gardiners could have their turn.

Darcy had not let it show, he tried not to where his cousin was concerned, since it did no good, but he was annoyed. How did Fitzwilliam manage to drop a kiss on her cheek before he did? He had been so careful not to overwhelm her, but all that had resulted in was a very frustrated man. If his cousin ever did marry, he would probably have his future wife seduced before the wedding, and here was Darcy, yet to even kiss his.

The Gardiners gave their well-wishes, and then the whole party moved to their carriages. They were due to the Gardiners' for the wedding breakfast. Darcy was very grateful to his Aunt Fitzwilliam; she had not even blinked when he asked her if they would be comfortable on Gracechurch Street. He could have used the excuse that Darcy House had more room, but he did not wish to slight Elizabeth's family again, and did not know how to ensure that on his own. His views might be changing on how to judge a person's worth, but society's was not. Thankfully his aunt appeared to support him in this.

Darcy watched his sister go with their cousin toward the Fitzwilliam carriage before he turned with Elizabeth and headed to theirs. The thought of it being 'theirs' instead of 'his' brought a smile to his face.

"A penny for your thoughts, Mr. Darcy?"

"I simply realised that we are heading to _our_ carriage, Mrs. Darcy."

Elizabeth looked toward it and simply said, "Oh."

She had found herself saying that rather often, as of late. Darcy led her to the carriage and handed her up, following closely behind. He chose to sit across from her, and she was not sure if looking directly at him was better than sitting next to him. Either way, it felt awkward to know that they were married now, but she felt as though nothing had truly changed. Other than they were not only allowed, but expected, to be alone.

"A penny for your thoughts now, Mrs. Darcy?"

Elizabeth laughed, "I was just thinking that I do not feel like anything has changed, and then I realised that we are purposefully alone and now I am 'Mrs. Darcy.' It is a lot to take in."

"You do not mind my calling you by your new name?" he asked hesitantly.

"Not really, that is to say, I must get used to it. It is who I am now."

He gave her a slightly relieved smile. She was certainly less combative than she had been two months ago.

"Do you think you will ever get used to not referring to me so formally?" he asked tentatively.

It was her turn to smile, "You do not intend to refer to me by 'Mrs. Darcy' always?"

"I do not. I was enjoying the sound, though. If you do not mind, I intend to continue calling you Elizabeth."

"I do not mind," she paused, and then added, "Fitzwilliam."

He did not think he was successful in controlling the ridiculous grin that spread across his face. He very much liked the sound of his given name on her lips.

Elizabeth could not help but smile in return. That her saying his name would make him so happy!

They soon arrived at Gracechurch Street. The wedding breakfast went as well as could be expected. Elizabeth's family had some moments that made her cringe, and the Fitzwilliams were not always perfect at hiding their distaste. Still, nothing particularly awkward happened.

When Darcy announced their departure, the Fitzwilliams went at the same time, taking Georgiana with them. She would be staying with her aunt and uncle for a few days, to give the newlyweds the house to themselves.

When Elizabeth said goodbye to her family, she felt the loss of her father keenly. By time she had hugged each of them, she was well into crying along with them. It was a somber departure for what should have been a happier day.

Darcy handed her into the carriage again, and again sat across from her. She found herself unable to stem her tears, though, and apologised for crying.

"You need not feel guilty for missing your father, Elizabeth. It has barely been two months, and no one would expect you to be through mourning for his loss yet."

"Thank you," she whispered, but his kindness only made her cry harder. She did not know why she was feeling so strongly, but there did not appear to be a way to stop it.

In a moment, Darcy crossed the carriage and sat next to her. He put his arm around her shoulders and gathered her to him. She let her head rest on his chest while she wept. His strong embrace offered such comfort, and she allowed herself to cry while he gently shushed her.

Darcy's heart ached for his new wife. It was not so long ago that he had lost his own father. Knowing how close she had been to Mr. Bennet, he felt he understood her pain. He was grateful that she allowed him to comfort her. He brought his other hand up to hold her head close to his chest, and allowed himself to kiss the top of it. He did not know if she noticed, but she did not object.

Darcy House was not very far, and they soon found themselves slowing in front of it. Elizabeth pulled away from him with a start and began wiping her face with her handkerchief.

"Goodness, I must look a wreck, and about to greet your staff for the first time as their mistress."

He pulled out his own handkerchief and offered it to her, "Our staff. I would not worry if I were you. Only a few are at the house for the next few days. I did not think you would want an audience while you adjusted to your new home, and I did not see the need for a complete staff with just the two of us. It is only Mrs. Rowley, Morris, Cook, a few maids, and a footman. I hope you do not mind."

Elizabeth laughed, "Only a few staff members? You just named the entire contingent of house staff at Longbourn. I am sure I can make do."

Darcy looked a little awkward at this, and she continued with a soft, "Thank you."

He relaxed, "I did not think you would wish for full introductions, either. Mrs. Rowley will probably know better than me the best order of meetings."

She smiled in response.

He opened the carriage door and led her out. They were soon inside the house and meeting the few servants who were there. Elizabeth remembered several of them from the times she had already been there, until they reached the maids.

"Nel!" she said in surprise.

Nel curtsied, "Mrs. Darcy, it is a pleasure to see you again."

"You as well," she responded while looking to Darcy.

"Nel came with us in April knowing that she would likely lose her position at Rosings. I promised her a trial position here as part of her compensation. I am afraid we have discovered we may have robbed Rosings of one of their best maids. Because of her quick understanding, Nel has been training to be your lady's maid. I hope you do not mind."

"Not at all," she replied. Even if she only remembered the girl a little, it was wonderful to have another familiar face with her. She also realised that it was one more person on the upper staff of the house who would understand her mourning without needing to be told. Hopefully her loyalty, when it came to normal household gossip, would more easily lie with her mistress too, since she was not part of the main staff first.

They finished the introductions, and then all but Mrs. Rowley returned to their duties.

"Is there anything we can do for you, Mrs. Darcy?"

It took Elizabeth a moment to remember that the staff of the house would look to her now. She looked to Darcy with a questioning expression. He gave his head a slight shake.

"I do not think so, Mrs. Rowley," she answered.

Darcy spoke up, "We will ring the bell if we do."

He looked to Elizabeth and asked, "Is six o'clock fine for dinner?"

At her affirmative, Mrs. Rowley thanked them and excused herself.

There was a moment of quiet before Darcy asked her, "Do you need to rest, Elizabeth?"

Her emotions were running too high to rest now, and she felt she needed a distraction. She shook her head no.

"Would you like to go to the music room or the library, then?"

"Would you give me a tour of the library? I hope that I will still have time to read, and I have no idea how to find anything as it stands."

He smiled, "I do not think your duties will be so overwhelming that you will need to give up reading. I am happy to show you the layout of the library."

He offered his arm, and she took it and allowed him to lead her to their destination. He gave her the tour, teaching her how to remember where to find what she was looking for, and then helped her select a few to start.

"Would you like to spend some of our afternoon reading now?" he asked tentatively. He had no idea how to spend their time together, now that he finally had her alone. Well, he knew how he _wanted_ to spend their time, but he did not think that would be happening. His general goal was to increase her level of comfort with him, and books seemed a good way to start.

At her affirmative, he lead her to a sofa and then sat directly next to her. Close enough to brush when they moved, but not so close as to be continuously touching. He hoped it was the right balance.

To his relief, she did not shift away from him. She simply opened her book and began reading. He followed suit and attempted the same, but found himself instead thinking of that awful half hour he had spent alone with her in the Netherfield library last November. Again he was struggling to pay attention to his book, but this time she was next to him, radiating her warmth and, in name at least, being his. He so very badly wanted to make her his in every way! He needed to think of something else, before he lost his mind and attacked her from want.

He spent the next twenty minutes or so desperately trying to keep his mind engaged on the book in his hands and his breathing even. Eventually he gave up and decided speaking to her was safer.

"You once said you could not discuss books in a ballroom, but perhaps you can in a library?" he asked tentatively.

She smiled at his reference to their dance at Netherfield, and answered, "I do believe I can. What would you like to know?"

"Do you prefer prose or poetry?" he asked.

She was relieved that he had decided to speak, the silence had been too busy for her to read in, and she had not wanted to interrupt his reading the way Miss Bingley once had. With her answer they had a lively discussion on the merits of each, and their favorites in each. To Elizabeth's pleasant surprise, she never felt her ire rise as it had back at Netherfield. She was beginning to truly see where his arguments were coming from, and she could appreciate them.

To the surprise of each, their comfortable debate lasted until the call to dinner. They continued over the meal, pleasantly enjoying each other's company.

After dinner, Darcy asked Elizabeth if she would play for him. She agreed, and they went to the music room. When she asked if he had a particular request, she was surprised when he immediately pulled out the music she had played at Lucas Lodge so very many months ago. It looked new, and she looked at him questioningly. He blushed.

"I purchased it for Georgiana to play when I returned to London in November. I find this piece particularly enchanting."

It was Elizabeth's turn to blush, "I am not as proficient as your sister. I do not think I could do it justice after you have heard her play it."

"On the contrary. She plays beautifully, but she never seems to play this one quite right. I would very much like to hear you play it again."

Elizabeth felt surprisingly nervous, which was rare for her while playing. She took a deep breath, and began, though. She could see him sitting slightly to her right, with them in full view of each other. His eyes never left her, and he watched her with an intensity that was unnerving.

When she finished, he quietly said, "Perfection itself. Thank you."

"You are welcome," she replied, a little breathlessly. "Is there anything else you would like to hear?"

"Anything you would wish to play."

She searched through the music available, and finding a few more that were in her skill-level, she played for another hour. Darcy continued to watch her the entire time. When she finished the last from the waiting pile, he stood.

"Would you like to retire, Mrs. Darcy?" he asked.

She swallowed with difficulty but replied to the affirmative. She quickly put the music away, and then took his arm. He led her upstairs and to the sitting room they shared. He walked her to her bedroom, and took her just inside. Nel was waiting for her, next to her dressing room door.

"Is half an hour sufficient?" he asked.

Elizabeth struggled to swallow again, but responded faintly, "It is."

He kissed her hand and left her.

When Darcy reached his room, he took a few deep breaths before entering his dressing room. He had not meant to be so brisk with that departure, but a man could only take so much. He allowed his valet to help him ready for the night, but did not change completely. He then sat with a small glass of brandy, not so much that he would lose his control, but enough to sooth him for what he was about to face.

Soon the half hour had passed, and he returned to the sitting room, and then knocked on his wife's door. He stepped back and waited.

When Elizabeth opened the door and stepped tentatively through, he nearly lost his resolve. She was a vision. He took her in from her bare pink toes peeking out from under her nightgown, to the white nightgown above it that he was fairly certain he would be able to see through in daylight, to the plunging neckline at the top. He reached her face and saw her flushed cheeks and her hair. Her dark hair ended just above her elbows, and was tumbled gloriously in waves around her face.

Darcy took a deep, steadying breath, and looked in her eyes. They were nearly terrified. He sighed to himself and then stepped forward. He reached his hand out to brush it along those gorgeous tresses and rest it on her upper arm. He could feel her trembling beneath his hand. He was going to ask her, but he was fairly certain he knew her answer.

"You are very beautiful, Elizabeth," he started.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Are you aware of what is supposed to happen tonight?"

"I have been told, yes."

"How do you feel about it?" he asked.

She looked confused for a moment, then replied, "I know what is expected of me, Sir."

He sighed to himself again. It was not good if she was reverting to formality.

"But how do you feel about it? I do not wish to force you, Elizabeth."

"I do not understand. I am your wife, and I know my duty. You need heirs. It does not matter how I feel about it."

"You do not want this, though."

"I will not reject you, if you are worried about that."

"I think I can see that, but all the same, I would rather wait until you are more...willing. It is not in my nature to take something simply because I am entitled to it. I want more for us, Elizabeth. I think that, with a little time, you will grow more comfortable with me, and I would prefer that."

Her eyes filled with tears and she whispered, "I am sorry."

She closed her eyes. She was already a disappointment. How long until he regretted her?

Through her own noisy thoughts she heard him say, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I want you to know that you are living up to my every dream of you. You are as beautiful as ever, and I do not want you to doubt that I want this, very much. At the same time, what I want in the moment is not more important than what is better for us. I think, when you become more comfortable, you will understand."

Elizabeth opened her eyes and searched his for a moment.

"You mean that."

"I do."

She let out a long, relieved breath, "You are a very good man."

He smiled ruefully, "You would not think so if you could read my thoughts. I will be doing everything I can to convince you that you do want this."

She blushed again, but smiled this time, "I cannot argue with that."

"Good, then you do not mind if I kiss you goodnight?"

Her mouth formed an "oh" again. She shook her head no, then yes, and then laughed lightly.

"I mean to say, I do not mind."

He smiled in return before placing his hands on either side of her neck and sliding them deep into her hair. He bent his face toward hers, watching her eyes until the last moment. He glanced at her lips and then pressed his firmly to them. He held them there for a few seconds, and then moved them gently against hers. She felt herself gasp in a breath, and when her mouth opened slightly, she felt what she thought might be his tongue run lightly along her lower lip. He then pulled his mouth from hers and looked into her eyes again.

He liked what he saw there.

Darcy slid his hands down both of her arms to her hands. In what seemed like a single movement, he had her right hand in his and gently set it on his left arm.

"Are you ready to retire, Mrs. Darcy?" he asked.

He watched her pull herself together for a moment before she nodded her head yes. He walked her to her bedroom door and opened it for her. He led her inside and then turned her to face him again.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Darcy," he said softly, and then leaned in to gently press his lips to hers again.

He pulled back to look over her flushed face one more time before he turned to go.

When he reached her door, he heard her say, "Goodnight, Fitzwilliam."

He flashed her a smile and then pulled the door shut behind him.

Elizabeth stood facing her door for a few minutes, trying to decipher what had just happened. She slowly turned and made her way to her bed, climbed inside, and blew out her bedside candle. She proceeded to stare at her ceiling in the darkness.

How could she have ever thought this man selfish and inconsiderate? And had he just promised to seduce her? Wearing just a pair of breeches and a shirt open at the neck like tonight, and she did not think it would take long. She thought he was handsome before! Was that dark hair she had seen at the vee of his neckline? She blushed all over again. She did not think she would sleep this night, but the exhaustion of these past weeks and the comfort coming from much of her anxiety melting away caused her to drop off almost immediately.

Darcy, on the other hand, returned to his room with a racing mind and heart. He did not know how he was going to take this slowly. Even hearing his name on her oh-so-soft lips was more than he could take, and he had had to escape. Having dismissed his valet earlier, he dressed himself for bed and climbed in. He laid there, most painfully, and stared at the ceiling, trying not to think of his incredibly beautiful and alluring wife a single, unlocked room away.

One thing was quite clear to him. Darcy was going to figure out how to seduce his wife.

Note: All wedding ceremony quotes are from the _Church of England Common Book of Prayers_

_A/N: I put Elizabeth in white, not because the wedding dresses of the time were all necessarily so, but because white was both an acceptable mourning color and wedding color. _

_I was very indecisive over whether or not they would kiss at the wedding itself, and my reasoning for them not was as follows: It was not the norm of the day to do so, the vicar would not have said the "you may kiss the bride" line at all. Since it was basically up to the couple, I don't think ours would have for two reasons. First, Mr. Darcy is a private man, and I do not think he would be the type for public displays of affection, even if it was only family. Secondly, he would not be sure how Elizabeth would react. It would be awkward for him to try to ask her permission in front of the church, and if he didn't, he would worry that she would reject him. Even if she didn't reject him to save face, she might not have wanted it, and therefore he would have just forced himself on her. Not really his thing. Their private kiss felt more fitting for their situation as a couple._


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: __Rhian Evelscir - thanks for the Colonel Fitzwilliam catch. I hadn't realized I'd named him in the first chapter. I hadn't intended to. Oops! I've fixed it. _

(16)

Elizabeth found herself very confused when she first awoke the following morning. It took her a minute of looking around after she sat up to realise she was in her new bedroom, in her new home, and her new life. She was married to Fitzwilliam Darcy, and he had not bedded her out of concern for her feelings. At the same time, he had very thoroughly reassured her than it was not for a lack of desirability. Her thoughts swung back to what her aunt had said, that he loved her and would be gentle with her. After he had touched her with such reverence last night, she felt she could agree with her aunt.

After a while Elizabeth swung her feet out of bed and stood, and then walked into her dressing room, to ready herself for the day. Then she remembered that she had Nel. Should she ring for her maid when she was perfectly capable of dressing herself? She felt a little silly asking for help with the task, but she also did not want to make Nel feel useless, and she knew what was expected of a woman in her new role.

She sighed, decided not to fight her new life, and went back to her bedroom to ring the bell. Still, she was not helpless, so she sat down at her dressing table and began to brush her hair. Left unbraided for the night, it had become a tangled mess. She would need to remember that in the future, if she did not wish to spend an hour every day trying to brush her hair out.

Nel entered shortly, curtsied, and took over the brushing.

"Good morning, Mrs. Darcy."

"Good morning, Nel. I am sorry about my hair, I am afraid I forgot to braid it before I fell asleep. I will try to remember in the future."

Nel shrugged slightly and continued brushing.

"It is nothing, ma'am. A few minutes and we will have you righted."

Nel soon had her hair smooth and moved on to twisting and pinning it up for the day. Elizabeth allowed herself to be dressed in one of the few appropriate morning dresses she had, this one a simple lavender. She supposed a visit to the modiste was in order, if she did not want to wear the same three dresses for the next four months.

When they were finished, Elizabeth hesitated and then asked, "I do not remember how to get to the breakfast room, can you remind me?"

"Oh, Mr. Darcy requested that your breakfast be brought to your sitting room, Mrs. Darcy. It is already there and waiting for you."

Elizabeth was embarrassed at her lack of information, but thanked Nel. She supposed she would have known that if she had spent the night with her new husband. While she was grateful for her reprieve, it felt awkward to know she was still a maiden-wife.

She cautiously entered the sitting room she now shared with her husband. Darcy was already there, sitting at the small table, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee.

"Good morning, Fitzwilliam," Elizabeth said quietly.

Darcy dropped his paper immediately, surprised, as he had not heard her enter, and stood, "Good morning, Elizabeth. I hope you slept well?"

"I did."

He walked toward her and took her hand in his, turned it, and brought the inside of her wrist to his mouth, gently placing a kiss there.

"I am glad," he said simply. He drank in her beautiful eyes for a full minute before he leaned in and dropped a sweet, gentle kiss on her mouth.

He pulled back and indicated the table as he said, "I hope you do not mind that I asked for our breakfast here."

"Not at all."

"Then, if you are amenable to it, I would like to start all our days together," he added.

Elizabeth felt that she should not be surprised that her new husband would want to spend time with her; he loved her, after all.

"If you like," she said with a smile as they neared the table.

Darcy held her chair for her as she sat, and then took a plate, but hesitated.

"I remember you choosing strawberry preserves on toast every day at Netherfield for breakfast. But that was only a few days, and I do not remember the rest of the options very well. Is that your favorite?"

"It is, thank you."

He carefully prepared her toast for her.

"Could I interest you in any ham? There a few types of eggs as well."

He pulled several lids off of warming dishes to show her her choices.

Elizabeth laughed, "I hope you do not intend me to eat all of this! I do believe it is enough to feed four of me."

"I did not know precisely what you would like, and had Cook prepare a few choices."

She smiled at his consideration.

"Well, you may know that I strongly prefer strawberry preserves on toast with tea, but nearly any kind of egg or ham will do. I am not difficult to please, you see. If you have a preference for the same each day, or to change it, I will take whatever you have."

Darcy nearly sighed in satisfaction. How had he managed to find the one intelligent, beautiful, woman who did not need to have everything, simply to prove she had the money to do so?

"If you would like, this is my favorite type of egg."

At her nod, he served it to her plate.

"If you truly like it, we can simplify breakfast in the future. I generally have the same thing daily."

Elizabeth smiled; she was not surprised that a fastidious man such as himself preferred a routine. She took a small bite to taste it.

"Excellent," she said when her mouth cleared, "I think I can happily eat these. You may let Cook know that he need not go through so much effort for two peoples' breakfast."

Darcy acknowledged her with a nod, and then simply watched her for a few minutes.

"Have you already broken your fast?" Elizabeth finally asked, a little disconcerted by his stare.

"I have not. I was waiting to eat with you."

She raised her eyebrow at the empty space before him.

He cleared his throat, "Pardon me, I was enjoying the view. You are quite lovely first thing in the morning. Then again, I should not be surprised, as I have never found you to be anything but lovely."

Elizabeth nearly laughed aloud as he moved to fill his own plate. He had not found her lovely the first time he saw her, but she did not wish to quarrel this morning. Instead, she watched him take a larger helping of eggs and a couple slices of toast with raspberry jam. He refilled his coffee and settled in. Elizabeth was embarrassed that she had not noticed his cup was empty, and was determined to find out how many cups he preferred in the morning.

"And do you always prefer raspberry jam, Fitzwilliam?"

Darcy's head nearly whipped up at the sound of his name. He did not think he would ever tire of hearing her address him so intimately in her lovely voice.

"I do."

"Do you always drink coffee for breakfast?"

"Yes."

"The same number of cups?"

"Two."

Elizabeth smiled again.

"Is that...amusing?" he asked.

"Unsurprising. I do believe I am right that you are fastidious man. It is not a far leap to assume you prefer order in your life."

"I do. Do you consider that a bad thing?"

She thought of the noisy mess of her mother and youngest two sisters. Even her father's book room was a disorganised clutter, and Jane tended to collect...things. She cleaned up after herself, but in their shared room, she definitely took up more space. Living with someone who was tidy and organised, and whom she could not imagine gathering trinkets, would be a novel, but not unwelcome, experience.

"No, I enjoy an orderly life myself."

"I will not deny that I am glad. It seems we are a good match in this."

Elizabeth smiled in response and went about her meal again.

Darcy followed suit for a few minutes before asking, "Do you have anything in particular you would like to do today?"

She hesitated before replying, not wanting him to think she was hoping for it, "You do not have anything you are required to do?"

"Besides spend the day with my new wife?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

She smiled, "I was not insinuating that you should, rather not presuming that you are mine to do with as I please."

After she said it, she realised how it might sound to him and felt heat creep up her face. _That_ was not what she had intended at all!

His could not quite contain his smirk as he said, "And what would please you?"

Grateful that he had not teased her, she moved on, "I would very much like to take a walk. As I am sure you are aware, I prefer to walk every day. I do realise that is more difficult here in town, but I would like to continue as much as I can."

Darcy hesitated for a moment, thinking through his answer carefully, "Certainly, I would not wish to curtail your exercise, and would like to join you as often as you will have me if I can. But Elizabeth, will you...will you please promise me that you will never walk out alone? At least take a footman with you?"

Elizabeth was pleased by his concern, and annoyed that he thought she did not know any better than to go walking alone in London. She was not _that _countrified!

"I have never walked alone in London in my life, and have no intention of beginning now," she said with a raised eyebrow. "That is an easy promise to make."

He looked relieved at her easy catipulation, and she was glad she had not quarreled with him over it. He had asked her, rather than commanded her, and it was clear that he was worried for her safety. She could not fault him that.

"Thank you," he said, "I could not imagine you doing so, but I wish to know that you are safe. Would a walk to and around Hyde Park suffice?"

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose, "As long as it is not at the _fashionable hour_. I do not wish to be on display. I am there to walk and enjoy the company I bring with me, not acquire public sightings."

Darcy laughed at the look on her face, pleased that she appeared to include him in the enjoyable company.

"My thoughts precisely. As long as we go during morning hours, we shall be fine. The peacocks do not come out until later. If you would like, we could go after breakfast today."

Elizabeth agreed, and they finished their breakfast. She had not often been to Hyde Park, with her aunt and uncle living so far from it. While she was not interested in the social aspect, she looked forward to seeing the attractions the park itself had. Darcy told her that even she could not find too few walking paths there.

They enjoyed their quiet morning out together. They found conversation easy, and learned more about each other. Darcy had never been so satisfied at Elizabeth's ease with him as he was that morning. As she had happily taken his arm, he drew her as close to him as walking allowed, and still it was not close enough. He relished the feeling of simply being with her in this new found freedom from chaperones.

Neither Darcy nor Elizabeth thought to pay any attention to the time, content as they were. More than two hours passed with them wandering the paths of the park before Darcy thought to check his watch, and realised they ought to return.

Darcy was a little worried about having worn her out, but she merely laughed at him, declaring, "I would be a poor country miss indeed, if I could not handle a few leisurely hours of strolling in a park. Do you not recall my three-mile walk to Netherfield for Jane? This is nothing in comparison to the trudge across those fields. I shall be fine."

Darcy found that she was tired though, despite her protests. After sharing a light lunch, they again sat side-by-side on a sofa in the library while reading. It was not long before Elizabeth's head was resting against his shoulder, and soon she was sleeping. An overwhelming feeling of bliss filled Darcy. That she could be so comfortable with him to fall asleep, and to have her resting against him while doing so; it was indescribable. He found himself incapable of attending to his own book, and set it aside. In his contentment, he rested his head on the top of hers, and soon followed her into peaceful slumber.

Darcy awoke later to the feeling of movement beside him. He was confused at first, as to who would be with him while he slept, and then he remembered his wife. He gently lifted his head from hers and watched her struggle to awaken. She pushed herself off of him, and then looked at him in surprise, blushing.

"I am sorry, I did not intend to fall asleep," she said awkwardly, trying to discreetly stretch her neck.

"Do not apologize. I quite enjoyed it."

She turned a darker red, but did not reply, still trying to ease the stiffness in her neck.

"Will you allow me?" he asked, reaching his hand out to touch her neck.

Elizabeth hesitated, and then turned slightly to allow him better access. At first she found his hands on her too intimate a position in which to relax, but as he massaged her with his strong fingers, she nearly melted. It felt _so_ _good_. To her embarrassment, she let out a low moan. Darcy's hands froze. She felt them move to her shoulders, and then his breath was on her neck as he kissed her there several times. Her heart raced at the sensation of his lips upon her.

"Elizabeth," he whispered against her skin, causing her to shiver.

She did not know how to react. She was not upset; she was simply overwhelmed. She had never felt this way in her life, and she did not know what to do. She felt an arm come around her middle and pull her into him as he buried his face in the side of her neck, moving his other hand down her arm to hold her hand.

When she did not push him away or brace herself, Darcy found himself barely holding on to his self control. He felt her shallow breathing when he pulled her against him, but could not feel her heartbeat over the thundering of his own. He was just debating if he should try to push this any further when there was a knock at the library door. Darcy sighed, pulled her a little tighter against him for a moment, and then released her to stand and walk to the door.

He opened it to Mrs. Rowley. She took one look at his flushed face and averted her eyes, careful to not look into the room behind him, either. He wondered what she thought she might see, with his clothing all perfectly in place.

"Yes, Mrs. Rowley?" he asked, mildly amused.

"Pardon the interruption, Sir, but I wished to know if you would be keeping your normal dinner plans."

Darcy glanced at the clock behind him in the library, surprised that it was time to dress for dinner.

He turned back to Mrs. Rowley, "Yes, we will take dinner at the normal hour, thank you."

"Thank you," she replied politely, and then made her escape.

Darcy closed the door behind her, and turned with laughter in his eyes to find Elizabeth. She was standing next to their sofa with flushed cheeks and hair coming a little loose.

Not willing to push her farther now that they had been interrupted, he simply said, "I do believe we have scandalized my housekeeper. She is rarely required to remind me to dress for dinner, and I am not entirely sure what she thought we were doing in here this whole time. Her conclusion appears to be much more outrageous than the truth."

Elizabeth closed her eyes, mortified. What was the staff going to think of her, if on her first full day in the house, she was already caught in compromising positions?

Darcy approached her and gently brushed his thumb along her cheek, and then let his hand rest on her shoulder.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Elizabeth. We are married and behind a closed door in our own home. The staff knows well enough to knock, and there is no one else here to walk in. Even if there was, we were not doing anything truly scandalous. I have no intention of refraining from touching you, even when my sister is home. While I do not want to expose her to anything she should not see, she will know that I love you, and that I wish to show you that. I hope you do not feel embarrassed by it."

Elizabeth felt herself relax. She had not thought about the fact that she could not be compromised anymore.

"I think it will take me some time to remember that I am a married woman, and the rules are different for me, now. A lifetime of proper behavior cannot be undone in a day, I suppose."

"I think that perfectly normal. Would you like to dress for dinner?"

He offered his arm, and she took it. He walked her to her room, kissing her inner wrist as he released her. As she entered her dressing room, she realised that she had been spending an inordinate amount of time blushing today. He had promised to seduce her last night, and he was most definitely following through. She could admit to herself that it was working, if the end goal was her being more comfortable with his physical affection. Each caress and kiss was less discomfiting and more enjoyable than the last. He made sure there were many of them, too. He took every opportunity to caress her skin and kiss her hand. And those kisses on her neck! Just thinking of them brought another flush to her face.

Nel entered then, and spoke to her of what she wished to wear for the evening. They carried the conversation until her hair was finished and she was dressed, leaving her no more time to contemplate her first full wedded day before she was back in their sitting room.

Unsurprisingly, Darcy was there first. He watched her walk toward him with an appreciative look, taking her in from head to toe and back again, which caused her to flush all over again. At this pace, she would walk around in a continual blush soon.

"Beautiful," he murmured as she reached him.

This time, when he took her hand, he took advantage of the sleeves that did not quite reach her elbows. Elizabeth found her arm being kissed from inner wrist to inner elbow.

Darcy heard her sharp intake of breath and smiled to himself. She might not be in love with him, but the combination of their growing friendship and her obvious susceptibility to him made him truly feel for the first time that it was not an impossibility. Now, if he could just be patient and keep his own ardor in check, he might last until she was truly his.

After dinner, he asked her if she would play for him again, and she agreed happily. Darcy had hoped that she would be amenable to playing for him often, as he adored her expressions as she did so, and the general happiness her music brought him.

He sat himself in full view of her again, and his eyes did not leave her face for two full songs before she turned to playing the chorus from one of her favorites, so as to speak with him at the same time.

"Your expression is very intent tonight, Mr. Darcy. Are you contemplating anything in particular?"

"The pleasure that a pair of very fine eyes on the face of a pretty woman can bestow. It is what first attracted me to you, you know."

"My eyes? Truly? Would you tell my why? I do not wish for flattery, but rather I am genuinely curious."

"Have you never been told before? I am surprised. Your eyes nearly speak without you needing to say words, they are so expressive. They sparkle, they dance, and they draw me in."

He stood and walked to her, and sat next to her on the bench. He reached up and brushed his fingers across her right eyebrow.

"Your eyebrows, when they arch, tell their own story, especially this one. You use them to accentuate what you say. A little lift, a little dip, each says its own thing."

He used his thumb to brush against her upper lashes, "Your lashes are so remarkably fine; thick, dark, and long, drawing one's attention to those lovely eyes. I could never tire of looking at them."

Elizabeth was trembling again, and she closed her eyes against the fervent passion she could see in his. She felt him lean his face down and kiss each of her closed lids, and then gently press his lips to hers. The kiss did not last long, but it was enough to make her heart race again.

"I had no idea," she whispered as she looked up at him.

"I do not know how you have not been told before," he said softly. "They are glorious."

"Thank you," Elizabeth whispered as she looked down, trying to think of a new subject. She was not accustomed to such praise, and she was not ready to handle the strength of passion burning in his eyes. She noticed her ring, and remembered the questions she had about it.

"Fitzwilliam," she asked, "would you tell me the history of my ring? I can see that it is an heirloom, and I would like to know a little of the women who wore it before me."

He took a couple of breaths to settle himself, and switch his thinking from his alluring wife to his mother and grandmothers. He took her hand in his, and gently moved his thumb over the ring while he spoke.

"It was my mother's, and before her, my great grandmother's. I was told that it was made specifically for my great grandmother Darcy. In a time when nearly all marriages were arranged in our class, my great grandparents were a love-match. My understanding is that she was destined for the son of an earl, but before they were engaged, she fell in love with my great grandfather. Her parents did not want to break the match with a titled family, and she was devastated. My great grandfather convinced the earl and his son not to pursue his love, and they acquiesced. Her parents were very angry, and withheld her dowry, though the marriage laws of the time did not enable them to prevent the wedding. My great grandfather had the ring made to show her that he did not care about her lack of dowry, and that they could plenty afford to live without it."

Elizabeth smiled ruefully, "It is fitting then, that you give it to your own virtually dowerless bride."

"Elizabeth, like my great grandfather, I do not care about a dowry. We, too, do not need it." Darcy hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Even when I struggled against my feelings for you, it was never a lack of dowry that stood in my way. I picked this ring because both of the women who wore it before you were loved the way that I love you, with conviction. My parents were a love match, as well. My mother was the daughter of an earl, and her family frowned upon my parents because they had hoped she would marry another title into the family. They did not deny my father consent, but they were not entirely pleased with my mother, and tried to talk her out of it. My father had to stand strong against it and show her that he cared enough to make it worth her family's displeasure."

"You Darcy men seem to have a history of breaking the rules with the women you marry."

"When we find the woman for us, there is simply nothing that can stand our way. You are worth any trial."

_Even the trial of my own affections, Fitzwilliam?_ thought Elizabeth. But she did not say it, as he was very happy tonight, and she did not wish to ruin it. Instead she smiled at him and asked more about his ancestors.

_A/N: Elizabeth is rather subdued, but I think she would be yet, she is still overwhelmed. While Darcy needs to work on her acceptance of his physical affection, it keeps her off-kilter. I expect her gentle teasing to return slowly as her comfort in her new situation increases._


	17. Chapter 17

(17)

Jane was in the Gardiner's sitting room with the rest of the ladies on Saturday when Mr. Bingley was announced. She was not surprised that he was visiting, but it still made her feel out of sorts. He had hinted too much at wishing to pursue her for her to think otherwise anymore. She just wished that she knew her own heart.

She knew that she would not be able to avoid speaking to him, really speaking to him - not just exchanging polite parlor conversation, forever. Still, she did not know what she could say to him. She wished she knew precisely how deep his feelings went, and how constant he could be. Then she would know her heart in a single beat!

Bingley entered the room with a tentative smile on his face, not sure how he would be received. Mrs. Bennet made it clear he was welcome, and while her approval was important, he was only looking for Jane's. He said his greetings, and then allowed his eyes to settle on his love.

"Oh Mr. Bingley, was our dear Darcys' wedding not just the thing?" an overly-excited Mrs. Bennet exclaimed, dragging his attention back to her.

It seemed his thoughts would not be allowed to stay on Jane, as her mother continued, "To have a daughter well married! Mrs. Darcy, how well that sounds. Oh, and to have an Earl and a Countess attend! I never thought I would see the day, and Lizzy, of all my daughters, to make such a grand match! What good things this does for my other girls."

Bingley mumbled his agreement, his natural sociability allowing him to say the right things without thinking too much about it. He kept waiting for Mrs. Bennet to slow down in her conversation, but soon his fifteen minutes were up, and he had not said anymore than a hello to Jane. Without having been specifically invited, he did not think he should overstay his welcome. When he looked to Jane with pleading eyes, she merely gave him a polite smile. He sighed to himself, made his excuses, and left.

Seeing Jane like this now, with politeness being all she offered him, he knew he had been a fool. Even without Darcy telling him that she had loved him, he could see the difference between how she had behaved toward him in Hertfordshire and here in town. He had become a mere acquaintance, and it stung.

* * *

At the Darcy townhouse, Saturday was spent much the same as Friday had been. Darcy and Elizabeth spent nearly all of their waking hours together, tentatively trying to learn about one another. Elizabeth had been worried about their spending too much time exclusively in each other's company, but after two and half days together, she realised that was unfounded. They had plenty to speak of, with both of their strong opinions. They were also perfectly capable of sitting quietly together, neither of them feeling the need to break the silence.

As Nel helped her ready for bed, Elizabeth thought about those days, and the man she now called her husband. Contrary to her prior accusations, he had very much proved himself to be a considerate and conscientious man. He had shown himself anxious for her happiness. He was concerned for her comfort to the point where he had denied himself his marital rights without a single complaint. Even there he had been careful to reassure her that her desirability was not at fault.

He had asked questions to learn her preferences in food and habits. He was taking the time to learn about her. This was not the overbearing man she had feared in the beginning. He did not rule over her, but rather asked her opinions so that he could consider them in his decision making. When he wished for something from her, he politely asked for it, rather than demanded it. Where had that man been before they had become engaged?

When she finished her preparations, she said goodnight to Nel and then moved toward the shared sitting room. Darcy had asked the night before that they spend some time together every evening in their rooms. While she was still uncomfortable being so little dressed with him, she could not see a reason to deny him this intimacy. He had done nothing more than give her a few lingering kisses and gentle caresses, and she trusted him to continue that.

Darcy looked up from the empty fireplace that he had been staring into while waiting for his wife's entrance. He had looked forward to this time all day. When Elizabeth had hesitantly acquiesced to his request to spend time together after dressing for bed, he had been thrilled. After spending a half an hour in her presence the night before, he knew that this would be sweet torture, though. To sit next to her, seeing her hair down and her dressing gown loosely tied around her nightgown, while only allowing himself small touches, had been a severe trial on his self control.

Still, he would not give up this intimacy as long as she allowed it. He enjoyed the feeling of closeness, and he hoped that this was helping her comfort with him. He had worn his own nightshirt and dressing gown the night before, and while she had been startled by the sight, she had not changed her mind. He did the same tonight. Last night he had been too preoccupied with drinking her in to catch anymore of her reaction than the start; tonight he watched her take him in.

Elizabeth's eyes drifted over him for a minute, pausing to look curiously at his bare feet, and then back up to his face.

"Fitzwilliam," she simply said.

"Mrs. Darcy," he replied, causing her to smile.

"You still like the sound of that, I take it?"

"I do not think I will ever tire of claiming you for my own."

She blushed prettily in response. He moved toward her and took her arm gently and led her to the sofa. They spent a short time together, speaking of inconsequential things. Tonight Darcy held her hand between them, gently running his thumb over hers. It was small, but still left Elizabeth flustered and distracted, barely able to look away from their joined hands. She was trying to figure out how such a simple touch could make her feel _so_ much.

When Darcy led her back to her room, he slipped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. He looked into her eyes for several moments, and then leaned in for a simple, gentle kiss. He pulled back and looked at her again, then gently released her, kissed her hand and bid her a goodnight.

Elizabeth was left staring after him, feeling bereft. _When had she come to expect fiery kisses?_

* * *

Georgiana came home with the newlyweds after the Sunday service. She did not have long alone with her new sister though, as Elizabeth's family came to tea early in the afternoon. The Bennets were heading back to Hertfordshire early on Tuesday, and Mrs. Bennet wished to call on Mrs. Darcy before she left.

While Mrs. Bennet was loathe to return to Longbourn and the Collinses, she also could not wait to crow to her neighbors about visiting 'Mrs. Darcy, at Darcy House. They live in Mayfair, you know, not far from their uncle, the Earl Fitzwilliam.' Her excitement made her as exuberant as she was able, and Elizabeth could see that she was severely trying Darcy's patience. Since they were among family, Elizabeth took the liberty of taking his hand beside hers on the sofa and holding it. At first when she did so, he did not move, but after a moment flipped his hand over and intertwined their fingers. This appeared to calm him, as his demeanor softened and his answers lengthened. Elizabeth did not always understand the effect she had on Darcy, but at that moment she was very grateful for it.

* * *

Bingley visited again on Monday, and again Mrs. Bennet dominated the conversation. She could not get over the glory of Mrs. Darcy and having tea in her new home. He kept glancing in Jane's direction, trying to speak to her with his eyes, since he was not given a chance to do so with words. When his fifteen minutes had passed again without any conversation with her, he seriously considered asking for a private audience. He tried to put the desperation he felt into his eyes when he said his goodbye to her.

Jane watched him for longer than she had since meeting him in London, her eyes softening slightly.

"Mama, I shall walk Mr. Bingley out, if you do not mind."

"Not at all child! Take your time," Mrs. Bennet replied with a wink in her eldest's direction.

Jane walked in front of him as they headed for the entrance hall. She gathered his outerwear for him and then turned to face him.

"Miss Bennet, I...I," Bingley stuttered, unable to articulate what he wanted while looking into her sad eyes.

Jane gave him a sad smile, "Yes, Mr. Bingley?"

"Please," he replied, "would you be willing to take a walk with me? I enjoy your family, but I wish to speak with you privately, if you will allow it."

Jane looked away from him as she answered, "My mother and sisters are leaving tomorrow, before noon. I would like to spend the remaining time I have with them."

"But you are not going with them?" Bingley asked hopefully.

"I am not. I will be here until the Darcys take me to Derbyshire with them."

"Then, may I call on you tomorrow morning? Will you allow me to speak to you, alone?" he asked tentatively.

Jane turned her eyes back to him as she answered, "I will. I agree that we need to speak if you are to keep coming. I do not wish for either us to have false hopes," she finished on a whisper.

Bingley's face fell.

Jane hurried to add, "I am not saying that they can only be false, but I meant that I think we will need to speak more plainly about _why _you are coming. I assumed the wrong thing last autumn, and I do not wish to do so again. That is all."

"You did not assume the wrong thing, Miss Bennet. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and have long regretted it. If you will give me another chance, I will show you that you were not wrong."

"Oh," she said, her eyes misting over. Too overwhelmed, and looking for escape, she said, "I have been gone long enough and need to return to my family."

Bingley reached out and took Jane's hand, drawing it gently to his lips.

"Till tomorrow, Miss Bennet. I shall look forward to it."

"Mr. Bingley," she simply whispered in reply.

He turned and headed for the door, giving her one last serious look before he left.

Jane found herself in the rare position of being so out-of-sorts that she could not return to her family, and went to her room to think seriously on Mr. Bingley. She wished to organise her thoughts for his visit on the morrow.

She had watched her newly-married sister the day before, reaching out to hold her husband's hand in comfort. It was clear that, while it had started as an arrangement for security, her sister was quickly finding happiness. Jane had followed society's rules last time, and it had only ended in heartbreak. Elizabeth had been honest and open with Mr. Darcy, and it had worked out for her. Jane was going to try that openness for herself.

* * *

The Bennets headed for Hertfordshire on Tuesday as planned, only leaving a half an hour later than scheduled. Jane found herself anxious in the sitting room at her aunt's house, wondering how long she would be required to wait. Now that she had settled on how she was going to speak to Mr. Bingley, she desperately wanted to see him and have it done. Either it would bring them to new understanding and help them go forward, or he would be done with her. At least her heart would not be left wondering anymore.

She did not have long to wait. He arrived only a half hour after her family had left, and entered looking more nervous than she had ever seen him. Her aunt carried the conversation for a few minutes, then took pity on Bingley, and invented an excuse to give them some privacy. She left the door open, but Jane knew that she would leave them for a little while.

Bingley only waited until Mrs. Gardiner was out of earshot before he began, "Miss Bennet, I am sorry. Sorry that I left you believing that I did not care. I swear that it was never my intention, and I should have had more consideration for you. I should have had the decency to ask you how you felt about us, and not taken the word of people who barely knew you."

Bingley looked miserable as he finished.

Jane was surprised, she had not expected him to be so open with her so soon. It threw her for a moment, and she had to rethink what she wanted to say. Every moment she was silent, Bingley looked more and more miserable.

"Mr. Bingley, are you telling me that you truly cared for me?"

"Miss Bennet, I was and am in love with you. If I would have listened to my own heart in November, I would have returned and asked you to marry me before Christmas. If I thought I had a chance, I would ask you to marry me now."

"Oh," was Jane's only response.

She had definitely not expected him to basically propose.

"Miss Bennet, do I have a chance? If you tell me to leave you alone forever, I will, however unwillingly. If you tell me I have a chance, I will do everything in my power to make you love me."

"You are being very direct, Sir, I had not come to expect that from you."

"I know, but thought about what happened before, and that I never asked you anything specific about how you felt. Instead I tried to read your demeanor, and always in a public setting. That served me very poorly in the past, and I do not want to make the same mistake again."

"I do not, either."

Bingley's face brightened immediately, "Does that mean that you will give me another chance? You are not going to send me away forever?"

Jane smiled, "I am not going to send you away. I do care for you, Mr. Bingley."

Bingley was instantly relieved, "Oh, thank God. I was so worried that I had ruined the feelings you had for me."

Jane held up her hand, "Mr. Bingley, wait, please. While I care for you, that is not enough." His face fell again, but she continued, "I do not think either of us wants to speak of uncomfortable topics, or say anything that we are afraid might hurt the other. While it is good that we consider each other's feelings I worry that, if we were to wed, we would spend our lives never truly getting to know each other. I have seen what a marriage between people who never try to learn about one another turns out, and I do not want to live with a stranger."

Bingley was thoughtful for a few minutes, working through what Jane had told him.

"I agree. We need to be straightforward, and not allow our fear of making each other uncomfortable get in the way of knowing one another. I think we are doing that well, now."

It was Jane's turn to look relieved, "I am glad you think so."

Bingley watched her for a minute. While he was glad they seemed to agree, he could still see hesitancy on Jane's part. There was something else standing in the way.

"Miss Bennet, is there something else upsetting you?" he asked.

He watched her eyes mist over as she spoke quietly, "Even knowing that we understand each other better, I am scared. It hurt when you left in November without returning, and it hurt even more when your sister ended our acquaintance in January. My heart was broken, and then my father died. I find myself feeling very fragile now, and I do not think I can risk my heart. If it were to be trampled again, I do not know if I would survive. I am sorry, but I am not strong enough right now, no matter how much I care for you."

"Oh Jane," Bingley whispered, reaching out and taking her hand in both of his own, wishing very much that he could hold all of her. "I am sorry that I did this to you. I know that I need to prove to you that you can trust me again. All I ask of you right now is that you give me the chance. I will wait as long as I need to for you."

Jane began to cry in earnest at his words. He sat there, watching her in utter misery. He could only take it for so long before he moved to sit beside her on the sofa and pulled her into his arms.

"My darling, my Jane, you will be well again. Your heart will heal, and I will be here when it does. I love you."

He held her for a long time before her tears subsided. He handed her his handkerchief, and let her sit up out of his embrace. He watched her wipe her beautiful eyes and bring herself under control.

"I am sorry," she whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I meant what I said. I love you, and I will be here for as long as you need."

"Thank you."

"It is my pleasure," he replied.

* * *

As promised, Mr. Gardiner brought Jane with him on Wednesday when he came to discuss the houses Mr. Phillips had forwarded to him for Mrs. Bennet. Darcy greeted them all, but the gentlemen quickly left the ladies and went to Darcy's study.

Jane filled her sister in on Bingley's visits, starting with the first two.

"Poor Mr. Bingley! To have visited twice and have our mother barely let him get a word in edgewise. He must have wondered if that was his penance. But he came again yesterday, then? Did you have a chance to speak privately?"

"We did. Our aunt is very accommodating."

Elizabeth smiled, "She is. Aunt Gardiner always knows what is needed. I take it she left you alone, then?"

"Yes, and for just the right amount of time. Mr. Bingley...he embraced me Lizzy! I knew we should not, but I was upset and crying after we spoke, and he came and sat by me and wrapped his arms around me. It was so comforting! I almost agreed to marry him right there, just so he could keep holding me." She blushed and looked at her sister and asked, "Is that what it is like, Lizzy? When you are married, does your husband hold you and comfort you like that?"

It was Elizabeth's turn to blush, and she did so rather violently, thinking of all of the ways Darcy had held her.

She started stuttering a response, "I...he...well, I...Oh! Let us just say that it feels good, and yes, he holds me." She decided to direct the subject back to Jane and asked, "If you spoke and he was holding you, does that mean that you are in agreement on something?"

"Lizzy, he told me that he loves me, and he has loved me since the winter. He actually told me that he would propose yesterday if he thought he had the slightest chance of me saying yes."

"I knew it! I am so glad that he loves you. He nearly proposed? Really?" Elizabeth asked, a little surprised.

"He did. He made it very clear that his wish is that we wed, and rather as soon as he can convince me, I think."

"How do you feel about that, Jane? Are you ready for that?" asked Elizabeth, knowing it was not likely.

"As I told him, I am not ready yet; my heart is still too fragile. Oh, Lizzy! I do not know how you did it, with our father so freshly gone. How are you figuring out how to be married, and letting your heart trust, when it has been hurt so? I just cannot do it, and I cannot imagine you feel any less at our father's passing!"

"I think that it helped to tell myself I was doing it for my family, for one. But Jane, my heart had not been so freshly wounded before Papa died. I was angry at Mr. Darcy, but I had never loved him. I do not think it is unreasonable at all, that your heart is still guarded. As Mr. Darcy told me, no one expects us to be done mourning yet, and for good reason. He lost his father less than five years ago, you know. I think it helps that he understands what I am feeling. He has been considerate, so very considerate."

"It is not so bad, then, to be married to him?" Jane asked, looking hopefully at her sister. It appeared that marriage agreed with Elizabeth much more than she had ever thought it would.

"It is much better than I ever thought it would be. Jane, he is a good man, and I have misjudged him, terribly."

Darcy came in just then, and requested Jane and Elizabeth's help with the choosing of a new home for Mrs. Bennet and the remaining girls. Darcy and Mr. Gardiner had narrowed the list down to houses that fit the financial restrictions, and had at least three bedrooms in the family quarters, but they did not know where to start on what Mrs. Bennet would prefer. They needed the girls' input on what would be the best fit for their family.

The gentlemen watched quietly as Jane and Elizabeth chatted about the houses, many of which they had visited at least once, and the nearby families they had known most of their lives. Mr. Gardiner smiled proudly at the nieces he knew so well, and Mr. Darcy watched them in fascination. They had each taken half the pile of papers, and they slowly made a small pile of the most likely choices.

Soon Elizabeth's face brightened, "Jane, is this cottage close to the Millers' farm?"

Jane leaned over to check Elizabeth's sheet, "I believe it is. Mrs. Miller just birthed their eighth child, did she not?"

"She did, another boy, I believe. How far would you say the cottage is from their farm?"

"The drives are no more than a quarter mile, I would guess."

"Mama has spoken highly of Mrs. Miller, has she not?"

"Yes, and Mr. Miller is a well-respected man. I believe he has made much of their farm. He inherited it from his father, did he not?"

"He did. Do you suppose Mama would mind them for her nearest neighbors?" asked Elizabeth.

"I think she would like them."

"I think so, too. It might also help Mama economise."

"How so?" asked Jane.

"Well, I am sure that Mr. and Mrs. Hill will stay with Mama, you know they are not fond of Mr. Collins. Besides, they are practically family, they have been with us for so long. Mr. Hill can take on most of the duties that a man would be needed for, but sometimes he will need help. With all those boys just down the road, he can simply send for one of them when he needs that assistance. The same would go for Mrs. Hill. She was a cook for a time in her younger days, and I truly do not think she would mind taking that back on, especially if we look for a maid who would like to help there. The household really will not need as much as it used to; Mama will not be in a place to entertain like she has. With a couple of maids, and the girls down the road to help out again when needed, Mama could get by with the just the four on staff. Do you agree?"

"I do. Mr. Collins had been hinting at replacing the Hills, before we left, too. I would be sad to see them sent off at their age to find a new household. It would be difficult for them to find one together, too. I agree with you, that they will likely be willing to take on more variety in their duties to stay with Mama. It would not really be more work, either, with the house so reduced in size and society. Mama would not see her daughters take on anything she does not approve of this way, which is a good point for her favour."

"Yes, and at least two of the neighbor girls are old enough to help with some of the cleaning, laundry, and upkeep around the house, when the maids are overwhelmed. If the Miller family is willing, it would add a pretty income to their family. Not having to cover their boarding will allow a slightly smaller house for Mama, too."

"The Millers are highly unlikely to leave the farm," added Jane, "and with so many children, it will be more than ten years before they would not be available to help."

"Even when this generation grows up, the oldest Miller boy ought to have a family by then, and his own children may be able to follow."

"I agree, this is a perfect situation."

They set that sheet on its own next to the possibilities, and went on. They found a few others that would do very well, but none as well as the cottage near the Millers. They knew that they needed to leave the final decision up to Mrs. Bennet; she should have a say in where she resettled, after all, but they hoped she would see the merits of the cottage. It would allow her to keep the highest style of living out of all of them, while not being the most expensive.

Jane and Mr. Gardiner stayed for tea afterwards, and until they left, Darcy had never been so anxious to have his wife to himself. Georgiana had joined them for tea, but headed back to the music room to practice the pianoforte. It was everything Darcy could do not to drag his wife into his study.

Elizabeth laughed when he gently pushed her through the door and shut it behind them. She had no idea what he was doing, and he was acting very strangely, hurrying her through the house like he was.

"Fitzwilliam, what on earth is the matter?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," he replied.

He came up to her, placed her hands on his chest, and wrapped his arms around her in a loose embrace, so that he held her but could still easily look at her. He had absolute fire in his eyes.

"What is it?" she asked, overwhelmed by the look he was giving her.

"You are...amazing. I knew that you are smart, and thoughtful, and considerate, but to see you in action today; you will make an excellent Mistress of Pemberley. I could ask for no better."

Elizabeth was surprised, "I just made sure my mother and sisters have a good place to stay. While I thank you for the compliments, I do not see why that was so special."

"That makes it all the better, as it comes naturally. You did not just take care of your mother. You made sure the Hills would not be left unemployed, you took into consideration a neighbor, and how they could mutually benefit each other. You acted exactly how a mistress of a large estate should; making sure that everyone possible benefits from a decision you have made, and taking into consideration many different needs at once. I knew you would do well in the role, but to see you in action! You have no idea how badly I wanted to drag you out of this room and show just how amazed by you I am."

"Oh," Elizabeth replied faintly. "I did not, I mean to say...I did not think about it, I guess."

"I know. As I said, it is natural for you. You are perfect, Elizabeth."

"I am not-" she started to say, but he did not let her finish.

Darcy could not contain himself any longer. He tightened his embrace, pulling her closer to him, and dropped his mouth to hers. He poured all of the feelings coursing through him into that kiss, and could not get enough of her. His hand moved up to the back of her head and held her to him, while he assaulted her mouth with his own.

It was not enough. Darcy trailed kisses down past her jaw, gently tilted her head back, and moved to her neck. He breathed in the scent of her, and then moved lower to trace kisses along the length of her collarbone. The same collarbone that had tempted him from the beginning, teasing him with shadows in the evenings while the light had danced across her. He felt her begin to tremble and he let out a low groan, slightly frustrated. He nuzzled his face into her neck and allowed his breathing to calm.

When he felt he was master enough of himself, he straightened and pulled her tight against him. He might be done assaulting her, but he could not bring himself to let go. He continued to try to regulate his breathing, and felt her trembling subside.

"Do you have any idea how long I have wanted to kiss your collarbone? I had never thought of a collarbone as seductive before I met you. It has been teasing me for months."

"My...collarbone?"

"Yes. It is perfect, and I have wanted to touch it so badly. Everything about you is so perfect. I find myself desperate to touch you everywhere. You have no idea."

"Oh," she said faintly.

Darcy took another deep, shaky breath and let it out. He pulled her even tighter against him for a moment before loosening his arms and looking her in the eyes again.

"I meant what I said, though, Elizabeth. You will make an excellent Mistress of Pemberley. I am delighted by you, and the way you handled this afternoon. I have not looked forward to dealing with the workings of the estate with such pleasure since I became its master after my father's death. It will be so much better with you by my side, helping me in my decisions."

Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears, and Darcy became concerned. He almost spoke, but she stopped him with gentle pressure on his chest, where her hands still rested.

"I cannot even express how happy it makes me to know that you feel that way, Fitzwilliam. To know you want my opinion, as a woman, means so much to me. I never thought I would find a husband who would appreciate my opinions. I really never thought you would ask my opinion about decisions at all. I clearly did not know you, when we first met in Hertfordshire, and then in Kent. I assumed that you would be domineering and insist on having everything your own way. I find myself barely able to keep up with all of the surprises I am discovering about you."

She stopped and simply looked at him for a minute.

"Are the surprises all good then?" he asked hesitantly.

She smiled, "They are. I said it a few days ago, and I will say it again: you are a good man, Fitzwilliam."

"I am very glad to hear you think so," he replied, as he leaned down to gently kiss her again.

_A/N: I'd really like some feedback on the pacing of this chapter. This is the first one where I added in Jane and Bingley's story, not where it just advances Lizzy and Darcy's. Was it too broken up? Was it easy enough to follow? Thanks in advance for any reviews. They are so helpful for me to know if I'm getting the story across well or not. You guys are great!_


	18. Chapter 18

(18)

The second week of their marriage found the Darcys slowly settling into a routine. They met for breakfast every morning, and took a walk together in Hyde Park before returning to the house to start their days. They would see each other throughout the day at various times, and then meet to dress for dinner and spend their evenings together.

Elizabeth spent her mornings working with Mrs. Rowley to learn the inner workings of Darcy House and all of the responsibility it entailed. Mrs. Rowley had done so on her own for years with input from Mr. Darcy, and before him the late Mr. Darcy, but the housekeeper had felt the loss of a mistress for those years. She was happy to help Elizabeth learn, and Darcy was happy to turn those duties over to his new wife.

Darcy had plenty of business himself, and returned to it with a resigned feeling when Elizabeth started her education as mistress. He could not spend every waking hour of the day with her, no matter how much he wanted to. He had work to do and even though they were getting along, he knew they were both of the type to need time apart.

Telling himself he needed to work was very different from actually doing so, though. He found himself in the rare position of being rather useless. Darcy spent most of his mornings with his thoughts on where his wife might be, and what she might be doing. In those first few days of their second week he managed to accomplish little to nothing in the way of business, but he did contemplate his happiness.

Elizabeth had not said she loved him yet, but he definitely thought it was a possibility now. He had not missed her telling him how happy she was at various moments over the past week. He did not think she could fake contentment, and content she appeared to be.

Darcy did not realise how much time he had spent simply daydreaming until there was a knock at his door, followed by his wife with a covered tray.

"Hello, Elizabeth," Darcy said as he walked around his desk to greet her. "To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit?"

"Good afternoon, Fitzwilliam. I thought you might be hungry; you have not left this room since we returned from our walk. Unless, of course, you keep lunches hidden in here?" she asked with a raised eyebrow and a glance around.

Darcy looked at the mantle clock in surprise, "Is it that time already?"

"It is. Do you mind if I join you? I took the liberty of bringing enough for both of us."

Darcy's face brightened and he smiled at her seeking him out.

"I would be delighted."

She smiled in return and set the tray down on the edge of his desk and removed the cover. She handed him his plate and took her own, then sat down in one of the chairs. Darcy sat next to her rather than going back around his desk. He did not start eating immediately, however, and simply watched Elizabeth.

"You are staring again, Fitzwilliam," she said between bites.

"Am I? Do I?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes, you always have. At least I know now that it is not to find fault. Or at least I think it is not. It is not, is it?" she asked curiously.

He laughed, "Not at all. I am admiring your beauty and hoping this is not a dream that I am going to be cruelly awakened from."

She smiled. "It is not a dream. You vowed forever, and forever you are stuck with me!"

"I could definitely think of worse fates," he said calmly as he finally turned to his plate.

"Why did you watch me? Before, I mean, in Hertfordshire and Kent," she asked after a short pause.

"I was fascinated by you. I could not get enough of you. I still cannot. You are a wonder, Elizabeth."

"Oh," she replied with raised brows.

It was Elizabeth's turn to watch him. He looked up after a minute and asked her, "And are you looking to find fault?"

"No, I do believe you once quite owned having none. It would be fruitless," she replied lightly.

He raised an eyebrow at her, "If I remember correctly, I stated that that was not possible for anyone. I think I have proven that I have many."

She smiled ruefully, "Haven't we both?"

They ate in silence for a while longer. When Elizabeth put her plate aside she asked, "May I ask what you are working on?"

"Ahh, I have been reviewing my investment returns and assessing whether I need to adjust anything."

"Oh! How interesting. Do you have time to tell me about them? Have you found anything notable?"

"I do, and I have not...yet," he said in embarrassment.

Elizabeth gave him a curious look, wondering what made him uneasy, and added quietly, "I do not wish to intrude."

"It is not an intrusion!" he said quickly. He stood and walked around his desk, "I am glad you wish to know where our investments lie. Did you help your father with his?"

He would not be surprised to find she had. She had been so close to her father, and Darcy was sure Mr. Bennet appreciated the intelligence of his daughter.

Elizabeth looked embarrassedly away, "He did not have any. Not that I know of, anyway."

Darcy was surprised to hear that. What gentleman did not invest his earnings for higher return? Not wanting to insult her beloved parent's memory, he moved on quickly.

"Oh, well, how much do you know about them, then?"

She smiled, "I used to read the financial section in the paper. My father read the news, but had little interest in gossip or finances. He generally preferred his books."

"Well, shall you come have a look? I am curious as to what you know. I am always looking for someone to discuss these with, for ideas. If you are interested, I would very much like to hear your opinion."

Elizabeth rose and came around the desk. Darcy offered her his chair and she sat. She pulled the stack of papers toward her and then looked up to him.

"Is there a certain order to these? What do these documents contain? I would like to know what I am looking at."

Darcy sucked in a breath and felt his heart clench. The only other person to have sat there since his father had been his cousin, and Fitzwilliam only did so to irritate him. His study was his domain, and that chair was a place just for him, but she _fit_ there. He never would have anticipated his desire to see her invade everything in his life. There was nowhere she did not belong.

He realised he had been staring at her silently while she waited patiently, her right eyebrow arching curiously at his silence.

"Ah, I am not sure...I had not really gotten far yet," he stuttered out. The combination of her presence and his actual ignorance due to earlier daydreaming had his mind fuddled.

Her left eyebrow joined her right, "Is this not what you were doing when I interrupted? Were you doing something else?"

His face flushed. "Nooooo," he drug out. It was not entirely a lie, he had not been doing anything but thinking of her.

She looked confused, and then said quietly, turning her face away from him, "If you do not wish to tell me what you were doing, I understand."

"It is not that," he hurried to say. He had not missed that she reacted the best when he had shared his thoughts with her, and he did not want to ruin the progress theyhad made by causing her to think he did not want to do so. "I should rephrase what I said. I was _attempting_ to read the investments. I was...distracted."

"Distracted? Is that possible for you? If I recall correctly, Miss Bingley referred to your presence of mind as unteasable," she turned back to him with a sparkle in her eyes. "What could possibly cause your thoughts to fall out of line? Miss Bingley would be shocked!"

He responding quietly, "You."

Her cheeks reddened as she said, "Oh."

"That has become a common theme for me."

They watched each other in silence for a moment, and then his eyes dropped to her mouth. He saw her draw in a breath, and then she tilted her chin up slightly, as though offering her lips to him. His eyes flew up to hers for a split second to see warmth in them, and then he took the invitation she offered.

It was a slow, sweet kiss. As he pulled away, Darcy watched Elizabeth languidly open her eyes. There was no trembling, no hesitating. He smiled at her.

Elizabeth felt relief; Darcy had been acting strangely, and it had worried her. He had been opening up more toward her, but there was still much she did not understand about him. She was never sure if she was asking him to share more than he wanted to. That he was simply uncomfortable with his behavior made sense; he readily admitted to being fastidious, and distraction from his normal order would be disconcerting.

She returned his smile and said, "Well, then maybe it is best that I am here. You will be reviewing your investments as you teach me."

"Indeed."

They turned to the papers together, and spent the afternoon with Darcy teaching her everything about the investments. They moved from the current ones to speculation about new possibilities. It was very clear from their conversation that Darcy genuinely respected her opinions. It was so rare for her to carry a conversation with a man, other than her father and uncle, where she felt her intelligence was not in question due to her sex. It was delightful.

Darcy continued to be fascinated by his new wife. Elizabeth was intelligent and she could express what she wished with ease. He truly wished to hear her insight, but he did not miss the unintended effect on her. She was glowing with delight and was more animated than he had seen her since their wedding. Her eyes were sparkling, and she began to gently tease him again. He was gratified by the return of her teasing. To him that was the clearest indicator of her comfort and happiness.

* * *

Charles Bingley was not a man good at confrontation. He was uncomfortable with argument, and often times looked for the quickest way out of it, rather than the actual best resolution. He knew that as a result, he was often taken advantage of. He hated to admit it to himself, but his sister Caroline could be the worst offender there. He had put this conversation off for too many days already, and it needed to happen. He had not visited Jane since she had shared where her feelings stood, and he did not feel right calling again until he had made some progress with his sister. It had been six days, and his desire to see her finally outweighed his dread of dealing with Caroline.

He had requested the use of his brother Hurst's study for the discussion he needed to have with Caroline, and now he was fortifying himself for what was to come. He might not fight her on this if it only affected him, but she had hurt too many people he cared about, and her attitude toward Darcy and the Bennets needed to change. He closed his eyes and thought about beautiful Jane, remembering that he wanted to prove to her that he could be his own man, a man she could learn to lean on. He needed to remember that over the course of this impending conversation, to keep him strong.

Miss Bingley entered the study with a disinterested air. "Charles, what is this about?" she demanded.

"Caroline, you have hurt several people I care about over the past few months. Your behavior has strained relationships. I hold these relationships dear, and I need to know if you feel remorse, and if you will apologise," he said firmly.

She waved her hand indifferently, "Please, if you are referring to dinner at the Darcys', I did not say anything that people did not already know, or should not expect. If certain unfortunate people of our acquaintance did not think themselves so high, we would not be mingling with them, and they would not have heard truths they did not want to."

Bingley stared at his sister while he processed what she had said. Did she just say that it was not her fault for saying it, but rather their fault for hearing it? Did she really believe that?

His expression turned cool as he said, "So Darcy thinks himself too high, now?"

"Of course not!" she replied sharply.

"Well, by your explanation, the insults he heard were his fault for having been there."

She turned her eyes to the windows as she said, "I did not insult him, it was those Bennets. They did not deserve to be there."

Bingley found himself growing truly angry. It was a rare feeling for him, and it made his voice shake.

"Caroline, 'those Bennets' as you call them, are now Darcy's family. He was already engaged to Mrs. Darcy when you said those things. What had you hoped to accomplish? Your only real result is going to be getting yourself cut off from Pemberley forever."

"I am sure that Mr. Darcy will forget about this over time. He will not cut me, he holds your friendship too high," she said calmly.

"You forget, sister, that Darcy himself admitted to implacable resentment. You insulted his wife, a woman he loves very much. I do not think he will simply forget."

She continued to silently stare out the window.

"Caroline, if you do not apologise, I will need to inform the Darcys that you regretfully decline their invitation to Pemberley in August."

She looked horrified, "Charles, you would not!"

Bingley sighed, "I do not wish for discord between our families. Darcy is one of my oldest friends, and, if she will have me, I still hope to marry Mrs. Darcy's sister. I do not think you will want to be excluded from all future invitations between our families, but I will do it if you cannot change your attitude toward them."

Caroline desperately latched onto his comment about pursuing Jane, "You do not still hold on to that ridiculous idea that Jane Bennet loves you? Really Charles, she is not worth the effort."

"Jane Bennet is one of the sweetest, kindest women I have ever met, and I love her. I have it on very good authority that, had I not abandoned her over the winter, we would already be engaged, if not married. She was in love with me, and now I need to figure out how to get that back. I need to know that you will not interfere in this."

She sat quietly with a pinched look on her face.

"Please tell me that you will not interfere in my happiness, Caroline. I want to believe that you can treat the Bennet and Darcy families with kindness and respect. It is not your place to decide who deserves anything. Darcy and I have made our choices, and if you truly care about us, you would respect those choices as our friend and sister."

He could see her lips pressing tightly together, but she did not respond.

"Caroline?"

"What do they have that I do not?" she asked. "I do not understand. I have a fortune, connections, formal education, and my manners are more refined. How did they manage to attract the attention of two of the best men I know? How did I lose Darcy to a woman without any of those things that I have? I do not understand!"

Bingley sighed, and walked over to his sister's seat. "Caroline," he said quietly, kneeling next to her, "it is not all about your credentials. If Darcy is like me, then he just felt a connection to her. If he did not feel that with you, no matter how you tried, then there was nothing you could do about it. He wanted to marry for love, and fortune and standing were of a lesser importance to him."

"Why did he no feel attracted to me? Charles, I am sure, as his closest friend, you knew."

Bingley was taken aback, "Caroline, that ship has sailed, it does not really matter."

"I am aware that I cannot marry Mr. Darcy anymore," she said testily. "I want to know what is wrong with me. Just tell me."

"I do not know that there is anything really wrong with you Caroline -"

"Would you for once in your life just say the uncomfortable thing, Charles? Quit trying to break it to me nicely and just tell me. I have never been pursued in the way that Jane and Eliza Bennet have been. What is it about me that is deficient?"

"Well, you can be a little difficult to approach...your personality is not very inviting?" he finished uncomfortably.

"I am cold."

Bingley sighed. "I think that perhaps your expectations of acceptable society are too high. Caroline, you have enough of a fortune that most of the gentlemen you have been introduced to would be able combine it with theirs to provide you with a very comfortable life. You have pushed many of them away, however, in your pursuit of Darcy. Most men do not take well to being shoved aside for something better. Perhaps you could look for a man who you would get along with first, and consider his fortune second. I want you to be happy."

She sat quietly for a minute, absorbing what he had told her. She did not think she could bring herself to ever like the new Mrs. Darcy, she found her personality grating, but Jane Bennet would not make a bad sister. If she could satisfy Charles and Mr. Darcy in her treatment of their ladies, she would prove to herself that she was capable of being warmer. If gentlemen wanted warmth, she would display warmth.

She would have wished for higher for her brother, but with the Bennets' new connection to the Darcys, it would not be so bad. Besides, invitations to the Darcys' homes would throw her into the path of other wealthy men. She might be expanding her horizons, but she still planned to marry very well.

"I will apologise to Jane Bennet and the Darcys. I would like to renew my friendship with Miss Bennet, if she will have me."

Bingley grinned, "I am glad. I knew you were able."

He stood and dropped a kiss on her cheek. "Would you like me to arrange a visit with each of them?"

She grimaced, uncomfortable as it may be, she would rather get it over with.

"Yes, please."

"Excellent."

* * *

A few days after their lunch in his study, Darcy finished off his duties for the day early, and went in search of his wife. Ever since she had brought him lunch, they had been more willing to drop in on each other during the day. Darcy found this helped his level of distraction. If he could not stop thinking of his wife, he would simply seek her out and spend a little time with her, and then he could return to his normal focus.

He walked through the house looking for her, and when he could not find her, went to Mrs. Rowley's office. His wife was often found there, chatting with their housekeeper about the household.

He knocked on the door and poked his head in, surprised to find she was not there, either. "Mrs. Rowley, do you know where Mrs. Darcy is?"

"I believe she was heading to the library when we finished up about an hour ago."

He thanked her and went back to the library. He thought it strange that he had not seen Elizabeth there when he had walked through it earlier.

Darcy entered and looked toward the sitting area, but unsurprisingly did not find his wife there. He could not see her by any of the shelves, either. He went toward a few of them that ran into the room, wondering if she had become lost in a book while sitting on the floor. It would not be unexpected.

He rounded the edge of a shelf, and his heart dropped at the sight. His wife was sitting on the floor with a small pile of books in front of her. She had a book held tightly to her chest, and she was gently rocking back and forth, weeping silently. It had been clearly happening for some time, as he could see the wetness gathering on the bodice of her grey dress.

"Elizabeth?" he asked gently, approaching her. "What is the matter?"

Elizabeth snapped her head up, startled. She quickly began wiping her face with a hand, trying to clear the tears away, but losing the battle against the ones still flowing. Darcy came and knelt beside her and offered her his handkerchief. She took it and mostly dried her face, still not setting the book she held down.

"Elizabeth, are you well?" Darcy asked, concern in his voice.

"I...I...no!" she finally answered. "I am sorry."

"You do not need to apologise for crying," he replied, as he reached out his hand to touch her arm. She did not shy away from him, which gave him hope that these tears were not a result of something he had done, or even simply his existence. "Will you tell me what has upset you so?"

She nodded her head and then took a few shuddering breaths, trying to collect herself.

"I was looking through books, and stumbled across a copy of the last one that Papa and I had read together. It reminded me of his book room, and all of the books that are there. When he liked a book well enough to reread it, he would make notes on the pages and mark particular passages. I know," she took another deep breath, "I know that it irritates some to have writing all over their books, but I loved to read a book he had done that to and see his thoughts and what was important to him." She showed him the book that was in her arms, "This book was the last one he did that to. I miss him so much," she finished in a tortured whisper.

"Oh Elizabeth," Darcy said. He sat down on the floor next to her and crossed his legs. He gently lifted her and set her on his lap and wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled into him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I am so sorry," he said into her hair.

"The worst part is that those all belong to Mr. Collins now. I am sad that I may never get to see them again, and scared that he will throw them all out when he sees how marked up they are. It is unlikely that he will not find them soon, since Papa put them all on the shelf closest to his desk. I would love to have them all, but in his resentment, I am afraid if I ask for them he will say no just to spite."

Darcy continued to hold her, rubbing her back and whispering comforting words, while his mind worked quickly to figure out how he could get the books for her. He waited for her to settle some before he spoke again.

"Do you really think he resents your family that much?"

"Not my family, me."

"Because you married me?" Darcy asked in confusion, not really believing it, but not able to come to any other conclusion. Perhaps it was out of deference to his aunt.

"No, because I would not marry him."

"What?!" Darcy asked.

Elizabeth pulled her head back to look at him, "I suppose you do not know, do you? He asked me to marry him the morning after the Netherfield ball, and I refused. He did not take it very well."

"He thought that a woman like you would ever condescend to marry a blundering fool like him?" Darcy asked in shock.

She gave him a small smile, "He was the heir to our home. He assumed that his position over us would make me grateful enough to say yes, regardless of my feelings. It did not matter to him that we were completely incompatible. He was rather unaccepting of my answer, and my father had to side with me to make him understand. I believe he feels quite insulted that I would not even consider him."

"He did not fancy himself in love with you?"

"He said he was in his proposal, but I am sure he had no real feelings for me. He was simply looking for a wife, and assumed he could have his pick of our household. Jane was protected by Bingley's interest, and I am the next eldest. He became engaged to Charlotte a mere two days later, professing love to her, and she only married him to escape eternal spinsterhood. At the time I did not have any doubt about refusing him, but it did cross my mind, in those few weeks after my father's death that perhaps I had been too hasty. I would have been protecting my family's future. I simply did not think that future would come to pass so soon."

Darcy was thoughtful for a minute before he said, "I was not much better, was I? I really loved you, but I disbelieved your answer at first, and assumed my position and fortune were enough to garner your acceptance without ever courting you. No wonder you regretted refusing him, even though you had my proposal. I was a blundering fool, too."

He looked away uncomfortably as he said the last, but Elizabeth reached up and turned his face back to her.

"Fitzwilliam, I never considered you a fool. I resented you at first, when you offered for me again, because I did not want to have to make a decision. I wondered about my refusal of him rather uselessly, as it was not an option any more, but I was rather desperate and scared. Believe me, he and Charlotte were at Longbourn for less than two days before it became quite clear to me that I would have strangled him had I married him. He is a blundering fool." She watched the wretched look on his face for a moment before she added firmly, "Looking back at my decision to marry you, I can say definitively that I have no regrets."

He could see that she meant it, and it brought such a sense of relief to him. It was the closest she had ever come to admitting she cared for him. He gathered her back to him and buried his face in her hair. He loved this woman so much. He would figure out how to get those books for her, even if he had to pay a fortune for them.

* * *

Bingley called on Jane at the Gardiners' the very afternoon after his chat with his sister. He was impatient to bring about a reconciliation between his sister and his love. He did not waste time after their greetings.

"Miss Bennet and Mrs. Gardiner, I would like your permission to bring my sister Caroline with me to call on you tomorrow. She has expressed a wish to apologise for her poor treatment of you this winter and for speaking rudely of Mrs. Darcy. Would it be too much to ask for you to accept her call and hear her?" he asked anxiously.

Mrs. Gardiner was not quite able to hide her shock, and Bingley felt the embarrassment of his sister's treatment of her. He did not miss the suspicious look that crossed her face, but she did not speak of it. Jane did not show a reaction, but she was silent as well, so he assumed she was not sure how to react.

"I have spoken with her at length, and she is truly remorseful for having been rude. She expressed a wish to renew her friendship with you, Miss Bennet. I believe she is being genuine."

"I would like to try and reconcile with Miss Bingley, if she wishes it," Jane finally replied.

"We will hear her out, Mr. Bingley," added Mrs. Gardiner.

Bingley was visibly relieved. Mrs. Gardiner felt for him, needing to confront his sister. She had gathered that he was very averse to conflict, and it must have been difficult for him.

He took his leave shortly after, having spent the whole visit watching Jane wistfully. She had not yet warmed to him, and he had to remind himself to be patient with her and her feelings.

After he was gone, Mrs. Gardiner spoke of her earlier thoughts to her niece, "That must have been very hard for him, to confront his sister about her behavior. Based on her prior actions, I have a feeling he has not done that often before."

"Do you think she is genuinely sorry?" asked Jane. She disliked the feeling of distrust she had toward Miss Bingley, but she did not want to be taken in again. She knew that Mr. Bingley was just as guilty as her of seeing the best in people.

"We shall see tomorrow, but if she cares about her brother's happiness, then it is very possible. He may have told her how much her actions hurt him. I am not particularly fond of her, but she would have a sister's feelings. Do you think you will be able to read her genuineness?"

"I do not know. I wish Lizzy would be here. She knew Caroline nearly as well as I did, and she is less trusting."

"I assume that Miss Bingley will be required to apologise to her as well. We can visit Lizzy after it happens, and see if she thinks so."

Jane agreed to the plan.

"How does this impact your view of Mr. Bingley, dear?"

"I should like to see how his sister acts tomorrow, but I agree with you that it would have been difficult for him to confront her. I am glad that it shows he can do the difficult thing when required."

"It does. Hopefully he can keep this resolve."

Jane smiled faintly in agreement.

_A/N: RL is beginning to intrude, and I want to warn you that I will be completing chapters at a slower pace. I will finish this story, and intend to continue working on it while RL is crazy, but I may only be able to update 2-3 times a month now. It's been hard to get the last 2 out, and I don't want to rush to the point where I'm dissatisfied with the result. _

_As always, THANK YOU for your reviews and support._


	19. Chapter 19

(19)

Bingley brought Caroline to visit Jane and Mrs. Gardiner on Wednesday as promised. Caroline did not waste any time; she had thought through what she should be apologising for thoroughly and knew it was best to simply get to the point.

"Miss Bennet, Mrs. Gardiner," she said as soon as they were all seated, "I would like to apologise for my treatment of you and your family, especially Mrs. Darcy, over the past few months. I was not as kind as I ought to have been, and I am sorry. I hope that you will forgive me, as I genuinely wish to continue our friendship."

Jane was surprised by how straightforward Caroline acted, looking her right in the eyes while she spoke, and that she included Elizabeth in her apology immediately. She would not have been surprised by a false apology, or some kind of excuse, but Caroline appeared to be completely genuine. She looked to see how her aunt was receiving this information, and saw that she appeared surprised as well.

"Thank you, Miss Bingley," Jane finally replied, truly thankful that they could heal this breach. She did not like to be out of sorts with anyone. "I accept your apology, and I too would like continue our friendship."

Miss Bingley relaxed her posture nearly imperceptibly, but Jane caught it nonetheless. She glanced to Bingley to see what he thought of his sister; he was beaming at her with a pleased look. He turned to Jane, and his expression turned hopeful. She felt her heart warm. She had always found his desire to see those he cared about happy appealing. Like herself, he could be taken advantage of for it, but she would not wish him to change. She smiled at him in her pleasure.

Caroline watched her brother's look turn to one of delight at Jane's pleased smile, and nearly rolled her own eyes. Really, the two of them were perfect for one another, even if it did make her feel a little ill. If they did end up married, they would probably make moon-eyes at one another all of the time. She was going to have to move the process of finding a husband along if that was the case. She had no interest in watching the love birds under the same roof. She would never act so ridiculously besotted, but her brother always had been the romantic one. She supposed it was nice that he had found a woman who would take care of his tender heart.

Mrs. Gardiner watched Miss Bingley's face transition from annoyed at her brother and Jane to a more relaxed contentment. She was curious what the younger woman was thinking of, but mostly she was pleased that Caroline had shown herself to care about her brother's happiness, whether it was consciously done or not. It appeared she was redeemable after all.

The visit was short. Bingley did not want to leave Jane's side after the look of pleasure she had given him, but he also did not want to push Caroline too hard. She had genuinely apologised for something, which he knew was difficult for her. He could appreciate that she was uncomfortable. When she invited Jane and Mrs. Gardiner for tea early the following week, he was proud of her. He left Gracechurch Street with more hope than he had felt since he had left Hertfordshire in November.

"Well Jane dear, what do you think of Miss Bingley's apology?" Mrs. Gardiner asked as soon as their guests had left.

"I think she meant it, do you?" Jane replied.

"I was surprised, but I think so, too. I believe it is difficult for her to admit wrong-doing. That she could shows that she at least cares for her brother. At a minimum, I think that she will do better by you as long as you are under Mr. Bingley's protection in her eyes. I would hope that you could have something more than that with a sister, but it will depend upon her. There may be more to her than we first saw."

"There is no guarantee that she will be my sister, Aunt. Mr. Bingley has not proposed," Jane said quietly.

Her aunt gave her an exasperated look as she replied, "Please. You do not even need to speak for yourself; one eloquent look and Mr. Bingley would throw himself at your feet. A proposal from him is entirely in your hands."

"I do not like that. I do not like having someone's happiness so in my power," Jane replied, embarrassed and a little upset. "I do not like to think that I could hurt him so easily."

Mrs. Gardiner grew serious at this, "Do you feel like you should marry him because he loves you and you should love him? Jane, I do not want to see you pressured into marrying a man because it is expected; that is a sure way to resentment. Can you put yourself in a place of being unconcerned for his feelings and everyone's expectations? What do _you_ want?"

"I do not know!" exclaimed Jane. "I feel guilty for not wanting to marry him now, when he is a good man who will be able to provide for me and help my family. I _should_ want to marry him."

"You do not _need _to marry anybody, my dear. Lizzy's marriage protected you from that."

"I feel guilty for that as well," cried Jane. "Why should Lizzy have had to sacrifice her happiness when I do not? If I would been more forward last autumn, I might be married now, and Lizzy would not have had to accept a man she does not love. Why should I have the privilege of marrying for love when she was just as deserving?"

"Jane, first, you do not know that Mr. Bingley would have proposed. It may be clear he wishes to now, but I do not think anyone would have been so sure in November. You cannot dwell on the past when looking to your future. Regardless of his intentions last year, that opportunity has passed and a new one is before you. Secondly, I think it is best that you have learned more of Mr. Bingley before you choose whether or not to marry him. The way our society pairs young couples off, barely knowing anything about one another, does not bode well for future happiness. It is better to know the defects of your future partner before you wed, so you are not entering the married state under false impressions. Learning that you are virtually incompatible after the commitment has been made too easily leads to resentment. You have an opportunity that few young people do: time and security.

"Finally, do not worry about Lizzy. She could not see it before, but I think she and Mr. Darcy are turning out to be a quite the match. I believe your sister is well on her way to becoming a very happily married woman. Let us be happy for her and not be afraid to take advantage of the opportunity her marriage has offered. You are now able to be patient. Marry for love; it would be the best way to thank your sister for the wonderful gift she has given you. Lizzy wants you to be happy, my dear."

Jane was quiet for a time before she replied, "I do know that Lizzy is happy, but what if I still do not know what I want?"

Mrs. Gardiner reached her hand out to clasp Jane's, "Do not forget that you are still in mourning. You lost your father just two and a half months ago. Your heart is not in a position to be sorting itself out right now. Mr. Bingley said he would wait for you. Take time to heal a little first. He will still be there when you do."

Jane felt as though a great weight had lifted from her shoulders. She saw now that she had felt obligated to marry Mr. Bingley. Her aunt's reassurances gave her space to breath, for which she was truly grateful.

* * *

All three Darcys had dinner at the Gardiners' on Friday. Darcy and Elizabeth had been married for two weeks, and while they had no intention of placing the knocker on their door for their last week in London, they could enjoy a few dinners with their families.

Elizabeth arrived very curious as to how honest Jane and her aunt thought Miss Bingley to be. She also wanted to find out the state of Jane's heart. She found herself thinking a little wistfully of their nights whispering together before they fell asleep. She missed their time together.

"Well Jane, what do you think of Miss Bingley now?" Elizabeth asked as soon as the ladies had removed to the sitting room after dinner.

"I am glad that she was contrite and genuine in her apology. I do not want to be out-of-sorts with anybody, and now we may continue on as friends. She did visit you then?"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, "She did. I believe it was more difficult for her to speak to me. It was the first time she was required to call me by my new name, and she may have nearly choked on it."

"Was it truly that bad?" asked Mrs. Gardiner, worried that it was indicative of Miss Bingley's lack of true remorse.

"Perhaps not so bad. Still, I do not think she likes me. I think she apologised because it was in her best interest to do so, not because she wanted to. If that is what it takes for her to hold her tongue, though, I will take it for your sake Jane." Elizabeth then added with a smirk, "You may bring your new sister to visit, if you like."

Jane looked as though she wanted to roll her eyes, but in true Jane fashion, she refrained, "She is not my sister, Lizzy."

"But she probably will be."

"That is not guaranteed," Jane replied.

"Do you not care for Mr. Bingley?" Georgiana asked hesitantly, not wanted to pry.

"It is not that she does not care for him, Miss Darcy, as much as she needs time to settle her mind. It is better for us if we do not rush into a marriage that we may regret later," said Mrs. Gardiner.

Georgiana blushed pink at this, and Mrs. Gardiner added kindly, "It is difficult for any young woman to decide who to marry, and if she feels pressured to marry somebody, she is apt to make a rash decision."

"She is," replied Georgiana quietly. "But with good advice and a little time to think, I agree Mrs. Gardiner, that a young woman is more likely to make the right decision."

"Especially young women who are willing to listen to that good advice," added Elizabeth with a kind look to Georgiana.

Georgiana felt overwhelmed by the acceptance these women offered her. They knew of her history, yet they did not condemn her for it. She had always hoped her brother would marry a woman she could like. That Elizabeth came with such a wonderful family was more than she had ever hoped for.

Elizabeth reached over and gently squeezed Georgiana's hand before turning the conversation back to Jane and Bingley.

"Do you still find it acceptable for Mr. Bingley to join us at Pemberley, Jane? Are you hoping for time to think away from him? We will ask him to wait a few weeks, if you like."

"No," replied Jane. "I am comfortable with him being there. He has told me he will be patient for me, and I believe him. I think that it is better for me to see him and spend time with him, to discover if he is a man with whom I could spend my life or not. Please do not change your plans for me."

"I will tell Mr. Darcy that it is settled then. He has been waiting to confirm Mr. Bingley's arrival with him until we knew your wishes. I am glad that you will see him. I agree that it is best to get to know him better before you make a decision."

When the gentlemen joined the ladies in the sitting room, Mr. Gardiner maneuvered Elizabeth to the side and captured her in conversation about the array of houses Mrs. Bennet was choosing from. Darcy took the moment offered, and approached Jane.

"Miss Bennet, I find myself in need of your assistance with something I would like to do for Elizabeth. Do you have a moment for a private word with me?" he asked.

If Jane was surprised, she did not show it.

"Certainly, Mr. Darcy," she said, as they moved to the side of the room farthest from her sister.

"What can I do for you, sir?"

Darcy glanced at Elizabeth, to ensure that she was still engrossed with her uncle before he looked back to Jane and spoke, "There are books in your father's bookroom that Elizabeth would particularly like to have. They are the ones that he made notes in, and they carry special meaning for her. Do you know of them?"

"I do. The ones on the shelf closest to his desk. If she wants them, I am sure Mr. Collins would let her have them."

"She does not think it would be that easy. She is afraid that your cousin would withhold them out of resentment for her refusal of him."

Jane's eyebrows lifted slightly at that, surprised that her sister had discussed their cousin's proposal with her husband. They must be getting along quite well, if they had reached that already. She smiled at the thought.

Darcy watched Jane curiously. Her slight show of surprise led him to believe she was actually quite surprised; she so rarely betrayed her thoughts. He was not sure what the following smile meant, however.

Her face grew serious again as she replied, "I do not like to think that our cousin would withhold something so small from our family due to such a reason, but I am apt to trust Lizzy judgement before my own in this. She has been...more realistic about our cousin's dealings with us than I. What do you need me to do?"

Darcy relaxed, grateful that she was so ready to help, "Would you be willing to include a note of mine in a letter to Mrs. Collins? It would not be appropriate for me to write her directly, and I would like to ask for her assistance. You may read what I write, if you would prefer."

Jane smiled, "I trust you not to do anything inappropriate. I will include your note. Is that all you wanted?"

"It is for now. I hope that Mrs. Collins will be able to assist, but if not, I may ask for more. Thank you, Miss Bennet."

Jane glanced at Elizabeth and replied, "I think it is wonderful that you are doing this for her. I want Lizzy to be happy, and you are making her happy. She might not see it yet, but I do. So thank _you_, Mr. Darcy."

Darcy looked at his wife for a moment. She noticed him watching and flashed him a smile. He could not help but smile in return.

"She is becoming happier, is she not?" he asked softly.

Jane smiled, "She is."

Watching Darcy look lovingly at her sister made Jane think wistfully of Mr. Bingley. He looked at her with that kind of longing in his eyes. Elizabeth had not thought Mr. Darcy could make her happy, and he was. Her sister had not even acknowledged her love for her husband, that Jane knew of, yet Elizabeth _was _happy. Jane wondered if she was holding on to her fear like Elizabeth had held on to her resentment: for too long.

"Mr. Darcy," Jane spoke suddenly.

"Yes?" he replied, dragging his eyes away from Elizabeth's side of the room.

"You think highly of Mr. Bingley?"

Darcy was surprised by her question. It was a bit abrupt, especially for Jane, but he answered almost automatically, "I do."

"Why?" Jane asked. "Not because he does not deserve it, but I would like to know. You appear to be very good friends, and I do not think you are one to develop friendships with just anybody. You must have good reasons to think so well of him. If you do not mind sharing," she added belatedly, hoping she had not stepped too far over the line of casual conversation.

"I do not mind, Miss Bennet, and I think you deserve no less from me. Bingley is a good, honest man. While our set does not have a surplus of men who are, I know enough. What makes Bingley stand out is his optimistic view of the world and his universal kindness. I am too cynical of a man myself, and he is refreshingly upbeat. I need people like him to remind me of the goodness in the world; to keep me from utter disappointment in it."

"Do you not think him too trusting?"

"I think him very loyal. Once Bingley places you in his inner circle, he commits fully to your happiness. It is difficult for Bingley to see fault in the people he loves. While that can cause him to misjudge people's intentions, he makes a very devoted friend. I speak from experience when I say that I appreciate his forgiving nature."

Darcy watched Jane think through what he had said, and then decided to add, "Miss Bennet, if you are wondering if Bingley can be devoted to you first, I believe that he can. I believe that he already is. He may have been unsure of his heart in November, but I do not think he has any doubt now."

Jane looked at him with misty eyes, "Thank you, Mr. Darcy."

"Again, it is the least I can do for you. I am only sorry that I caused you to be in this place at all. I hope you may find your happiness, wherever that may be. You deserve it."

"You are a good man, Mr. Darcy. I am glad you married Lizzy," Jane said with meaning.

Darcy smiled, "Thank you, and so am I."

* * *

Elizabeth spent Saturday with Georgiana, Jane, and Mrs. Gardiner shopping for the remainder of her trousseau. She ordered several new but simple gray and lavender dresses, choosing mostly light tones that could be re-dyed later to brighter colors. Mrs. Darcy she may be, but she felt foolish buying dresses she knew she would only wear for three months. The dresses themselves were of excellent quality, and would not wear out easily. She did not expect to be entertaining much before their return to London the following winter, and she could prepare her wardrobe for it then.

They found all of her other necessities, and Georgiana was delighted to help choose the delicate stockings, slippers and gloves. They chose new underthings and nightgowns, with her aunt gently pushing 'more womanly' selections at her, to her embarrassment. She felt slightly scandalous buying them, even if no one but her maid and likely her husband would ever see them on her. Elizabeth was still adjusting to the vast difference between a proper, delicate maiden and a married woman. To her relief, they finally moved on to sturdier outerwear. She was heading north, after all, and would need to be prepared for rougher terrain and harsher winters. Elizabeth was grateful for Georgiana's assistance there, as her new sister knew exactly what was needed. All in all, the day was highly successful, and Elizabeth felt prepared, at least on a clothing front, to move to Pemberley.

Elizabeth and Georgiana left Mrs. Gardiner and Jane at Gracechurch Street and then headed home to Darcy House. After overseeing the organisation of the packages already with them and preparing Mrs. Rowley for the deluge to come over the next few days, Elizabeth went in search of her husband. She found Darcy in his study.

"Elizabeth!" he said happily, when she entered. His enthusiastic response to seeing her put a smile on her face. She was not sure if it was her reading his emotions better, or him becoming more expressive in them with her, but she was reminded of her aunt's comments on being able to read him better as time went on. As usual, her aunt was correct again.

"How are you, Fitzwilliam? Did you accomplish much without me here to distract you?" she asked with a sly grin.

Darcy walked around the desk toward her. "I did accomplish much," he said as he reached her and leaned down to gently kiss her mouth. "It was not because I am not distracted by you, however. Even when you are not around, I still think of you often. Thankfully I am becoming accustomed to it, and seem to be able to work and think of you at the same time now."

"So marrying me shall not be the ruin of you?" she teased.

"Very much the opposite," he said as he pulled her close and kissed her again. "I do believe marrying you shall be the making of me."

"After being married to me for a couple of weeks, you still do not think you will regret me?" she asked shakily, no longer teasing.

"Never," he whispered, kissed her one more time, and then drew her in to hold her close, resting his head on hers. "I love you, Elizabeth Darcy, and that will never change."

Elizabeth was quiet, not yet feeling able to return the sentiment, but basking in the feeling of security and contentment she found in her husband's arms.

Darcy, not wanting to feel his disappointment at not hearing her reply in kind, moved them to the chairs in front of his desk to share his news with her.

"I spoke with your uncle today," he said as they sat. "Mrs. Bennet has decided to take the cottage by the Miller farm. It is vacant, so they will take possession immediately. A small amount of time will be needed to prepare the house for them, and they will be moving in next week."

"I am very glad to hear that. Thank you again, Fitzwilliam, for doing this for my mother. I want you to know that I am grateful."

Darcy smiled tightly at her gratitude, "We had not discussed this before, but I thought we should send a moving gift of furniture for them. I assume they will not be taking much from Longbourn. What do you think?"

"That would be wonderful!" Elizabeth replied in delight. "You are very generous, Sir."

Darcy nearly sighed. While he was glad that Elizabeth was happy, his own dissatisfaction at this conversation was growing.

"I hope you do not mind, but when your uncle spoke of traveling north on a tour this summer, I invited he and your aunt to stay at Pemberley."

"Oh, Fitzwilliam!" she exclaimed as she jumped up and leaned across him to kiss him on the cheek as she would have done to her father when he granted her a dear wish. Only this time it was not like with her father at all, and she realised it was the first time she had initiated a kiss with Darcy. She blushed bright red and began to quickly move back to her own chair, unsure of what to do now.

"I am sorry," she mumbled quietly.

Darcy reached out and grasped her wrist gently. "Elizabeth," he said quietly as he pulled on her arm to bring her back toward him. He let go of her wrist to put his hands around her waist and set her on his lap.

"Please do not ever apologise for showing me affection. I love you and I want you to be happy. Seeing you happy is what brings me happiness. You know that I would do anything for you, do you not?"

Elizabeth hesitated, and then looked into his eyes. She was nearly overwhelmed by the earnestness there, and tears sprang to her own eyes.

"Fitzwilliam," she asked, "how do you know that you love me? That it is not just infatuation?"

Darcy was a little surprised by her sudden question, and in his confusion, answered her in an odd-for-him, rambling fashion.

"I find myself wanting to share my joys with you so that you may feel the happiness with me. I...I seek you out when I am down...your presence brings me comfort. I feel a yearning to hold you close...as though I could hold you tightly enough to make us truly one. I can see us old together after a lifetime, and all I feel is contentment. You tease me and laugh at me...and I live for that. It is strange, because I would find that irritating in anyone else, and it is endearing in you. I do not think it is an infatuation because I know that you have faults, yet I love you anyway. I do not wish for you to change. I only...I only wish to be loved by you in return."

Elizabeth began to cry, feeling guilty. "I am sorry," she said again.

"Elizabeth, please do not apologise. I do not want to force your feelings. I will not deny that it is difficult to yearn for something that I do not have, but I keep reminding myself that you just lost your father and you did not even think of me as someone to love until a very short time ago. I have not given up hope. I can wait for you."

Elizabeth buried her face in his neck and wrapped her arms tightly around him. She sat, quietly held by this man who loved her and offered her so much.

"I want you to know," she said, finally breaking the silence, "that I am trying to love you, that I am seeking it out and not fighting it."

"I could not ask you for more," he replied.

_A/N: I've added a rather long personality description for Caroline to my profile page, if you're interested. _

_Thanks for sticking with me._


	20. Chapter 20

(20)

Charlotte Collins sat down in her western-facing sitting room, the one Mr. Collins had no use for, and set herself to her correspondence. Mrs. Bennet and her younger daughters were at their new home, deciding what needed to be done to ready it for them. Charlotte would never say it out loud, but she was very glad the Bennets were able to find a place of their own so soon.

She saw that Jane Bennet had written her, and she was curious as to how London was treating the two oldest Bennet daughters. Elizabeth had sent her a quick letter shortly after marrying, but Charlotte imagined she was rather too busy to write much yet.

When she opened the letter, she was surprised to see another note enclosed within it, with _Mrs. Collins_ written in a neat, but clearly masculine hand, on it. She read Jane's note first, hoping for a clue as to the enclosure. She was not disappointed. Jane wrote of Elizabeth apparent increasing happiness and all of their growing comfort with the Darcy family. She briefly mentioned seeing more of the Bingleys, but Charlotte could glean nothing of Jane's feelings for Mr. Bingley from it. Finally, at the end of the later, Jane mentioned the extra note.

_My new brother has asked that I include a note from him, as he has a request for you. I have not read the note itself, but I know of its contents. Please help him if you can, I believe it will go a long way toward he and Lizzy's happiness._

Charlotte was even more curious now. Clearly Mr. Darcy was becoming quite comfortable with Elizabeth's family, if he was willing to ask Jane for this. She opened the envelope from Mr. Darcy and a ten pound note fell out.

_Madam,_

_I must beg your pardon for my disregarding propriety in writing to you, I assure you that nothing but Elizabeth's happiness would cause me to intrude on you in such a manner. _

_I find that you and your husband have in your possession books of the highest importance to my wife. She speaks of her late father's favorites, volumes that he had written notes in and shared with her. They carry special significance for her in the memory of her father. I understand that they were kept on the shelf closest to the desk in his bookroom. I wish to acquire these books for her, and am willing to pay handsomely for them. _

_I am contacting you, rather than Mr. Collins, due to your favorable relationship with my wife and his, for lack of a better descriptor, unfavorable history with her. I am not asking you to deceive him in any way, but rather I am looking for your guidance in how to obtain them. _

_If you are able to send them without further intervention on my part, I have included ten pounds to pay for the transportation of the books to Pemberley and as a starting payment for their worth. Please include their value above that amount in the shipment, and you will paid promptly._

_I anxiously await your response, regardless of the outcome._

_Thank you for your time._

_Respectfully,_

_F.D._

Charlotte sat quietly for a few minutes, contemplating her options. She wanted to help her dear friend have a happy marriage. She did not begrudge Elizabeth her happiness in any way, and if she could promote that happiness, she would. Her own husband would not want the books themselves, and as long as he was paid fairly for them, he would be satisfied. She quickly decided that he did not need to know the specific buyer. She rose and walked determinedly out the sitting room door.

"Mr. Collins, may I have a word?" she asked as she entered his study.

"Certainly, my dear Charlotte! But please, make it short, as I have much work to do. A landed gentleman always does, especially when he inherits an estate as neglected as mine."

"That is what I wished to speak with you about. You have mentioned that there are many books in here that you will be required to dispose of, and I am wondering if I may help you with that. You must ride out so often to keep a good account of the estate that you do not have much time left for anything else. If you like, I could sort through the books and sell the novels and others that you have no use for."

"What an excellent idea, my dear! You know me so well, we are so like-minded, that you will know precisely what I would wish to dispose of. What a model wife! Always looking out for ways to make her husband's life easier. Precisely as it should be, my dear. You do not have nearly the work to do that I do. Why, even Lady Catherine would have to acknowledge the brilliant choice I made when I married you. I need to ride out this afternoon, so you may begin shortly."

"Yes, we would not want you to neglect the -"

"Heavens!" interrupted Mr. Collins, "I could never neglect my estate after having Lady Catherine's excellent example. One must be aware of every detail of the happenings on one's property. Even she could have nothing to say against my management, I am sure. I am very attentive to these things, you know. Now, if you will excuse me, I must get back to these books so that I may ride out later."

"Thank you, Dear," she said, as though he was doing her the favour, and left him to his work.

She would never say it out loud, as she had been satisfied with her life at the parsonage, but she was ecstatic over the diligence Mr. Collins showed his estate. He was continuously riding out on the property to check up on and advise the tenants as to the best course. If he was not found riding his property, he was busy in his study, keeping his books. If those pursuits ran out, he had a plethora of gardens to oversee. She generally saw him at breakfast and dinner, spent one hour in his presence in the evening, while he usually read, and then his weekly visits to her rooms. All in all, it was quite tolerable.

Charlotte spent the next two afternoons in Mr. Collins' study, carefully sorting through the books found there. She neatly emptied the shelf nearest his desk, filling two crates in the process. She sorted through the remaining shelves, removing all of the novels and refilling the shelves next to the desk with agricultural and religious texts. She made a pile of ones she thought the Bennet family would wish to have, another to take to her own shelf in her room, and the rest she boxed up to take to town. She arranged shipment of the two crates along with a letter to Pemberley.

When she handed over the proceeds from the sale of the novels and the remainder of the ten pounds after paying for shipping, Mr. Collins was delighted. He could not believe anyone would pay so much for a bunch of worthless novels and books that had been defaced, but he was not going to complain over his good fortune. Mrs. Collins returned to her normal duties, quite satisfied that everyone one was better off for the arrangement.

* * *

The Darcys and Miss Bennet left Darcy House on the first Thursday of July. They had spent Wednesday evening at the Gardiner home for dinner, with Jane moving to Darcy House for the night. They left just after dawn in order to have time for an extended stop in Hertfordshire at the Bennets' new home.

When they arrived in Meryton after a sleepy start, Elizabeth teased Darcy into leaving the coach and horses at the inn and walking the mile out of town to the cottage.

"Mrs. Darcy I may be, but I hope I am never too good to walk a mile on a country road when it is more convenient for everyone else. My mother's house will not be ready to care for horses yet, since they will have none themselves. It is better to leave them in the capable care of the inn for an extended rest. Unless, of course, you are not up to walking a mile each way, Sir," she finished with a bit of a challenge in her eyes.

"Oh Brother, please!" added Georgiana with excitement. "The walk will stretch us out. Besides, I have not been to Hertfordshire before, outside of a carriage, and I would like to see more of the area where Lizzy grew up."

"Lizzy can point out all of the trees she has climbed along the way, too," added Jane, causing Elizabeth to look at her in surprise. It was not like her sister to bring up improper behaviour in public.

"They are your family now, Lizzy, and if you are going to tease Mr. Darcy about being a snob, he should be allowed to tease you about being a hoyden."

"Jane Bennet, are you defending your new brother to me?" Elizabeth gave Darcy a long look, "And what, Sir, have you done to earn such loyalty?"

It was Darcy's turn to smirk, "Perhaps she feels sorry for me, having to take the brunt of your teasing now."

"As if you mind it," Elizabeth muttered quietly, which caused Darcy's smirk to widen to a full grin.

"If your new husband has not figured them out by now, I think we should make sure he is well aware of your wild ways. It would not do for him to be startled by them later, when he catches you in the act."

"Jane Bennet, I have not climbed a tree in the last year at least," Elizabeth replied, laughing. "Keep it up and I will ask you how tea went with the Bingleys. Let us see how you like having the teasing turned on you."

"Caroline was very pleasant, and I believe Aunt Gardiner would agree. There is not much else to tell. I see what you are doing, trying to deflect the conversation. We are going to walk past the Smiths', perhaps we should take a side trip to their pond."

"Really, you are going to scandalise my new sister," Elizabeth replied with a reddening countenance. She turned and took Georgiana's arm, "Georgiana, you will not turn on me with them, I am sure. Come, they can be terrible together, we shall leave them behind."

She nearly drug a giggling Georgiana along, with her head held high, feigning indignance. Darcy let out a laugh, and Jane smiled, taking his offered arm and following.

"Has she truly climbed trees as recently as a year ago?" he asked Jane. "I had not thought her serious when she said that previously. What is this about a pond?"

Jane smiled wider and said, "Oh, I am quite sure she was serious. Having to climb a tree would not get in the way of Lizzy getting the view she most wishes to see, nor finding the best apple. As for the pond, you will need to ask her about it yourself. "

Darcy watched his wife walking ahead of him with disbelief on his face for a full minute before he muttered, "That ought to be interesting."

"Do not be surprised if you do see her in a tree. Life with Lizzy will always be an adventure," Jane replied affectionately.

"That spirit is what makes your sister so special, is it not?"

"It is."

"Miss Bennet?"

"Yes, Mr. Darcy?"

"I would like to thank you for being so welcoming of me, when you have every right to hate me. You are very kind."

Jane was quiet for a while before she replied, "You make Lizzy happy, as I have said. It is important to me that we can be friends, even if only for her sake. I think we can simply be friends, though. I do enjoy your company. I know that you genuinely believed you were doing right by Mr. Bingley. I do not think you are a bad man, Mr. Darcy, perhaps only very used to being right." She smiled, "Lizzy will challenge that."

"Of that I have no doubt."

The group arrived at the Bennet cottage with smiles and wonderful moods, especially considering that they had traveled for several hours already that morning.

Mrs. Bennet was thrilled to see them, and welcomed them with all of her expected noise and over-solicitation. She was happy to have her own home again, and she was quite content to overlook their diminished circumstances. She understood that Mr. Darcy was giving her back a standard of living and independence that she would never have obtained on her own, and she was genuinely grateful for it.

Their sitting room was still sparsely furnished, as the housewarming gifts from the Darcys had not been delivered yet. Still, they all found a place to sit for the short time they could stay. Mrs. Bennet was back in her glory, sharing all of the juicy news of the happenings since her return from London. It was not often she had two daughters to fill in with weeks of gossip.

Much to Elizabeth's happiness, Darcy was relaxed and pleasant with her mother. He seemed to have adjusted to her while she had been in London, and was no longer startled by her outbursts of feeling. She was anxious for Darcy's comfort, and when he did not appear to need her help, she was able to relax and enjoy her time with her family.

Kitty and Mary still had an aura of sadness about them; Mary being impenetrably grave and Kitty no longer agreeing with Lydia in everything. Elizabeth felt for her sisters and vowed to think more of their comfort and happiness and stop dwelling so much on her own. They were younger than her and had lost their father as well, and they had no one of sense to lean on.

Lydia was not carrying sadness with her, however. She was instead resentful that she had missed out on the fun of going to Brighton, and cared not for the fact that they were mourning. She had felt mostly ignored by their father, therefore felt his loss the least. For her, his being gone simply equaled the end of her fun.

When she complained for the third or fourth time about not being in Brighton, Mrs. Bennet finally responded, "Heavens child, it is not like you can travel in all black on a pleasure trip. We all feel sorry that you have to miss out, but it just would not be proper. You are young, you will have plenty of opportunities, especially with Lizzy married now. What is Brighton when you will have London?"

"Who cares about dirty old London when you could have sea bathing and officers in their handsome red coats? Lizzy getting married was not proper, either, but she got to do that," Lydia responded petulantly.

Darcy cringed at this reminder to Elizabeth that she had not married for her own pleasure. He forced himself to look at her and saw that she was giving him a rueful smile. She reached over and gave Darcy's hand a squeeze before she replied to her sister.

"Lydia, you know perfectly well that marrying quickly was the best option. Did you really want to remain entirely under Mr. Collins' protection? For myself, I much prefer my husband's, as it is a much safer place to be. I shall always be grateful that Mr. Darcy was willing to marry me so quickly for all of our sakes."

Elizabeth felt Darcy relax next to her, and then reach out and brush his fingers across her hand in return. She was gratified that he was pleased with her response. She only wished he need not be exposed to Lydia's crass remarks.

"But you get to have fun! I saw you walking up, you were all gay as can be. You get to travel, and so does Jane, and she is still in black. Why can I not?"

Elizabeth sighed. There really was no reasoning with Lydia when she was set on something.

"I am traveling to my new home, not on a pleasure tour. Jane is with me because she is my eldest sister; it is perfectly normal for her. Please do not begrudge us the happiness we were finding in the moment. Believe me, I have been somber enough in recent months. We _all_ miss _our_ father," she finished a little sharply.

Lydia harrumphed at that, but said no more.

The Darcy party only stayed for about an hour, wanting to travel to the family's normal overnight stop on their way that day. It was a three day trip, and while they were all pleasant together in the well-sprung coach, it was a long journey.

* * *

After leaving the Bennets' new home, the ladies quickly fell asleep. They had been up much earlier than they were accustomed, and with the excitement of setting off on the journey and seeing their mother's new home worn off, exhaustion crept in.

Darcy could not allow himself to nod off yet. He was contemplating the woman who was resting against him so comfortably with her head on his shoulder. His wife had grown much more at ease with him over these first few weeks of their marriage. She was no longer startled by his touch, could sit close to him without apprehension, and had even ceased trembling when he kissed her. He was beginning to think that if he pressed her, she would happily and without reservation become his wife in every way.

What irony, then, that he was the one hesitating. It was by far not from a lack of desire; he had that for her in abundance. Simply having her pressed up against his arm like she was made him feel warmer. Rather, it was from the wish to have her declare her love for him first. He had thought it would be enough for her to treat him with kindness and caring, but it was not. His confidence that she would, and perhaps already did subconsciously, love him, made him crave hearing her say it even more. She showed that she genuinely cared for him, she sought him out, and had even said she wanted to love him, but it was not enough.

He had told her that he understood that she was in mourning and new to the idea of loving him. What he had not told her was how incredibly difficult it was for him to remember that. His yearning left a painful ache in his chest.

Darcy thought back to his Aunt Fitzwilliam's warning, that he could spend a lifetime pining for something he would never have. He had told her then that he knew he could not make Elizabeth love him, but he had never really stopped believing that she would. It was the waiting for it that hurt so much.

Elizabeth shifted, whispered his name, and slipped her arm about his waist. Darcy held very still for a moment, waiting to see if she was still asleep. When her breathing continued to be even, he relaxed. He leaned his head back, enjoying the feeling of his wife's touch. He eventually drifted off himself, leaving his trying thoughts for another time.

* * *

The rest of the day was long, but not unpleasant. The four of them shared quiet companionship; sometimes carrying on discussions and debates, and sometimes each reading quietly.

Elizabeth felt awkward when they stopped for the night and Darcy was careful to ask that the rooms his man had come ahead to reserve contained the requested suite. She felt as though everybody was watching and knew she had never shared a bed with her husband. She was grateful that he had not questioned doing so, even if it was somewhat extravagant. She would have dealt with it if she needed to, but did not relish their first night in the same bed being on the road, and at a strange inn.

Travel on the second day was much the same as the first, and thankfully for Elizabeth the second night saw no crowding, either. Sooner than she thought possible, it was toward the end of the third day, and their coach was approaching the last hill before Pemberley. Georgiana began to chatter in excitement, happy to be coming home.

Darcy reached his hand out to hold Elizabeth's in anticipation of her seeing their home for the first time. He had been sure that a woman who loved to walk in nature as much as herself would be pleased with Pemberley, but found himself nervous nonetheless. It meant a great deal to him that she would be happy here.

He was not to be disappointed, if her first impression held. They crested the final hill, and he felt her squeeze his hand.

"Oh, Fitzwilliam," she breathed. "Your home is magnificent!"

"Our home," he gently corrected. "You like what you see, then?"

"It is perfect! So well situated, and so natural. It just fits there, between the trees, hills, and lake!"

"I agree. I am glad you approve."

"Who would not approve?" she whispered, to which Darcy simply smiled.

When they arrived, they were greeted by a veritable army of servants lead by a kind, but clearly formidable, Mrs. Reynolds. Elizabeth had the distinct feeling that nothing went awry on her watch. She and Jane were introduced to the staff in principal positions in the household, the butler, Giles; Cook, who was not French, and a few others.

"I felt it best to wait until you have rested before beginning the remaining introductions, as there are a few," said Mrs. Reynolds.

Elizabeth laughed, "A few, yes. I am glad you are waiting. I _am_ too tired to remember everyone, and I would not want to confuse them all from the beginning. I agree that it will be easier to begin tomorrow."

She looked around the hall and asked, "Is this everyone, then?"

"Nearly," Darcy answered.

"They all wished to see the new Mrs. Darcy, I hope you do not mind," added Mrs. Reynolds.

"Not at all. I can understand the curiosity, I am a curious soul myself."

If Mrs. Reynolds' expression was anything to go by, she was quite pleased with her new mistress already.

"Would you like to see your rooms now, Mrs. Darcy?"

"I would, I think a rest is in order for all of us. We have a few hours before dinner, I presume?"

"Dinner can be whenever you wish. Cook has planned a simple fare that needs little warning to serve."

"I am glad to hear it." She turned to her companions to confirm that they would all be ready to dine three hours hence, and was disconcerted by the intense look Darcy had on his face while watching her. She lost her thoughts for a moment before gathering herself, giving him a questioning glance in return, and turning back to Mrs. Reynolds.

"You can tell Cook that we will eat in three hours, that way she will know when to have things prepared. I do not wish to be difficult on my first evening here."

"It is no difficulty, but I will tell her." She turned to Darcy and asked, "Would you prefer I show the ladies their rooms, or do you wish to?"

"I will take Mrs. Darcy. Miss Bennet, will you allow Georgiana and Mrs. Reynolds to show you to your rooms?"

Jane agreed, and they moved to the stairs and up to the family wing. Darcy and Elizabeth left Mrs. Reynolds and their sisters and moved further down the hall. Darcy stopped before a large set of double doors and swung them open. He led her in and closed the doors behind them.

Elizabeth could see that this suite was set similarly to the one in town, with the sitting room they were in and the doors leading off of each side, which she assumed were their bedrooms. While they were set up the same, the view from Pemberley was incomparable.

"Oh, Fitzwilliam," Elizabeth said quietly as she walked toward the nearly floor to ceiling windows that faced to the east. She could see formal gardens with walking paths leading out to rolling, grassy hills and woods. There was a door leading to a private balcony, and from it Elizabeth was certain they would be able to see the lake on the south side of the house.

She turned to look at her husband, "I cannot fathom this view being anything but glorious all year-round. As tired as I am, it pulls me to it. I want to go outside! I cannot wait to begin exploring all of those paths."

"I am glad you like it," he replied simply as he walked toward her. He had been watching her since they had arrived, first while she had so comfortably taken on her role as mistress with Mrs. Reynolds, and now while she showed delight for the home he had always held dear. He was not sure he could contain the feelings she was stirring within him.

"Would you like to see your room?" he asked, hoping that movement would distract him.

"Yes, please," she replied, while watching him curiously for a moment. He had been very subdued since they had arrived. More so than usual, even for him. She did not think he was particularly tired, and she began to wonder what was causing it.

Darcy led her to one of the doors and opened it for her, ushering her inside.

He gave her a moment to look around before he said, "As it was in London, anything you wish changed shall be done."

She continued to look around, moving across the room and taking in the size. She glanced towards the dressing room door, which was open, and saw the oversized bath inside and all of the space surrounding it.

The decor was out of date, but the furniture was of such high quality that it would never truly go out of style. It may not have been decorated in at least a decade, but Elizabeth could see that it had been well cared for.

Darcy, anxious in her silence, asked, "Does something not meet your approval?"

"You will have to excuse me. I am overwhelmed, and am trying not to act countrified."

"I do not understand," he replied coming closer to her.

"You do realise that you married a country girl of fairly simple means, do you not? I am quite certain that the largest _common _room at Longbourn would fit in here, and it is only _my _bedroom. I have never seen a tub of that size except in catalogues. I could go on."

"You need not hold back what you are thinking, I truly wish to know. I am glad you are pleased with your new home, but if there is something we can do to make you more comfortable, it will be done. I want you to be happy, Elizabeth."

Darcy moved close enough to touch her and reached out his hand to gently finger the hairs that had escaped when she had removed her bonnet.

"You keep saying that as though you would quite literally do anything on my whims. Shall I become a wasteful, useless flower, lounging all day in the luxury I surround myself with?"

"You, lazy? Hardly. You would go mad trying to pretend at it. I can safely tell you that I would do anything you desire because you are a rational creature."

"You would build a wall to shrink the room?"

"If that is what you wish, yes. Is that what you wish?" he asked, drawing his eyes from her hair to look into her own.

"No. That is hardly rational. I do not know what I want, this is all so much. What did I do to fall into all of this luxury? I do not think I deserve it."

He dropped his hand to her shoulder and leaned down to brush her neck with his lips as he replied, "Does anyone really 'deserve' luxury? We were lucky enough to be born into the right circumstances. This life is maintained through hard work; I too am incapable of continuous leisure, but I am aware enough of the way the world works to know that I am lucky to have the life I do."

Elizabeth leaned her head to the side to give him better access as he continued, "I try not to abuse it, though. We trade fair wages for honest work from our servants. Our tenants are cared for; no one is impoverished on our lands as long as they are willing to do their duty. Our bills are paid on time to tradesmen for their goods and labour. We do not squander our fortune."

He tugged at the sleeve of her dress to give a full view of that collarbone that he so adored and began running kisses along it. He smiled against her skin when he felt her shiver.

"I am covered in road dust and my dress must be filthy. How can you want to touch me like this?"

He pulled his head up then, and looked her in the eyes, "Because you are happy with the home I have to offer you, the place where you belong, and you take command of a situation as Mrs. Darcy as you should: like you belong here."

She let out a low laugh, and feeling bold said, "So my gushing over your home and ordering people about brings out your amorous mood?"

He captured her mouth with his own as his answer. When he pulled back, she kept speaking, "Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Darcy?"

"Is it working?"

She laughed again, a feeling of giddy happiness bubbling up inside of her, "You might want to keep philosophizing, it is helping your cause."

"And that, Mrs. Darcy, is why we are such a good match."

"Because we carry on a debate while you make love to me?"

"Because I adore your mind, and you just acknowledged that you reciprocate that feeling. Now hush."

He returned to kissing her in earnest, wrapping one arm around her and allowing the other hand to wander as he had not allowed it before. She returned his kisses in a delightfully passionate response, and he was beginning to think that her speaking words of love should not be a hindrance to them after all when he heard a noise followed by an "Oh!"

Darcy whipped his head up in time to see an embarrassed Nel retreating into the dressing room, and then he heard the servants' door close behind her. He turned back to see Elizabeth's slightly embarrassed face and sighed. He leaned down and kissed her firmly on the mouth.

"Perhaps we should change and rest. We have had a long few days, and I am sure you would wish to wash away the road dust while your bath is still warm."

"Are you certain?" she replied hesitantly, finding herself disappointed even in her embarrassment of being seen.

"Yes. Now is not the best time for this, and we will be alone again later."

He kissed her again and then left her. She stood watching the door he had exited for several minutes before she turned to her dressing room and found the bell to ring.

Nel knocked before she opened the door, and was apologetic immediately upon entering.

"Do not be upset, Nel. I appreciate you anticipating my needs, but perhaps it is best for you wait until I ring for you from now on."

That this had not been needed before was left unsaid. Elizabeth was sure that Nel knew she had yet to be bedded by her husband; it would be difficult to hide that fact from a personal maid.

They were both quiet while Elizabeth bathed and put on a dressing gown to rest. Nel still felt awkward for having intruded, and Elizabeth was too buried in her own thoughts to say much of anything. Nel left her in her bedroom, promising to wake her in time to dress for dinner.

She needn't have bothered. Elizabeth tried to rest, but her mind was racing with thoughts of what had just happened. She wondered how far Darcy would have taken them had they not been interrupted. He had been so serious since they had arrived at Pemberley, yet she sensed he had been barely holding on to himself when he had held and kissed her. Was having her in his beloved home more than he could handle? Would she find herself visited for the first time tonight? Was she ready for that?

* * *

Darcy found himself pacing after his bath. He was in a quandary. Elizabeth had been more accepting of his advances than ever, and he was certain now that she was his for the taking. But was that what he wanted? She would willingly offer herself to him, so why was that not enough? When had it become not enough? Just a week ago he had been finding every opportunity he could do seduce her in little ways, and it had clearly worked.

She had not declared her love for him though, and it tore at his soul. He could take her and make her his own, but would her heart be in it? Would she, the Elizabeth he knew, be willing if her heart was not in it? He thought that he was so close to having that love, but to not hear her say it left him feeling vulnerable. Was it possible that she knew she loved him but was too timid to say it? Could he ask her?

The thought was terrifying. What if she hesitated in her response, or worse, could not say that she did? He was certain he was better off being unsure than sure of what he did not want to be. Besides, this was Elizabeth. Was she ever truly timid? He could not imagine her so, even in this.

He sighed to himself. He knew that if she had not said it, then she had not come to that conclusion herself. Forcing the conversation would likely only end in misery for them both. She might not be fully in love with him, but he also did not think she would want to pain him. While he hated to wait, he knew that they were better off if he was patient.

* * *

They met after dressing for dinner as planned and went down together. Neither of them spoke much, each lost in their own thoughts. Elizabeth saw that Darcy had gone back to his somber mood, and she was not sure what had caused it this time. She did not think she had done anything to push him away, and he had chosen to leave her earlier, not the other way around.

They were a quiet group at dinner, and Elizabeth found herself too much in her own thoughts. She became unsettled, wondering if Darcy would choose to visit her that night. She did not think he was capable of hurting her, and therefore was not afraid, but anything new to her brought with it a sense of nervous anticipation.

Their small family party did not stay together long after dinner, with everyone still tired from traveling. Elizabeth soon found herself back in her dressing room, readying for bed. She changed rather quickly, and in a few minutes had dismissed Nel and made her way to the sitting room. She settled on a sofa to wait for Darcy.

Darcy changed quickly, too. After he dismissed his valet he found himself pacing again, however. He could not settle on a course, and after ten minutes found himself just as frustrated and unsure as he had been at the start.

He blew out a long sigh. He did not like being without a plan of action, but he did not want to spend the entire night pacing, either.

Darcy entered their sitting room and saw his wife was already waiting for him. He approached the sofa where she was and noticed that she had her eyes closed.

"Elizabeth?" he asked softly.

She did not move. He sat next to her and reached out to touch her hand. Her breathing remained even and she did not react to him. Darcy laughed softly.

"Well, that settles my quandary," he said out loud. He had noticed her unusual second glass of wine at dinner. She must have been trying to settle herself, and that mixed with the exhaustion of traveling must have caught up with her.

Darcy leaned down to gather his wife in his arms. He carried her to her room and carefully set her in bed. He tucked her in and leaned down to kiss her.

"Good night, my love," he whispered.

He stood back and watched her sleep for a few minutes, appreciating the sweet beauty of his wife. He would continue to be patient, and hope that the charm of Pemberley would help his cause.

Soon, he thought to himself, soon he would have the heart he so desired.


	21. Chapter 21

(21)

Elizabeth awoke in confusion the following morning, once again finding herself in a new bedroom. She could not remember going to bed the night before, but she did remember being terribly sleepy when she finished changing. She must have fallen asleep waiting for Darcy. Judging by the dressing gown she was still wearing, he must have helped her to bed.

She sighed to herself. She hoped he did not consider her falling asleep an indication of her receptiveness, or lack thereof, to him.

She laid in her bed for a few more minutes before heading to her dressing room. It was her first full day at Pemberley, and she had every intention of exploring as much as she could. Perhaps she could even walk out before church if she was up early enough.

After dressing, Elizabeth headed to the suite's sitting room. It was earlier than their rising time in town, but she would not be surprised if Darcy kept earlier hours in the country.

The room was quiet. Elizabeth hesitated, unsure if she should knock on Darcy's door. She would prefer to have him walk with her, but she had never approached his room in town. She had not needed to; he always rose before her and met her in the sitting room.

The desire to have him as a guide overcame her reticence, and Elizabeth approached his door. She took a deep breath and knocked timidly. Less than half a minute later it flew open to a half-dressed Darcy.

"Elizabeth! Good morning! Did you sleep well?"

His rather exuberant greeting startled her. Then she noticed his state of dress. Elizabeth was quiet for a minute while she took in Darcy's stocking feet, untucked and open-necked shirt, and freshly shaven face. She had seen him so little dressed before, but usually at night with only candles for light. In the morning sunshine it was easier to see, and see him she did. She was reminded again that she had married an incredibly handsome man.

When her perusal reached his eyes, she saw that he was watching her. He cocked his eyebrow in question and she blushed, embarrassed to be caught.

"Elizabeth?" he asked with a smile playing around his lips.

"I slept well, thank you," she finally replied. "Good morning to you as well."

Deciding not to make her any more uncomfortable, Darcy asked, "I was not sure you would be awake yet, but since you are, would you be amenable to a walk?"

Elizabeth shook her head slightly to clear it, "I would. It is the reason I disturbed you, I was looking for my guide."

He smiled fully, "I am happy to perform the service."

He finished dressing and joined her. They went to the east side of the house first, as Elizabeth wanted to follow the paths she could see from their windows.

The gardens were everything she would have chosen had she designed them herself. They were neat, but there was no rigidness. It reminded her of herself, like wildness contained. She felt at home in them, and it was not long before she let loose the energy bubbling up inside of her. She released Darcy's arm and ran a ways ahead. She spun around and looked back at him, quietly watching him walk toward her.

Darcy watched her exuberance with pleasure, glad he was sharing her first foray onto Pemberley's grounds. As he approached, he saw her returning his gaze with a thoughtful expression.

"You like it, then?" he asked quietly.

"It is lovely," she replied, bouncing up on her toes. She did not understand this feeling inside of her. Usually she knew what was causing her to be anxious, but not today. She needed to let it out, however, and she had the need to share it with him. She reached out her hand and slipped her fingers between his and held him tight.

"Come, run with me!"

Darcy hesitated. He had not run through the lawns since he had left school.

She pulled on his hand, "Come with me! Do you ever feel like your insides are going to burst out of you if you do not do something, anything, to relieve it?"

He looked at her in surprise. "Do you?"

"All of the time! Why do you think I walk so much? Why do you ride?"

"I suppose, when I am not simply riding for pleasure, that the activity focuses my mind and allows me to think. I do not know that I have ever felt as you describe. What do you do when you are in town or some other place you cannot let it free?"

"Tamp that feeling down until I am sure I am going to go mad. I suppose that is why I feel so wild this morning. I am finally free to be myself."

He was decided immediately. He was curious where this would take them, and he did not wish to hold her back.

When she tugged on his hand again, he did not hesitate. They ran across the grassy lawn to the edge of the woods. Her breathless laughter rang out as they reached the trees. She gave him a mischievous grin, and then let go of him to jump up on a low branch of a tree. She slipped around the trunk to a slightly higher branch, holding one above her. She worked her way around the tree until she was facing him again, but a few feet up. Her ability to work her way through a tree had not been lost.

"Shall I shock you today?" she asked.

"You should not have warned me of the possibility, if that was your goal," he replied pleasantly.

Elizabeth dropped to a lower branch and moved within reach of him. She set her hands on his shoulders and instinct caused him to wrap his hands about her waist. He guided her to the ground when she leapt, catching her against him.

"You are unconcerned that I am wild, and you do not seem to think me mad, no matter what I tell you."

"I find your zeal for life beautiful and to be treasured. You do surprise me, but they are delightful surprises."

"I would not have thought a man who interacts with the world in the manner you do would value the whimsical."

"Perhaps I value it in you so much because I wish for some of it for myself. I do believe I hope you will show me how."

"You wish me to show you how to be wild and a little mad?"

"Yes."

"How did I manage to find you?" she asked in awe.

She reached up and captured his face in her hands then, and kissed him. It felt bold, but she had never felt so close to him before. She had the urge to show him how she felt, she could not think of words for it.

Darcy responded in kind. He meant what he said, that he was missing that love of life, and he wished for it. Her willingness to share it with him made him feel loved, even if she could not say it. His arms tightened around her, pressing her to him. He could not hold her close enough, could not show her enough how much he loved her.

They finally pulled apart to breathe, and he said quietly, "If you are mad, I will gladly follow you there."

She smiled, "I am happy you think so. I believe I said it before, that you are stuck with me. You promised forever, you remember. That is a long time to live with me."

"It will never be long enough," he replied.

The walk back to the house was quiet, each of them too full of this new feeling of closeness between them to speak.

* * *

That afternoon Darcy and Georgiana showed Elizabeth and Jane the house. The tour spanned hours and was full of delightful discoveries for both ladies. Darcy told them stories that even Georgiana had not heard, and he soon found himself with a rapt audience. He had always been proud of his heritage, and it was gratifying to have these ladies, especially his wife, show such interest.

They saved the library for last. Darcy wanted Elizabeth to have all the time she needed to enjoy it, without feeling rushed.

He was not disappointed in her response.

Darcy had let their sisters enter ahead of them, holding Elizabeth back slightly. When they walked through the door, Elizabeth stopped abruptly and looked around in awe. It took a minute for Georgiana and Jane to notice that they had not been followed.

While Jane enjoyed reading, she did not live in books as her sister and father did. She took another look around, and tried to imagine it from Elizabeth's view.

"Had you thought it possible, Lizzy?" she asked.

"I had not," her sister replied reverently. "I have not seen so many books in one place before. How do you ever begin to choose?"

Georgiana giggled, "You sound like my brother. He declared once, in one of my early memories of him, that he would read every book in here. I do not think he has even come close."

"I have made a valiant effort. It is difficult when it continues to grow."

Elizabeth laughed, "I do believe that is entirely your fault, sir. I recall that you are always buying books."

It was Jane's turn to laugh. "When both of you are continually purchasing new ones, you will run out of room. I dare say Lizzy would as soon wear rags for the chance at a good book."

"What are lace and ribbons to histories and plays?" asked Elizabeth as she walked toward the nearest shelf.

"How is it organised?" she continued. "Is it the same as the house in town?" After having been in the library in London, she knew the Darcy family would not keep books as her father did, scattered wherever they fit.

"Not quite the same," Darcy replied, and then proceeded to show her and Jane how to find what they were looking for.

Jane soon chose a book to take back to her rooms, but Elizabeth could not decide. She went from shelf to shelf, section to section and simply took them all in while Darcy watched her. By silent agreement, Jane and Georgiana soon left the couple to themselves. They were both tired from the adventures of the afternoon, and could see that Elizabeth would be busy for a while yet. Darcy seemed content to follow her and enjoy her excitement, and they left him to it.

Elizabeth eventually discovered the royal histories and stopped. She lovingly ran her hand across the spines.

"These were Papa's favourites. He would not have told you so, but they were. Not because he was particularly patriotic, but because he disagreed with the royal historians on so many things. His copies are filled with his arguments against what he saw as false representation. I think he had read every one of his at least six times."

"He was not fond of the attempt to gloss over our monarchs' imperfections? That appears rather _un_patriotic."

"You do not consider the writers pompous fools who were only seeking their own importance through flattery?"

Darcy smiled, "I assume that means you agree with your father?"

"I am not fond of flattery. Those who offer it prove that they think their intended target shallow. It is either an insult to their subject or proof the author is lying."

"That is a very decided opinion."

"It is very rational, and you sound like your aunt."

Darcy's eyebrows shot up, "Since when do you attack the person rather than the argument?"

Elizabeth smirked, "It was tit-for-tat. You called into question my ability to form a sound opinion."

"That was not my intention. I was merely pointing out that you seem very firm in your opinion. I did not know that this subject was so important to you."

"The royal histories are not, but flattery makes me peevish. I have heard too much of it, and I find very little worse than someone who attempts to raise their fortunes with false pretense. If one wishes to improve their lives, they should do so honestly."

"I begin to truly see why your cousin would not have survived marriage to you."

Elizabeth let out an unlady-like snort. "He missed his calling. He should be a royal historian."

Darcy laughed at that.

"You do not seem particularly upset by your wife's indelicate opinions," continued Elizabeth. "First, you do not mind me wild and mad, and now you do not mind my impertinence."

"I enjoy your lively mind. I would not wish to curb it."

"You would encourage me to be impertinent? My mother would be appalled. She spent my entire childhood trying to break me of that. She thought it made me unmarriable."

"Thankfully for me, she appears to have failed."

"Mostly due to my father. He was always at cross-purposes with her; giving me books that horrified her," Elizabeth said fondly.

"I do wish I could have known him better. I should have liked to understand the man who was so important in making you the woman you are."

Elizabeth smiled with misty eyes, "I am gratified that you think so."

She walked into the circle of his arms then, enjoying the comfort she felt there.

"He would be happy to know that I have married a man who appreciates my mind. I know he wanted that for me. I believe he would be proud of my choice."

* * *

On Thursday, Darcy and Elizabeth spent the afternoon apart for the first time since arriving at Pemberley. Darcy had happily devoted his days to helping Elizabeth explore, but needed to attend to some business.

About an hour before he would need to dress for dinner, there was a knock at his door, followed by the entry of Giles.

"Sir, a delivery of two crates has just arrived. They came with a letter addressed to you."

Giles handed him the letter and then asked, "Where shall I direct them?"

Darcy saw the direction was written in an unfamiliar feminine hand. He tore open the seal, and caught a second letter as he unfolded it. The letter was short, but everything he could have hoped for from its sender.

_Dear Sir,_

_Please consider our transaction complete. I wish you all the happiness these may bring you and Mrs. Darcy. _

_C. Collins_

The enclosure was addressed to Elizabeth. Darcy could not believe his good fortune; that he should acquire these books with so little effort on his part. Clearly Mrs. Collins cared for her friend.

"Please have them brought to my study, Giles. I will deal with them," Darcy finally responded to his butler. He then left in search of his sister, to ask for a favour.

* * *

As each night before it, the discussion at dinner centred on Jane and Elizabeth's new discoveries. Pemberley and its lands were an immense place to explore, and even Jane could not resist the pull to see all parts of it.

Darcy had felt happiness in London, with Elizabeth at his side. Here in Derbyshire, with her finding her place in his ancestral home where he remembered his childhood, was domestic bliss. He was delighted in her natural curiosity and desire to learn about his home and family. Tonight he was hopeful that what awaited them in his study would bring some of the comfort of her own childhood to her.

After dinner Georgiana took Jane to view her riding habits; the younger girl had offered to have one of them fitted for Miss Bennet when she discovered her new sister was a fellow horsewoman but had not thought to bring hers. They were making plans to find a horse for Jane soon and wished to be ready.

Darcy invited Elizabeth to his study.

"There is something I would show you," was all he said.

He walked her into the room, handed her the letter from on top of the crates, and stood back. He did not want to be in her way.

Elizabeth recognised her friend's hand on the envelope and gave Darcy a curious look. He did not respond, so she opened it.

_My Dear Eliza,_

_All of the credit for this goes to your husband, I hope you give him his due._

_C. Collins_

That was...odd. Was Charlotte implying a scolding in that note?

"What have you done?" she asked.

"You may see for yourself," he replied. "The crates are open."

She moved hesitantly toward them and knelt down. She pulled the lid off of the first crate and picked up the first paper-wrapped...book? She was not sure why he would get her two crates full of books when they already had a library full of ones she had not read. Then she unwrapped the parcel, and saw the aged condition and title. She moved to open the cover and saw her father's name plate. She flipped through a few pages and saw the beloved handwriting she knew so well.

Elizabeth could barely breathe as she pulled each of the next few books out, and they were all her father's. It only took those few, and the tears started to form. She did not know what it had taken for Darcy to acquire these, but she was incredibly grateful. He had such a selfless way about him when it came to giving any form of happiness to someone he loved. There was nothing he would not do. He truly was the best of men, and she loved him for it.

She was reaching for another book when that thought hit her. _She loved him._

Darcy was watching Elizabeth with delight. Her realisation of what the crates contained had been everything he had hoped for. He could see her happiness, even through the tears forming in her eyes. He was smiling when she froze in mid-reach over the crate. He became concerned when she did not move for what seemed an eternity.

"Elizabeth?" he asked, worry sounding in his voice.

She looked up then, with wide eyes. She pushed herself up from the floor and walked toward him, never moving her eyes from his.

"Elizabeth, what is wrong?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing is wrong," she replied. "You are the best man I have ever known, Fitzwilliam."

"It was not that difficult to acquire them, really. I am glad you are happy-"

She cut off his speech with a hand over his mouth. It was his turn to have wide eyes, but he was quiet.

"I do not care how much or how little effort it took. I care that you did it at all."

She removed the hand from his mouth.

"Fitzwilliam, I love you," she said with wonder in her voice, and then leaned in and kissed him.

He did not react at first, he was too shocked. He had not expected her declaration. When she gently pulled away, worry now in her eyes, he perused her face, looking for some sign that this was real.

"Fitzwilliam?" she asked hesitantly.

"You are serious?" he asked.

"Absolutely, I am only sorry that I could not see it sooner."

He made an unintelligible sound, put his arms around her and crushed her to him.

"I did not...I had not...how?" he finally stuttered out, the sound muffled in her hair.

"I realised you are the best man I have ever known and in that moment I knew. I cannot explain it. It just is."

"Thank God," he whispered.

He pulled his head away from her enough to kiss her, pouring everything he felt into the kiss. Elizabeth returned that love with her own, feeling a new sense of closeness that she had not before. His hands began to roam, and eventually he picked her up, turned and placed her on his desk. He kissed down her neck, onto her chest, up to her shoulders and then returned to her face.

Darcy reached a point where he felt as though his heart would burst out of his chest. He wanted to show her how he felt, and this was not enough. He dragged his face away from hers.

"Elizabeth," he said with labored breath, "I want...will you?"

She understood what he was trying to say, and saved him the struggle.

"Yes, I will. I am ready to be your wife Fitzwilliam, in every way."

He looked around the study and for a moment considered the small sofa in front if the fireplace, and then he glanced back at his wife's flushed face and the rational part of him began to work again. He could not make love to her for the first time on a sofa in his study.

He helped her off the desk, slid his hand around hers, and tugged her towards the door.

"Come, we need to go."

"To bed? Now?"

"Yes, now! I have waited weeks for this, you do not think I plan to wait any longer, do you?"

She laughed at his uncharacteristic impatience, "Do you propose that we run through the house to our rooms? It will be rather obvious, won't it?"

"I do not care. We are still newlywed, it is expected that we should be enamoured of one another. You have not changed your mind, have you?"

"No, I simply assumed you would not want the house to know what we are about."

"Then let us go before you do," was his only reply.

With that, he pulled her out the door and walked so quickly she nearly had to run to keep up.

By time they reached their door, Elizabeth was fully laughing and breathless. He pulled her inside and shut the door behind them.

"Do not move," he said, and quickly went through his door.

Before she had time to think, he was back with a robe and nightshirt in hand. He tossed them across the back of a chair and pulled her into his arms.

"What are you doing?" she asked, surprised.

"Making love to my wife," he replied, and captured her mouth with a kiss.

She was compliant for a moment, then pulled back to say, "I should dress."

"I do believe the goal of this adventure is to have you undressed, actually."

Her eyes went wide. "You wish me undressed?" she whispered.

Darcy loosened his hold on her and took a deep breath to steady himself. He had been more than ready for this for weeks, but his wife was new to the idea, and innocent. He needed to slow down and not take this too quickly.

"I would prefer it, yes."

"Oh."

"Do you object?"

She paused, remembering her hope that he would not want her undressed. Now, after knowing she loved him, she realised that she wished to please him.

"I do not. But Nel will still need to help me, I cannot get out if this dress on my own."

"I had hoped to perform the office for you, if that is agreeable."

Her eyes went wide again, "You would do that?"

"I do not want to be separated from you."

"Oh," she replied, looking disconcerted.

"Elizabeth?"

"I will still need to dismiss Nel, and I am embarrassed for her to know why."

"I think she will be gone by now. I asked Dalton to take care of it when I went to my dressing room. Was that presumptuous of me?" he asked, suddenly worried that he would have upset her.

"No, that was reasonable."

Darcy watched her while she contemplated something.

"Elizabeth?"

She looked up, "Yes?"

"Are you well?"

"Yes, but I realise, now that we are here and in this moment, I do not know what to do. This is all happening very differently from how I was told. I do not wish to disappoint you," she finished on a whisper.

He pulled her close then, burying his face in her hair again and simply enjoying the feeling of her against him.

"You cannot possibly disappoint me. If it eases your discomfort, I am a little unsure myself. I do not wish for you to be disappointed, either."

"Oh," she breathed. She had not thought that Darcy, as a man, would have doubts. She assumed, like her mother had said, they simply knew what to do. It did ease her worry some.

Darcy held her for a few minutes, both to give her time and allow him to think of what he was about to do. When he felt the tension in her ease, he pulled away again and took her hand. He led her to her room and shut the door behind them.

* * *

_A/N: I would like to tell you that the next chapter will come faster than these last couple, but it's not likely. I'm still in the midst of my busy season at work - about five more weeks to go. Thanks for your patience with the erratic posting schedule._


	22. Chapter 22

(22)

Elizabeth woke the following morning well after the sun was up. She could see the light streaming in around the curtains and was surprised she had slept so late. Then she remembered how late into the night she had been awake. She felt her face growing hot at the memories. She glanced over and saw her husband was still with her. Even in her embarrassment she could not help but smile. Her aunt was definitely more correct than her mother on how it was between a husband and a wife.

She stretched then, and turned to her side. Propping her head on her hand, she watched Darcy sleep. He really was beautiful. She did not think she would ever tire of looking at him. She looked down his face and admired his neck, so little seen in the light of day. Then, to his strong shoulder and arm, which always held her so close and offered such comfort.

She felt herself blushing again when she realised that his arm was completely bare, and that he had never put his nightshirt on. She did not know how he could be comfortable, even after everything they had done. After last night though, she knew he was much less timid about them both than she was.

He had been so careful with her, going slowly and gently, offering encouragement when she hesitated. He never lost his patience, even with the awkward fumbling that came from the newness of it all. There had been discomfort and a little pain, but her aunt had been right there, too. Darcy had done what he could to ease her through the worst of it, always concerned for her first.

She knew now why she had not been able to feel as close to him as she had wanted to before, why she had felt as though she could crawl inside of him and it would not have been enough. They had been missing something, and now they had found it.

Elizabeth's eyes welled with tears at the beauty of it. How he had managed to carry his love for her through all she had said and done, she did not know. Many a lesser man would have never offered her a second chance. If they had married her, who would have been so patient? She knew that it was the woman's role to submit in all things, but he had never asked it of her. He had waited until her feelings matched his own, rather than engaging in an act that would have been hollow without them. What further proof of his respect would she ever need?

Her tears began to fall in earnest as her heart swelled with the incredible love she felt for him. The relief she found in knowing she loved and was loved by her husband was overwhelming. Theirs was a marriage that would not sink into indifference. She was extraordinarily blessed, to have a love such as his when her own behaviour had been so undeserving.

Darcy stretched and opened his eyes, saw that he was in Elizabeth's room, and smiled. He looked up to find her and was immediately concerned.

"Elizabeth?" he asked.

She tried, but was unable to speak. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her.

"What is it, darling?"

Rather than calming her, the feel of his protective embrace and his genuine concern made her weep harder, but she clung to him, easing his fears. It took several minutes of his gentle shushing for her to pull herself together enough to speak.

"I do not deserve you, nor the happiness you bring me," she finally whispered.

"Whatever do you mean? Of course you deserve it. Why would you think otherwise?" he asked in surprise.

Elizabeth pulled back far enough to see his face and spoke in a trembling voice, "I have judged you, doubted you, treated you with contempt, and you have borne it as no other man would have borne it. How could you continue to love me through it all?"

"Oh, Elizabeth," he sighed as he drew her back to him. "What have you said that I did not deserve? If I had treated you as a gentleman ought from the beginning of our acquaintance, you would not have had the opportunity to form such a negative opinion of me. I do not know what would have happened had you not been forced to give me a second chance. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve to be so happy with you when I coerced you into marrying me when you did not love me."

"But it was not coercion, and I love you now."

A powerfully warm feeling stole across him at the ease in which those words rolled off her tongue, but the niggling of guilt was still there.

"All ending well does not make the action right."

"You are too hard on yourself. I needed you, whether I wanted to or not, and you came to my aid. You did what was best for me, even though you must have known I hated you for it. It could not have been enjoyable to propose to a woman who had so soundly rejected you less than a day before, knowing she could only agree for material considerations."

"I deserved every uncomfortable feeling. It was humbling, but I needed to be humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception that first time, though I had done nothing to garner your favour. What do you think of me now, knowing that I had assumed my wealth and position would assure my suit while I scorned those who were fortune hunters?"

"I think myself very fortunate indeed, that you were willing to marry a woman who had essentially become one."

He made an annoyed sound that she could not quite identify and crushed her against him.

"You," he said quite forcefully, "are _not_ a fortune hunter. You did not agree to marry me by deception, nor were you seeking your own gain. I was well aware that it was for your family, regardless of any hopes I had. I will not have you slight yourself for the sacrifice you made."

Elizabeth pulled away from him again, this time to bring her hands up to cradle his face.

"And you, sir, are not allowed to consider yourself anything less than honourable for the sacrifice you made in marrying a woman who despised you in order to save her from destitution. You are a good man, the best of men, and I will not be swayed to believe otherwise."

Darcy began to argue again, but Elizabeth would not allow it, placing a hand over his mouth with laughter in her eyes. It had felt right to confess her insecurities to him and reassure him in return, but she did not want to continue with such melancholy feelings on a day like today.

"Hush. There is no point in arguing over who is more to blame, as we are both prejudiced toward the other, as it should be. As the Bard would say, _all's well that ends well._ Besides, I can think of a much better use of our time."

With that, she uncovered his mouth and kissed him. Since Darcy had no objection to her suggestion, he returned her kiss with an equal fervency. Soon they were showing their devotion through actions instead of words, each eager to explore more of what they had discovered during the night.

* * *

Sometime later, as they lay curled about one another resting quietly, Elizabeth asked, "Shall we rise at all today, do you think?"

Darcy pressed his face further into her hair and replied in a muffled tone, "I would strongly prefer to stay exactly where we are."

"Do you not think our sisters will worry?"

"Our personal attendants know where we are, and can allay any concern."

"Are you not embarrassed that everyone likely knows exactly what we are spending our day doing?"

"We are newlyweds and I am a besotted groom. Everyone will understand. Besides, I finally have you in bed, I do not care what they think."

They were quiet for a while, and Darcy was contentedly drifting off to sleep when Elizabeth spoke in a contrite tone, "I am sorry that I delayed our wedding night."

"I thought we had decided to lay our guilt to rest," he replied in an exasperated tone.

She sighed, "I said that, yes, but I still feel -"

She was not allowed to finish as Darcy interrupted her with what could only be described as a growl, "You have nothing to feel guilty for. I could not demand what you were unprepared to give any more than you could pretend feelings for me that you did not have. If you will not let me punish myself for my treatment of you, then you are not allowed to do so, either."

They were quiet again. Elizabeth recognised the truth in his words, and she did not wish to dwell on low thoughts when they had so much happiness before them.

"Besides," Darcy quietly added, "you, my love, were well worth the wait."

Not knowing what to say but wishing to give back some of the euphoric feeling in her, Elizabeth pressed herself closer to him and replied with a simple, "I love you."

"I know," he said, "and it is incredible."

* * *

_A/N: It's short, I know. I am still in the throes of crunch-time at work, but it's about to get better._


	23. Chapter 22 Part 2

_A/N: Since it's been so long, I felt I should recap a little. The Darcys have made it to Pemberley and taken Jane and Georgiana with them. Elizabeth's father's books arrived and in that moment she realized that she loved Darcy. They've been keeping to their rooms for two days, having what should have been their honeymoon. Bingley is due to arrive today, and they need to make an appearance. Jane and Bingley are still very much wide open._

(22.5)

True to Darcy's desires, they did not leave their rooms for the entire day. Elizabeth was quite certain that if Bingley were not due the following day, they would have done the same again; not that she would have minded.

Due he was, however, and it would not quite work to meet him in dressing gowns. A few hours before his anticipated arrival they finally separated long enough to bathe and dress. Neither was particularly interested in being separated for long, and they came together in their sitting room within a half-hour to go down together.

Darcy sighed when he saw her, "I know that it is expected, but I do not like that you must cover up your glorious hair with a cap. I have been enjoying the past two days without it again."

Elizabeth reached up to touch the small white cap edged with lace and smiled, "You might not like it much, but I am appreciating it at the moment. It is hiding my impatience. I very badly needed to wash my hair, but did not want to wait for it to dry. Without this cap, I would be another hour in front of a hot fire attempting to do so. This way Nel could put it up in simple knot and cover it up."

Darcy reached out and brushed his fingers along the dampness he could not see, "I would happily suggest sitting in front of that fire with you, and even offer to brush your hair if that would help it dry faster. I have a feeling that we would not make it out of here before Bingley arrived, though."

Elizabeth drew in a sharp breath when Darcy leaned down and kissed her bare neck. She replied to him shakily, "I think it might be for the best that my hair is covered. Would we ever stay downstairs if you could always see all of it?"

"I suppose not," he said as he sighed again, pulled away and offered her his arm. "If we must greet our guest, then we had better leave now."

They walked downstairs, following the sounds of playing and laughter to the music room, and found Georgiana and Jane together on the bench at the piano forte. Elizabeth stayed Darcy with a hand on his arm and they watched their sisters for a few minutes. It appeared that Georgiana was attempting to teach Jane how to play, which periodically dissolved into giggles at the atrocious results.

Darcy glanced at Elizabeth and back and asked quietly, "I believe you said that only Mary and you play. Is this why?"

"It is," she replied on with a soft laugh. "Jane is excellent at many things, but musical she is not. Kitty and Lydia had no patience to try."

"Lizzy! Mr. Darcy!" Jane called out as she and Georgiana arose from the bench. "It is good to see you."

"Have we neglected you so poorly that you are attempting to learn the piano forte again?" asked Elizabeth.

"I did not believe Jane when she told me she cannot play. She agreed to show me," answered Georgiana.

"Now there is no doubt," added Jane ruefully.

Georgiana giggled, "I did not think it possible, but Jane is worse than Cousin Henry!"

"I will happily leave the musical entertainment to my more talented sisters," said Jane.

"I do not think they are feeling neglected at all," commented Darcy dryly.

"Oh no, we have made ourselves quite comfortable in your absence," said Georgiana.

"Well, perhaps we should leave you to it? I am certain Bingley is not coming to see me," teased Darcy.

Jane blushed, and Elizabeth came to her rescue with her own tease, "Are you so sure, husband? He may be coming to see the miracle of an always-smiling Fitzwilliam Darcy. I do believe we may even keep you from brooding on Sunday evenings."

"I believe I only brood when I have nothing to do. With you around wife, I shall never be bored," Darcy replied in a voice that caused Elizabeth to shiver.

"Shall we have tea while we wait?" she asked shakily. "If Mr. Bingley's carriage is late we may have some time time yet before dinner."

Jane and Georgiana quickly agreed, a little embarrassed themselves to see such an intimate moment between the couple.

* * *

A footman announced the arrival of Bingley's carriage a short time later and the four of them rose to gather outside and welcome him.

"Darcy! How are you, old man? How is married life treating you?" Bingley asked as soon as his feet touched the ground. He came up to shake his friend's hand.

"I find it treats me very well indeed," responded Darcy, happy to have his jovial friend join their group.

"And how could it not, with such a perfect wife for you?" he said as he turned to Elizabeth with a grin. "How do you find Pemberley, Mrs. Darcy?"

"I do not think I could have made it more perfect if I had designed the very trees myself," she replied with a smile.

"Excellent. I am glad to hear it. I must say I agree with you. I find I am never more content than I am here in Derbyshire."

Barely waiting for a response, he turned to Georgiana, "Miss Darcy, how do you like having a couple of new sisters here to stay? Are they everything you hoped for?"

Georgiana smiled happily, "Jane and Lizzy are wonderful. They have been so kind."

"I do not think anyone could treat you any other way, you are so sweet yourself, and they are wonderful," he said distractedly, finally turning his eyes toward Jane.

With a hand out for hers, Bingley moved to Jane and asked in a much more subdued tone, "How do you do, Miss Bennet?"

When Jane gently placed her hand in his own, his smile lit up his eyes.

"I am well, Mr. Bingley. I am happy to see you," she replied with a blush.

"You are?" he asked hesitantly.

"I am, sir."

Bingley leaned over Jane's hand and kissed it reverently.

"I could not be happier that you feel that way, Miss Bennet," he finally said as he straightened and gently laid her hand on his arm.

Darcy gathered Elizabeth and Georgiana on his arms and led them into the house, leaving the other couple to follow slowly behind. When they moved into the hall, Mrs. Reynolds appeared and offered to take Bingley to his room.

When Bingley looked genuinely torn between staying with Jane and leaving her to clean off the dust and discomfort of a few days travel, Darcy laughed outright at him.

"Bingley, I do not think you would wish to come to dinner at Mrs. Darcy's table in your current state."

Bingley sighed and gave his friend a rueful look before giving Jane one last longing glance and heading to his rooms.

The remainder of the party headed to the drawing room to await Bingley and the summons to dinner. They did not need to wait long, as he reappeared barely over a quarter hour later with his hair still damp.

"I say, it is splendid to be back at Pemberley," he said cheerfully as he entered the room. He sat in a chair next to Jane, but addressed Elizabeth, "And have you found enough paths to satisfy even you, Mrs. Darcy?"

"I have. Sometimes I do not think I will ever run out of new areas to explore at Pemberley. Even if I see them all, I am sure that the changing of the seasons will bring new views."

"Pemberley in autumn is the most beautiful place," said Georgiana. "The trees are like an artist's palette."

"Even as biased as I am, I am sure I have never seen a better place than Pemberley in autumn," Darcy agreed.

"Then I very much look forward to seeing it for myself," said Elizabeth.

"Do you plan to stay until then, Miss Bennet?" asked Bingley.

"I believe I would like to. I hope I have not worn out my welcome before then," Jane replied.

"You speak as though that is possible!" laughed Elizabeth. "I believe I would be quite happy to have you live here as long as you like, and I do not think Georgiana and Fitzwilliam would mind."

They both agreed that it was so, with Darcy going as far as to say, "You may make your home with us permanently, if you like."

Bingley looked as though he wished to say more to that, but then stopped himself. There was a moment of awkward silence before he recovered and asked, "Have either of you managed to get lost in the long hallways yet?"

Elizabeth replied, "Not yet, but I am sure we will sometime or another. I am more impressed every day by the staff's efficiency in such a large space. Then again, there are a few people keeping this place running. I do not believe I have learned even half of their names yet."

"You have only been here a week," commented Darcy. "No one would expect you to know everyone."

"Longbourn had less than a third that many. I fear it shall take me no small amount of time to comfortably know everyone."

"Loyalty will work in your favour, though," said Bingley. "I do not know another estate with less open positions than Pemberley. The servants rarely leave, and even those who do are often replaced by family. There will not be new faces to learn any time soon."

"I have seen that already. I also believe Mrs. Rowley and Mrs. Reynolds are in a competition for who can compliment my husband more highly. They are like doting aunts, the both of them," Elizabeth teased.

It was Darcy's turn to be embarrassed, "I can hardly see why. They have both known me for most of my life. I can vividly remember more than one dressing down from each of them when I was a boy."

They all laughed good naturedly at the thought of a thoroughly scolded Darcy. They were soon called to dinner, and the agreeableness stayed throughout the evening.

After dinner they moved to the music room as a group. No one saw need for a separation of the sexes. Elizabeth and Georgiana took turns entertaining them on the piano forte, but after a time they all were content to simply talk.

When they were finally all too tired to do much but contain yawns, they agreed to turn in. Darcy and Elizabeth left the remaining three at the top of the stairs, and headed to their own room.

With her head rested against the arm she held, Elizabeth spoke, "That was quite possibly the most enjoyable, quiet evening at home I have ever had."

"There is nothing quite like clever conversation of well-informed people, is there?" Darcy replied as they reached their door.

"The best kind of company. I hope that we may repeat this often, and for many years to come. I know that it is up to Jane and Bingley to decide what is best for them, but I sincerely hope they marry."

Darcy replied, "So that we may have good company?"

"You know that they would be happy together. They only need see it. And yes, I selfishly want it for our good company. Your best friend and my closest sister; what better couple is there?"

"If they buy a house in Derbyshire, we shall be content for the rest of our days."

Elizabeth laughed delightedly, "It is though you have read my mind."

Darcy had led her to her room by this time. He calmly began to assist in her undressing as they spoke. He had removed her cap pulled her dress fully off before she realised what he was doing and stammered, "Are...are we to dismiss our personal servants yet again? They will begin to feel quite useless."

"I took the liberty of informing Dalton that we would ring for them if we needed them, and if we had not done so within a quarter hour of retiring that they could assume we would be taking care of ourselves," he replied as he moved to her stays.

"Tonight, or every night?" Elizabeth asked in surprise.

"Every night. There is not much that would make me happier than to never need their night time services again," he said softly, close to her ear, as he finished with the stays.

Elizabeth felt her skin flush and prickle along her neck as he spoke. The feeling ran across the rest of her skin when he moved his hands up to her shoulders and ran them down her bare arms. He clasped her hands and drew them around the front of her in a close embrace, pulling her tight against him.

Elizabeth leaned her head back to rest on his shoulder and said on a sigh, "I love you, Fitzwilliam."

Darcy's response was muffled by her own hair, but she heard him, and felt it in her heart.

* * *

_A/N: This was a little short, but truly what should have been the second part of chapter 22. Chapter 23 is written and just needs some finishing touches and editing. I am determined to publish it in one week. If RL cooperates, I will keep up my writing and get back to a regular schedule of weekly or bi weekly postings. An infinite thanks to everyone who has stuck with me!_


	24. Chapter 23

(23)

On the Monday after Bingley's arrival, he was in the breakfast room when Jane entered at her normal time. She hesitated at the door, a little nervous to have their first private moment. One welcoming smile from Bingley as he rose to greet her helped her gather her courage, and she joined him.

"Miss Bennet! Good morning! I hope you had a restful night," Bingley said cheerfully.

"I did. Thank you, Mr. Bingley," Jane replied as Bingley waived the footman away and held her chair himself.

"May I get you a plate?" he asked as she sat.

"Yes, thank you sir."

Bingley went to retrieve her breakfast, attentively asking her preference for each dish before serving her choices to her. She smiled at his enthusiastic gallantry. When he presented her rather full plate, she thanked him politely. With such a full household growing up, she was not used to being pampered, and she found it rather nice.

"It is not like Darcy to be late to breakfast. Has this been common?" Bingley asked curiously.

"Mr. and Mrs. Darcy take breakfast in their rooms. I believe they prefer to start their day quietly together," Jane replied.

Bingley shook his head with a laugh, "As fastidious as my friend has always been, I am quite surprised by his besotted-groom attitude now. I never thought he would change so much."

"I gather that there is little he would not do for someone he loves. I do not think that has changed. My sister is very lucky in that sense; her husband is determined to make her happy."

A troubled expression crossed Bingley's face as he went to sit. During breakfast, his apparent distraction grew as they spoke quietly of their travels, the weather and the health of their families. Jane found herself finished with her food at the same time as she had used all of the safe topics of conversation. They fell to an awkward silence for several minutes while she quietly watched Bingley stare at his plate with a pensive expression on his face.

He looked up and asked suddenly, "Miss Bennet, would you take a turn about the garden with me? We can stay within sight of the house, if you like."

"I would like to walk with you," she replied with a smile.

Once they were outside, Jane attempted to speak of the gardens, but Bingley was too distracted to respond. It was so unlike him to be inattentive that Jane decided to simply let him think over whatever it was he was preoccupied by.

After another ten minutes or so, she was beginning to feel some concern for him. She had not needed to carry the conversations when they had been together in Hertfordshire, nor during the few meetings they had in London. She did not understand what what was causing this silence.

"You are terribly quiet this morning, Mr. Bingley," Jane said gently.

Bingley glanced at her eyes and quickly looked back to the ground, "I apologise, Miss Bennet. I do not mean to bore you."

"Time with you is hardly boring, Mr. Bingley," replied Jane in a subdued tone.

She heard him draw a long breath and exhale before he spoke, "Miss Bennet, I find myself in a quandary. It appears I cannot stop thinking of the possibility of us, and everything it entails, when I am with you, and I fear making you uncomfortable with talk of that sort. I know you have said that we should not allow fear to keep us from speaking, but I do not want to make you feel guilty for needing time."

"Mr. Bingley, I would truly rather you spoke honestly of what you are thinking. You have assured me that you are willing to wait, and I trust you to mean it." She smiled softly and then added hesitantly, "I would not mind hearing those thoughts. If my sister and new brother are an example of what happens to couples who speak their minds, I believe it bodes well. They are very happy."

Bingley visibly relaxed, "They are quite happy. I cannot quite reconcile to this besotted Darcy. Have they been so since you joined them in London?"

Jane blushed at the memory of the couple disappearing for an entire day as she replied, "Only for a few days now. They had been growing more comfortable since their wedding, but I do believe they have recently reached a better understanding of one another. I have not spoken to Lizzy of it yet, but it is clear something has changed."

"I am very happy for them."

"As am I."

Silence reigned again, but this time Jane was determined not to break it. She did not need to wait long.

"Miss Bennet, are you concerned that I am not willing to do everything for your happiness?" Bingley asked abruptly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I hear you speak so highly of the Darcys, and specifically of my friend's treatment of your sister, and it leaves me to wonder if you are wishing for that yourself. That it is what you feel is missing."

Jane hesitated in her reply, "Mr. Bingley, while I admire the Darcys' relationship, I do not envy it. I do not expect you to treat me the same as Mr. Darcy does my sister."

Bingley, still unsure of himself, replied, "I want you to know that I care for you more than anyone, but I fear that I could never be as decisive as Darcy is, and I will not deny that I am afraid you expect that. That you need it."

It was Jane's turn to think quietly for a minute before she answered him, "I am not interested in marrying a man like my new brother. While he is a good man, and will make my sister very happy, I have never found him particularly attractive for myself. I am not my sister, and I have no desire for a relationship exactly like hers. Your consideration of everyone is one of the qualities I admire about you, Mr. Bingley. It may make you appear indecisive, but I think it speaks to your concern for others as well. I would not wish for that to change."

"Truly, Miss Bennet?"

"Truly," she replied.

"I like your universal consideration as well, Miss Bennet."

Jane smiled happily at him as they continued their walk quietly. Neither spoke much until they felt it was time to return to the house, but Bingley thought they were more comfortable together than they had ever been. He felt more confident than he had in nearly eight months.

* * *

It was a few days after Bingley's arrival before Darcy and Elizabeth found their way back to Darcy's study to finish unloading the crates of Mr. Bennet's books. This time Darcy sat on the floor with Elizabeth while she pulled each book out and shared her memories of many of them.

It was a day for laughter more than sadness as Elizabeth regaled Darcy with Mr. Bennet's satirical commentary.

"My appreciation for reading was passed to me from my father, as well," commented Darcy at one point.

"I do believe you said something to that effect when we were at Netherfield last autumn, that the Pemberley library was the work of many generations. Would you say there is long history of that appreciation in the Darcy family?"

"There is. I remember my father's father reading to me even before I had a governess, and my father spoke of it often. It is something I hope to do for our own children, some day. I think there can be little more important than teaching a child an appreciation for reading."

"You wish to be involved in your children's education, then?"

"Of course."

"There are not many men of your station who would do so."

"I very much look forward to having children of our own, and not to show them off. I fully intend to spend time with them," Darcy said firmly.

Elizabeth smiled, "I am glad to hear it. I do not wish to hand our children over to servants for the majority of their young lives, either."

"Do you wish for many children, Elizabeth?" Darcy asked hesitantly.

"I would not mind a large family, if you are so inclined," she replied.

"But is that what you truly want?"

It was Elizabeth's turn to hesitate, "If it were solely my decision and we were so blessed, I would have many children. There was always noise and chaos at Longbourn, though, and I do not see you enjoying that."

"I do not think there is much to possibly dislike in children who come from you," he said intently.

She blushed, but responded with a teasing tone, "You are prepared for wild, hoyden daughters then, and sons who drag all manner of things, animal and otherwise, home?"

"I remember what it is like to be a boy in short pants. I had my fair share of scrapes and mishaps."

"While I do not find it difficult to imagine you as a boy, I cannot reconcile you getting into scrapes. I would have expected a solemn young man."

Darcy smiled wistfully, "I was not always so serious. Besides there was nothing more frightening for my nurse and governess than my cousin Henry coming for a visit. Between George, Henry, and me, we ran them ragged."

Elizabeth laughed delightedly, "That I do believe. If I were to guess, I would say that a young Colonel could have talked you into doing just about anything."

"You might be surprised. I could lead us into trouble just as easily."

"We had best prepare ourselves for our own children then," Elizabeth said with sparkling eyes. "I would be willing to wager that you will not find a more wild, inventive, and determined child. Mrs. Rowley and Mrs. Reynolds might need to do a scolding or two along the way again."

Darcy pulled her toward him, "If they have your beautiful eyes, they will be well worth the trouble."

He kissed her softly. Elizabeth returned his kisses for a time, but then pulled back to speak again, "You may wish to learn not to be taken in by these eyes then, for otherwise those children will get away with way more than they ought."

"Do you get away with more than you ought?" he teased in return.

"That is different. A husband should be enamoured of his wife," Elizabeth said cheekily.

"But not a wife of her husband?" he asked.

"And give up her power over him? I think not," she teased again. When his eyes showed slight disappointment, she pulled him in and kissed him before she replied softly, "You ought to know, if you have not already figured it out, that this wife's heart is entirely yours. You have charmed me completely, and there is little I would not do for your happiness."

It was Darcy's turn to smile as he responded, "It is good to know we are on equal footing then."

"Do you truly wish for many children, Fitzwilliam?" Elizabeth asked after another quiet moment.

"I do. I believe that children should have siblings to grow up with, if their parents are able. My poor mother could not have a large family, due to her health. I have high hopes for us."

"If I follow _my_ mother, we shall have sufficient children to please even you. You may only have daughters, though."

"Then for their sake, I am grateful that Pemberley is not entailed. I am grateful to know that if we do have only daughters, our oldest grandson could inherit. I am able to leave Pemberley in your able care, or his mother's, until he is ready."

"That is a great relief to me as well. My mother may have taken it too far, but I do understand her fear. To be left to fend for herself with five unwed daughters would have been terrifying. You were kind enough to take her most difficult child off her hands and rescue her from destitution at the same time. I do believe that you will long be her favourite son-in-law," Elizabeth said, ending in a lighter tone.

"Were you truly so much trouble? I cannot imagine, out of all your sisters, that your behaviour has been the most trying."

"Perhaps not to common society, but for my mother, who understood me not at all, I was the most difficult. I would not be demure nor would I flirt. I wanted intelligent conversation, which she was convinced would scare all eligible gentlemen away. I do believe, especially after my refusal of Mr. Collins, she had truly given up on my ever marrying."

"I suppose some men would feel inferior in your presence. I adore your intelligence. Among your other qualities, you are the most refreshing woman I know. There is much irony in the fact that I was most attracted to the quality that your mother detested."

"And my mother will never understand that. She still does not understand why, out of all of her daughters, a rich, eligible gentleman would pick me. I think she is still afraid you will dispose of me if you catch me in my wildness."

"Then she has the wild imagination. Is there really anything you have not already shown me?"

"I do not think so, but I will not let you hold me to that."

"I do believe that you still owe me a pond story."

Elizabeth flushed in embarrassment and said, "I am sure you do not really wish to hear that."

"A story that actually makes you embarrassed? I think I do."

"It may scandalise you."

Darcy raised his eyebrow, "Unlikely."

"You cannot say I did not warn you," she sighed.

"I was fourteen, which for a girl is too old to run around with the boys, but too young to care for grownup things. Even then I was often running off by myself, getting into mischief," she began.

"This time it was an extraordinarily hot summer day. When we were younger, Jane would go swimming with me. She was nearly seventeen by then though, and out. She was already a demure young lady; willing to sit in a hot parlour with a fan and pretend that she was perfectly comfortable. My mother was dozing on a sofa, and I took my chance to escape. The Smiths' pond was the closest pool surrounded by woods, which made it secluded enough for me. Unfortunately I was not the only one who thought so. I had just entered the water, in naught but my shift, when the Lucas boys came tearing down the path."

Darcy's eyes widened at that, but he remained quiet.

"I am sure you are aware of how boys swim when they are alone. They were stripped bare and leaping in before any of them noticed me. I do not know if you have met all of the Lucas sons, but there are three of them. The eldest, John, is about a year older than me, and the youngest, Charles, would have been six or seven at the time. The older two and l had often played together when we were younger, even swimming occasionally, but Charles had not seen me in the water before. My running wild had been lessening in the last year or so, and since my body began to change, I had not gone swimming with them.

"I yelled at them for jumping in without looking, demanding that they go so that I could escape. John yelled at me for being there at all, and then we proceeded to argue over who would leave."

Elizabeth smiled a little at the memory, "John and I had always been in a battle for command of our adventures. He was the oldest, other than complying Jane, and a boy, which he assumed made him the natural leader. I have never been very good at following someone else's lead, especially when I know I can do better myself, but as you can imagine he did not take well to a girl telling him what to do. I also may have told him he was pathetically unimaginative a few times," she finished ruefully.

Darcy did laugh at that, "I believe it. Your ability to be blunt has probably been tempered by age and society."

"Yes. If I could abuse you so abominably to your face at twenty, you can probably imagine how tactful I was at just fourteen," she said with a smile.

"So who won?" Darcy asked.

She sighed, "John did, but only because he said that they would face away from me until I told them I was out of sight. I escaped, grabbed my clothes and ran for home. I was able to sneak in through the kitchen and up to my room to dress without being seen. I came down and sat back in the parlour with my mother as though nothing had happened."

"That does not sound particularly embarrassing," Darcy said.

"That was not. It was the next day that went poorly. My mother came home from visiting with Lady Lucas, yelling for my father. Something about me being compromised and not even out yet. She slammed the door to his bookroom and we could all hear her shrill voice, though we could not quite make out what she was saying. You can imagine how I felt, knowing that my secret was out. Within a few minutes I was called into the bookroom. I can still remember the exact conversation," Elizabeth said.

"'Well, Lizzy, it appears you have gotten yourself into a bit of mischief,' my father said. 'Mischief! Mischief!' my mother interrupted. 'She was _naked_ with a _boy_ who is _older _than her!'"

Darcy laughed and cringed at Elizabeth's shrill impersonation of her mother.

"You can imagine my shock when I heard _that_. My father raised his brow at me and asked, 'Lizzy, can you please explain what happened yesterday?' To which I proceeded to tell him exactly what had happened. I was very careful to stress that I did, in fact, have my shift on the entire time.

"I could see the laughter in his eyes by this point. 'It would seem the oldest Lucas boy is not to be trusted,' he said. At this my mother interrupted again, 'Charles said that John looked at you and saw you _naked_! How could you run around, at your age _naked_!?' I tried to argue with my mother that I was not naked, but she did not believe me. I looked to Papa for help, and saw that by this point he was barely containing his amusement.

"He must have decided to help me however, because he explained what had been said. 'Young Charles told your mother this morning that when you got out of the pond John did not keep his promise, and Charles saw him peek at you. Charles did not look himself, so I assume he assumed you were undressed fully.' At this my mother interrupted again, 'But he is telling the neighborhood that John saw her naked, and that is all that matters! If this spreads, you _must_ tell Sir William that John _must_ offer for her! Her reputation will be ruined! We will never marry any of our other girls, all because of Lizzy and her hoyden ways. We will be ruined! Oh, my poor nerves.'"

Darcy laughed again, "You do that too well."

"I have heard it often enough. My mother's nerves have been a constant complaint of hers for as long as I can remember, especially in regards to me," replied Elizabeth, before returning to the story.

"'Well, I see two options before you, Lizzy,' said my father. 'We can have the eldest Lucas boy refute young Charles' claim that you were naked, or you can marry him and be done with it.'"

"He did not think it would all blow over?" Darcy asked in surprise. "I would think ignoring the issue truly was the best path in this case."

"At the time, I did not think of that. I did wonder briefly if he thought it would be entertaining. I begged him not to make us call John out for peeping, but he would not budge. Looking back now, I think I can see why he did it. My mother is incapable of discretion. She was going to rattle on about it, no matter the consequences. I think he saw that he would need to have the true story out there or my mother would have made it much worse."

"Why did he not simply forbid her from speaking of it?" Darcy asked.

"Do you truly see my father forbidding my mother anything, or having it work, for that matter?" Elizabeth asked in return.

"I suppose not. I will never understand your father's refusal to contain his wife."

Elizabeth raised a brow at that, "Do you intend to contain me?"

"Well, no, but that is different."

"How so?"

"You are able to act with decorum and discretion."

She smiled, "I am glad you do not think it will be necessary. I should probably warn you now that it would not go well if you did, regardless of what society thinks."

"I am...aware of that," he said carefully.

Elizabeth laughed, "That was delicately said. You also need to remember that my father is not one to take command. I sometimes wonder if he was truly capable of it. You are very different from him in that respect. By that point in their marriage they had already settled into what you saw of them last autumn, though. My father was content to laugh at my mother, but left her to her own will."

"So you were required to suffer instead."

Elizabeth shrugged lightly, "It was not the first nor the last. I loved my father dearly, but I know his tendency to inaction allowed others to suffer."

She leaned in to kiss him again, "Perhaps that is why I admire your preference for action."

He kissed her in return, "You will not suffer so on my watch."

She smiled, "I know."

"How did young Mr. Lucas take to being called out?" Darcy asked.

"It was everything horrible. My father, mother, and I went to Lucas Lodge immediately, and my father asked John to be called down. Sir William had not heard a thing of it yet, so he was oblivious. Lady Lucas would not look at me, I am sure I know where she placed the blame for the whole incident.

"John came down, saw me and immediately turned an incredible shade of red. I do not think I was much better, to my father's unending amusement. Papa wasted no time. 'Well young man, it seems you and my daughter have created quite the stir. Your youngest brother has let it be known that you have seen Lizzy in the nude, and she insists that it is not true. I am sure you know that we cannot allow a rumor such as this to ruin Lizzy's reputation. Are you planning to do the right thing, and repair her honor?' I am quite certain that he meant to entertain himself, stating it in such a manner. I do believe all but my mother objected to what he was insinuating. It did serve its purpose, however, as John quite loudly declared that I had been wearing my shift and there was no way he was going to marry such a mulish woman. That set off another round of arguments, which ended when I called John an inflexible clod."

Darcy shook his head with a grin as she continued, "By now, my father was not bothering to hide his amusement. He must have felt his purpose was served, however, as he declared we would be taking our leave. 'I am glad we cleared this matter up. I would be careful, young man' he said to John, 'that you do not threaten Lizzy's reputation, or any girl's for that matter, anytime soon. You will end up being labeled a rake and you might actually be forced to marry her.' John and his mother looked furious, Sir William was uselessly blustering something about keeping the peace and misunderstandings, and my mother tried one more time to insist he marry me. My father simply walked out the door, which was enough to get her to follow. I do not think she trusted him to not leave her behind without the carriage.

"I tried to give John an apologetic look as I left, but he would not look at me. To this day he has never asked me to dance nor has he come near me at neighborhood dinners and such, even though his parents seem to have forgiven me. I imagine he was relieved when our banns were read."

"Would your mother truly have married you off at fourteen to a boy who was not even in his majority?" asked Darcy.

"Is that what you heard from all of that?" Elizabeth asked incredulously.

"No, but I am very curious about it. I have not known your mother long enough to understand her fully."

"I like to think not, but it certainly appeared that way. I do not think she was feeling as desperate then, though. I am simply grateful that no one else would have agreed with her."

"You may have been...formed," he said hesitantly, "but I think your not being out shielded you from the inappropriateness of the situation."

"So in your opinion a girl is not a woman just because she looks it?"

"Absolutely not. I do not see any reason for girls to be out before their eighteenth year, either. I have no intention of allowing Georgiana to do so, and I hope you do not wish it for our daughters," Darcy said firmly.

"That was most definitely not my mother's opinion," Elizabeth replied. "As soon we began our womanly times she considered us ready to be out. She was married at seventeen, however, and saw nothing wrong with it."

Darcy shook his head, "Georgiana is sixteen. Could you imagine her attempting London society as a debutante?"

"I do not disagree with you. I suppose it was a little different in the country. We have a handful of families who all know each other, and very few prospects in the community. We had little opportunity to practice in society if we were not out. Georgiana has had dinner with your entire family, who happen to encompass an earl, a countess, a viscount, a viscountess...and I am sure many more."

"Yes, that is true. But you do not want to have our daughters out so young, do you?"

"I do not. I would have preferred to keep the status of girl for much longer than I was allowed. I do think we will need to judge each daughter's abilities for herself. You do not hold to the younger not being allowed out until the older are married, do you? I do agree with my mother there."

"I believe you said it does not promote sisterly affection, did you not?" he asked with a smile.

Elizabeth laughed, "Your aunt told you that, did she? Yes, I was quite impertinent that day. I meant it, though. Could you imagine the rest of us sisters still waiting for Jane to wed? I would not have been out at twenty, and even Mary is eighteen. I believe we were far too close in age to follow that old notion. Besides, being out is not only about marriage. A girl should have a few years to enjoy her friends at parties and balls before she settles into married life. However would we form our own minds without it?"

"I think that may be the point."

"Too true. There are many who would not have a woman form her own mind. If she passes from father to husband, then a man can always think for her, I suppose," Elizabeth said with a pinched expression.

Darcy laughed again and brushed his finger down the bridge of her nose, smoothing it, "Heaven help the man who tries to think for you or any of our daughters."

"We shall raise them all to thoroughly scandalise my mother!" Elizabeth exclaimed laughingly.

They soon moved from the study to the library, discussing where Mr. Bennet's books should be placed. To Elizabeth's surprise, Darcy already had a shelf large enough for them all placed adjacent to the seating area by the fire.

As she stood in silence, taking in what her husband had so thoughtfully done, Darcy began to grow nervous.

"Of course, you can choose anyplace you would prefer for your books. We can shift books on a different shelf. If you would like, we can move them to our sitting room," he rambled.

Elizabeth looked to him and he stopped speaking. She had a smile forming on her lips. He relaxed as she stepped into his embrace.

"I think this is exactly where I will want them," she said into his shirt, muffling her voice.

Darcy wrapped his arms tightly around her."I am glad you like it," he said.

Elizabeth let out a sigh, "You are so thoughtful."

Darcy huffed out a laugh, "I think it is more that I never stop thinking of you. I am quite certain everyone else feels very neglected lately."

"Perhaps I will apologise someday. For now, I think I will simply enjoy the surprisingly wonderful man I married."

* * *

_22/10/2015 Update_

_A/N: I'm sorry that this is taking so long. I have not abandoned this story and I appreciate your sticking with me. For a little more detailed info, please check out the blog link that I added to my profile._


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